Who would study psychology if they didn't have some kind of problem?

Chapter 599 Gradually Bringing Us Back to Reality

Li Lingling's most pressing problem right now is that she is deeply mired in her traumatic memories.

Traumatic memories are often stored in terms of physical sensations and emotional states.

In layman's terms, Li Lingling was completely immersed in her own inner world; the real world she observed thus became a projection of her inner world.

Nan Zhuren used a simple "grounding technique" to guide Li Lingling to feel the support of the hospital bed beneath her, the weight and temperature of the blanket, with the aim of "anchoring" her back to the safety of external reality from the torrent of inner pain.

Guide her attention back to the present, neutral physical sensations to enhance her sense of reality.

Only in this way can we continue today's consultation.

Otherwise, even if the "surprise" of "Nan Zhuren's appearance" caused Li Lingling to experience a real emotional fluctuation, this sense of reality would not last long, and any subsequent consultations with Nan Zhuren, no matter how eloquently he spoke, would be in vain.

After completing these steps, Nan Zhuren then used the phrase "You need rest and quiet now" to clarify Li Lingling's current state, offering recognition and support, and giving her the legitimacy to "rest".

This also sets the tone for Li Lingling's consultation today.

……

At this moment, Li Lingling's eyes flickered slightly after hearing Nan Zhuren's words.

Her mouth was slightly open, as if she subconsciously wanted to refute something.

Without even guessing, Nan Zhuren knew what the other person wanted to say: "But I'm a nurse," "I'm a volunteer," or "This is my job."

However, in the end, these words were swallowed back down.

In other words, it was Nan Zhuren in front of Li Lingling. If it were any other counselor, they wouldn't have been able to get Li Lingling to suppress this almost instinctive defensiveness.

If other responsible persons or superiors come, this "declaration," which is almost a statement, will be even stronger.

This step was also crucial, because Li Lingling finally accepted the arrangement that she "needed to rest".

Even if there are still objections in one's mind, this acquiescence is still a minimum level of "acceptance" and "permission" to oneself.

It's a way to break the ice.

So next, Nan Zhuren will proceed to the second step—

He glanced at Li Lingling's current posture, then followed her gaze, which had been fixed in a daze, and looked outside.

"Were you looking outside just now?" Nan Zhuren asked.

There was a long silence, and no answer was heard.

Nan Zhuren knew that Li Lingling probably wasn't really "looking" at anything at the time; she was just spacing out.

But Nan Zhuren simply wanted to smoothly transition to the next sentence.

Nan Zhuren posed a question: "Do you want to continue lying here with your eyes closed, or should I help you raise your pillow a little so you can be more comfortable looking outside?"

……

The conversation so far has brought Li Lingling's "feelings" back to reality, allowing her to become an "observer" of the real world again.

But this is not enough.

Nan Zhuren wants to continue to help Li Lingling, making her a "participant" in the real world.

The key is to get Li Lingling to make a "decision".

The question posed by Nan Zhuren offers the visitor an extremely simple and non-threatening choice. The focus is not on the choice itself, but on returning the decision-making power to the visitor and combating her sense of helplessness.

It's great that Li Lingling is willing to let Nan Zhuren help her raise her pillow; it's a change she's made to her environment.

But if Li Lingling wants to maintain the status quo for the time being, that's fine too, because that's her "decision".

The essence of trauma is a loss of control. By giving clients small, stress-free choices during counseling, Li Lingling can regain a sense of control over herself and her environment.

This is a powerful tool for combating feelings of helplessness.

……

Li Lingling remained silent for a while.

Nan Zhuren also looked at the other person in silence, gently and encouragingly, showing a kind of stubbornness at this moment, as if he would keep waiting until Li Lingling gave an answer.

Li Lingling remained silent for a few seconds, then nodded very slightly, almost imperceptibly.

Nan Zhuren breathed a sigh of relief. If Li Lingling didn't respond, he certainly wouldn't wait any longer; he would have taken a different approach.

Fortunately, Li Lingling did not do that.

“Okay.” Nan Zhuren pretended to understand Li Lingling’s intention.

He stood up and, very slowly and gently, touched the soft object behind Li Lingling's head, adjusting the height of her pillow.

Li Lingling shifted her gaze slightly upward, adopting a semi-reclined posture so that her eyes could look towards the tent entrance without directly facing the passing crowd.

Li Lingling's eyes flickered.

Before, she looked out the window, but all she saw was a hazy sky and rain that just wouldn't stop.

Now, when she looks out the window, she sees people coming and going.

Her breathing began to change rhythm, and her eyes began to twitch.

She began to feel the impact of her decision and began to truly accept the consequences of it.

Nan Zhuren sat back down in his chair and fell silent again.

The silence lasted for about two minutes. He was simply there, his breathing steady, like a reliable lighthouse.

……

Next, we finally arrived at the "talk therapy" part where the counselor actually conducted language intervention.

Facing Li Lingling, who is now enveloped by the past.

Nan Zhuren's goal is to activate Li Lingling's professional identity and bodily memory as a "nurse," a powerful inner resource to combat the negative identity of a "loser."

When an individual's sense of self-worth collapses, helping them connect with positive resources such as their professional skills and past successful experiences can effectively combat a pervasive sense of powerlessness and self-denial.

After waiting for a while, Nan Zhuren spoke again.

His voice remained steady: "When I came over just now, I heard from your colleagues about what has been happening around you recently."

Li Lingling's gaze shifted back from the window.

“I heard you had an argument with a patient.” Nan Zhuren said succinctly, detached from the storyline, “Your superior talked to you about it, and then you started working like crazy until you collapsed from exhaustion.”

At this point, Nan Zhuren shrugged at Li Lingling's current appearance.

“You feel that the argument, or the thing related to the argument, is a ‘failure.’ So you punish yourself for this ‘failure’ by working beyond your limits.”

He gave a helpless smile, then paused for a moment.

Li Lingling lowered her head and pursed her lips.

“…Yes.” After a long pause, he managed to squeeze out a single word.

It's short, but effective.

Li Lingling finally opened up. Her voice was dry and weak, but it had basic coherence.

“At that time… a patient was carried over by firefighters, and I helped carry the stretcher, but I wasn’t strong enough, and it jolted… the patient was in a lot of discomfort.”

"Then, when I was giving him the acupuncture, I panicked and only managed to get it right after two tries... The patient was very uncomfortable, and I felt it was my fault for inserting the needle." "Later, I was assigned to see a little girl... The girl's mother was a pregnant woman I had helped before, and I did a pretty good job that time..."

At this point, Li Lingling choked up: "But... the patient I pricked twice, his wife started yelling outside... I lost control, and then, I scared the little girl and her mother..."

The visitor said a lot.

However, these are not the main points; Nan Zhuren simply needs the visitors to bring these things up to enrich the background of the story.

Nan Zhuren asked, "Is what you're saying what you consider 'failure'?"

“…Yes.” The visitor nodded.

Nan Zhuren asked, "What does that feeling of 'failure' feel like in the body?"

The specific events are not important to the current conversation.

The conversation at this point should no longer dwell on right or wrong, but rather guide the visitor to become aware of and describe the physical experiences that accompany the emotions.

This involves concretizing abstract emotions, allowing the client's consciousness to return to their bodily sensations. This serves as both an assessment and a continued anchoring process.

Upon hearing Nan Zhuren's question, Li Lingling's lips moved slightly.

Then she lowered her eyes, her eyelashes fluttering slightly from time to time. It seemed as if she was recalling something, or perhaps feeling something.

After a long pause, Li Lingling uttered a barely audible sound: "...Cold...very cold..."

great.

Nan Zhuren seized on the key point and began to delve deeper: "Cold. In which part of the body do you feel it most strongly?"

Li Lingling remained silent for an even longer time than before, then said, "...My hands...and...my stomach...feels like it's frozen..."

Nan Zhuren nodded: "Yes, my hands and stomach feel like they've been soaked in water... no, they're colder, like they're frozen."

Let me repeat that first.

Nan Zhuren then asked, "Besides cold, are there any other sensations? For example, weight, or shape?"

This is a technique of "concretization" and "metaphorical exploration," guiding the client to describe their bodily sensations in more detail, using concrete descriptions such as "weight" and "shape" to help express feelings that are difficult to articulate.

Li Lingling's breathing became rapid, and the blanket covering her rose and fell.

She said, "Some of them are very heavy...like being pressed down by a stone, and I feel like I can't move."

Nan Zhuren nodded: "It's like a cold, heavy stone pressing down on your stomach, making you feel like you can't move."

By repeating and integrating Li Lingling's description once again, she felt that her experience was accurately received and understood.

Li Lingling gently closed her eyes, as if in agreement, or perhaps out of exhaustion.

The conversation has now entered a crucial part of this consultation.

"Is this stone still there?" Nan Zhuren asked.

“…Yes,” Li Lingling replied.

"How does it feel compared to when it first appeared? Is it lighter, heavier, or unchanged?" Nan Zhuren asked again.

Li Lingling paused for two breaths before saying, "It might be a little lighter... but it might not have changed at all, I'm not sure."

Nan Zhuren nodded: "Okay."

He lowered his voice and said softly and slowly, "Right now, we don't need to move that stone."

"I'm just inviting you to feel, one last time, the sensation of your back being supported by a pillow—"

Nan Zhuren reached out and touched Li Lingling's pillow.

"And the warmth of the blanket—"

Nan Zhuren then pointed to the blanket covering Li Lingling.

"Let these two sensations—cold stone and warm support—exist simultaneously."

It is impossible to immediately eliminate negative feelings.

Nan Zhuren's aim was to guide her to realize that safe, supportive feelings can coexist with painful feelings, thereby expanding her emotional resilience.

Li Lingling closed her eyes as instructed, and her breathing seemed to become a little deeper.

After a long pause, she replied, "...Okay."

Nan Zhuren nodded in agreement; Li Lingling was quite cooperative during the consultation.

He continued, “Very good. Now, let’s keep our feelings about the ‘cold stone’ and the ‘warm support’ and try to recall—”

His tone grew lower and steady: "—In your memory, as a nurse, have your hands ever...seen the feeling of completing a procedure steadily and precisely?"

Nan Zhuren encouraged him, "It doesn't have to be a big deal; any time is fine."

The conversation then shifted to Li Lingling's professional competence and successful experiences, and key positive resource-oriented questions were asked to activate positive bodily memory and identity.

Li Lingling paused for a moment, a look of confusion appearing in her eyes.

Then... a faint light slowly appeared.

She looked down at her hands, which had once held the syringe, now resting limply on the blanket.

Li Lingling's voice was still hoarse, but with a slight fluctuation: "Yes..."

“When I first came in, I was giving a child an injection… He was very scared. I talked to him while I put the needle in… He didn’t cry.”

Nan Zhuren nodded vigorously with exaggerated movements.

The fluctuation in tone remained unchanged: "Was it something that happened when you first became a nurse? That's definitely a very vivid memory."

Nan Zhuren said, "You were talking to him while you were sticking the needle in, and he didn't cry—what did your hand feel like at that moment?"

Nan Zhuren's eyes were fixed on Li Lingling's reaction.

The blanket showed a slight shrinkage, a change that only occurs when it is gripped and rubbed tightly.

very good.

Then Li Lingling said, "At that time... my hands were steady. Because I had practiced many times, I wasn't nervous at all... I knew I could succeed."

Nan Zhuren continued tirelessly, repeating, "It's very stable, and you know it will definitely succeed."

He suddenly asked, "Can you still feel that sense of 'stability' now?"

Li Lingling was stunned, and her fingers under the blanket stopped moving.

Nan Zhuren said, "Can you feel it? Even if it's just a little bit—it might be right at your fingertips or in your palm."

The dialogue technique of "using past successes to refute present failures" is actually quite common in everyday conversations.

Many people can learn this skill of comforting friends without being taught.

However, since it appears in consultations, its use naturally requires more careful consideration.

In addition to the gradual progression of the conversation, the counselor should also guide the client to concretize and amplify this positive bodily feeling, treating it as an inner source of strength.

Then they saw the blanket in Li Lingling's palm move again.

(End of this chapter)