The bard fantasized again.

Chapter 196 You Deserve to Exist (6.6k views, please subscribe and vote)
"hiss--"

Perhaps it was just psychological, but Tang Qi felt the white mist thickening, rubbing against his skin like a sharp, cold knife, trying to pierce his blood through his pores and cover his bones with frost.

He finally understood why, even in Longjin City, where the festival was celebrated with jubilation, it was still regarded as an ominous sign—

Following the intertwined rays of crimson and dark blue light, he looked up and thought he would only be able to see the branches and leaves covered in the glow.

But the two full moons, which overlapped like concentric circles, seemed to project their illusory images into everyone's field of vision.

Nothing could obscure their presence; they were reflected directly in Tang Qi's eyes.

It even seemed to grow on the treetops, even though Tang Qi knew they were really far away.

The blue moon is sacred and serene; gazing upon its presence feels like a cleansing of the soul.

But the scarlet moon looked as if a bloody hole had been carved into its smooth skin.

Thick, fresh blood gushed from the wound, seemingly threatening to pour onto the earth at any moment…

"Roar--"

The howls of wolves suddenly echoed through the dense forest.

Those are the cries of the cursed.

Shattered Stone raised the tower shield and went to the other end of the camp to ensure that no danger would break into the camp.

After hesitating for a moment, Kuru ran towards the direction of dawn.

It knows whose side it is safest to stay with.

At the same time, Ambi in her arms seemed to be inspired and began to howl softly—

The hair that was originally just growing on her wrists, neck, and ears was now visibly growing outwards.

The girl's youthful face became distorted, and as her hair fell out, it uncontrollably transformed into a snow-white wolf's head.

Tang Qi immediately used shackles to bind Anbi's limbs.

But it was just a piece of iron after all.

It's hard to imagine that a twelve-year-old girl could unleash such immense power.

Amidst her struggles and screams, she broke free from Tang Qi's restraints, clenching her beast-claw-like fists, and snapped the shackles in the blink of an eye.

Saliva dripped from her panting teeth; her shriveled stomach and the pungent smell of fresh meat urged her to eat quickly.

Anbi felt her eyes were covered by scarlet.

It's even a little blurry.

"Brother, run!"

She mustered her willpower and struggled to speak.

As long as she leaves this place and escapes into the forest, she won't hurt anyone.

So they decided to flee into the woods.

But Tang Qi wouldn't let her leave, and suddenly began to play the zither:
"Your legs are like a dwarf's, how do you think you'll escape us?"

"How did this get dragged into me?!"

Amidst the complaints of the gravel, Ambi suddenly lost in thought for a moment.

Before his eyes, which were originally covered in scarlet, another scene seemed to appear.

It was the moment she knocked David and Hogg to the ground and transformed into the leader of the children.

Amidst the joy, the jokes seemed like an incessant, enchanting chant, lingering in her ears.

This even helped her suppress her animalistic instincts; with a "pfft," she instinctively fell to the ground, unable to hold back her laughter—

Being dominated by animalistic instincts does not mean that intelligence will also turn into a beast.

In fact, even in such situations, the beast-like human can still think and speak.

However, their impulses toward bloodshed and violence often cause them to break the reins of their thinking, acting entirely on hunger and instinct.

Therefore, the [Laughter (Dwarf-Friendly Version)] can be fully effective.

Seeing Anbi lying on the ground, unable to run or jump anymore, Tang Qi immediately took Houke's axe, infused the blade with the emotions of a 'sage,' and made a shallow cut on Anbi's shoulder—

In fact, Tang Qi had already exerted his strength.

However, the skin of the beastmen is extremely tough, and unless the blade is silvered or magically enhanced like a 'snake's kiss', it is difficult to harm them.

This relieved Tang Qi from worrying about over-harming Anbi, so he didn't hesitate too much when wielding the Sage's Blade.

The simplest way is to knock her unconscious with your lute and let her spend the night in her sleep.

But Tang Qi hoped that Anbi could think calmly and rationally, and suppress her bestial side through her own will, so that she would no longer have to fear the curse.

The combined effect of pain and a calm state of mind interrupted Ambi's laughter.

She looked at Tang Qi hesitantly, and gradually fell silent as her wounds deepened.

Her humanity took hold, leading her to contemplate the meaning of life...

But her short life made it difficult for her to experience much.

She couldn't even understand the value contained in the word 'life'.

She can only look back on the past.

All I can think of is that night when old David protected George on the oxcart.

Then she thought of her father, who would rather abandon her than turn back and seek revenge.

Finally, I thought of my older sister, who toiled day and night to raise me, yet was still criticized by others.

The sister's cries and helplessness when the captain of the guard arrested her.

“Ambi shouldn’t have been born…”

She failed to realize that her thoughts, driven by her animalistic instincts, were steadily drifting towards pessimism.

Seeing the girl's eyes filled with tears, and her questioning of her own existence, Tang Qi finally realized the crux of her problem—

It wasn't just the girl's body that was cursed with 'beastification'.

And her life of struggling to survive.

Compared to most beastmen, Ambi was lucky.

Even after leaving her parents, she still met a sister who loved her.

But this only terrified her, making her fear that her animalistic nature would destroy everything.

She considered herself a nuisance, a burden, someone who should be abandoned or never be born.

This intense sense of 'unworthiness' reached its peak the moment he transformed into a beast.

"So what she actually needs is not 'calmness'."

Tang Qi realized that he had failed to find a way to comfort himself.

"It's to remind her of what she has brought to others."

What she needs is satisfaction.

It's not the kind of satisfaction you get from tasting a delicious cake or receiving a desired gift.

Instead, it made them realize that their own existence could also bring happiness to others.

"But do I possess these emotions?"

The analysis of his current situation, however, led Tang Qi to doubt himself.

【The Blade of the Mind】requires recalling one's own experiences to evoke specific emotions.

Just as he can bestow 'peace' through the sage's mode, he can bestow 'fear' through the perception of death...

Have you ever experienced the satisfaction of bringing happiness to others?

"Damn, I'm still too selfish."

As Tang Qi pondered, he felt a chill run down his spine.

If such a thing as 'factional division' really existed in this world.

As someone with an extremely clear self-awareness, Tang Qi believes he should be in a state of "chaotic neutrality."

In everything I do and in every decision I make, I always prioritize myself.

Not bound by good or evil, nor concerned with stance.

Just as he could accept Dawn and even Shyvana without any psychological burden, he resolutely chose to leave even though he knew that Catherine was reluctant to part with him.

His entire code of conduct is self-centered; taking care of others' feelings is merely something he does incidentally when he has free time and follows his own whims.

This is why most of the satisfaction he feels comes from himself.

Therefore, he never feels unworthy.

There's nothing I'm not worthy of.

He would think so.

"So, have I ever felt satisfied because of the happiness of others...?"

This is a real problem.

He seems to rarely offer help to others.

The only time was when the beacon of the Ring of Glory was raised in the deep well—

"A guiding light?"

Tang Qi recalled that deep, boundless darkness.

He held the radiance aloft, behind him were countless creatures drawn to the scene, and adventurers facing perilous situations...

He led the people through the living dead and up to the tower where the sun rises.

When he realized that he was the only light.

When he shouted, "I will lead you away from the darkness."

When he realized that someone really needed him—

Do I feel genuine satisfaction because I saved them?

he does not know.

But at that moment...

Their fate was changed because of me.

Tang Qi realized he was smiling.

He seized this emotion and poured it into the axe blade in his hand.

Ambi's arm was slashed again:

"You know, you've changed other people's destinies too."

The girl, now transformed into a beast, struggled in her dazed state.

A memory dispelled her pessimism.

The only thing she could think of was that wine-red silhouette—

The older sister held her mother's hands tightly by the bedside.

She offered her mother a final prayer.

When my seriously ill mother passed away peacefully and with reluctance.

She turned around, wiped away the tears from the corners of her eyes, and gently hugged herself.

"You are my only remaining family."

At that time, Ambi did not understand the meaning of those words.

I just think my sister is a good person who is willing to accept Anbi, who is despised by others.

But now she realizes that perhaps it is her own existence that has become the driving force for her sister to keep going.

So, shouldn't relationships between people be reciprocal?
She became kind because of her sister.

Her sister also became stronger because of her.

"..."

Seeing that the little girl's breathing was becoming more and more steady, Tang Qi also breathed a sigh of relief.

At least she got through this double moon night safely.

Her personality is also being shaped, and the curse's influence on her will gradually diminish.

However, he still needed to take extra care of the little wolf cub before the night ended.

After all, under the influence of the Twin Moons, her form was not subject to her personal will and she remained in her beastly state...

"careful!"

Just as I was pondering this, the call of dawn and the warning of "Alertness" rang out simultaneously.

A silver line pierced through the thick fog of the night, cutting through the interwoven red and blue light, and hurtled towards his brow!

"【Silver Light Sharp Words】!"

The silvery light of the flowing water deflected the arrow's trajectory. Tang Qi didn't even dodge; he simply focused on its origin before it shifted, then shouted towards the dawn.
"In the tree!"

He was far from the dawn, a distance she could not reach even if she wore heavy armor powered by magic and exerted all her strength.

What's more, the other party was on a towering fir tree!

But his extensive combat experience allowed Chenxi to instantly determine what he should do without hesitation.

She threw down her shield, clenched her left fist, and aimed at the tip of the fir tree.

The arm armor on the hands, along with the metal gauntlets, suddenly expanded.

With a buzzing sound, the gauntlet seemed to release all the stored kinetic energy. With a loud bang, accompanied by violent wind waves, it was drawn by Tang Qi's silver light and shot towards the top of the fir tree like a silver cannonball!
"Roar!?" The ambush in the tree never expected that a simple arrow would be exchanged for a cannonball-like punch.

The force field energy exploded on his cheek with the gauntlet, and the muffled groan startled the birds on the branches.

Amidst the swirling, chattering air, the ambush attacker lost his balance and plummeted from the sky to the ground.

Seizing the opportunity, Shattered Stone charged forward with his shield, not caring what fell to the ground, and swung his mace to strike the exposed knee of the opponent who had been impaled.

"Bang! Bang!"

Two consecutive blows landed squarely.

But the sensation of the palm he transmitted told Shattered Stone that he had failed to break the patella on the other person's knee.

"Harder than steel plates!"

The instant the hammer bounced off, he activated his combat skill [Tidal Wave]—which allowed him to instantly repeat his previous attack, followed by another fierce barrage.

"Then do it again!"

"Hum-"

A howl like that of a wild boar suddenly rang in his ears.

Just before the mace struck his knee, a dangerous instinct made Shatterstone suddenly raise his tower shield, facing the rumbling, earth-shaking sound.

The tower shield obscured his vision, making it impossible for him to see what he was facing.

He could only feel a tremendous impact, which made his hand holding the shield go numb.

In just a few days, the exhaustion from overworking in the dungeon had not been fully recovered.

In its weakened state, the rubble tilted backward and was thrown several meters away.

But the screaming didn't stop. Out of the corner of his eye, he finally made out the attacker's face—

A wild boar with short, stiff hair and curled tusks sticking out from the corners of its mouth!

"Like Mel."

When encountering rubble, one must raise a shield to block it.

A crystal ball, about the size of a head, exploded first, striking the boar-man's forehead, its fine powder scattering into ice crystals at his feet.

Stumbling, the boar-man lost his balance and fell headfirst onto the rubble.

Just as the stone was about to raise its hammer to smash down, it immediately realized that this was no rational decision when it saw several eyes flashing with a scarlet light in front of it.

Without hesitation, he quickly got up and rushed towards Tang Qi's direction.

At the same time, a furious roar suddenly erupted from a nearby tent—

A gray and white spotted tiger rushed into the tent and suddenly tore the erected tent to shreds.

This startled the long-dormant Roar, whose arms, thicker than a thigh, suddenly appeared in front of him, using his own skin to withstand the tiger's bite.

Just as Fang was about to tear off his arm, Hound raised his fist and slammed it into the other man's skull.

The heavy force forced the tiger to loosen its jaws, and it flew several meters away along with the spray of saliva.

Houk pounded his chest, rushed forward, grabbed its hind legs, and used the strength of his waist and abdomen to slam it back and forth beside him until he finally spun it around and threw it into the dense forest.

The commotion also startled Shyvana. Weak, she instinctively grabbed her giant axe, got up, looked around, and saw a werewolf.

Shyvana encountered this creature while traversing the Dusk Forest in search of food.

She was completely unaware of their existence, which resulted in the loss of manpower, and she stumbled out of the forest exhausted.

But on her first day in Dragon Gold City, she had already learned about the existence of this creature through the booklet and the halfling's translation.

She wanted to get her revenge.

But the moment he caught sight of those pairs of bloodshot eyes in the forest, he grabbed the pounding-chest-and-stomping Houk and instinctively walked toward the campfire.

What kind of venue, what kind of conflict...

None of them are as important as one's own life.

"This is not a werewolf."

Even the rubble couldn't help but mutter, pressing close to Tang Qi's buttocks.
"It's a group!"

Looking at the scarlet eyes hidden in the darkness and white mist, Tang Qi couldn't tell how many there were.

Dozens, hundreds?

Who the hell cares?

He couldn't even be bothered to guess why so many beastmen had gathered together.

All we know is that under the influence of the Twin Moons, there is no room for negotiation when faced with the frenzy of beastification.

"Iu!"

"Roar!!!"

The repulsive force of the breath stirred up a gale, blasting dozens of beastmen who rushed forward onto a nearby thick tree. The wind blades snapped the tree trunks and crushed another group of beastmen under the heavy fir trees.

This could not completely kill the thick-skinned beastmen, but it opened up a passable path.

Tang Qi hoisted Anbi onto his back and roared:
"Cloud and Mist Technique, Swift Light!"

Thick fog billowed from Kuru's wand, piling up behind them and obscuring the vision of the large group of beastmen who had gathered around.

At the same time, golden dust was sprinkled down on the shoulders and neck of the morning sun, turning into illusory cloaks, and the spiritual light enveloped everyone.

"Keep running!"

……

As the cycle of day and night turned to the fourth night, it seemed that dawn was breaking outside the forest.

The two moons, which seemed to pierce through the leaves of the forest, quietly disappeared, and the group was able to sit panting by the river, enjoying the tranquility after their escape.

Tang Qi was certain that, with the aid of his swift and insightful mind, as long as they could find a way out, most of their pursuers would have a hard time stopping their escape.

Since we can escape easily, there's no need to waste time getting entangled with a group of beastmen who aren't silver-plated, don't have magical weapons, and are difficult to kill.

Not only will you work yourself to the bone, but you might not even get the desired results.

Once the bi-monthly period ends, they will have lost their activity from tonight and will no longer pose any threat.

Thinking of this, Tang Qi looked at the little girl beside him whose beast-like symptoms had faded and who had returned to her beast-eared girl form.

Pinching her rosy cheeks, Ambiya quickly woke up from her sleep:

"Ambi didn't eat people!"

God knows what kind of dream she had.

Tang Qi thought it over and over, then feigned annoyance:

"We were all fleeing, and you were the only one sleeping soundly. Do you know how tiring it was to carry you while we ran?"

"What happened?"

The little girl blinked her aggrieved eyes and hesitated.

"We encountered hundreds of beastmen, each one of them wanting nothing more than to tear us apart, crush us, and swallow us whole," Tang Qi threatened.

"Is it because of Anbi?" The little girl subconsciously took the blame upon herself.

"Yes. It's all your fault."

This time, Tang Qi did not comfort her.

Instead, seeing her ears drooping even more in self-reproach, he gently pinched the little girl's ear:

"It's all your fault for falling asleep and not being able to help us."

"what?"

Anbi raised her eyes and met Tang Qi's teasing gaze.

He said:

Do you know how much our team would lose without you?

Next time you run into those guys, you'd better be more alert.

"We'll have to rely on Ambition to collect the debts we incurred from being chased this time!"

Tang Qi already understood it very well.

Anbi's entire understanding of herself is actually based on the 'unworthiness' born from living in the cracks.

Therefore, what she needs is not simply 'protection'.

The more you tell her "I will protect you", the more she will doubt that she is not worthy of your love.

This child longs to be needed.

I long to become the sunshine, dispelling the fog for others and offering them help.

It made her believe that she had a value in existence.

"Also, weren't you always troubled before? Always saying things like 'my birth was a mistake'?"

Tang Qi roughly rubbed her head, as if trying to instill all his ideas into her little head.
"Don't say that again."

"But--"

"No buts. Let me tell you why your father brought you into this world."

Tang Qi looked solemnly at the bewildered girl and explained,
"Ms. Marian told you that story, but she didn't tell you why the children in the orphanage drank the blood of the beastmen and were cursed, right?"

Is she a bad person?

"We will not comment on whether it is good or bad; we will only discuss the results."

I think the reason they drank the blood is actually in that story—

They simply made the same decision as Ms. Marian.

"Abby doesn't understand."

"Just like Marianne drank the blood of the former dean, willingly becoming a cursed beast-transformer to stay by her 'father's' side and spend his later years—"

She understood perfectly well that the beast-like human who had raised her but ultimately destroyed everything never craved humanity or kindness.

He simply longed for a sense of belonging, for a family who could acknowledge his existence and accept him.

So she repaid this kindness by accompanying her 'father' to a peaceful end.

But Marian, whose identity was changed because of him, also became part of the curse.

In the stillness of the night, sitting on an empty bed, gazing at the desolate and profound room, does she also long for a family?

Ambi fell into deep thought and nodded:

“Even if I hadn’t met my sister, Ambiya would have wanted a family.”

Chuck once said, "Every glamorous city has some neglected corners."

No city is perfect, nor is any system perfect, that can make every family in the world happy and fulfilled.

Like orphans, the beastmen actually yearn for a home.

So she rebuilt the orphanage and took in homeless children—it was there that she, as an orphan, found her 'father'.

People are complex.

I believe that when she accepted those orphans, she must have harbored the selfish motive of turning everyone into beast-like beings and making them 'family'.

Even if she may have given those children a choice on the surface, when they see everyone around them choosing to embrace 'family', can those ambiguous children really remain unaffected and follow their hearts to choose to be pure human beings?
It's hard.

But from another perspective, for those children who have been abandoned and are walking in cramped corners, what could be more worthy of their trust than her?

Perhaps there are, but they aren't as lucky as Ambiya to have met your sister.

“Ambi is lucky.”

The little girl nodded firmly.
"I was able to meet my sister and Brother Tang Qi."

"So let's get back to the point—"

Why did your parents choose to bring you into this world?

Tang Qi sighed and told the truth.

"Because they also want to have a family."

They left the crowd, never expecting to be attacked, and only wanted to live a quiet, secluded life.

When you were born, they must have been hoping to raise you and teach you until you grew up.

"It was just an unexpected turn of events that forced me to entrust Ambi to someone I could trust."

"……is that so?"

"Of course, knowing that your child might be infected with a birth curse, and still choosing to bring her into this world—that idea is certainly very selfish."

Tang Qi gently rubbed the little girl's ear, not intending to defend her parents, but simply saying,

"But doesn't this further demonstrate that they need you to come into this world?"

Anbi slightly widened her eyes and looked at Tang Qi—

need.

She's not a problem.

She is needed by people.

"So, you're not allowed to say things like 'It would be nice to become a beast' anymore."

Tang Qi didn't want to get bogged down in the rights and wrongs of each person.

He just wanted to tell the little girl in front of him at this moment:

"You deserve to exist."

(End of this chapter)