Night Journey

Chapter 105 The Sword Hanging Over the Skull
"As for what happened next..."

Dai Lin stopped talking, picked up a piece of jerky, and started tearing into it forcefully, as if chewing on his past self.

She drifted off to sleep.

Anya stayed with me the whole time. She didn't say anything or make any other move; she just stayed by my side, indicating that she was still there.

Dai Lin recalled, "I think my mother didn't know what happened after I left. Maybe she did, but she couldn't believe it or think about it."

You see, that was the belief that kept her alive; she could only keep fantasizing and hoping that I was living a better life… And in fact, as she wished, I did.

Dailin took a deep breath and began to tell the story.

"At the time, I didn't realize that it was the last time I spent with her."

She was very ill, her mind was clouded, and she spoke in broken sentences. Some of what she said I couldn't understand; it seemed to be directed at certain men. Others were too vague to comprehend.

Dailin gave a pale smile. "As dawn approached, she fell into a deep sleep and never woke up again."

"Ah."

Cillian listened quietly, just as Anya had done before, staying by Daelin's side.

"At that time, I returned with a heart full of hatred, only to be met with a maternal love that I had never seen before after many years. My mind was in a mess."

Many things only become clear later, but by then it's too late.

Dai Lin sighed, "I think she didn't recognize me at that time."

"She was just an ordinary person, and she was so sick. The room was so dark. I've grown up so much; I'm no longer the naive boy I used to be."

How could she possibly recognize me?

Dai Lin shook his head as he spoke, "She's probably like me, with a lot of things buried in her heart, kept hidden all her life. Now that she's about to die, she should just let it all out."

"But every now and then I hope that maybe she really did recognize me?"

Dai Lin's face was filled with helplessness. He slowly covered his face with his hands and scratched hard, as if he wanted to tear off the mask stuck to his face.

But he wasn't wearing a mask.

Can you understand that feeling?

Do you mean regret?

Dai Lin was silent for a moment, then affirmed.

"Yes, regret, immense regret."

I often think about what would have happened if I had held her hand then, assured her that I was Dalin, told her about my life since arriving in Hull, and told her that I was doing well and everything was wonderful…

Cillian remained silent.

“I’ve mentioned these things to a few close colleagues. Anya usually does what you do: she stays silent, then hugs me. The others comfort me, saying it’s all over, there’s no need to dwell on it anymore…”

"It's not over yet."

Cillian suddenly said, “Daelin, this is never over, just like you’re still sitting in that dark, cramped room, never leaving.”

Daelin slowly lowered his hands, his lifeless eyes meeting Cillian's cold gaze.

Neither of them said anything more, but they both sensed a familiar scent and saw a similar shadow in each other.

"Haha."

Dalin chuckled twice, then hesitated before saying, "It's strange, Cillian, it's really strange."

"Logically speaking, revenge should be a cathartic release, like a volcano that has been accumulating for a long time finally finding an outlet to erupt and pour out all the resentment that has been buried deep in the heart for many years."

But what is the reality?

Dai Lin clenched his fist and casually swung it twice.

"Yes, it's really strange. I came here for revenge, so why are so many strange things happening?"

He couldn't figure it out.

“I still have that feeling from time to time, a strange sense of alienation clings to me.”

I couldn't comprehend what was happening before my eyes. Even the whole world felt so foreign, like a vast, cold mystery I'd never seen before, and between me and this world lay a veil of fog that could never be pierced.

He spoke cautiously.

"I find it hard to understand this unfamiliar world."

The rumbling echoes came from the depths of the Lighthouse, and it was unclear which facility was operating. The vibrations spread in all directions, and rusty debris fell from the ground.

Cillian said calmly, "More than what you call unfamiliarity, I feel a sense of distance."

Dai Lin looked at him curiously. "A sense of distance?" "We are like a pair of friends who have fallen out. A rift has formed between us, and a distance has been created. So in this world, we no longer belong and are isolated."

"probably."

Dalin didn't quite understand, but he didn't dwell on it. He was a normal person, while Cillian was a born killer.

It's perfectly normal for ordinary people to not understand born killers.

"I don't remember what happened after that. When I regained my senses and was able to think things through again, I returned to Hel City. As for those troublesome matters, Anya helped me handle them, and I am very grateful to her."

"Was it around that time that you came to understand Anya and fell in love with her?" Cillian asked.

“I don’t know.” Dailin shook his head. “Like I said, I don’t really understand this world, let alone myself.”

"After that, Anya and I went through a lot together, and before I knew it, I couldn't live without her."

I gradually realized that initially, because of Anya's background, I transferred my hatred for my mother to her. But as everything was reconciled, it seemed that I had placed the burden of making amends for my regrets on Anya.

Cillian commented, "This is very unfair to Anya."

"So it took me a long time to get her forgiveness."

"No wonder everyone in the bureau thinks that way about you."

"Haha, stop laughing at me."

After the laughter subsided, Dai Lin muttered to himself, "I don't know if I've fallen in love with Anya, or if I'm just using her as a source of emotional support or a supplement to my emotional needs."

But that's not important, is it? Anyway, I don't even understand myself.

Dalyn carefully analyzed his life and honestly presented it to Cillian.

"And you, Cillian, what have you been through?"

“Unlike you, I am not filled with complicated emotional entanglements. It’s just that someone destroyed White Cliff Town and killed everyone I love, and I am tracking them down and inflicting them extreme pain… It’s as simple as an addition formula.”

Dailin pressed on, "You're very calm."

Cillian didn't care. "They all say I'm a heartless person."

"A person cannot live without a heart and lungs."

"Maybe."

Dai Lin looked up and down, but no matter which direction he looked, all he saw was rolling clouds and mist.

“Sometimes I still dream of that little house, running between the doorways… When I lived there, it was so small that it could only fit my mother and me, but in my dreams it’s huge, like a maze, and I never find the exit.”

Dai Lin described it with difficulty: "Later I thought, it's not a maze. No matter what, a maze has an exit, but regret has no exit, let alone relief."

Do you regret it?

Cirien recalled Nunn's words, and he should have felt sad at this moment, but his heart felt empty.

Cillian was calm.

So he spoke calmly as before.

"I think I've always lived in regret, but I rarely look up and forget that it exists, so we just live in peace."

Cirien looked up, trying to find the sword called Regret, the sword that hangs over the skull, but he saw nothing but clouds and mist.

The conversation was almost over, and Dai Lin stood up to stretch his body, which had become a little stiff from the wind.

He lit what seemed to be his umpteenth cigarette, took a few puffs, and then suddenly spoke.

"Leslie".

Seeing Cillian's puzzled look, Daelin explained.

“She said her mother named her Leslie, and she hated the name because sometimes it sounded like Leslie, a man’s name… but she also said it was the only thing her mother left her.”

"Ah."

Cillian gave a brief reply and then continued.

"I'll go check if Tania is still alive."

"it is good."

Faced with this irreversible reality, both of them had a similar feeling—since sadness cannot change reality, then tranquility becomes a response to the essence of existence.

Thus, an absurd calm completely engulfed them.

(End of this chapter)