Hogwarts: I am Snape

Chapter 110 did this to help him
Sirius Black stood alone at the window of the Gryffindor Tower, his fingers unconsciously stroking the cold crystal bottle in his pocket.

The night wind blew in through the half-open window, ruffling his black hair, but he paid no heed. His entire attention was focused on the vial—the aphrodisiac that could change everything.

"Take it... It's up to you whether you use it or not... Remember, you're doing this to help him..."

Snape's voice, like a devil's whisper, still seemed to echo in his ears.

Sirius gently closed the window. He should have smashed the aphrodisiac on the guy's hooked nose right then and there, but—Snape's leverage was too deadly.

An illegal Animagus. This secret was enough to get all three of them expelled and even put them on trial by the Ministry of Magic.

"Daydreaming again?" Remus Lupin's gentle voice came from behind, interrupting his thoughts.

Sirius didn't turn around, but he saw Lupin standing there holding a stack of books in the blurry reflection of the window.

"Where's James?" Sirius asked. "Has he finished the work required for his confinement?"

Lupin sighed and placed the book on the nearest table with a dull thud.

“After finishing Filch’s task, he went to see Evans. Slughorn’s Slug Club is having an event tonight, you know.” He paused, his brow furrowing slightly. “Although I don’t think he received an invitation.”

"Doesn't he understand that girl hates him?" Sirius turned around, somewhat annoyed, and said, "Ever since that dueling club incident—"

"Shh!" Lupin nervously looked around. Although there were only a few lower-grade students playing Wizard's Chess in a corner of the lounge, their attention was completely focused on the pieces fighting each other on the board.

"Don't talk about that here," he warned in a low voice, the fine lines around his eyes making him look much older than he actually was.

Sirius scratched his head in frustration, feeling a fire burning in his chest.

Lately, my troubles seem endless, and those carefree days are gradually fading away.

His best friend and brotherly brother James Potter's pursuit of Lily Evans has encountered an unprecedented setback, all because of that damn snotty-nosed guy.

Memories came flooding back.

Last summer, after James hung that gloomy boy from Slytherin upside down in a tree and the idiot actually uttered the filthy word "Mudblood" to Lily, James gleefully declared that he no longer needed to worry about the friendship between Lily and the snotty boy.

“She might say I’m cool, stupid, or even disgusting to her,” James grinned, his black hair sticking up in a messy heap, his glasses perched on his nose, looking like he’d just stepped off a flying broomstick, “but at least I wouldn’t call her a Mudblood.”

“So, guys, I think I have a real chance of winning her heart! And—” he lowered his voice mysteriously, “I have a feeling that Evans is actually interested in me, she’s just very good at hiding it.”

Sirius completely agreed with this view at the time. After all, how many girls could resist the charm of a star Quidditch player like James, a man with a fortune overflowing with Galleons, a pure-blooded Potter heir, and a prominent figure in Gryffindor?
Even he himself was sometimes captivated by James's innate charm—that effortless confidence, that smile that could brighten even the gloomiest sky.

According to James's analysis, Evans becoming the girls' council president in seventh grade was almost a certainty, so he'd better try to become the boys' council president. This would inevitably give them many opportunities to interact, and these would be formal occasions that Evans couldn't refuse.

“What’s the point of girls?” Sirius said to James at the time. He didn’t understand why James was so obsessed with one girl, and just shrugged. “Being with them is nowhere near as fun as having fun with the rest of us…”

Sirius Black stared at the younger students playing Wizard Chess, watching as one side's Bishop piece smashed the opponent's castle to pieces. He thought bitterly, "How did things turn out like this?"
At the time, he thought that although Evans didn't have anything particularly attractive about her, she was indeed slightly better than the average girl.

Since his best friend likes her, perhaps he could try to accept her in the future. Then, maybe the group could eat together again, like a family, just like those summers spent at the Potter's house.

But the beautiful past, present, and future all seem to have come to an abrupt end.

After that incident, to everyone's surprise, Snape seemed to have become a different person.

He was no longer the gloomy, greasy, and unhygienic Slytherin freak he once was.

Instead, he cut his hair short, made many new friends, distanced himself from the extreme purists that Lily hated, became the president of the boys' student council, and—most surprisingly to Sirius—he actually started washing his hair regularly.

Sirius Black remembered that time after the dueling club, when Snape leaned in to talk to him, he smelled a strange, fresh scent. It wasn't the typical wizarding shampoo smell, nor was it the kind the Potters used. A thought flashed through his mind: Could it be that Snape uses Muggle products?
However, Sirius also admitted that no matter how much Snape changed, there was one thing that remained unchanged: his hatred for James.

He also remembered that one late night during last semester, James pulled out the Marauder's Map they had made together and the Potter family's heirloom invisibility cloak.

Sirius, half-asleep, saw James tiptoe out, a mischievous grin on his lips, the kind that comes with planning a prank.

Before dawn, he was awakened again by rustling sounds and found James sitting on the bed, covered in dust and grime, his face terribly gloomy, and there was even a crack in his glasses.

"What's wrong?" Sirius asked, still half asleep, as he got out of bed.

James simply shook his head and said nothing.

Sirius had never seen him like this before—James was always the optimistic guy who could always find something to laugh about.

Worry drove Sirius to approach and check if James was injured. He reached out to touch James' shoulder, but James dodged him mid-air.

Fortunately, apart from being a little dirty, James seemed to be fine.

Their commotion woke Lupin and Pettigrew, and the three of them gathered around James's bedside, asking him with concern.

"Mind your own business!" James suddenly roared, standing up abruptly.

But then, he collapsed onto the bed like a deflated balloon, covering his face with his hands.

“I’m sorry,” James said in a hoarse whisper, “I’ve lost the Marauder’s Map and the Invisibility Cloak.”

"What?" Little Pettigrew gasped, his little eyes widening in shock.

"How did you lose it?" Sirius asked, concerned. The Invisibility Cloak was a family heirloom of the Potters, and James had always cherished it.

"It's lost, it's lost!" James clutched his head in anguish. "Something happened, don't ask me anything."

The three exchanged a glance and wisely chose to remain silent.

“It’s alright,” Lupin comforted softly. “The Marauder’s Map is gone, so be it.” “Yeah,” Sirius chimed in, deliberately avoiding the topic of the Invisibility Cloak. “Anyway, we all remember those secret passages.”

He knew that James must be feeling much worse than they were right now, and he really didn't know how he was going to explain it to Mr. and Mrs. Potter.

The loss of the Marauder's Map was regrettable, but compared to the joy Jaime brought him, it was a negligible loss. As long as Jaime was alright, they could be happy again as before.

It doesn't matter if they can never replicate that magical parchment again—after all, its creation itself was a miracle.

When they attempted to sketch the structure and secret passages of Hogwarts on parchment, adding personal information and clues, the entire castle seemed to come to life unexpectedly.

An invisible force pressed down on them, making the air thick and sticky. When the oppressive feeling disappeared, countless moving dots miraculously appeared on the map, precisely marking the location and name of each person.

The four stared in disbelief at this unexpected magical achievement. After some discussion, they guessed that this change might have been caused by accidentally triggering some kind of magical interface within the ancient castle.

They suspect that this magic was jointly cast by the four founders at the very beginning of the school's establishment, and that they—purely by chance—triggered the key to activate it.

However, the loss of the Marauder's Map was only the beginning. Misfortune never happens alone; fate seemed to have other plans.

In the dueling club match that followed, though he was reluctant to admit it, James's proud dueling skills were no match for Snape. Every spell he cast was precisely countered, and every attack was easily neutralized.

Snape utterly defeated James, humiliating him in front of almost the entire school—including Lily Evans. Sirius saw his friend's eyes lose all their light in that instant.

To avenge James, he personally stepped onto the dueling stage. But Snape simply leaned close to his ear and whispered their secret in a voice only the two of them could hear.

At that moment, Sirius understood the location of the Marauder's Map and what James had experienced that night.

He didn't tell Moonface and Wormtail any of this, not wanting James to bear any more guilt—even though he knew his friends wouldn't blame James.

That duel was devastating for Jaime. He even missed subsequent Quidditch matches, which was unthinkable for Jaime, who had always been proud of Quidditch. Gryffindor had to find a replacement for him at the last minute, and ultimately lost to Ravenclaw.

Sirius watched his friend grow increasingly depressed with heartache, but couldn't think of a better way to help him. He could only futilely try to distract him with happy memories of the past.

Just when he was in despair, Snape found him and handed him the crystal bottle.

Fortunately, James gradually recovered, although he became much quieter.

They would still sneak out of the castle at night and still plot pranks. Although James's smile was no longer as bright as before, they still had plenty of fun together.

He thought it would be better without Evans.

"It's okay to give up on things that are impossible," Lupin repeated what he had told James before.

His voice pulled Sirius back to reality. He then realized that he had been staring blankly at the empty fireplace, while Lupin had already sat down in the armchair opposite him, a worried look on his face.

"James still won't listen to reason?" Sirius asked bitterly.

“You know him.” Lupin shook his head, his fingers lightly tapping the armrest. “Once he’s made up his mind about something…”

Sirius Black clenched his fists, his nails digging deep into his palms. He remembered the small bottle in his pocket, and Snape's whispers.

"Whether you use it or not is up to you... Remember, you're doing this to help him..."

Is it to help him...? Will it really help him?

Sirius closed his eyes. James's smile, James's heroic figure on the Quidditch pitch, James's unwavering opening of the door after he ran away from home—"You're a Potter now, brother..."

"I'm going to sleep," he said suddenly, standing up.

Lupin looked at him hesitantly, but in the end he just nodded.

Back in his dorm, Sirius pulled a tin box from the bottom of his wardrobe.

Several photos lay quietly in the box—one of which showed him and James at age twelve in the Potter family garden, standing side by side holding their newly bought flying brooms, laughing without restraint.

The other photo is a group photo of him with the Blacks, including his Uncle Alphad, his cousin Andromeda, and Regulus.

The time he spent with James was the warmest moment of his life. Number 12 Grimmauld Place had never given him such a smile.

He remembered the screams in the letter his mother sent when she learned he had been sorted into Gryffindor, and the cold silence of the whole family when his cousin Andromeda and Uncle Alphad were expelled; but in the Potter family, there was always a place for him at the table, and Mrs. Potter would always bake an extra portion of his favorite lemon pie.

“For James,” he murmured, tracing James’ smiling face in the photograph with his fingers. What did these worries matter if it could bring James back to that smile? After all, Snape was right; this would be helping him…

After an unknown amount of time, Sirius was awakened by the creaking sound of the wooden door opening.

By the moonlight, he saw James drag his tired body in, curl up on the bed, and not even take off his shoes.

Outside the window, the shadows of the trees writhed and swayed in the moonlight. He thought back to that full moon night in fifth grade.

The three of them carried out their crazy Animagus transformation plan to keep Remus company. Jaime was the first to successfully transform into antlers, and he bounced around the dormitory with those comical antlers on his head, making Pettigrew laugh so hard he rolled off his bed.

"Sirius, look! I did it before you!" James's eyes sparkled in my memory.

Now all those stars have gone out.

When James's breathing finally became even, Sirius took the crystal bottle out from under his pillow again and silently gazed at it.

“It’s to help him…” he told himself. The clear medicine swayed slightly in the bottle.

　Thank you to Zhen Tianming and Xiang Qiucai for the monthly tickets.

　　
　
(End of this chapter)