Conan: I'm a zaibatsu in Tokyo

Kenta Yamada stood in front of the company's turnstile and swiped his employee card.

"Beep~~ Welcome back, Mr. Yamada!"

The AI ​​voice is as sweet as a limited-edition strawberry milk from a convenience store, with a touch of electronic reverb.

Today's KPI targets: Effective working hours ≥ 8.5 hours, focus ≥ 80%, positive mood index ≥ 0.65.

Friendly reminder: Please show at least 6 teeth when you smile, otherwise the system will think you are planning a strike.

"Huh?" Yamada looked bewildered and almost dropped his breakfast rice ball.

"This thing can monitor my teeth gaps? Does that mean I reported to the board of directors that I ate chive dumplings yesterday?"

He grinned at the camera.

Yamada walked into the office area with his head down, and the camera on his workstation lit up with a green light, like a tireless electronic eye.

The smart bracelet on the corner of the table immediately vibrated, and a line of large, blood-red text popped up on the screen:
Warning! You have been standing for 23 seconds without using the device, and your focus level has plummeted to 42%!

It is recommended to immediately open Excel and pretend to be very busy, or stare intently at the CAD drawing on the screen for three minutes.

A yellow exclamation mark popped up on the screen, accompanied by an image of a Shiba Inu crying, with a speech bubble above its head:
"Senior, you're slacking off, and my heart is bleeding!"

"Alright, alright, I'll draw it, okay!" Yamada quickly sat down, opened CAD, and began his "professional performance" as a mechanical designer.

As soon as I drew a straight line, a pop-up window appeared in the lower right corner:
[Red and Black List - Morning Briefing]

Congratulations! Current ranking: 142nd out of 150 people!

Only 8 places away from the safety line! Just a little more effort and you can avoid being sent to Hokkaido to dig hot springs!
"Digging for hot springs?!" Yamada nearly jumped out of his chair. "These days, even bottom-ranking elimination has turned into tour groups? Or is it forced labor?"

He recalled his supervisor saying with a smile yesterday, "The company isn't a cold, impersonal machine; we're a warm, loving family!"

Then he turned around and sent the colleague who had been at the bottom for two consecutive weeks to the digital meditation room for three days of quiet reflection. When he came back, his eyes were empty and he could only recite the "Declaration of High Efficiency".

At exactly 12:00 noon, Yamada rushed to the tea room, hoping to survive with a cup of instant coffee.

As soon as I picked up the paper cup, the bracelet on my wrist vibrated with a "buzz," like being kissed by an electric eel.
Serious violation! Drinking water outside of designated rest periods!

Three points will be deducted from the focus score, and the "water intake behavior review" process will be triggered.

Friendly reminder: Lunch break must be completed at your workstation; moving around is a betrayal of efficiency.

"Baka!" Yamada roared in a low voice, "Should I apply for a feeding tube to administer coffee directly? Or should I have an AI install an automatic drinking chip for me?"

He returned to his seat dejectedly, sipping the bottled water he had secretly hidden in his drawer, while mentally giving the AI ​​a nickname: "Cyber ​​Mom."

At 3 p.m., the supervisor's message arrived on time, in a kind tone:

"Yamada-kun, your smile only met the standard of 31% yesterday (the standard is 70%)."

AI analysis shows that when you smile, your eyes are rolling – this is called 'fake socializing', and it's dangerous!

Please be on time for the 'Smile Muscle Intensive Training Class' tomorrow morning at 8:00 AM. The course includes:
I spent 30 minutes smiling foolishly in front of the mirror, reciting "100 Gratitude Quotes," and imitating the top-ranked laugh on the popularity chart. It's been recorded as an ASMR video.

"...That guy's smile is like a cat whose tail has been stepped on, and you guys actually used him as a template?" Yamada muttered, pouting.

But I still obediently opened the attachment and downloaded the audio.

After all, a colleague refused to listen to "The Song of the Striver" last week, and the next day he was marked by AI as a potential risk of leaving the company. The HR immediately had a "heart-to-heart talk" with him.

Before leaving get off work, the system automatically generated a "Today's Performance Report," with the email subject line:

To the Most Special You:

Dear Mr. Yamada, we noticed your visit today:

Nine instances of negative micro-expressions (mostly when looking at pay slips). One minute and 12 seconds overtime in the restroom (it is recommended to practice the "lightning-fast toilet technique," the tutorial has been sent to your smart band). Failure to report drinking water during lunch break (already recorded as a negative asset in "trust score").

Overall score: 58/100 (5th from the bottom)

Don't be discouraged! Just listen to "The Song of the Fighters" before bed tonight and sing along to the chorus.

Tomorrow, AI will give you +2 "effort perception points"!
(Note: The audio cannot be turned off, the volume is locked at 80%, and a gentle version will still play in sleep mode.)
Yamada stared at the screen, muttering to himself, "This isn't a management system, it's a cyber Tang Sanzang! It can even generate KPIs from chanting scriptures?"

He shut down his computer, finally daring to let loose, and let out a long sigh: "Ah—I can finally be a human again."

Stepping out of the building, a new slogan was scrolling across the large screen at the company entrance:

"Intelligent management ensures that every effort is seen—including the 0.3 seconds it takes you to secretly yawn!"

Yamada stopped and looked at himself in the glass curtain wall.

With messy hair, a crooked tie, and a vacant stare, his mouth still retained the muscle memory of a forced upward curve, making him look like a puppet controlled by AI.

Just then, his colleague Sato tapped him on the shoulder from behind: "Yamada, you made the list too?"

"Fifth from last," Yamada said with a wry smile. "And you?"

“Third to last.” Sato sighed. “But I just received a notification—because I blinked too frequently for three consecutive days, I’m suspected of using Morse code to transmit anti-AI messages, and I have to undergo ‘eye behavior correction’ next week.”

The two exchanged a glance and simultaneously burst into dry laughter.

“If this continues,” Sato said in a low voice, “I’ll eventually be diagnosed by the AI ​​as a ‘defective human product’ and sent back to the factory for rework!”

Yamada nodded in deep agreement and looked up at the company's rooftop.

The server hummed and the lights shone brightly, resembling a giant vending machine.

What's invested is time, health, dignity, and family time.

What came out was: "Performance per employee increased by 23% this month! Shareholders are all smiles!"

Those damn capitalists.

Suddenly, an idea struck him, and he imitated the AI's tone, saying:
"Maybe one day, AI will send me a notification:"

Your negative tendency to "want to live" has been detected. We recommend you immediately enroll in the "High-Efficiency Death Simulation Training Camp." Tuition fees are available in installments, and can be offset by using an urn (cremation urn).

Sato was taken aback, then burst into laughter through tears: "Hahaha... I feel like they're really capable of doing this! Maybe they can even develop a 'post-death KPI inheritance system' so your ashes can continue to generate electricity for the company!"

The two walked and laughed.

AI management has not been used for very long.

Although neither of them was used to it, they were able to persevere.

After saying goodbye to Sato, Yamada shook his head. He had to start his "morning self-discipline live stream" at 6 a.m. tomorrow.

And the AI ​​has just pushed out a new task:
"We have detected unusual emotional fluctuations in you today. We recommend that you cancel all personal plans and focus all your efforts on making it onto the red list!"

Yamada put his phone back in his pocket and looked up at the starry sky.

Being blacklisted will result in a deduction of bonuses and may even lead to dismissal.

But if you make it onto the honor roll, I heard there's a bonus.

"Damn capitalists."

Even the righteous corporation that developed this AI didn't make their employees work this hard. (End of Chapter)