Am I being simulated by their love affair.

Chapter 193 You're So Cruel
"What kind of answer do you want?"

Jun Matsueda did not put down the menu in his hand. He looked up at the girl in front of him. She was driven back to her seat.

"I don't need you to take care of my mood. Just say whatever you want."

Although Mochizuki Haruka said this, her face looked like she was about to cry.

"Why do we have to talk about this before dinner?" Jun Matsueda sighed.

"I just want to know if you ever feel happy when you are with me."

Wangyue Yao looked at the plate in front of her shining under the yellow ceiling light, and she no longer had any other extravagant wishes.

The middle-aged man standing behind the counter leaned out and glanced at the two of them. He didn't understand why they hadn't ordered yet.

Jun Matsueda poured water into two cups, picked up his own and took a sip. It had a light lemon flavor and was a bit astringent.

"Just understand first, if we hadn't made an agreement before, I would have stayed away from you long ago."

The girl lowered her head even further.

"As for being happy, before the day my aunt's results came out, it was fine. It was just like having one more person when I went out to relax and watch a movie."

"But since then, you've been full of negative energy, and I only have one purpose by your side."

"Serve as your trash can and placebo."

“It’s not a very enjoyable experience.”

Mochizuki Haruka's chin rested on the upper hollow of her collarbone, her face buried in the shadow of her hanging hair, and Matsueda Jun couldn't see her expression.

"Indeed, you are very beautiful, and your sweet and soft body is very comfortable to touch. Every time I see you crying so miserably, I always feel pity from the bottom of my heart."

"But in a strong relationship, this is just an unnecessary condition. A good-looking jerk will only be liked by the same jerk."

"But you've been very kind to me. The feeling of being cared for is still unforgettable."

Jun Matsueda still wears the same pair of gloves when he rides his bike. Sometimes when the cold wind blows silently on the road, he will remember the girl's slightly labored breathing as she rides beside him.

"It's just that you are too impatient. You want to love others before you learn to love yourself."

"Let's first clean up the mess on ourselves."

He smiled at the tearful girl.

"I understand," Mochizuki Haruka said, wiping away the tears that rolled down her cheeks with the back of her hand.

The girl started crying because of Matsueda Jun's complaints about her, and later because she heard him admit that she had been touched.

"Am I becoming the person you like?" the girl asked him while wiping her tears.

"You should change into the person you like first." Matsueda Jun flipped through the menu again. "Do you want to have dinner?"

"I want to eat seafood bowl." Mochizuki Haruka didn't eat much at noon because he was angry, and he also had to exercise for his aunt, so he was already starving.

Matsueda Jun put down the menu and walked to the counter. "Two seafood bowls, please."

When he returned to the table, the girl had already wiped away her tears.

"Don't ask me any more questions until you finish your meal," he warned the girl.

"Oh."

Two large steaming bowls were brought over. At first glance, the two could not find any trace of rice. There was only orange-red fish roe and golden sea urchin, with thick omelette and sweet shrimp buried underneath.

The girl put the first spoonful of rice covered with sauce into her mouth and frowned slightly. "It doesn't taste as good as the one at home."

Jun Matsue, who was eating with his head down, glanced at her and said, "What level is your family's food? How could ordinary restaurants outside compare?" The real reason why Haruka Mochizuki was dissatisfied was not that, but because she had eaten the seafood rice with her aunt and the boy in front of her that day.

“To enjoy food, you must remember to forget all memories before eating it and eat it as if it were your first time.”

Mochizuki Haruka put the last spoonful of rice mixed with fish roe, sea urchin and shrimp into her mouth. She licked the reddish-brown juice on the corner of her lips with satisfaction.

"So what should we do?"

"What to do?"

Jun Matsueda opened the wooden door of the restaurant, and the long-awaited cold wind blew in, and the two of them unconsciously shrank their necks.

"Love yourself." The girl recently mastered the physical way to love herself, but she had no idea what this sentence that Matsueda Jun always said was.

They walked into the Citizen Green Park. The snow from the previous few days had not melted yet. Someone had built a snowman on the snow where the grass was exposed. The face was a little deformed.

"To be honest, I don't think there's anything I can tell you."

Jun Matsueda sat on the bench. The slight sleepiness brought by the food he had eaten was blown away by the cold wind. His mind was clearer than the words he uttered.

"For most of us, loving ourselves is instinctive, as natural as breathing."

He glanced at Mochizuki Haruka who was sitting at the other end of the bench. The girl was like this before, reluctant to show her feelings, but now she has gone from one extreme to another.

"A normal person can't tell you why he is normal."

The snowman's tilted head moved not far away, and it seemed that it thought so too.

Mochizuki Haruka's expression was not very happy. "You are not lying to me, are you? Are you just looking for an excuse to keep me away from you?"

"The fact that you doubt me now means you are much more normal than before. This is why it is necessary to keep a distance." Matsueda Jun nodded with satisfaction.

"But days like this are so hard to bear." The girl's leather shoes slid back and forth on the white snow.

“Everyone got through it this way.”

"Alone, alone, you will get used to it slowly."

Jun Matsueda looked at the sparrows neatly arranged on the branches. Their bulging bellies reminded him of the special fried rice cakes made in Qiyangshi.

"It's impossible to get used to it." Wangyue Yao said softly, "I thought this afternoon that if you don't come to see me by twelve o'clock at night, I will jump out of the hospital."

The branches beside the bench swayed, and some snow fell. The girl's words scared away the sparrows.

"If you don't believe it yourself, then don't say it." Jun Matsueda took out his cell phone and looked at the message sent by Lai Qi Yangshi. It was a video of her singing in the recording studio.

"Why do you say I don't believe it?" The girl walked up to Matsueda Jun who was about to stand up, put her hands on his shoulders, and made him sit back.

"You said I'm not a normal person anymore. If I get lonely, I'll die."

Her voice sounded very aggrieved, like a young bird waking up from a sleep, turning around in confusion, and finding no one of its kind around, only to realize that it had been left behind by the migrating group.

Jun Matsueda pushed the girl away a little, stood up and walked out of the park.

"Aunt is still sleeping soundly, how could she be dead?"

"Let's go back to the hospital. The sun is about to set and it's going to get colder."

Wangyue looked at his back from afar. The girl's previous momentum disappeared and she walked behind him with her head lowered.

The snowman's features were already blurred, its tilted head unable to resist the pull of gravity, and it finally slid to the grass. The two figures gradually faded away, and only the girl's soft complaints could be heard.

"You are so cruel."

(End of this chapter)