I was an apprentice in Ferren

Chapter 101 Questions
Inside the college, a few people ate and drank under the cover of night, while in the church lounge, in the dim candlelight, Dorothy lay on the bed with her eyes closed as if she were asleep, but the young priest beside her had a bright gaze that gave her a headache.

Pretending to be asleep for half an hour, the girl still wouldn't leave. Dorothy opened her eyes helplessly: "Darling, it's getting late. As a girl who is still growing, you should rest."

“Lying is wrong.” Angie pouted, looking like she demanded an explanation: “I’m very unhappy that you lied to me about DuPont.”

"Oh dear, how can I explain this to you?" Dorothy rubbed her temples, propped herself up, and looked somewhat distressed. "Although what happened with DuPont was my fault, I'm already 26 years old and have never even had a boyfriend. You have to understand that I made a mistake because I couldn't control my emotions. Normal people my age already have children, and I was just flirting with a young apprentice. Please don't ask me anymore, okay?"

“But how is what you’re doing any different from Pastor Simon’s?” Angie sat in her chair, puffing out her cheeks, as if she were the adult lecturing the young apprentice: “There’s a big age gap between you. If DuPont’s parents find out and report you, it will seriously damage the church’s reputation. This is a very irrational thing to do!”

“But DuPont didn’t complain, and he seemed to be enjoying it.” Dorothy said, burying her face in the pillow as she lay down on the bed. She replied sullenly, “Oh well, just let me indulge myself this once, okay? Please don’t ask anymore.”

Angie was a little doubtful after hearing this: "Just once?"

"Uh, this is just once." Dorothy wanted to be assertive, but her voice grew softer as she spoke: "Oh dear, it's so depressing to be bound by those strict rules every day. I may be a priest, but I'm a living person first. I can't force myself to suppress my desires just because I'm a priest. If I do that, my mind will become distorted and I'll go astray over time. Aren't there many such cases, both in real life and in chivalric novels?"

“But the church doesn’t prevent normal marriages, so you can get married.” The young pastor clearly didn’t accept this excuse: “If you really like DuPont, you can wait until he comes of age before getting married, wouldn’t that be better?”

"I'm 26, darling!" Unable to win the argument, Dorothy sat up in annoyance and grabbed the young pastor's soft cheek, gently kneading it: "By the time he turns 18, I'll be 30, and then I'll really be an old woman no one wants. On the other hand, a handsome young man like DuPont will never lack female admirers. At that time, he won't even bother with me. I'm just striking first, okay!"

Despite having his face pinched, the young priest was now on the moral high ground, his eyes blazing with fighting spirit: "But this makes your purpose impure. Such selfish feelings will not be blessed!"

“If I were blessed, would I still be assigned here from Yarakh, my sweetheart!” Dorothy sighed. “If I were the same age as you, I wouldn’t care. Even if I dated him for several years and then broke up, I could still choose someone else without any problem.”

But I can't advance to a higher rank now, and the northwest is full of sandstorms. If I don't enjoy the last days of my youth and experience the sweetness of love, by the time I'm 30, the church will probably introduce me to some fat or bald old men. Sweetheart, can you bear to see me suffer like that?

A fat, bald old man?
Upon hearing this, Angie recalled some visiting believers and pastors from the Woking Church. Most of them were successful and generous, but their greed and arrogance made her dislike chatting with them.

Thinking of this, Angie couldn't help but shudder: "No way, how could the church do such a thing?"

"For most women, as they get older, they need to find someone to rely on. Otherwise, they might never get married and end up as old nuns in the church. Although they are kind people, many of them are lonely and miserable. No one comes to visit them during holidays. Do you want me to end up like that?"

The thought of that terrible old age made Angie a little scared, but she suddenly realized that Dorothy was just avoiding her question: "Of course I didn't mean that, but do you and DuPont really go on? I heard he has a girlfriend."

"To be honest, I didn't know. It was more or less the same before." Dorothy's voice lowered as she spoke. She stopped pinching Angie's face and sighed. "Dupont was just a fairly handsome young man. Although there aren't many of that type in the mage academy, there are a few, but he wasn't outstanding."

But suddenly his magical talent manifested; at 14, he became a second-circle mage. He knew Lavoisier and had a good relationship with his friends, which almost certainly meant he'd be taken in as an apprentice by his mentor. "When he's a couple more years older, and the girls in the academy are reaching puberty, he'll definitely have no shortage of female admirers. My biggest problem then will be how to maintain my youth. Our relationship is purely based on desire, which is unlikely to have a lasting outcome." Hearing this, Angie was both puzzled and heartbroken: "Priest, since you knew that, why did you still do it?"

Dorothy didn't answer the question, but instead asked, "Angie, what do I look like?"

"You're very beautiful." The young priest didn't hesitate and spoke the truth: "Even among the noble ladies of those great families, you, priest, are in no way inferior to them, and you even have more advantages."

"Yes, we are both pastors, but at the same age I was working hard and praying to get more attention from ladies, while those ladies were enjoying the flattery of other men and enjoying their youth."

"But I don't know why, they got promoted faster than me. Even though my perception is no less than any of theirs, and I work harder and am more devout, they are the ones who progress faster and get higher positions earlier. They are priests and I am a priest. They are priests and I am still a priest. They travel to other countries for diplomacy, while I am still a priest."

"I neither enjoyed the beauty of youth nor got the position I deserved. Even the goddess might think I'm not smart enough. I was just one step away from a higher level, but I wasted five years and still don't know how to advance. By the time I started to think about these issues, I was almost 30 years old."

"Of course, compared to many people, my current status and strength far exceed their understanding. They won't understand what I'm saying, and they might even think it's just pointless complaining. But Angie, you are a talented person. You are different from those ordinary people. You should understand my troubles."

Angie remained silent after hearing this.

Yes, if you've never seen or possessed something, you naturally won't think about it so much and can live a simple and happy life. But if something is within reach yet you can't have it, the feeling of loss will naturally torment you.

She simply couldn't imagine how Dorothy had managed to get through those five years.

Wanting to offer words of comfort, Dorothy lowered her gaze and took her hand: "Perhaps I made a mistake today, perhaps I will regret it later, but today I am truly happy. It's not because of my superior status as a priest, but because I still possess charm, and it has shown me what I would have gained if I had chosen rebellion."

"Of course, time can't be turned back. I'm not saying this to prove that what I did was right, but I hope you can understand me. If you don't ask me these questions, I don't know who to talk to. But talking about it makes me feel a little better."

Sensing the lingering shadow in Dorothy's heart, Angie fell silent. After a few seconds, she got up to say goodbye, her mind racing with another question.

Dorothy's words came from the heart; her troubles were real. If she weren't a member of the church, there seemed to be nothing wrong with what she did. Everyone has the right to pursue love.

But if she did nothing wrong, then wasn't the church wrong?

Although the Church of Magic maintains a neutral stance, its core beliefs are positive and encourage people to do good. So where does this problem originate?
(End of this chapter)