Who would study psychology if they didn't have some kind of problem?

Chapter 546 Dream

I felt the changes that would only occur when [case filing] happened within myself, and I listened to what the client was saying at that moment.

Nan Zhuren understood.

The other person's conflicted expression just now wasn't because they encountered trouble, but because they had finally made up their minds.

The visitor no longer wanted to consult Nan Zhuren about the previous issues, which, in a sense, served as "taking the final step" in the visitor's cognitive restructuring.

Ultimately, it achieved sublimation.

This aligns with Nan Zhuren's most optimistic prediction about the client's situation—after witnessing the success of the trial and contributing significantly to that success, the client experienced tremendous healing effects.

They skipped the second stage of "self-awareness reconstruction" that Nan Zhuren had originally planned.

Nan Zhuren hadn't joked before. This courtroom was actually a huge psychological counseling room, and what Nan Zhuren did that day was to provide the client with a rare opportunity for healing.

In many consultations, counselors go to great lengths to externalize the client's problems. Techniques such as the empty chair technique, narrative therapy, and trauma reconstruction are all used to construct a virtual enemy to help the client release emotions and readjust cognition.

The results are not guaranteed.

This trial directly exposed the enemy responsible for the visitor's current problems to the visitor, allowing the visitor to defeat the enemy in front of everyone.

The effect... wow.

To be honest, if possible, Nan Zhuren would hope that all his future visitors would come for such a visit when the time is right.

We will definitely be able to solve the problem quite thoroughly.

However, the disappearance of social phobia does not mean that the client has given up on psychological counseling.

Just like the analogy before, compared to someone who broke their leg while running due to being frail and sickly since childhood, the current visitor has only recovered from the "fracture." Next, Nan Zhuren will need to recuperate the person's body and resolve the problem of being "frail and sickly."

This is the goal of the third phase.

Of course, by this stage of general counseling, the client no longer has significant difficulties adapting to life, and if the client has a strong desire, they can theoretically discontinue counseling.

Being frail and sickly doesn't mean you can't live; in fact, it can be another way of living in some ways.

However, the visitor is clearly very keen to consult on this issue, so Nan Zhuren is naturally happy to cooperate.

With this thought in mind, Nan Zhuren first rearranged the folder in his hand, took out a blank A4 sheet of paper and put it on top, and put the plan he had prepared for today's consultation below.

Barring any unforeseen circumstances, these consulting plans should be unnecessary.

……

The visitor was in high spirits today, after all, a lot had happened in the past week or so.

The client spoke first: "Teacher, during the last consultation... uh, at the end of the last consultation in this room, didn't you give me some homework?"

Nan Zhuren nodded, indicating that the visitor's statement meant that the court hearing was also a consultation.

"Didn't you ask me to list an 'ideal self' for that assignment?" The client made a recalling expression. "The reason I feel that the previous problems no longer bother me is that I have found that I have met most of the requirements of the 'ideal self.' I am no longer attacked by the self-limiting rules and regulations. I have made peace with myself, and I am very satisfied with myself now."

What the visitor said were all part of the goals for the second phase.

Although the visitor said that he did not need intervention at this stage, Nan Zhuren still wanted to confirm it further.

Nan Zhuren asked, "What kind of 'ideal self' is it?"

This question seemed to be exactly what the visitor wanted to hear, and the visitor showed an expectant expression, as if he were being asked a question by a teacher in class, and he happened to know the solution.

“First of all, when you encounter hurt and setbacks, you can’t stay still,” the visitor said. “I allow myself to rest and process things properly, but I can’t give up. I have to fight back while protecting myself.”

The visitor said, "So I went to the court hearing that day, and I am now also filing a private prosecution."

"But at the same time, I won't go to extremes and rebel for the sake of rebelling. So when you told me, 'Don't expose all the consultation records,' I accepted your advice."

Seeing the visitor's expression, Nan Zhuren smiled and nodded affirmatively, "That's right, you have indeed done these things, and I'm glad to hear that."

This support encouraged the visitor.

The visitor continued, "Then, in terms of daily social interactions, I also readjusted myself, well, you could call it a 'social assessment system'?"

“In the past, I would have wanted everyone’s approval and to be kind to everyone.” The visitor looked thoughtful. “Of course, I still maintain the basic principle of being kind to everyone. But I divide my social circle into several levels and show different levels of kindness to people of different levels.”

"Because I know and feel that if I treat everyone the same way, I will definitely suffer some things, and these things may bring me a lot of negative experiences."

"Right now, I'm just trying to be kind to others within my own limits. This makes me happy and prevents me from getting hurt that I can't handle."

At this point, the visitor added, "Of course, I'm still practicing this, and I don't know if it's right or wrong. But for now, I feel much better."

This part involves the visitor's adjustments to their social interactions.

As the visitor said, the pros and cons of this set of social principles still need time to be evaluated.

But it is indeed more scientific than before.

Nan Zhuren nodded and continued to offer a word of support: "It seems you have indeed gained a lot during this period."

Based on the visitor's account, he has indeed completed the second stage of healing.

The consultation can now move into the third stage – addressing the client's avoidance-style attachment.

Of course, this is on the premise that the issue the visitor actively wants to explore today is the issue of [avoidance style attachment].

Hopefully, no new problems will arise.

After the counselor affirmed what they had learned, the client appeared relieved.

"Yes, it's because of these new ideas that I feel the old problems are no longer bothering me, so I want to discuss new issues with the teacher."

The visitor hesitated for a moment when he said this.

"I actually discussed this issue with a counselor at school a long time ago, but the advice the counselor gave me made me feel very uncomfortable, so I stopped seeking counseling and didn't bring it up with anyone else."

Nan Zhuren concentrated slightly.

The visitor took a deep breath: "It's about my parents."

“I mentioned it to you before, teacher, that they are a lot of trouble for me, and I feel that it is difficult to communicate with them.”

"Regarding the recent court hearing, the reason I was late was because I had a long chat with them before I left, which caused the delay."

The visitor offered an extra explanation, looking quite worried that Nan Zhuren might misunderstand him. Nan Zhuren remained silent, offering the visitor a smile.

……

It has been confirmed that the client's current problem is an avoidant attachment style, which overlaps with Nan Zhuren's third-stage plan.

That's very convenient.

Previously, Nan Zhuren had determined that the client's avoidance was related to his early childhood experiences.

To use a more familiar term, we can replace "early childhood experiences" with "family of origin".

This is also a term that has become quite stigmatized recently. On the one hand, since the term appeared, many people have attributed their negative traits to their families and parents. However, many netizens who are unaware of the truth, after offering their support and sympathy, upon closer inspection, realize that it is actually the person being portrayed as overly anthropomorphic.

As a result, "family of origin" has become a meme, gradually transforming from a neutral term into a derogatory one.

The treatment is similar to that for "depression".

In addition, the Chinese cultural background of "looking more at one's own problems," "filial piety," and "family scandals should not be aired in public" makes it even more difficult for people who truly have problems with their "family of origin" to talk about their trauma.

This is one of the reasons why Nan Zhuren placed the exploration of the "family of origin" in the third stage. Its influence is more profound, and it requires the client to have a certain level of self-understanding before they can continue to explore it.

The exploration of longitudinal issues such as the "family of origin" naturally requires the use of the "psychoanalytic school."

Compared to all other schools of thought, psychoanalysis has an overwhelming advantage in this regard—all of them.

When the client first came for consultation, Nan Zhuren used the psychoanalytic approach, employing many confrontational techniques to help the client confront their subconscious thoughts.

Today's consultation wasn't that sharp.

Nan Zhuren first asked the visitor to continue speaking, and the visitor happened to be in a very good mood today.

After seeing Nan Zhuren's smile, the visitor felt encouraged and continued, "I feel like I've never found the right way to get along with my parents—I used to think that the way we were getting along was right, but now I realize that it's not right either."

After all, the "concern" from the parents after the scam almost caused the visitor to have an emotional breakdown—or rather, it already did.

If Nan Zhuren hadn't taught the advanced "grounding technique" beforehand, the visitor's condition might be even worse now.

The visitor thought for a moment, seemingly organizing precise words.

After a long pause, he said, "I don't want to be too close to my parents because I feel that there's always a 'price' involved."

Nan Zhuren noticed that visitors had changed their way of addressing each other. Previously, they used "Mom and Dad," but now they used "Parents."

A sense of alienation was created.

Nan Zhuren followed up the conversation, asking, "Why do you feel that being close to your parents comes at a price?"

hiss - huh -

The visitor took a deep breath, pursed his lips tightly, and shrugged.

“It’s like… I think it’s a common childhood experience for rural children,” the visitor said. “When I was little, they would often tell me… how hard their work was, how difficult it was to support my schooling. And, um, what precious opportunities they gave up for me.”

The visitor's speech was quite hesitant, and he frowned during the narration, clearly indicating a negative emotional experience.

However, this experience is not directed at the parents in the conversation, but at himself.

Cultural background and stigmatization are starting to take effect.

Nan Zhuren offered a word of support: "This is not an experience that 'all' rural children have, nor is it an experience that rural children 'often' have."

The counselor looked into the client's eyes and said, "For you, this experience is 'specific,' and it has indeed had a 'specific' impact on you."

The wrinkles on the visitor's face smoothed out a bit.

He smiled at Nan Zhuren, seemingly grateful for Nan Zhuren's understanding at this moment.

"Yes, that put a lot of pressure on me. I always felt that they were good to me and that I needed to repay them."

The visitor said, "Of course, it's only right that I repay them. It's a child's duty to support their parents; it's a responsibility. Even if they don't say it, I will do it."

"But right now, I feel that I should just take responsibility for supporting them in their old age. I'm very unwilling to listen to them, make them happy, or communicate with them more."

Nan Zhuren nodded: "Why?"

The visitor blinked: "Because I...don't want to get close to them."

Okay, we’re back again.

Nan Zhuren fell into deep thought; there must be a deeper reason behind it.

If it were another school of thought, at this point, they might start to intervene in the present moment based on what the client had previously raised, such as asking the client to change their attitude towards their parents.

However, since it is psychoanalysis...

Nan Zhuren decided to dig deeper, saying, "Okay, let's close our eyes now and try to recall..."

Nan Zhuren lowered his voice, making it calm and slow.

"...When you recall things related to your parents, what comes to mind first?"

The visitor fell into deep thought.

After a long pause, he said, "I had a dream a few days ago."

Nan Zhuren asked, "What dream?"

"...I've had this dream before. I would have it in middle school, especially when I was under a lot of pressure. After I went to university, probably because my life was better, I stopped having similar dreams."

The visitor, with his eyes closed, shifted uncomfortably and gave a lengthy explanation.

The more you explain, the more difficult it will be to say what comes next.

Nan Zhuren did not interfere and allowed the visitor to recount his experience.

"This dream, well, there's a pot."

The visitor pursed his lips: "Then, the ground was all red."

“My father was chasing me, and he was holding a kitchen knife.”

(End of this chapter)