Who would study psychology if they didn't have some kind of problem?

Chapter 115 The problem never appears in isolation.

The student visitor strongly agreed with Nan Zhuren: "That day... during the consultation, it felt a bit like talking to a teacher in high school."

As he said this, the visitor shrank his neck into his down jacket, then stuck it out again and gave Nan Zhuren an embarrassed smile.

Nan Zhuren understood.

Counselors trained by academies often share similar flaws. They generally fall into two extremes: either they offer unconditional positive regard and empathy without providing any advice or engaging in confrontation; or they show little empathy, relying solely on methodology and acting as "guidance-oriented" counselors to offer advice.

Most of the counselors who are trained locally by the college and then take up administrative positions within the college are either the latter or have transitioned from the former to the latter.

Therefore, when encountering certain types of visitors, problems may arise due to mismatch.

At this point, Nan Zhuren could only respond to the visitor with a smile that said, "How embarrassing!"

Fortunately, Nan Zhuren cleverly turned the mess left by the previous consultant into a resource and built his own consulting relationship.

Now that a consulting relationship has been established, the conversation can be a little more direct, and can even touch on some private topics without beating around the bush.

Nan Zhuren nodded. Now, they could officially begin their own rhythm.

He said, "Now, could you tell me how you felt after the last consultation?"

The visitor nodded, a hint of the satisfaction she had just felt lingering on her face.

But as she began to recall, her gaze froze, and the smile on her face quickly faded.

[Curl your body, shrug your shoulders, and pull your neck in.]

“I listened to my teacher’s advice and started making a new study plan, making my original notes more detailed. I want to try out the study methods my teacher taught me one by one.”

"But even though there are more and more things to do, and I need to hurry up and get them done, I'm actually... losing motivation."

"I really, really want to learn, but the feeling of being required to work hard only reaches my shoulders, arms, and wrists, but never my hands or fingertips."

As the visitor spoke, she glanced furtively at Nan Zhuren. She knew that if the person in front of her was an elder or teacher, they would criticize her at this moment; if it was a friend or classmate, they would laugh at her, whether maliciously or well-intentioned.

Nan Zhuren asked, "You mentioned before that before your first consultation, you were very anxious and frustrated because of exams and studies—are you alright?"

He noticed something unusual about the visitor and promptly paid attention to him again.

"I'm sorry, teacher... I'm fine."

“There’s nothing to apologize for, let’s move on—you have those negative feelings, saying you’re not motivated, but it sounds like you’re putting a lot of pressure on yourself. This pressure isn’t just academic, it’s also the pressure of ‘I want to get better quickly.’”

Nan Zhuren indeed stopped focusing on the practical issues and instead shifted his attention to the emotional feelings of the visitors.

The use of appropriate repetition and summaries made the visitor feel valued.

The client's response was indeed very positive: "Yes, because after the last consultation, I didn't feel particularly better. And I don't have anyone around me to talk to, because I feel that coming to counseling because of my poor academic performance is a bit...not easy to talk to others about."

"So most of the time I'm alone, staying in my dorm room."

...Most people who come for psychological counseling are actually assuming that "no one around me can help me with this problem, so I can only go to a psychologist."

In other words, these visitors also have social problems.

Social interaction is an important part of the social support system, so counselors recommend that clients talk to their friends more—which has evolved into a psychological joke: "I went to the counselor because I had no friends, and the counselor told me to go to my friends."

The suggestion to "go find friends" is not wrong in itself, just like when you are sick, a doctor will tell you to "boost your body's resistance later".

But whether it's "finding friends" or "improving physical resistance," it's all about the "end point," while the visitors and patients are both at the "starting point." They are at a loss as to how to build the "road" from the starting point to the end point.

In this situation, it's natural to feel resentful, thinking, "I'm such a joke."

A good counselor is one who can both mentally construct the destination that the client needs to reach and teach the client how to construct the path; at the same time, these counselors will also determine whether the client is suitable for this destination, and if not, change the path.

Getting back to the main point, at this moment, Nan Zhuren keenly discovered the social problems of the visitor from his narrative.

"So you're saying you're in a rather lonely state, and there's no one you can share your current difficulties with."

Seeing the visitor nod, Nan Zhuren frowned slightly.

Are you currently living in a school dormitory?

"Correct."

"What's your relationship like in your dorm? Have you told them about your situation, or have they seen a general picture of you?"

Nan Zhuren employed a degree of confrontation to refute the client's self-description of their social life. In the first consultation, this skepticism towards the narrative might have initially provoked the client's resistance, but because Nan Zhuren unexpectedly established a good therapeutic rapport, she could be more assertive.

The reason for being slightly more aggressive is that, given the current situation of the visitors, Nan Zhuren wants to provide as much support as possible to prevent them from falling into the misconception of hopelessness.

If the visitor has a good relationship with their roommate, then you can help them overcome the self-perception bias of "I am lonely" or "I have no one to share with".

If the dormitory relationship is bad, it's not a big deal. The visitor won't cause further harm, and Nan Zhuren will even be able to gather more information.

“I get along very well with my roommates,” the visitor said.

Nan Zhuren raised an eyebrow.

[She laughed, though fleeting, but it was a genuine laugh; she could find joy in friendship.]

But soon she started forcing a smile, covering up her real one with a fake one... Why?

"They were very kind to me, and they were very nice people, but..."

The visitor's smile began to turn into a wry smile: "Recently, they've been asking me to go shopping together. I think they might have figured something out, but I—I don't want to spoil the fun for everyone. They don't understand my current state."

“I don’t want them to understand either, because I don’t think it’s a good thing… Letting them know feels like dragging them down with me.”

(End of this chapter)