Eyes that are the same as those of evil

Chapter 209 Bian Qingyu

If your mental illness could help many people, but the price is that your mental problems will never be cured or may even get worse, would you be willing to do that?

At midnight, Tan Jia leaned back on the sofa, gazing out the window at the brightly lit city at night, still pondering this question.

Lin Zhiyue stayed by her side. The living room lights were off, so she couldn't draw. Instead, she imitated Tan Jia, kneading a lump of dough in her hand.

After placing the three mushrooms on the table, Tan Jia finally came to her senses.

What kind of mushroom is this?

Shouldn't mushrooms in handicrafts always have the fixed image of red caps with white round spots?

“Pumpkin lantern,” Lin Zhiyue explained earnestly, “is an olive-type navel mushroom that looks yellow and glows at night. It’s poisonous.”

"You know quite a lot." She casually poked at the three mushrooms.

“You’re in a bad mood,” Lin Zhiyue suddenly said.

"Hmm, there's a small problem."

"If it's so small, why is it causing so much distress?"

"Because there is a choice."

Hmm? Lin Zhiyue found it a bit difficult to understand; his logical thinking always required more "intermediary" neural pathways to process it.

"Whatever you choose, I agree with it."

Tan Jia chuckled softly: "You approve of murder and arson?"

"You won't kill or commit arson."

"What if?"

"There won't be any 'what ifs'. When you say you have a choice, it means you're hesitating between two options. If something makes you hesitate, it's not murder or arson."

She chuckled again, reached out and hooked her arm around his neck, and the two kissed in the dim night.

...

The psychologist this time was recommended by Lin Zhiyue, to ensure that he is not a pervert like Kuang Fan who causes great harm.

In the morning, Tan Jia sculpts dough figurines, spends some time at the boxing gym in the afternoon, then chats with the doctor for two hours, goes home, takes some medicine, and sleeps until dawn.

A week later, whether it was due to the good healing effect or because the recent hot weather made criminals too lazy to go out, she stopped having nightmares.

Zheng Yan didn't contact her either. The criminal investigation team was busy dealing with the unresolved issues from the previous two major cases, and even Wu Yang was called back to help.

Only she and Lin Zhiyue were so bored that they spent their days at home developing their relationship.

One day in the second week, after returning from the boxing gym, she and Lin Zhiyue went to McDonald's for ice cream and encountered an unexpected person.

The sweltering heat of summer needs ice cream to cool you down. She had just finished her period and was really craving it. Sitting among a group of office workers and children, she enjoyed the cool treat bite by bite.

As usual, Lin Zhiyue didn't like to talk and didn't want to observe the other noisy children. He just stared at her eating ice cream. After staring for a while, he tentatively moved closer and touched her cheek.

Tan Jia didn't move, but glanced at him sideways: "What are you doing, trying to eat my ice cream?"

"May I?"

"Don't you have one?"

“But they all do this.” He looked at a couple at the small round table opposite him. There were two straws in their milk tea cups, and the girl was eating the ice cream that the boy was holding, seemingly tasting it.

That cloying, almost obsessive feeling of wanting to stick to each other across the small round table could be seen from miles around.

They were at the height of their romance. Lin Zhiyue always felt he wasn't normal, so he liked to observe and learn from others' behavior when it came to dating. Tan Jia, with a mouthful of ice cream, kissed him.

Now he was satisfied without having to share an ice cream, and sat up straight with a relaxed expression.

Bian Qingyu walked over at this time.

When she stood in front of her, Tan Jia didn't recognize her at first.

"It really is you. Do you remember me?"

After about ten seconds, Tan Jia hesitated before asking, "Bian Qingyu?"

"Yes, it's me." The other person smiled, their face, now a little fuller, relaxed and carefree, almost devoid of the depression and pain they had felt before, like a candle burning out at an alarming rate.

She was the only survivor of that series of suicides.

"Is this your boyfriend?" Bian Qingyu glanced at Lin Zhiyue. "It's good. A normal relationship can make life more interesting."

Tan Jia smiled gently, looked at the box in her hand, and asked, "What's this?"

"Bury the 49th day after death," Bian Qingyu said, shaking the box. "In Xue Jing's hometown, there's a saying that after death, one completely disappears from the world forty-nine days, preparing to be reincarnated. If you want to chat, this is the last chance she can still hear you."

"You even brought her McNuggets?"

"No, these are things that Sister Qu Li likes. There are also snacks that Chen Yingying likes, and autographs of celebrities that Wei Ting likes."

Despite it being a very sad thing, Tan Jia smiled just like Bian Qingyu when he looked at those things.

Then he asked, "Can I come with you?"

"of course can."

So she and Lin Zhiyue went to the cemetery instead.

Despite the heat, the cemetery was quite cool.

The ashes of Xue Jing and the other three were buried together, with only one tombstone erected. There were many things in front of the tombstone: daisies, envelopes, snacks, and a new product from a beverage shop.

“Actually, there are fewer things recently,” Bian Qingyu squatted down and arranged the envelopes together with the yellow paper that was about to be burned. “I hope that those girls have been saved and given a new life.”

"Will do."

Tan Jia also squatted down to help, and asked Lin Zhiyue to pull some of the grass behind the tombstone.

There wasn't much she could do; after helping for a while, she could only listen to Bian Qingyu rambling on about her recent life while burning paper money.

Where they traveled, which cities they visited, which university libraries they toured, and how many girls on the mutual aid radio station have gone from moderate depression to mild depression, with far fewer cases of girls suffering to the point of wanting to commit suicide.

Tan Jia listened quietly, and after they finished their "exchange," she suddenly asked, "Are you still an administrator at the mutual aid radio station?"

"Yes."

"Don't you feel pain? Isn't it said that one of the ways to treat psychological trauma is to stay away from the environment that caused the trauma? Aren't you afraid of ending up like Xue Jing?"

Bian Qingyu looked at her calmly: "I've said the same thing to Xue Jing before. She was the one with the best chance of getting out of the pain, and she even succeeded. But under our negative emotions, it got worse. She told me at the time that she did this just to share her experience of successfully getting out of it, and she never thought it would turn out like that."

"Later, when I started doing this, I realized that it wasn't something that could be completely avoided by making a general decision at the beginning of the month or year. I wanted to escape everyone's negative emotions, and I didn't even want to think that there was a group of suffering girls in the world living in the shadows. But I couldn't be indifferent to a girl who told me she wanted to die. Maybe I'm too saintly. Every time I think, I should at least offer some advice. What if it saves a life?"

"But I'm not willing to take full responsibility for their pain and future. After much agonizing, at the end of the month, I actually saved three lives, one of whom was only twelve years old. Xue Jing would be very happy to know."

Tan Jia nodded: "Indeed, she is a good person."

After speaking, she looked at the scene of the paper ash drifting lightly, and then wondered, what about herself? Was she also a good person? Or was she someone who was "coerced" into becoming good by a special dream?
　Ugh, to be honest, I'm not satisfied with this story. I originally wanted to write it with a slightly terrifying sense of schizophrenia, to make Jia think about her nightmare abilities, but I felt that would be too cruel to her, so the writing felt a bit awkward. Then I thought I'd focus on the schemes of the big shots behind the scenes, but I almost forgot that this is easy to get banned... I only revised one chapter today and released it from the blacklist... so this is what it turned out to be.

　　Sigh, I need some ice cream from Jia to comfort me (′へ`、)
　　(End of this chapter)