Rebirth of Chinese Entertainment, the Diary of a 95 Flower

Liu Haochun's performance continues.

Looking back on that incident five years ago, I don't remember many of the specific details, but the feeling is etched into my bones.

A very simple thing.

During dance practice, I was publicly humiliated by my teacher, over and over again.

People back then weren't as resilient as they are now.

I can't take it anymore, I'm breaking down.

I was also very angry, but powerless to do anything about it.

There was no argument with the teacher.

I don't want to continue training.

She called her father in tears, telling him how wronged she felt, but he scolded her even more harshly than her teacher.

From that day on, I became more tolerant.

Because I know perfectly well that no one will protect me.

He's become timid too.

I dare not get angry easily.

The true self is hidden in the heart.

Numbly, I act like an obedient and sensible child in front of my father.

But her father was no longer the hero in her heart.

The father's voice on the other end of the line sounded annoyed.

He stopped calling Liu Haochun "Haochun" and spoke faster: "Liu Haochun, five years have passed. Did you think that way back then? Do you still think that way now? Do you still think that Dad told you not to go against the teacher? Do you still think Dad was wrong?"

Liu Haochun mustered up her courage: "Dad, I think your understanding is wrong. You didn't ask the teacher why my child threw such a tantrum, or if she was wronged."

How do you know this? I didn't ask your teacher.

"Did you ask?" Liu Hao asked accusingly.

How do you know I didn't communicate with your teacher?

The details of what happened five years ago continue to deepen.

Liu Haochun did not endure it as she had before.

I will no longer back down.

His tone became intense.

Just like before, when I felt wronged, my angry self would say: "Did you talk to the teacher?!"

Done.

She was breathing heavily, her chest heaving.

He spoke in an angry tone, but his shoulders were hunched inward.

Try to stand up straight.

My knees felt weak uncontrollably.

Her eyes were filled with tears.

Looking up again, I saw a blurry reflection of myself from five years ago in the transparent glass in front of me.

Suddenly realized.

Back then, when I was small and thin, I wasn't without anyone to protect me.

At least for now.

Five years have passed.

I am protecting her.

Growing up alone, becoming your own parents, and protecting your former self.

The father's voice was silent for a few seconds on the other end of the line, then slowed down, still carrying a questioning tone: "Liu Haochun, you're always like this, complaining at the slightest setback. Everyone else can persevere, why can't you?"

Denying the daughter's emotions.

It implies that she is less vulnerable than others.

Using other people's children to belittle one's own child creates a sense of inferiority.

Liu Haochun was numb to these words, and his tone softened: "You only ever ask me why I can't do it, you never ask me if it hurts."

I was taught to be strong from a young age.

I've never been asked if I'm sad.

Dad changed the subject again: "There must be a reason why the teacher criticized you. Why don't you reflect on what you did wrong?"

The default assumption is that the teacher is always right and the daughter must obey.

Victim blaming without asking why makes children afraid to ask for help.

Liu Haochun listened numbly, repeating in an even softer tone: "You can think the teacher is right, but could you... just once, just once, hug me first before reasoning with me?"

What I want is not my father's apology.

It's not about being favored, but about the sense of security.

I don't really care that much about right or wrong.

She just hoped that her father would be on her side.

Dad continued, "I paid for you to learn dance, not so you would give up halfway. When I received your call and learned that you were quitting, do you know how disappointed I was? Do you think you've done all that work for me?"

Turn educational investment into emotional debt.

It becomes a task to repay the parents' kindness.

Dad's tone suddenly became high-pitched: "If you can't even stick to dancing, what will you be able to accomplish in the future?"

To negate an entire life based on a single event.

Speculating on minor issues can tarnish a child's image and make them feel like a loser.

Liu Haochun listened to his father's words with a blank stare.

She just wanted to know the result.

She wanted to know if her father had stood by her side back then, and she still held onto hope for him, longing for him to become her hero again: "Dad, I want to know, did you..."

They asked the same question as before.

Somehow.

Before he could even ask the question, Liu Haochun suddenly burst into tears, his knees buckled, and he leaned against the phone booth, squatting down.

What followed was all sobbing.

I really want my dad to answer.

I was even more afraid of my father's answer.

The father's voice came through the receiver: "Alright, stop crying. If you can't even handle this little bit of grievance, how will you cope when you enter society?"

Upon hearing this, Liu Haochun could imagine his father impatiently waving his hand on the other end of the phone.

Like shooing away flies.

They always use the excuse that society is cruel to refuse to offer comfort, let alone praise.

I thought I had grown up.

Suddenly I realized that I am still a child.

Because the helplessness I feel now is exactly the same as my own back then.

Suddenly, my father's voice came through the receiver: "Actually, I did communicate with your teacher back then."

Liu Haochun's breath hitched for a moment, and he held it: "So, back then, you preferred to believe the teacher rather than me?"

"How could a teacher possibly lie to parents?"

Hear the words.

Liu Haochun's lower lip trembled.

During the short phone call, his eyes were bloodshot from exhaustion: "Dad, have you noticed that since that time, I haven't asked you for help anymore? I feel that this is the only way I can protect myself."

"Why didn't you ask me for help? You're my daughter, of course I'd help you." "Because...asking you would only cause me more pain. Is that what you want me to learn?"

The way I was raised at home taught me to be silent and to pretend.

Because of the parents' disapproval, the door to communication was closed.

"So what do you think I should do? Apologize to you?"

"I don't need an apology. I just want to ask you the question I just asked: if we went back to that time, would you still treat me that way?"

"meeting."

same question.

The same answer.

Accept that your father will not change.

Reconcile with your family.

Do not expect, do not depend.

The phone rang with a busy tone; Dad hung up.

This signifies the end of Jiang Yang and Liu Haochun's scene, and Jiang Yang's departure.

Next up is Liu Haochun's solo performance.

Tears streamed down Liu Haochun's face, but a smile played on his lips.

On the next set, Xu Xiaoou leaned forward, watching Liu Haochun's upcoming performance.

In the scene just now, Liu Haochun was portraying disappointment.

It also portrays the true feelings of children under this kind of Chinese-style oppressive education.

Even without explicitly stating hatred, every word in the dialogue is filled with pain.

Without mentioning love, every word is filled with disappointment.

In the end, he cried and laughed at the same time, his disappointment tinged with bitterness.

"Mr. Xu, that's enough. There's no need for Hao Chun to continue acting. That's good enough," Huang Lei suddenly said.

"No, there's still one emotion left to express."

When Xu Xiaoou looked at the monitor, her gaze was focused on Liu Haochun's brow.

Analyze the accuracy of Liu Haochun's micro-expressions.

That's incredibly accurate.

It seems real.

Which emotion?

"pain."

Huang Lei puffed out his cheeks and stared intently at the monitor.

First came the feeling of being wronged, then the anticipation fueled by even more grievances, followed by the disappointment that came with both the grievances and the anticipation.

Finally, the emotion of pain should be added.

When these emotions are expressed simultaneously, the body secretes a large amount of stress hormones, causing fluctuations in blood sugar.

Compared to Liu Haochun's performance.

Huang Lei was more worried about Liu Haochun's mental state at this moment.

It's easy to imagine that Liu Haochun's heart must be beating exceptionally fast at this moment, and his cardiovascular system must be under increased strain.

Even if it's all an act.

Over time, it can trigger a memory effect in the nervous system.

The brain cannot distinguish between performance and reality.

When actors repeatedly recall painful memories, their nerves form a conditioned reflex. Even after filming is finished, their bodies remain in a state of stress for a period of time, making it difficult for them to detach themselves from the role.

To put it bluntly, every emotion takes away a part of an actor's soul. He's a seasoned veteran and can handle it. The question is, how many times can Liu Haochun, a newcomer actor, withstand such exploitation?

Yang Chaoyue sat in the back, silently watching Liu Haochun's performance on the monitor screen.

Fortunately, these emotionally intense scenes are concentrated and explosive, and the long filming time can prevent prolonged immersion.

She still doesn't understand what exactly happened five years ago, as described in Liu Haochun's lines during his performance.

I was just thinking of my father.

Whenever I encountered setbacks, my father would encourage me and stand by my side unconditionally.

"Xiwei, don't you think Yang-ge's performance of Haochun's scene was so well-directed? It even reminded me of my father..."

Yang Chaoyue turned his head and saw Tian Xiwei sitting on the folding chair next to him, her eyes red-rimmed.

She pulled out a tissue and wiped Tian Xiwei's eyes, pressing the tissue's surface gently against her face. Jiang Yang had done this to her before when wiping her tears; the touch was very soothing.

"Xiwei, what's wrong?"

"No, nothing."

Tian Xiwei came back to her senses: "I just feel really sorry for my old man and my sister."

"Why?" Yang Chaoyue's tone suddenly rose.

“Sometimes when I’m unhappy at school, I take it out on my dad when I get home, and he just laughs it off.”

"What does that have to do with your sister?"

“When I’m in a bad mood, I get even angrier when I see my old man laughing. I can’t hit him, so I beat up my sister.”

Yang Chaoyue's lips twitched.

Suddenly I remembered that I also have a younger sister.

Liu Haochun's performance continues.

After hearing the busy tone of the call being disconnected, Liu Haochun gripped the receiver's groove tightly with his fingers.

When releasing, the little finger is the last to leave.

Even though she had given up hope, subconsciously she still hoped that her father would stand by her side and say some comforting words.

Her hands fell to her sides.

Finger tremor.

Physiological reactions to emotional overload.

She straightened her back, trying her best to maintain her dignity.

Recalling what her father had just said, she suddenly hunched over.

It was as if I had been crushed by an invisible pressure.

I pressed my forehead against the glass, using the cold temperature to soothe the pain in my heart.

The glass in the phone booth is fogged up.

The moisture from my breath spread across the glass, gradually obscuring my former self.

Tears in eyes.

I cried until I couldn't see my past self anymore.

He leaned against the phone booth, squatting on its base.

The requirement to remain stationary and perform in one place was intended to limit Liu Haochun's acting range.

In such a situation, the pain of being trapped is even more pronounced.

She buried her face in her knees and wept silently.

She silently wiped away her tears with the overly long sleeves of her school uniform, trying to comfort herself.

He stood up again.

He raised his hand to wipe the condensation off the glass of the phone booth, looked at his face, his eyes were red, and a smile appeared on his lips.

"Okay, that's fine."

Xu Xiaoou finally spoke. (End of Chapter)