The birth of an actor

Chapter 17 Crying Out Loud
As mentioned in "Six Lectures on Acting", to be a good actor, one must have extremely keen observation and thinking skills.

Observation and reflection are the most essential driving forces for actors, without exception.

To be honest, An Xin had never seen this movie in his previous life. In fact, he was basically uninterested in things in the entertainment industry, except for following gossip on Weibo.

He doesn't idolize any particular celebrity or actor; at most, he might glance at a beautiful woman on screen a few more times.

I don't watch that many movies or TV series.

This is actually related to his unique upbringing.

From a young age, he followed his grandfather into the mountains, and having grown accustomed to the magnificence of nature, he wasn't particularly interested in what was in that little box. It's not that he didn't watch television, but some things are simply a matter of personal preference. Some people watch TV and dream of becoming a big star, acting like the people on screen, while others just watch and forget about it.

Peace of mind belongs to the latter category.

Just treat it as a pastime.

Therefore, his knowledge of film and television works was actually very limited. Even in the era when film and television dramas exploded in later years, his only motivation for going to the cinema was to be invited by a girl to watch a movie.

A few words, a few laughs, a few moments of commotion, and it all passed by just like that.

After being reborn and discovering that life can really be restarted, he began to ponder how many "questions" he had made wrong in his previous life, and only then did he truly become involved with the "film and television industry".

Now, following the first question, he sat down with the future top star who would later become half the sky, staring at the old Peony TV, and saw this movie that he had only seen snippets of Zhang Manyu before.

There was no experience to draw upon from my past life, nor any to learn from.

He simply followed the order of observation, reflection, and performance in "Six Lectures on Acting" and began to think about the mentality of "Li Qiao," played by Zhang Manyu.

Let's analyze why she laughed first, then cried, and why she was so genuinely moved in this scene.

Li Qiao and Leopard Brother met at the Massage parlor. At first, Li Qiao was afraid of Leopard Brother because he was a gangster. But when Leopard Brother casually asked, "Are you afraid of me?" she replied, "I'm not afraid of anything except rats." The next time Leopard Brother came to Li Qiao for a massage, he said, "I brought a friend to see you today, say hello to it," before lying down on the massage bed.

At that moment, Li Qiao immediately noticed that Leopard Brother had a new Mickey Mouse tattoo on his back, which was covered in dragon and tiger designs.

Thus began the connection between Brother Leopard and Li Qiao.

At that time, Li Qiao and Li Xiaojun, played by Li Ming, were in a complicated "immoral" relationship. When Brother Leopard appeared, whether it was for revenge or to extricate herself, she ended up with Brother Leopard.

Their relationship seemed somewhat strained, and it was even questionable whether Li Qiao actually liked Brother Leopard. But when the police were about to arrest Brother Leopard and he was about to flee, she resolutely accompanied him to America.

After arriving in the United States and settling down, Li Qiao wanted a child. At this point, she should have already decided that Brother Leopard was her husband.

The traditional virtues of women from the East led her to choose to follow her husband wherever he went, and Leopard was moved by her, and the two began to plan for the future.

At this point, Li Qiao should have let go of her feelings for Li Xiaojun.

Just as she and Leopard Brother were discussing where to live, tragedy struck. She went to a public laundromat to do her laundry, while Leopard Brother was robbed and died in the street.

This is all the experiences of this character in this scene.

Anxin remained silent, staring at the frozen image on the television screen, lost in thought.

A vague outline slowly formed in my mind.

I met Brother Leopard at the massage parlor.

I am conflicted about whether or not to interfere in the relationship between Li Xiaojun and Fang Xiaoting.

I didn't want to ruin other people's happiness, but I really like Li Xiaojun.

I love him.

But I must leave.

Leopard Brother said he likes "me".

If this relationship can help me let go of Li Xiaojun, then... I am willing.

Leopard is different from Li Xiaojun. He would make loud phone calls in the middle of the night, speak rudely, and threaten to kill people at the drop of a hat.

But he was very good to "me". Even when he attended Li Xiaojun and Fang Xiaoting's wedding, he could tell that "I" still liked Li Xiaojun, and he was tolerant of "me".

He's in trouble. Should I run away, or go find him?
Can't run.

Because... Brother Leopard is "my" man.

Wherever he goes, I will go...

America is noisy, with a lot of cars, even more than Hong Kong. Leopard Brother said it's like Yau Ma Tei, but I think it's actually quite nice.

It's good to get away from that place of sorrow.

I want a child...

Brother Leopard agreed, and I was overjoyed. I started to dream about our future.

What are those foreigners doing together?
What do these two police officers mean?
What do you mean... Let me confirm the identity of this person lying down...?

No...impossible.

how could be?

It was fine when I did the laundry, it's impossible!

No...it can't be! This is definitely not him!
He has tattoos, including a Mickey Mouse on his back! This person is definitely not him!
Mickey Mouse?

Oh right! Mickey Mouse!

Turn him over quickly!

It couldn't be his; there's no way he could have Mickey Mouse on his back. Haha... I always find Leopard's back tattoo hilarious. And Leopard gets really happy whenever he sees "me" laugh.

This is definitely not him!

Huh?
what is that?
Ha... why would someone get a Mickey Mouse tattoo on their back?

Haha, how come there's one...?

what……

In the quiet room, Fan Bing frowned.

She kept observing Anxin's expression. The acting teacher had said during a pair performance that this kind of acting is actually like comparing yourself to a mirror. Observe the other person and reflect on yourself.

So she watched it very carefully, after all, the other party had given her a "laughable and exasperating" evaluation, which she was clearly not satisfied with.

For the first few minutes, Anxin was just spacing out.

Staring at the TV, his eyes were vacant.

Then, his gaze slowly focused and landed on the bed sheet in front of him.

Fan Bing noticed that his eyeballs began to move.

It seems to be staring at a certain area.

But in the next moment, her gaze quickly shifted away. At the same time, her eyelids blinked rapidly twice, and then she looked in another direction again. It was during this shift that Fan Bing suddenly froze.

She wasn't sure if it was just her imagination, but she noticed that An Xin's gaze shifted between looking left and right, and then seemed to pause for a moment in the middle, the area he had been staring at.

It was like... taking another look.

But one dared not look too closely, as if trying to cover up the truth would be disastrous if one saw it clearly.

She didn't know why observing the other person's eyes alone gave her this feeling of déjà vu. But it was undeniable... she understood.

The moment he understood, his gaze, which had been looking to the right, returned to the "middle".

Look, gaze.

Less than a second later, and then... I felt relieved and happy.

"Ha~"

His laughter was the kind where his mouth was open, and his breathing was also exhaled from his mouth rather than his nose.

This "ha" sounds like venting anger, or like something absurd.

The next moment, he pursed his lips with his tongue. Not completely, but just the tip. So it wasn't sticking out his tongue; rather, his upper and lower lips parted slightly, and the tip of his tongue pressed against the middle of his upper lip.

He shook his head slightly and blinked rapidly.

But he stopped smiling.

But ironically, after that soft "ha" laugh, the muscles in his face still retained a trace of the lingering feeling from before.

The gesture was as if he were saying to someone else, "No, wait a minute."

A sense of disbelief mixed with absurdity and embarrassment suddenly arose.

When he opened his eyes again, he looked at the "middle" and subconsciously opened his mouth again:

"Uh……"

It seems like they want to say something.

But before he could say anything, he started pursing his lips again.

He licked his lips vigorously with his tongue.

She clearly wanted to speak, but could only purse her lips.

because……

"If I tell you, Brother Leopard will really be dead." Like burying one's head in the sand, with this childish idea that "if I don't admit it, nothing happened," all the words in his mouth remained stuck in his throat.

It was suppressed so intensely.

I cannot accept, and will not accept, this fact.

All I could do was desperately suppress my reason and continue to deceive myself that none of this was real.

But the cold, hard reality is like a flood; how can human beings withstand it?

So, I tried desperately to laugh.

Laugh, absurd, disbelief, impossible, absolutely impossible!
But the high wall built by this emotion collapsed without warning in the next moment.

Anxin started blinking rapidly, trying to repeat the same trick, pursing her lips and using that absurd smile to cover it up. But this time, her expression turned into a wide-eyed cry in the blink of an eye.

Unlike Zhang Manyu, who laughed while turning her head to look at others, An Xin's performance, though imitating her, did not include anyone else; it was purely a performance from her own perspective.

He himself was absurd, he couldn't believe it. He was desperately trying to be strong.

And in this world, there is only "her" and Brother Leopard.

Even though she couldn't cry, her dilated nostrils and the contorted muscles of her mouth and face instantly conveyed a hysterical sadness.

Although he was silent, he spoke with all his might in front of Fan Bing, the audience member.

Fan Bing felt goosebumps rise on her skin instantly.

At this moment, although she couldn't quite analyze the complexity of the "person" in front of her, she felt a strange sense of resonance through the other person's expression.

We share joy and sorrow.

She didn't know the depth of his sorrow, but it infected her.

Her nose suddenly felt a little sore...

And it was at this moment...

"What should I do if I can't cry?"

That feeling of sadness was instantly dispelled by those words.

The girl snapped out of her daze and realized that An Xin was looking at her somewhat awkwardly.

The sadness and joy of that scene just now seem like a distant memory.

"..."

She was speechless for a moment.

I couldn't utter a single word.

……

"This chicken is completely different from anything I've ever had before. Wow, it's so delicious!"

In the room filled with a peculiar fragrance, the television screen was frozen on the end credits of "Comrades: Almost a Love Story".

The two of them used the tin stove as a dining table, each with an enamel teacup.

Upon hearing her words, Anxin picked out the few pieces of chicken from his teacup and gave them to her.
"Eat more if you like it."

"Hehe, thanks... And you?"

“I’ll have the soup. I’ve been eating this chicken since I was a child, so it’s nothing special to me.”

"Hey Hey……"

The girl beamed and continued munching on the free-range chicken.

They'd eat even the bones.

The taste... I can't describe it.

But every bite is a pleasure.

So delicious.

Anxin sat on the edge of the bed, unconsciously stirring the soup in the enamel teacup, thinking about what had just happened.

He didn't cry just now; in the girl's words:
"If you can't cry, then this scene is unsuccessful, and the whole scene falls apart. But your imitation is quite good, very impressive. Sigh, that's the power of the method acting school, being able to get into the character's emotions in the shortest amount of time. Unlike us method actors... we're like old tortoises, slow and deliberate, having to build up the character's entire personality little by little... I can't help it, I haven't had enough time to get to know this character!"

So this is the difference between the method school and the experience school?
However, he didn't take it too seriously and continued to think about the movie "Comrades: Almost a Love Story".

After thinking for a moment, he asked:
"So, does this mean I've entered the realm of acting?"

"Of course it counts."

The girl, still sucking on a chicken bone, nodded readily.
"Didn't I tell you? There's no formula for acting. When you start consciously imitating, you're already performing."

"...The so-called good or bad acting is actually a very big question, right? Everyone has their own understanding, that is to say...whether the performance is realistic or not, there is no standardized answer."

"Of course there's no standard answer. Take that scene just now, for example. Your performance was very similar, but mine wasn't. That's because I haven't had enough time to work with the script. You're an experiential actor, which is your natural advantage. But similarly, the reason you couldn't cry is because you haven't grasped the character deeply enough. When you truly immerse yourself in the role, you are Li Qiao, and Li Qiao is you; there's no distinction between them."

"..."

Seeing that An Xin remained silent, Fan Bing, who reluctantly spat out the chicken bone, thought for a moment and added:

"So you're still too inexperienced. But your eye acting is great, so don't be too discouraged, but don't be arrogant either."

"……Um."

Anxin thought about it for a moment, then smiled and nodded:
"I probably understand."

"hey-hey."

The girl said nothing more, and he withdrew his attention.

Less than ten minutes later, accompanied by a satisfied sigh, Fan Bing, her body covered in a layer of white sweat and her cheeks flushed, put down her teacup.

"Ugh, I feel so hot all over."

"Yes, it is wild ginseng after all, so it is very nourishing."

"Hehe, I'm about to leave. I won't be coming over tonight. I'll call my mom when I get back and ask her to fax me the play scripts that the school gave me. I'll bring them to you tomorrow, and then I'll teach you how to move around and some other basic stuff."

She stood up as she spoke, and Anxin quickly said:
"Then I'll send you off?"

"No need, I'll just take the bus."

As the girl spoke, she opened the door.

Then, as if remembering something, he suddenly pointed to the teacup:
"Don't throw away the ginseng and deer antler. Put them in the refrigerator; you can brew them again tomorrow. These herbs should be enough for two or three brews, so we can't waste them..."

"Haha."

Relieved and happy:

"Don't worry, there's plenty. Consider it tuition."

"Hehehe~"

The girl, who felt a heat spreading from head to toe, waved her hand nonchalantly:

"I'm leaving now. Wait for me to page you tomorrow."

"Okay. Then I won't see you off."

"Goodbye."

As she spoke, she walked straight out of the room.

After watching her leave with peace of mind, he went straight back to his house.

Then, amidst the hum of the fan, he thought for a moment, pushed the videotape out, used the hand rewinder to rewind it back to the beginning, and then put it back into the VCR.

Soon, the black and white image reappeared.

He sat in the chair Fan Bingbing had just been sitting in, facing the television, and squinted his eyes.

I watched it all in one go.

Rewind again.

Again.

Midway through, when it was time to leave work, Sui Xi came to the backyard and greeted him.

Anxin gave a hasty reply and then remained silent.

Time flew by, and it was already past nine o'clock at night.

inside the house.

The sound of crying gradually rose.

In a performance with no one watching...

Li Qiao.

She burst into tears.

(End of this chapter)