Winter Returns

Chapter 190 "Goodbye" (Bonus Chapter, Please Vote!)

"You've already changed the past once with that fox."

Ruoping stared at the chocolate, completely stunned:
"How could you...how could you..."

“I just bought it on the way to the supermarket. You should know better than me that Gu Qiumian’s interpersonal relationships changed because of this.” Zhang Shutong interrupted her. “The day she brought you the chocolate, you ignored it. I know it’s not your fault, but it indirectly led to her being isolated in class. I remember it very clearly.”

"So you do remember." Ruoping smiled bitterly. "Do you remember that you asked me about what happened that day? I started to suspect that you remembered the events of the original timeline, but you never mentioned it again."

"But you didn't tell anyone at the time."

"Yes." Ruoping readily admitted, opening her beer and sitting on the floor with her knees drawn up to her chest. "When did you come up with that idea?"

"Du Kang said that you saw a fox statue on your way to dinner. It was on the road we just walked on. It was dark and it was winter. Besides, you and your aunt drove there. How could you have noticed a statue the size of a beverage bottle from inside the car?"

Zhang Shutong murmured:

"In the original timeline, because of my text message, you learned about the underground rock carvings and altar, so you rushed out to find them, and ended up being targeted by that man. It sounds reasonable, but you can't really find out why he took it so seriously unless you already knew how important that fox was."

“Then, going a step further, perhaps you not only understand its importance, but you may have even made a wish upon it. However, you wouldn’t dare bring a statue of unknown origin home. You would only leave it in its place until you realize there is an altar where you can put it, and then you would think of looking for it, right?”

Ruoping didn't say anything. She raised her slender neck and gulped down her beer.

Zhang Shutong continued:

"So, this is the root cause of your guilt. Du Kang misjudged one thing: the fox wasn't meant to be used only once, but twice. However, you used the first opportunity to change Gu Qiu Mian's interpersonal relationships. I know it was well-intentioned, but putting it in the context of her physical disability seems too hasty. That's why you regret using it once. If you had saved it, anyone could have been saved."

Zhang Shutong turned his head and looked at Ruoping intently:

"But what I want to say is that no one can predict what will happen in the future. Don't blame yourself for the cruel twists of fate. You haven't done anything wrong."

After he finished speaking, he quietly looked at Ruoping, hoping that she would feel better. But Ruoping continued to drink beer, without even taking a moment to catch her breath, just like a female alcoholic.

Zhang Shutong was genuinely afraid she would choke, and as if his jinx had come true, the next moment, Ruoping paused, the beer can fell to the ground, and she began to cough violently:

"Cough, cough, cough..."

Seeing this, Zhang Shutong reached out to pat her back, but Ruoping shoved him away.

"Is this what you mean by understanding?"

She wiped her mouth and sneered:

"Zhang Shutong, you think too highly of me."

"What do you mean?"

Zhang Shutong frowned.

"I don't feel guilty because I used up the opportunity once, and I didn't mean to change Gu Qiu Mian's interpersonal relationships. It was just an accident."

"Accident?"

“Yes, it was an accident. Do you remember that time you were buried in an avalanche and almost died? It was the night you were rescued that I found that fox statue on the road the next day when I was on my way home.”

Ruoping said coldly:
"I didn't mean any harm at the time. If I had known that the fox statue could change history, why didn't I go to save you? It was just that I spent the night with Gu Qiu Mian and happened to think of her. But it was just a coincidence that the fox changed it as a regret."

"That's why I said you don't understand me at all. You guessed the result right, but the process was completely wrong. All that's left is to move yourself. Zhang Shutong, Zhang Shutong, you've liked this since you were little. How come you're still so naive now? Really, so naive."

She suddenly burst into laughter, her body trembling with mirth. She was wearing light makeup and lipstick today, but now the lipstick was smudged a bit.
"Now you understand, right? I'm not the kind of good person you think I am, unable to accept an opportunity that was unintentionally wasted. I've been doing very well all these years, I can walk freely, and I can wear skirts. It's just that I feel a little guilty. Ha, just think of it as my mind becoming twisted during the time my leg was broken."

“You’re drunk,” Zhang Shutong said calmly.

"Where is the drunkenness?"

Ruoping chuckled and kicked the can away:
"You were the one who was drunk. You thought I was hiding something, but now I'm showing you my true self. See? You find me a stranger now. Isn't that unbelievable? Aren't you disappointed? You're right to be disappointed. I've always been this kind of person."

"If I were really the kind of person you described, why would I keep it from you and Qingyi? Why wouldn't I take the initiative to reconcile with Du Kang? Why would I keep it from Qinglian, who is the biggest victim? Why didn't I tell you immediately when I found that fox? I don't know why you have such a strong filter for the Feng Ruoping in your eyes, but that person is long dead."

“Your mindset is definitely a bit off right now.” Zhang Shutong looked at her for two seconds.

"People always grow up, and growing up is a cruel thing, isn't that what you said yourself?"

"I don't remember saying that."

"Whatever." She rested her chin on her hand and chuckled. "Let me tell you something you didn't expect. That fox didn't only use it twice. If it did, I should have used it right away when my leg broke. It only used it once, and it recovered after a while. But who knows how long that will take? It took four or five months back then. When will it be able to do it again? Maybe four or five years, or maybe I'll never see it again."

"So you went to Du Kang's doghouse today just to check if he's recovered?"

“Yes,” she said crisply, “give me your wine.”

Before Zhang Shutong could respond, she snatched the can and gulped it down. However, very little of the liquid actually reached her mouth, and gradually the front of her red dress became wet, outlining a beautiful curve.

Zhang Shutong thought quietly, Ruoping was right, everyone has grown up.

“Look, Du Kang doesn’t even know about this,” she blinked. “Maybe I’m the one who wants to keep that fox all to myself. You all think it’s just a stone, but only I know it’s still useful.”

"How did you get injured?" Zhang Shutong simply asked. "Du Kang didn't explain it clearly. Tell me the specific time and place."

"The time was before Christmas, and the place was in this old house, which collapsed."

"You just happened to run into that man?"

“He was watching me the whole time, but only realized it afterward.” Ruoping shook her head. “In your words at the time, since there were five foxes, he probably wanted to see if we had any other foxes in our possession.”

Did he show up again?

"No."

Zhang Shutong nodded and said nothing more.

"I've told you everything I know. As for the rest, I don't know either. Believe it or not, it's up to you." Ruoping stood up unsteadily. "I'm going back."

"I'm not going home tonight, I have some things to take care of." Zhang Shutong glanced at the time. "Are you feeling any better?"

Ruoping was taken aback by what she heard, seemingly too lazy to say anything more:
"childish."

"So there's something else you're keeping hidden?"

"Aren't you annoying?" she suddenly growled. "I told you I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine. Zhang Shutong, when did you become so fussy?"

When did you become such a liar?

Zhang Shutong looked directly into her eyes.

“You!” “Your thigh, your left leg,” Zhang Shutong said softly, “is covered in scars.”

"When did you..." Ruoping panicked for a moment.

“At the fast food restaurant. Actually, it wasn’t just here. Back when you bumped into someone in the tunnel, you wouldn’t even eat because something had fallen into your neck. You insisted on going home to take a shower. Oh, and that white down jacket,” Zhang Shutong pointed to his head. “You might have forgotten, but I remember it very clearly. You always wanted to switch clothes with me when we were working.”

"And then there's today. You were covered in sweat, and you should have taken a shower as soon as you got back from the mountain. You're usually a clean freak. Also, why were you wearing a red dress? Of course, these things might be a bit far-fetched, but I saw the injury on your leg."

Ruoping held down her skirt and subconsciously changed the subject:

"What does it matter to you whether I have it or not? Are you sick in the head? Why are you looking at my thigh?"

"If only you were really doing so well as you say," Zhang Shutong sighed. "Unfortunately, you aren't."

"If you're not leaving, I'm leaving. Do whatever you want tonight. Come back or not, it's up to you." She turned and walked away.

Of course there's something to do, and it's urgent.

Zhang Shutong glanced at the old house again and thought silently.

But he now understands that this timeline is not without things he cherishes; on the contrary, there are many things he needs to remember:

“I think I understand what’s bothering you. Regardless of whether what you said before was true or not, what hurts you the most and what you regret the most is that when you found that fox, you didn’t tell anyone. Later, when I asked you about Gu Qiu Mian, you still didn’t tell me, right?”

Zhang Shutong spoke each word carefully:
"You think these were two wasted opportunities, rather than changing Gu Qiu Mian's interpersonal relationships. You've never regretted doing this. You just feel that if we had told them about the fox's existence earlier, none of the subsequent accidents would have happened."

Ruoping stopped in her tracks, standing silently with her back to the camera. Zhang Shutong waited quietly for what was to come, but no one spoke. Only Ruoping's shoulders began to tremble.
"Yes, I kept it from you. I didn't tell you about the fox statue, or that I was the one who did Gu Qiu Mian's thing. So what? You're just making things up. Who told you I regretted it because of this..."

"You were scared back then, weren't you?"

This time, Ruoping didn't say anything; she just turned her head around blankly.

Zhang Shutong said in a low voice:

"In hindsight, that fox was a treasure. It could change what had already happened, just like a legendary medicine for regret. I don't know how many people would go crazy for it. But it wasn't like that for you at the time. For Feng Ruoping at the time, she had no idea why a mysterious fox would have such an ability. Do you remember the first time we went to the tunnel?"

Zhang Shutong recalled:

"You're the most timid person, and you're most afraid of ghosts and spirits, yet you insist on being brave. So, at sixteen, you didn't treat the fox as some kind of treasure, but rather as a very eerie statue. Besides, its function was only to grant wishes, not to let you personally return to the past. You only have memories afterward, but you weren't close to Gu Qiu Mian, so even if you remembered, you didn't retain much. When you discovered the changes in her interpersonal relationships, your first reaction was definitely not joy, but fear. You were afraid of the unknown changes, afraid of messing things up, so you didn't tell anyone."

“I’ve been nagging all this time just to say that you did nothing wrong,” Zhang Shutong repeated. “Stop blaming yourself.”

"You don't understand anything!" Ruoping shouted, her voice trembling with tears. "It's so easy to say! But if I hadn't kept the matter from the fox, we wouldn't have gone to find the statue that night! If we hadn't gone to find the fox, we wouldn't have been targeted by that man! If we hadn't been targeted by him, we wouldn't have been crippled! After that, you and Qinglian wouldn't have kept looking for him, you wouldn't have gotten that strange illness, and Qinglian's ear wouldn't have been injured!"
"Who do you think caused all these accidents? It's not fate playing tricks on me, as you say. I brought it all on myself! Zhang Shutong, do you even understand? If I hadn't kept it from you, none of these accidents would have happened!" She completely broke down. "How can I forgive myself! Tell me! How can I let go? Didn't I tell you I didn't need your comfort? You might as well have scolded me to make me feel better!"

She suddenly plopped down on the ground and burst into tears, as if the emotions that had been suppressed in her heart for so many years had suddenly found a place to be released. Zhang Shutong did not go forward, but only listened to Ruoping crying and saying:
"I did say I wanted to give the opportunity to Qinglian, but do you really think I'm such a kind and selfless person? I had my leg amputated, yet I wanted to give this opportunity to someone else. I think I deserve it!"

She was sobbing uncontrollably.
"But I was really scared at the time. I really didn't mean to hide it from you or try to keep that fox all to myself. You know, I was actually pretty much the same as you. I was stunned when I saw Gu Qiu Mian surrounded by a group of friends. Then I remembered that something from a long, long time ago had gone wrong. But even such a small thing changed her entire circle of friends. I... I don't know if it's good or bad. I should have told you back then, but I don't know what was wrong with me. I was just scared, scared that you would turn against me if you found out. You were always hanging around Gu Qiu Mian during that time, and you almost died because of her..."

"I made excuses again, didn't I? But I really was going to confess to you that noon, but you weren't at school. I kept looking for an opportunity but couldn't find one. Then there was that basement, then Teacher Song left, then going to the movies on the island over the weekend, and then that day we went to clean the tunnel. It hadn't been long, but it was already too late..."

"In the end, I was the one who got rescued, and it was Du Kang who rescued me without consulting anyone. He thinks he stole the fox, but I think I stole this opportunity. I can't bear this result, and I can't face it... Do you understand now? I'm not the kind of good person you described. I also want to stand up, I also want to wear a skirt, I also want to play with you all like before, but everything is my own fault..."

She quickly ran out of strength to cry, her sobs grew softer and softer, and finally turned into whimpers.

The woman in the red dress was sobbing uncontrollably. Her voice was hoarse and her eyes were swollen. At noon, she had been wearing light makeup and looked radiant. Years later, she had become mature and quiet, learning to bear things alone, no longer impulsive or talkative. But in the blink of an eye, this shell was shattered. She shed all her pretense and was as helpless as a child.

In fact, she has never known what to do all these years.

These things had been buried in her heart for far too long. She was eventually rescued, but life still wasn't easy. One rescuer was constantly burdened by guilt, while the other rescued was constantly tormented. This secret had been buried in their hearts for so many years, but it wasn't their fault.

Only kind people would be sad for so long.

Ruoping's mother was right; she has always been a kind girl.

Zhang Shutong walked over and ruffled her hair:
"do not Cry."

"You don't blame me..."

Nobody blames you.

Zhang Shutong said gently.

She finally managed to stop crying, biting her lip hard, and said listlessly:

"But what about that fox? I've waited five years, and it hasn't recovered in five years. What will happen to Qinglian's ears...?"

Zhang Shutong moved his lips, but then he saw a flashlight in the distance:
"Ping'er, Shutong, where are you?"

Zhang Shutong saw Ruoping's surprised expression:

"Actually, I just contacted your parents and asked them to come pick you up. You're so drunk, I can't take you home."

"how about you?"

"I want to go back to that tunnel again, but I'll be back soon, don't worry."

He saw the beam of the flashlight getting closer and closer, turned around and waved, but as he took a step forward, Zhang Shutong hesitated for a moment:
"Get a good night's sleep later, I mean..."

He forced a smile:
"Perhaps you've finally found the fox you've been waiting for."

Ruoping didn't understand what he meant, but Mr. and Mrs. Feng had already quickly gathered around her:
"What's wrong? What's wrong? I heard from Shutong that you drank too much, why are you crying like this..."

For the time being, no one cared about his whereabouts. These voices gradually faded behind him as Zhang Shutong walked into the old house.

He hid behind the door and glanced outside. Ruoping finally gave up and let her parents pull her into the car.

Zhang Shutong watched her retreating figure and said softly:

"Goodbye."

He subconsciously looked up again, but the room had no windows. Even if it did, being in the city with its towering buildings, he couldn't see the dark mountain peak, let alone the people outside the island.

He forcefully pulled open the tunnel door, turned on his phone's flashlight, and plunged once again into the deep, dark underground.

Zhang Shutong quickly crossed the platform and stood firmly inside the cave.

A photograph, an MP3 player, two foxes, and a few people suffering because of it.

He closed his eyes and reached out to touch the grinning fox:
"Goodbye."

(End of this chapter)