Love Healing Manual

Chapter 75 Spiritual Consciousness Determines Subjectivity

"What do you mean, 'I hate you'?" Lin Ze didn't understand what she meant.

Kitagawa Ayane lowered her head. At first, she could still hold back, but once the topic came up, she felt the bitterness in her heart was so intense, corroding her heart.

What else could it be...?

"Your attitude towards me is much colder than before. Each time we talk, we only exchange a few words. I feel like you are intentionally distancing yourself from me. Did I do something to upset you again? I can change... Or is it that you haven't forgiven me for what happened last time?"

Kitagawa Ayane felt lost. She clearly felt that she was growing further and further away from Lin Ze, but she didn't even know whether she should reach out and grab him. It wasn't that she didn't have the strength, but that she had no reason to.

Even if you were to ask, how could you possibly ask?

After much deliberation, I can only express my truest feelings, contrasting my past gentleness with my current coldness.

Perhaps this would make things much simpler.

Thinking it over, she raised her face and looked into Lin Ze's eyes. The long eye contact did not falter, and Kitagawa Ayane tried her best to muster up her courage.

“There is no estrangement, anger, forgiveness, and none of these things.”

However, Lin Ze's answer was beyond her expectations.

"Why then?"

Women are troublesome.

Lin Ze suddenly realized this and suppressed the urge to frown.

Having too many sensitive and delicate thoughts can sometimes lead to overthinking, most of which is unnecessary and does nothing to help one's life or the present situation.

in other words.

As long as Kitagawa Ayane obediently accepts the treatment, doesn't waste his time, and returns to a normal life after the treatment is over and she has recovered, that will be enough.

In the process, Lin Ze also got what he wanted.

Their relationship ended there, and they no longer needed to have any connection.

It's that simple.

Just like the past few days, it's peaceful and comfortable.

Therefore, Lin Ze felt that Kitagawa-senpai was doing something stupid again.

Distancing, anger, forgiveness—what are these things...? They have nothing to do with treating her illness. What's the point of her thinking about these things?
Lin Ze didn't quite understand.

“I think you’ve misunderstood something. Let’s first figure out the nature of our relationship.”

"The essence?" Kitagawa Ayane was stunned.

Lin Ze stood up and walked over calmly.

“I am a doctor, here to treat you. You don’t need to care if I’m angry or distant. These emotions shouldn’t exist in our relationship. The treatment is underway, and your body is recovering. That’s all you need.”

“But, but—” Kitagawa Ayane instinctively wanted to refute.

"Isn't that enough?" Lin Ze's gaze shifted away from her face.

He interrupted Kitagawa Ayane, turned around, and walked to the window of the equipment room.

At noon, the playground was deserted due to the scorching sun.

Lin Ze leaned against the wall and crossed his arms.

"Don't look beyond the essence to find something ethereal and elusive; that will only complicate simple things. The human brain has a limited capacity for thought; too many trivial matters occupy brain capacity, and even the clearest things become blurred."

"But I just want to know if you hate me!" Kitagawa Ayane felt inexplicably pained by Lin Ze's voice, so she said it without thinking.

This feeling was like throwing a punch at thin air; she just wanted Lin Ze to give her a good beating.

"If you're confused, you'll make stupid mistakes." He seemed not to have heard.

"Maybe I'm stupid."

"Nobody wants you to admit it."

"Can't you just tell me?" She was extremely upset, feeling like a hundred cat claws were scratching at her heart.

“Understanding the essence is very important,” Lin Ze said earnestly. “It’s like solving math problems; the essence of the problem is a logic game. Under specific axioms and definitions, the description, analysis, derivation, and verification of quantitative relationships, spatial forms, and pattern rules are all about solving the rules, proving them, and calculating them.”

He continued, “But what are you thinking about when you’re doing the questions? You’re not thinking about the patterns, and you’re not focused on the calculations. You’re thinking about what tricks the examiner has hidden in the questions, that it’s impossible to choose C for three questions in a row, and that you’re afraid that the key formulas you’ve reviewed will not be used in the big questions.”

Kitagawa Ayane simply looked at him, her cheeks gradually flushing red as Lin Ze spoke, whether from discomfort or from taking his words to heart, it was unclear.

Lin Ze hoped she could understand, so that things wouldn't get any more complicated. He needed Kitagawa Ayane to face reality, though of course, it didn't matter if she didn't.

"So, seeing through the essence is all it takes..." she murmured softly. "Sometimes I wish I could be like you, but I can't. If it's really as simple as you say, why can't you tell me if you just dislike me?"

She turned her face away, her eyes reddening slightly. "It's such a simple question. I want to know, I really want to know, if I did something wrong, I could change it instead of being punished like this... If only I could control my emotions, I wouldn't keep thinking about it, I wouldn't constantly expect you to forgive me and speak to me gently again. But it's precisely because I can't do that... that I'm in pain."

“Gentleness is not a doctor’s duty,” Lin Ze said calmly, looking at Kitagawa-senpai. “It’s a doctor’s skill.”

"If you hate me, I'm unhappy; if you don't hate me, I'm happy... That's my greatest honesty: I care about how you feel about me."

Kitagawa Ayane had never trusted anyone so much.

This feeling is captivating.

This person pulled her out of the abyss, helped her, cared for her, and gave her a sense of security.

An impulse from the depths of her heart, inexplicable and irresistible. She longed to hold Lin Ze, to enjoy his caresses, and to whisper, "Could you tell me again how you found me that rainy night and carried me home?" But Lin Ze's attitude clearly didn't give her that chance.

"What's the point?" Lin Ze couldn't help but ask.

“I’m afraid I’m of no value to you.”

"You can go and find your own value."

"Find... your own value. Once you find it, will you stop hating me?" She looked at Lin Ze expectantly.

"I have to go to class now." Lin Ze picked up his schoolbag.

He strode past Kitagawa Ayane, his shoulder brushing against her hair, his footsteps soft and gentle.

She's gone.

……

Nighttime, a quiet time for studying.

Lin Ze carefully picked up his pen and began to write, organizing the scattered and messy notes he had taken during the day.

He didn't think his words to Kitagawa Ayane during the day were too cruel; often, cruelty is the true form of gentleness.

If we don't let her see the truth, there will be more trouble later.

Lin Ze could sense that Kitagawa-senpai's dependence on him had been brewing for some time and was now rapidly escalating. If it wasn't corrected soon, it might become uncontrollable.

He can understand.

After all, patients with such a disease are extremely insecure. It's like having half your body fall off a cliff. If there's a blade of grass for you to grab onto, you'll instinctively hold on very tightly.

The treatment was remarkably effective, forcing Lin Ze to consider the future.

He didn't want to add anything more complicated to the doctor-patient relationship, as that would affect his life and be unfair to Ayane Kitagawa.

Why is it unfair to her?
Then we naturally need to look beyond the problem to see its essence.

The doctor-patient relationship is nothing special; the key issue lies in his already distorted way of getting along with his senior.

As a medical student, Lin Ze had been searching for information, looking up papers, and asking Shimazu for advice ever since he met her. If he had simply followed the system step by step to complete the tasks, he would have been truly foolish.

Lin Ze had a vague feeling that he was getting closer to the essence of the disease's treatment.

Because humans are exceptionally complex beings, current research on the human body is still only the tip of the iceberg. Throughout history, many scientists have made tireless efforts to summarize their findings in order to provide a more scientific explanation of the underlying nature of behavior.

In 1963, Milgram conducted an experiment in which participants would stand next to a teacher, and if a student answered a question incorrectly, the teacher would administer an electric shock as punishment, with the intensity of the shock increasing each time.

The students screamed in pain, fainted, and even pretended to go into shock.

However, the experimenters simply kept telling the teachers to increase the intensity of the electric shocks, emphasizing the importance of the order and the necessity of continuing the experiment, and reinforcing this awareness. Most teachers would choose to obey, while only a few resolutely chose to resist the order.

In 1973, a real bank robbery occurred in Stockholm, Sweden, where two robbers took four bank employees hostage. During the robbery, the robbers sometimes threatened the hostages, sometimes offered them small favors such as sharing food and allowing them short breaks, but mostly they resorted to extreme violence.

After the hostages were rescued, they defended the kidnappers without showing any hatred. Instead, they developed a clear emotional dependence on them and even planned to get married.

Stockholm syndrome has become a very common and well-known concept of a particular disease.

These things seem unrelated to the behaviors Lin Ze is currently treating, but if you look beyond the surface, you'll find a common thread.

Human consciousness determines subjectivity.

However, subjectivity often clashes with social relationships, interference from others, self-interference, the subconscious, and so on. When conflicts arise, subjectivity can easily collapse.

Teachers' agency collapsed because they were subjected to so much interference, even though they didn't want to use electric shocks on students. Bank employees' agency collapsed because their subconscious told them they had to obey the robbers; external relationships disappeared, and a small survival chain formed in the confined space.

These are just premises.

The biggest secret Lin Ze discovered was the existence of "authority".

Authority can replace human subjectivity. If there is a commander who demands "absolute obedience," then subjectivity will comfortably hide away.

Kitagawa Ayane-senpai yearns to imitate others, and she enjoys immersing herself in a state of cognitive and logical collapse. However, this is in great conflict with her subjectivity, and her mental consciousness is constantly in conflict with it, causing her mental state to be on the verge of explosion, in addition to the torment of her own illness.

Lin Ze appeared, acting as an authority figure to control her.

As a result, her subjectivity was replaced, and she would subconsciously interpret any action as an "order from an authority figure," while Lin Ze was a doctor, and she trusted him.

The confrontation simply vanished.

His mental state then stabilized.

This is the answer Lin Ze came up with. After reading countless papers, he discovered the high degree of unity in people's spiritual consciousness and found that the root of solving the problem of illness lies in the generation of confrontation and contradiction, and the collision between subjectivity and the illness itself.

Taking a small step is nothing to be overjoyed about.

What he can't understand now is why he got this disease in the first place; it's a very fundamental question.

So let's get back to Ayane Kitagawa.

Lin Ze forced her and ignored her because he felt that things would continue this way.

One day, authority will completely replace subjectivity.

At that time, he will be indispensable to Kitagawa Ayane, and she will be able to rely on him for the rest of her life.

That's trouble.

(End of this chapter)