I am weak and friendly

Chapter 186 Ashes as Lonely as Snow (3K, hallliana bonus chapter 810)

"Old Chen, the internet at Xinchen Jiyuan is down again. Could you go and fix it?"

"okay."

"Old Chen, Xiao Li can't make it over there, so I'll have to trouble you to run this last order."

"Row."

"Hello, are you the broadband installer? When will you arrive?"

"almost there!"

"Old Chen, you're only getting off work at this hour?"

"Hey--"

"Dad, you go cook. I'm too tired today and don't really want to move."

"Row."

"Dad, I want to buy a guitar."

"Ok?"

Chen Gongmo, who was engrossed in his work, looked up at his son, Chen Chenghao.

Why buy a guitar?

"I want to learn guitar. My classmate said he wants to form a band."

"Form a...form a band?" Chen Gongmo wondered if he had misheard. What era was this? Young people were still into forming bands?

This wasn't popular when I was young.

"You're in high school now, study hard and get into a good university. I suffered because I didn't get into university. If you do, I'll buy you a piano, let alone a guitar!"

After Chen Gongmo finished speaking, he turned back to cooking.

Then I heard my son's heavy footsteps behind me, and then with a "bang," he slammed the door shut.

"Go to college, go to college! You can only get everything by going to college. Why don't you just have a child who goes to college from birth!"

Inside the room, there was the sound of something crashing heavily to the floor.

Chen Gongmo wanted to speak, but then he smelled a burnt smell.

The food in the pot has burned.

No one enjoyed the dinner.

Once on the balcony, Chen Gongmo lit a cigarette.

Chen Gongmo closed the door to the bedroom, opened the balcony window, and let the humid night breeze in. Standing at the balcony window, he watched as grayish-white cigarette ash was flicked into the beer can that was lying on the balcony and being used as an ashtray, accompanied by flickering lights.

He vaguely heard a phone call coming from his son's room on the side of the balcony.

"My dad is so annoying, he makes me so angry."

"Lao Deng..."

"I have New Year's money... um... tomorrow..."

Chen Gongmo sighed.

For some reason, the voice of the woman from earlier that day suddenly popped into Chen Gongmo's mind.

A lonely ashtray?

I don't even have an ashtray anymore; my wife threw it away because she thought it was too hard to clean.

Now everyone just uses paper cups or aluminum cans.

Then, many long-forgotten memories resurfaced.

Many things are hard to remember, and it takes a lot of effort to recall them, just to remember the bits and pieces, but you don't know if it's just your memory playing tricks on you or if it really happened.

Disorganized fragments, a past that can never be returned to.

It feels like something from a past life.

As if possessed, he took out his phone.

Several news items popped up on his desktop.

"The entire internet is searching for the 'Lonely Ashtray,' where is the once-buried genius now?"

"A 'lonely ashtray' has become a viral sensation online, leading to a price increase for ashtrays across major platforms."

Do you also have a lonely ashtray?

Chen Gongmo: "???"

What the hell?

It's incredibly strange that your own nickname appears in a pop-up notification on a news app.

"It's like they're calling my name..."

Thinking this, he opened QQ, which he hadn't opened in a very long time.

It's been so long since I've opened it that QQ took forever to load.

then……

"Beep be ......"

The barrage of notifications startled him.

There were at least a dozen red dots, all of which were people I hadn't contacted in many, many years.

"Ashtray King! Is he still alive?!"

"Great master! Great master! You've been tagged by a big shot!"

"Old Chen, wow, you're awesome! You've written such amazing code?"

"Lonely Bro, you're famous!"

Chen Gongmo: "???"

What exactly is going on?
A friend with the nickname "Legendary Software Moderator 577" sent him a message.

"Old Chen, hurry up and check the forum! Hurry!"

forum?

no……

Is the forum still alive after 20 years?

How was it preserved?
At 10 p.m., Chen Gongmo knocked on his son's bedroom door.

"Xiao Hao, are you asleep?"

"I'm asleep. What is it?"

"Um, Dad, can I use the computer for a moment?"

"Tomorrow won't work... Come in."

Chen Gongmo gently pushed the door open and went in. His son was facing away from the door, with his back to him.

He's clearly still angry.

"Go back to sleep." He didn't dare turn on the light. He had just tried logging into the forum on his phone, but the UI was misaligned, and he couldn't enter his username and password no matter what he tried.

His laptop is for work and he left it at his workplace. The only computer he has at home is the one his son got when he was in elementary school.

I turned on the computer and opened the BBS, but the entire BBS was incredibly slow. I had to refresh it many times before it finally refreshed successfully.

When the forum interface finally appeared, he saw the flashing text at the top: "Today's Hot Post: I wrote an upload component last night... Views: 1278277"

enter password.

After several incorrect attempts, he finally clicked on a post he had made 20 years ago.

There are six more comments below.

"Lonely Master, twenty years have passed, how are you?"

"Brother Gang, you're famous! I told you you'd be famous!"

"I worship the master. This is code that I could never write in my entire life. I worship him."

"Archaeology? I never imagined I had registered on this forum back then."

"Boss, we'd like to interview you. Contact: XXXXX..."

"Hi, hello. On November 10, 2005 at 23:17, the 'Lonely Ashtray' who posted on the Legend Software BBS, it is now the end of July 2025. 20 years have passed. Where are you now? Is your ashtray still lonely?"

Then, he saw the compressed file he had uploaded 20 years ago.

Downloads: 572191
No wonder the server was so laggy.

How many people must have squeezed in here!

He felt his mouth was dry, and he swallowed.

My hands are on the keyboard, but I don't know what to say.

He still remembers that night 20 years ago, in a rented room, he used his old, beat-up laptop to upload the upload component he had written, which he thought was incredibly awesome.

Then I downloaded it, tested it once, and confirmed that it could be downloaded.

Then he turned off his computer and went to sleep.

When he woke up the next morning, he found that no one had downloaded it.

On the third day, no one downloaded it.

Not long after, he left that city and returned to his hometown, where he became Xiao Chen, the "broadband installer".

Twenty years have passed in the blink of an eye, and he has become Old Chen, the "broadband installer".

For some reason, he felt like crying.

He glanced at his son's bed; his son seemed to be asleep.

He covered his face, then let the burning tears leak through his fingers, running down his wrist and slowly cooling.

Then... he heard his son's surprised voice.

"Dad, are you... a 'lonely ashtray'?"

His son stared at him, wide-eyed in shock.

Just like when he transformed into Ultraman.

No, I'm just a boring old man.

he said in his heart.

Ruined.

……

It was late at night. Chen Gongmo sat in a chair while his son lay in bed.

The monitor light shone on Chen Gongmo's face, while his son stared at him intently.

"Tomorrow, Dad will go with you to buy a guitar," Chen Gongmo said.

“Back then, your father didn’t dare to be himself and returned to this small city. Your father doesn’t want you to be like your father, afraid to take risks.”

"The guitar isn't important, Dad. Have you... ever regretted it?" His son stared at him with wide eyes, showing no signs of sleepiness.

"Actually, Dad hasn't thought about himself from back then for a very long time."

“Sometimes, Dad thinks, what if I hadn’t refused that uncle’s invitation and had gone to the big city to become the programmer I’ve always dreamed of being…”

"Dad, if you had another chance, would you go out and make your way in the world with that uncle?"

"Silly child." Chen Gongmo reached out and patted his son's head hard. "If your father hadn't come back back then, he wouldn't have married your mother, and you wouldn't exist."

“Sometimes my dad reads novels about time travel, and he thinks, if I had the chance to travel back in time and change my life, when would I choose to travel to…”

"But ever since you came into my life, I will never choose to time travel again, not even if you offer me a hundred million, a billion, or a hundred billion."

"Because you are a miracle that God gave to your father. In the past ten years, if there had been any slight change, you might not be yourself."

"Because it's you, it can only be you."

The son seemed a little shy; he shrank under the covers, then peeked out again.
"Dad, what are you planning to do?"

"Ah... let it be," Chen Gongmo said. "What good would admitting it do? I've long forgotten how to program. Even if I admitted it now, would it make me famous? And what good would fame do?"

“You can sell products through live streaming!” the son said.

"Go to sleep." Chen Gongmo patted his son and got up. "I'm going back."

After leaving his son's room, he didn't go to sleep. Instead, he went to the storage room, rummaged around for a while, and found an old hard drive.

Looking at the old hard drive, he was overwhelmed with mixed feelings.

He racked his brains, trying to come up with some pretentious words.

But after thinking it over and over, he could only come up with one sentence.

"The ashes in the ashtray are as lonely as snow."

Nothing happened that night. The next morning, Chen Gongmo informed his boss and asked for half a day off.

He was going to accompany his son to buy a guitar.

As he went out, he glanced outside. It was still a humid summer day, and the familiar old street and neighbors were still there.

No one will know that they were that "lonely ashtray" back then, just as no one knew that "lonely ashtray" back then either.

Today will be another ordinary day, and I will remain the same ordinary me.

The attention from powerful figures is nothing but a fantasy that should have been forgotten long ago; one's own life is what truly matters.

Not rich, but not poor either; not outstanding, but not shameful or shabby either.

This is enough.

Chen Gongmo thought.

Then he heard his son whispering to his classmate, "Yeah, it's true, my dad is that 'lonely ashtray'! Shh, don't tell anyone! My dad could kill me!"

Chen Gongmo slipped and almost broke his leg on the last step.

Now I have no choice but to sell products through live streaming.

he thinks.

(End of this chapter)