Rebirth of Chinese Entertainment, the Diary of a 95 Flower

Zhang Ruonan opened her eyes groggily and found herself back in her hometown, Wushi Village in Yueqing, Wenzhou.

There was a ringing in my ears.

It was the middle of the night, but the sky outside the window was a bright blue.

I saw patches of mold on the wall, slowly wriggling, forming blurry, unrecognizable characters, before quickly disappearing.

The scraps of paper on the desk floated against gravity, pieced together bit by bit, and suddenly scattered just as they were about to take shape.

The handwriting appeared and disappeared intermittently.

The ink seemed to have been blurred by water, making Jiang Yang's name on it always illegible.

Her younger brother, who was clearly in elementary school, suddenly grew taller than her and asked her for money to start a company, but his shadow still resembled that of an elementary school student.

These things seem to defy common sense, yet they don't seem out of place.

Zhang Ruonan recalled that after returning home, she asked her mother for her household registration booklet and went to the registration office to change her name.

After an argument that evening when they got home, Mom finally agreed.

Because Zhang Ruonan took out 20,000 yuan.

I was woken up by my mother's voice in the morning.

I saw my mother sitting on the edge of the bed, looking exhausted. Her lips were moving, but her voice came through a delayed beat, like a broken old radio, mixed with static.

“Ruonan, your parents have been discussing your name change all night. The whole family group chat is talking about it. Your parents have realized that we were wrong.”

wrong?

Mom and Dad admitted they were wrong again.

The day I posted on Weibo to change my name, my mother posted on WeChat Moments that she thought she was wrong.

When she returned, she still firmly disagreed with her changing her name.

"Mom, what exactly do you think you did wrong?" Zhang Ruonan wanted to ask, but found that she couldn't open her mouth.

No sound can be made.

His brows were furrowed, and his fingers were unable to move.

What should have been the village's rice paddies outside the window has now become countless identical windows, behind which sits a mother, speaking the same words with the same expression.

Zhang Ruonan's gaze drifted upwards, gradually shifting to a bird's-eye view as she stood beside her mother, looking down at herself lying on the bed.

The mother's voice continued, tinged with sighs and complaints:
“Look at Old Li’s daughter in the village, the one who runs the small shop. She got married at eighteen and now has two children. She’s living a very stable life.”

Turning around, I saw scraps of paper floating on the desk next to me.

When pieced together, they became three contracts.

One is a role contract for the music video "Starry Sea", and the other is a role contract for the TV series "Fighter of the Destiny".

What is the vast universe? What is the story of "Fighter of the Destiny"?
Not impressed at all.

The last contract was the one signed with Jiangyang Company.

I am no longer an employee of Jiangyang Company.

But Jiangyang...

Zhang Ruonan wanted to call out Jiang Yang's name, but her throat was blocked, and her tongue was pressed against her teeth, so she could only make a silent breath.

When my finger touched the pieced-together contract, the paper suddenly turned into a blade, cutting my fingertip painfully, but when I looked down, there was no wound.

Who is Jiang Yang?

I just can't remember that name.

All I clearly remember is that I changed my name; instead of Ruonan, I called myself Ruonan.

"Ruonan."

Then I heard my mother calling me.

It's still my old name.

Look down.

I noticed myself changing as I lay in bed; my size was gradually decreasing.

Mom is changing too; the nasolabial folds and crow's feet on her face are gradually decreasing, and the furniture in the room is getting newer.

Time is going backwards.

The sunlight outside the window remained constant.

Looking at myself on the bed, I realized that my face had changed from an oval shape to a round shape, and I looked like I did when I was in elementary school.

Arms tucked into sleeves, thighs curled up in trouser legs.

Her mother's voice remained unchanged: "You insisted on running away from home, and now look what's happened, you've even changed your name, you think you're all grown up now?"

"If I had known it would turn out like this, I should have let you get married earlier, so you wouldn't have become so wild and impossible to rein in."

"What's the use of a girl reading so many books? What's the use of earning so much money? In the end, she'll still be someone else's wife."

“Your dad is right, letting you go out was a mistake…”

"Your brother will need to get married and build a house in the future. Shouldn't you, as his older sister, help him out more?"

"Being a model, showing your face in public, what kind of image is that? Acting, those are things for disreputable people! Do you really want to learn those shady things?"

"The money you earned from part-time jobs in college should all go to your family. We raised you all these years, what's wrong with you giving back a little? We're just doing this for your own good."

Zhang Ruonan felt the buzzing in her ears getting more and more intense.

I want to lie down on my own body on the bed.

But he found himself unable to move.

My mother's words echoed in my mind.

I had heard all of these things my mother said before.

The wounds inflicted by parents are the most painful, because they are etched with the words "family love."

Those kinds of love are like shackles, binding one's wings while claiming it's for one's own good.

Zhang Ruonan saw herself lying on the bed as a child, looking at her.

His lips trembled, silently calling out:

"help me."

"Help me get out of here."

"Save me and take me to Jiang Yang's side."

Who is Jiang Yang?

Zhang Ruonan could not respond with a sound. When she breathed, the air felt thick as if she were drowning, and an invisible weight pressed on her chest.

Time seems to be flowing by even faster.

Seeing the little girl lying in bed grow up, go to Shijiazhuang to study with her parents, and be admitted to a key high school with excellent grades after graduating from junior high school, participate in a model competition, win first place and earn prize money, her parents began to make her earn more money and told her that it was useless for girls to study.

They stopped putting their energy into their studies.

His grades plummeted.

Finally, she was admitted to a part-time school and continued to work part-time as a model.

She saw herself enter university, participate in a campus goddess competition on Weibo, sign with a company, and debut as an actress.

wrong.

I feel like I've forgotten someone.

A very important person.

His name is Jiang Yang... Who is Jiang Yang?

As his fame grew, his family's demands increased.

I keep spending money to buy my parents' love.

I have yet to receive an apology from my parents.

What I got in return was, "Your brother has had a tough time."

My younger brother is eighteen years old, and my parents have to ask me to spend money to start a company and buy a house for him.

I've always lived in a rented room...

The scene suddenly changed.

He returned to his room in Wushi Village.

Lying on the bed is a picture of myself as a child.

Mom was still sitting by the bed, talking wearily to her younger self.

“What kind of daughter is like you, spending all the money she earns on herself?”

“Your father is in poor health, and your brother is not married yet, yet you only care about yourself.”

"If you're really filial, you should get married sooner so we can have peace of mind."

The mother's voice grew softer and softer.

If it cannot be heard.

I remembered!

Jiang Yang is... his boss!

Zhang Ruonan suddenly realized that she was dreaming, and then felt that everything in the dream was extremely abnormal.

Seeing the little girl lying on the bed, gazing at her, the light in her eyes gradually dimmed: "Ruonan, save me from here... I am Ruonan."

The pattern on the bed sheet twisted into the shape of chains, binding the shrunken version of myself on the bed, and the more I struggled, the tighter they bound me.

The words fell.

Zhang Ruonan suddenly opened her eyes, her chest heaving violently.

She was covered with a blanket from the East Hotel.

I found that I could lift my hand again. I touched my face and felt a thin layer of sweat on my forehead.

I'm awake.

Only the morning light streamed into the room through the gaps in the curtains.

I can hear my own heartbeat gradually calming down.

From the balcony, you can see the Huaxia Zun building, which is still under construction, and the spire of the China World Trade Center Phase III.

A glass of warm water sat on the bedside table, and the trash can contained a used condom from last night. The central air conditioning vents emitted a very faint hum.

It was rush hour, and the faint hum of the streets outside could be heard.

There was no self-built house in my hometown, no torn-up contract in my dream, and no mother's words: "I wish you were a boy."

It was just a dream.

She slowly exhaled, her fingers gripping the corner of the blanket tightly, her knuckles turning slightly white.

But those words seemed to echo in my ears.

I gently turned over and remembered what happened last night. I felt a bit sore, especially on the inside of my thighs.

“Jiang Yang…”

Zhang Ruonan mumbled softly, wanting to see if Jiang Yang was awake and to tell him about the dream she had just had.

I don't know if it counts as a nightmare.

How strange, in my dream I actually forgot Jiang Yang, and I forgot everything that happened with Yang Chaoyue, Zhao Jinmai, Tian Xiwei, and Liu Haochun.

It's just like.

Another life for oneself.

Turning my head, I noticed a slight dent in the pillow next to me.

After calling out a few times, Jiang Yang was not in the house; he must have gone out.

Zhang Ruonan reached for her phone and saw a message Jiang Yang had sent half an hour earlier: [“Ruonan, have you booked the tickets? I’m going to buy breakfast. I’ve poured a glass of warm water for the bedside table.”]
Seeing Jiang Yang's message, I immediately felt at ease.

After replying to Jiang Yang's message.

I wanted to see if my family had contacted me, so I told my mother yesterday that I needed to go home to get my household registration book to change my name.

There was no message.

There was no message, and no phone call.

She remembered Jiang Yang's words from last night: "I will never send you away."

I was in a daze for a while.

She sat up, pulled the blanket over her naked body, drank the warm water from the bedside table, and got up to walk to the bathroom.

Warm water dripped from the showerhead, washing my body, and I thought about what happened last night.

After finishing, Jiang Yang cleaned himself up little by little.

Then I lay in bed, hugged myself, and patiently listened to myself talk about things at home.

I've said a lot.

Tell them how their parents are biased towards their younger brother.

She complained about how her parents favored boys over girls.

She said she was lucky to have met Jiang Yang back then, otherwise she didn't know how she would have gotten through that period.

I fell asleep unconsciously.

Perhaps it was because I kept venting about these things that I had that kind of dream.

I changed my clothes and washed up before coming out.

I heard the sound of the room key opening the door.

Jiang Yang came in carrying breakfast: "You're up?"

He smiled at Zhang Ruonan, picked up the breakfast he had bought, and put it on the desk.

There are steamed buns, noodles, tea eggs, milk, and soy milk.

"After breakfast, I'll take you to the high-speed rail station first. Wait for me in Hangzhou. Your friend, Bai Lu, right? I remember, I'll be interviewing her there..."

The Jiangyang dialect had just been spoken at this point.

Suddenly, he felt Zhang Ruonan hug him from behind: "Jiang Yang, I had a really strange dream."

"What?"

Jiang Yang turned around and put his arm around Zhang Ruonan's waist: "How strange."

"It seems I dreamt of another future of mine," Zhang Ruonan said with a smile.

What kind of future?

"I don't remember anything, but I dreamt that I became a big star with lots of fans, and I was really amazing."

Smile and smile.

Her lips trembled slightly, and she said in a trembling voice, "But you are not in the world of my dreams."

Done.

Zhang Ruonan tiptoed and gently pressed her lips to Jiang Yang's.

Her eyelashes trembled slightly.

When the kiss ended, her forehead rested on Jiang Yang's shoulder, her voice soft and breathy:

"Jiang Yang, I dreamt that I was standing on the podium, with cheers from the audience, but when I looked back and looked, I couldn't find you anywhere."

Zhang Ruonan's fingers gripped Jiang Yang's clothes tightly: "That feeling was even worse than my parents not letting me change my name. The worst part was that I lost you in my dreams and resigned myself to my fate."

She looked up, her eyes reddening.

Stubbornly refusing to let her tears fall, she said, "I don't want a future as a big star, I just want..."

He suddenly choked up halfway through his sentence.

She took a deep breath.

She buried her face in Jiang Yang's neck, her voice muffled: "Every morning when I wake up, there's warm water you've poured for me on the bedside table."

"So you're not going to be a big star anymore?" Jiang Yang asked with a smile.

"Yes, yes, I want to be one," Zhang Ruonan said with a smile, "I want to help you make money."

I used to want to become an actor because I wanted a better future and a higher income.

Because models' careers are short-lived.

My own educational background is not high.

With a higher income, I can better support my family.

Realizing that her family was only sucking her dry, she changed her mind and no longer wanted to help them; she only wanted to help Jiang Yang.

Help those who are truly willing to be good to you.

I know Jiang Yang loves money.

Becoming a big star can help Jiang Yang make money.

"Boss, you must really want me to make money for you, to make lots and lots of money for you," Zhang Ruonan asked.

Jiang Yang gently stroked Zhang Ruonan's hair, his voice tender: "Ruonan, what I want is not for you to make money for me."

"Then what do you want?" Zhang Ruonan looked up, her eyes still glistening with tears.

Jiang Yang cupped her face in his hands, his thumb wiping away the moisture from the corner of her eye: "I want you to become that shining Zhang Ruonan standing on the podium, just like in your dreams."

"But……"

"Hear me out."

Jiang Yang interrupted her: "I want you to live for yourself, to stand on that stage for yourself, not because of your family, and certainly not because of me."

Zhang Ruonan's lips trembled slightly.

Nothing was said.

Her eyes flickered, and she hugged Jiang Yang even tighter.

Jiang Yang put his arm around Zhang Ruonan's waist and said, "Do you know what? What I'm most proud of isn't how much money I've made, but watching you transform from that timid little girl who could only say sorry and always felt inferior to men into the Zhang Ruonan who dares to love and hate now."

Zhang Ruonan's voice choked with emotion: "If I hadn't met you..."

"But now you've met me."

Jiang Yang interrupted her with a smile: "I will try my best to help you fly higher, higher than your dreams, so that everyone can see your brilliance."

how about you?
Zhang Ruonan subconsciously wanted to ask a question, but stopped herself in time.

Because I already have the answer in my heart.

Some questions don't need to be asked to know the answer.

Zhang Ruonan turned her head to look at the bedside table. The glass of warm water that Jiang Yang had poured for her that morning had already been finished by her.

There were still water droplets clinging to the inside of the cup.

Your boss will always be like the warm water by your bedside.

I recalled what Yang Chaoyue had said.

What a great boss.

I also recalled that when I was chatting with Zhao Jinmai in private, and we talked about Jiang Yang, this is what Mai Mai told me.

You can always trust Xiao Jiang.

Zhang Ruonan could no longer hold back, and tears welled up in her eyes.

She hugged Jiang Yang tightly and buried her face in his chest: "I promise you, Jiang Yang, I will become the best actress, the best Zhang Ruonan."

Jiang Yang convinced himself that being loved didn't require becoming a perfect commodity first.

It enables one to pick up a knife and cut the shackles binding one's wings.

Be your true self.

Jiang Yang gently kissed the top of her head: "You deserve all the applause and flowers, not for anyone else, but for yourself."

The two smiled at each other.

Morning light streamed in through the gaps in the curtains.

The silhouette of the two kissing was projected onto the floor.

While eating breakfast, Zhang Ruonan saw Jiang Yang chatting with her while tapping on his phone screen.

They are chatting with someone on WeChat.

The other party's WeChat name was saved as: Lemon Pictures, Zhang Qing.

The other party sent Jiang Yang a message: ["Teacher Jiang, the location has been chosen as you requested, at the noodle shop at the entrance of the alley on Dashilan West Street in Xicheng District. The art department is currently making final adjustments to the set design. We can start filming as soon as your actor, Liu Haochun, arrives."] (End of Chapter)