Rebirth of Chinese Entertainment, the Diary of a 95 Flower

Zhao Lushi replied to Yang Chaoyue: [“He’s just a kid, not even an adult yet. Damn it, Chaoyue, are you trying to get yourself insulted?”]
Yang Chaoyue replied to Zhao Lushi: [“I’m actually not an adult either.”]
Zhao Lushi: ["Ah? Sorry, sorry, I'll scold you when you're an adult... By the way, your boss Jiang Yang is an adult now, right? I remember."]
Zhang Ruonan replied to Zhao Lushi: [“Don’t you dare insult my boss! I’ll get angry, and I’m telling you, I’m very difficult to deal with when I’m angry, even if you’re Chaoyue’s friend.”]
The bathroom door opens.

Jiang Yang dried the water droplets from his hair with a towel. Seeing that Zhang Ruonan was still in his room, sitting on the sofa, he knew what was going on: "Ruonan, aren't you going home tonight?"

"I……"

Hearing Jiang Yang call her name, Zhang Ruonan stood up abruptly: "Oh, right, I have to go back now, it's so late."

I picked up my phone and walked into my room.

He held the doorknob, but hesitated to turn it.
With her eyes lowered, she raised her head again: "I will go back, but I still want to study..."

"What to study?"

She didn't answer Jiang Yang's question. Instead, she took out her phone and came up to Jiang Yang: "Jiang Yang, look, I've noticed that Zhao Lushi doesn't just scold everyone. She doesn't scold children. Chao Yue is still a minor, so in her eyes he's a child, and she doesn't scold him. But I'm an adult, so she'll definitely scold me."

Speaking of it.

She paused, looked up into Jiang Yang's eyes, and said, "What I mean is, I'm an adult now... I want to learn how to kiss again, could you teach me?"

After meeting Jiang Yang's gaze.

Zhang Ruonan didn't have the courage to say what came next.

She turned her cheek and gently snuggled closer to Jiang Yang's chest, whispering, "Jiang Yang, are you thirsty?"

"Kind of."

"I'm thirsty too, I'll go get you some water."

When Zhang Ruonan poured water for Jiang Yang, her fingers trembled slightly.

My heart was beating incredibly fast.

She poured water for Jiang Yang, then tentatively reached out and placed her hand lightly on Jiang Yang's neck.

Watching Jiang Yang drink the water, staring at his Adam's apple, she stood on tiptoe before he could swallow.

Knees together, toes turned inward.

She leaned closer, her heart pounding: "I, I, I..."

I said "I" several times, my heart pounding so loudly it drowned out my voice, and blurted out the rest of my words: "I'm thirsty too, I want to drink from your mouth."

The words fell.

I felt a warm sensation on my lips, followed by a moist feeling.

Jiang Yang drank the water from Jiang Yang's mouth.

sweet.

Jiang Yang gently stroked the back of Zhang Ruonan's head.

It glides down the soft strands of hair to the neck.

"Jiang Yang, I'm going home tomorrow to get my household registration book and change my name at the registration office. Then I'll be waiting for you in Hangzhou to film the 'Starry Sea' music video so I can see you. I want to spend more time with you tonight. Please don't send me away..."

Tiptoeing.

Eyes tightly closed.

I dedicated my first love to my youth.

Just finished speaking.

Suddenly I felt myself being lifted up around the waist.

Turn off the lights.

He gently placed Zhang Ruonan on the bed, propped himself up on one side of her ear with one hand, and stroked her burning earlobe with the other.

The only light source in the room was the neon lights outside the balcony.

And the phone that Zhang Ruonan was holding tightly in her hand, the screen still on.

Zhang Ruonan bent her legs, her shoulders hunched inward and tense.

Until she heard Jiang Yang's warm voice in her ear: "I will never drive you away, whether you are Ruonan in the past or Ruonan now."

Zhang Ruonan recalled her experiences during this period.

From extra to supporting role, Ruonan bid farewell to her days as a hard-working part-time model who constantly sent money home.

Ruonan is now being interviewed at the press conference for "Fighter of the Destiny" as an actress.

Jiang Yang was clearly just his boss, yet he could see every effort and contribution Jiang Yang made.

Zhang Ruonan closed her eyes, wrapped her arms around Jiang Yang's neck, and responded eagerly.

I felt the top button of my shirt being undone.

Then the second one.

The third one.

I don't know what state I'm in right now. If the lights were on, my cheeks would definitely be very red.

Her shoulders and neck stiffened instinctively, and her fingers instinctively hooked around Jiang Yang's hand, no longer gripping her phone tightly.

My phone fell onto the bedside table, and the screen showed an interview from a week ago. I accidentally pressed play.

Video playback.

The interview took place in the backstage artist rest area. Zhang Ruonan was sitting on a folding chair, her shirt buttons fastened tightly, with a busy makeup assistant beside her.

She remembered the video content perfectly.

Every time I open it, several questions still pierce my heart.

At this moment, Zhang Ruonan closed her eyes and heard the reporter's question coming through the phone speaker: "You changed your name from Zhang Ruonan to Zhang Ruonan. What does this name mean to you? Does it represent some kind of change in your life?"

There was a snap.

As the knot on her back was untied, Zhang Ruonan trembled slightly.

The lips parted.

She felt Jiang Yang's body move down her chin, down her neck, and finally rest against her chest.

Zhang Ruonan's breathing gradually became rapid.

In the phone video, his own words, answering the reporter's questions, could be heard:
"I used to be called Ruonan because my parents hoped I could be as strong as a boy, or even better than a boy."

But later I realized that I didn't need to be like a boy to prove my worth.

Ruonan was my own choice; it's more like my expectation of myself—gentle yet powerful, able to speak softly, but not needing to cater to others' expectations.

The hot pants are gone.

She felt Jiang Yang gently cover her hand with his.

In the video, the reporter continued, "I heard that you were born into a rural family that favored sons over daughters. Did your parents initially name you Ruonan (meaning 'like a boy') with some kind of expectation in mind? Why did you later decide to change your name?"

When Zhang Ruonan in the video heard the term "preferring sons to daughters," her gaze flickered.

His shoulders slumped slightly.

He hesitated for several seconds without saying a word.

I actually understand what I was thinking at the time.

I instinctively wanted to refute that I didn't grow up in a family that favored sons over daughters.

I want to say that my parents love me.

but.

that moment.

I don't want to deceive myself anymore.

In the video, Zhang Ruonan looked up and answered the camera: "When I was little, my family always said that it would be better if you were a boy, so I worked hard to prove that I was no worse than a boy. But later I realized that true freedom is not to become a boy in other people's eyes, but to become myself."

Ruonan is a gift I gave myself; it allowed me to finally let go of those heavy burdens.

Pause for a few seconds.

The person in the video continued:
“My boss once said that a name is just a symbol, but when you give it meaning, it can change you. Now, I am more willing to express my true emotions, even in front of the camera.”

Zhang Ruonan's eyes were tense.

She hugged Jiang Yang's neck tightly, held her breath, and blushed.

In the video call, the reporter continued with a question:

"You have many more followers on Weibo now than before, but many people may not know that you used to be called Zhang Ruonan. Do you miss your past self? Or is the current Zhang Ruonan the real you?"

Zhang Ruonan slightly opened her eyes.

In the dim darkness, with only a sliver of light filtering through the balcony, I felt Jiang Yang leaning closer again.

Kiss yourself.

Hearing his own answer through the speaker:

“Sometimes when I look through old photos and see the name Zhang Ruonan, it feels both strange and familiar. But I don’t regret changing my name, because now I can finally say with confidence that I don’t need to look like anyone else, I am myself.”

In the video call, the reporter asked the last question about the name:
"You said that after changing your name, Ruonan feels like the name has a soul. Could you elaborate on that feeling?"

It took him a while to catch his breath.

I don't know what it is.

He felt as if Jiang Yang was sitting on his chest.

I heard my own answer to an interview from a week ago coming through the phone's speaker:
“My previous name was given to me by someone else, but I chose my own name now. The first time someone called me Ruonan, I almost didn’t react, but later I realized that it was like I had finally found my own voice.”

Zhang Ruonan squeezed the sheets tightly with her fingers, creating wrinkles, and kissed Jiang Yang, her cheek pressed tightly against his shoulder.

A new name gave me a new life. (End of Chapter)