This director is vindictive.

Chapter 466 Chen Mo's Commentary on "The Legend of the Condor Heroes": Ultraman Mediates a Kindergarten
As I said before, now that Chen Mo has started, he won't stop easily.

In fact, the fact that "Ne Zha" was able to stand out among this year's Spring Festival films is thanks to the contrast with its competitors.

If "The Investiture of the Gods Part II" is a combination of Teletubbies, Smurfs, and Voldemort, then "The Legend of the Condor Heroes" is just as good!
Chen Mo brought Yang Mi along to secretly watch the preview screening.

Chen Mo had never actually seen this movie in his previous life, but he had seen many famous scenes while scrolling through short videos.

For example, Ouyang Feng and Guo Jing fought each other amidst a vast army, and Guo Jing, holding hands with Huang Rong, used his words to repel the enemy.

You really can't come up with a plot like this without ten years of cerebral thrombosis.

However, since he hadn't seen the full version, Chen Mo still took the girl to see it.

However, Chen Mo and Yang Mi soon found themselves in a state of confusion.

For example, when it thunders, Guo Jing protects Huang Rong and says: I'll protect you, the thunder won't have a chance!

What, Guo Jing, besides knowing the Eighteen Subduing Dragon Palms, do you also know how to control rolling thunder?

Their design of finding each other by setting up "lightning guns" was also very impressive, making Chen Mo want to ask, "Why don't I get struck by lightning to add some excitement for you two?"
For example, when Guo Jing was in the Mongol army camp, he showed off his martial arts skills in front of everyone. He didn't use the powerful move "Eighteen Subduing Dragon Palms" to fight the enemy, but instead used it like a circus act to "show off his skills".
Chen Mo inexplicably felt as if Guo Jing were performing the Eighteen Subduing Dragon Palms in the enemy camp, the wind from his palms raising dust as the Mongol soldiers clapped and shouted, "Encore! Encore!"

Anyway, it's just fucking outrageous.

The most speechless part was when Guo Jing and Huang Rong were on the border of the Song Dynasty and told the border guard, Lord Li, that they wanted to go up the city wall to see the Mongols. Lord Li said: "I really don't understand what you young people want to see these days."
Chen Mo strongly suspected that this was a question asked by Xu Ke through Lord Li.

But can you please stop being so childish?

Brother, don't worry about what young people want to watch; they definitely don't want to watch bad movies.

Finally, amidst the Mongol army's ranks, Guo Jing and Ouyang Feng engaged in their ultimate battle. From a distance, it looked like two street vendors competing to see who could make the most and the biggest pancakes.
Guo Jing roared, "Watch me make a pancake with a diameter of three meters!"

Ouyang Feng sneered: "I'll add two eggs to this one!"

In short, after watching it, both Chen Mo and Yang Mi were deeply moved.

"Director Xu is a big director, how could he make a film like this?" Yang Mi asked in disbelief.

"Hehe, Mr. Jin once said that Tsui Hark didn't understand martial arts and ruined 'The Legend of Zu' and his own 'The Smiling, Proud Wanderer,' so 'we can be friends, but we won't cooperate again!' So, the fact that this film was made is only because Mr. Jin is gone; otherwise, this film probably wouldn't exist," Chen Mo said dismissively.

Tsui Hark is indeed very famous, but that doesn't mean he can't make bad movies!

After returning home, amidst the anticipation of countless netizens, Chen Mo wrote a lengthy film review.

I just have to get this off my chest!

As usual, Chen Mo first showed off his movie ticket stub.

Then I started writing the title: "The Great Hero of the Condor Heroes" Movie Review: The Eighteen Subduing Dragon Palms for Making Pancakes and a Guide to Avoiding Lightning!

First of all, I want to clarify that I did not watch this movie with a critical eye.

At first, there were some expectations. After all, although the adaptation of "Swordsman II" was not liked by Mr. Jin Yong, at least it created a peerless Dongfang Bubai!

But after watching this movie, I realized that experience truly matters.

Director Xu proved with his talent that what Mr. Jin said back then, "He doesn't understand martial arts," was no exaggeration.

This novel, "The Legend of the Condor Heroes," can be described as a masterpiece that combines martial arts, science fiction, and children's comedy!
Guo Jing's Eighteen Subduing Dragon Palms were reduced to street acrobatics in the Mongol army camp. It is suggested that it be renamed "Mongolia's Got Talent: My Palm Wind Can Do the Splits";
Huang Rong's IQ must have been struck by lightning and dropped to negative numbers, otherwise how could she have believed that the "lightning gun" was the Beggars' Sect's latest GPS positioning system?

The most spectacular moment was the ultimate duel between Ouyang Feng and Guo Jing on the battlefield—

From a distance, it looked like a battle between two masters, but upon closer inspection, it turned out to be a competition to determine the "King of Pancakes from the Western Regions."

Guo Jing roared, "My palm strike can cover three meters without breaking!" Ouyang Feng flicked his wrist and sprinkled scallions, "Special snake venom sauce, extra for the same price!"

Director Xu proved with his talent that turning a martial arts film into a magical realism film is even more shocking than the Smurfs in "Investiture of the Gods".

I suggest that next time Huang Rong sing "The Lone Warrior," Guo Jing dance to "Driving Test Part 3," and Ouyang Feng perform "Toad Kung Fu with Flower Hands"—this might break 10 billion at the box office.

As for Lord Li's probing question, "What do young people really want to see?"
What do young people really want to see? I think it's definitely not that they want to see a great battle about to break out, a life-or-death situation, but just because Huang Rong wanted to see the Mongols, Guo Jing took her to the city wall to see them!

At least the story of "The Princes Played with the Beacon Fires" had some logic; this is just kindergarten children playing house!

Is it possible that young people want to see heroes who serve their country and people, rather than "Teletubbies: The Construction Diary of Xiangyang City"?
In the very end, when Huang Rong and Guo Jing stood hand in hand in front of the Mongol army, shouting battle cries, I truly hoped that Comrade Temujin would wave his hand, and a volley of heavy crossbows would whistle past, killing those two bastards on the battlefield.

To summarize the ending: First, two groups of kindergarten children were about to get into a fight when suddenly a monster went berserk and swept through the kindergarten. Then Ultraman appeared and fought the monster. During the fight, the leader of the kindergarten children, lacking sportsmanship, launched a sneak attack, shooting an arrow into the monster's heart? Ultraman pressed his advantage and drove the monster away. But as soon as the monster was gone, the two groups of children turned around and started fighting again.

Ultraman pleads with the kindergarten bullies: Stop fighting! A hero isn't someone who conquers the world; a true hero is one who serves their country and its people!
Upon hearing this, the kindergarten's leader became very angry. He glared at Ultraman for a full minute before arrogantly declaring: "Withdraw!"

Thus, a potential kindergarten brawl was averted thanks to Ultraman's "inspirational words."

As soon as Chen Mo's review of "The Legend of the Condor Heroes" was released, #GuoJingMakesPancakes# and #TheGreatHero = Ultraman Mediating a Fight# immediately went viral and topped the trending search list!

"Wow, I haven't even seen it yet, but is it really that amazing?"

"Chen Mo is so inconsiderate, how could he give away spoilers? Besides, what you said makes me want to watch it too! After all, the combination of Ultraman mediating between kindergarten kids and martial arts is unprecedented!"

"I haven't watched it yet, but why does it feel even more outrageous than 'Investiture of the Gods Part II'?"

"Waaaaah, I can finally leave a comment! I was almost blasted to death after watching the preview screening, and I wanted to complain about it, but I couldn't post it at all!"

"Xu Ke: What do young people really want to see?"
Netizens commented: "I want to see Guo Jing deliver takeout using the Eighteen Subduing Dragon Palms, and Huang Rong promote the Dog-Beating Stick on a live stream!"

"Temujin: Withdraw the troops! It's not that I'm afraid of Guo Jing, it's that I'm afraid he'll spread out another three-meter pancake and block the city gate!"

"Chen Mo is definitely a top-notch film critic whose talent was wasted on directing. My goodness, his film reviews are more interesting than the movies themselves. First, there was the Smurfs fighting Voldemort in 'The Legend of the Condor Heroes II,' and now there's Ultraman mediating a fight between kindergarten kids in 'The Legend of the Condor Heroes.' His imagination is amazing!"

"No problem, Chen Mo at full power is so good that even his movie reviews make people tremble. Well, mainly because they laugh so hard they tremble, hahaha!"

Tsui Hark was truly devastated; it's said that he almost fell ill from anger after reading Chen Mo's film review.

On the other hand, this wave is even more explosive than the previous "Fengshen Part 2".

The main problem is that there are too many memes.

Soon, netizens started making fun of it.

The popular Douban group post "100,000 Whys of The Legend of the Condor Heroes" has been overwhelmingly popular.

Original line: "Rong'er, I'll protect you. Lei has no chance!"

A netizen's adapted version: "Rong'er, I'll make pancakes, I'm too hungry to have a chance!"

A highly-rated reply: "I suggest Guo Jing and Huang Rong switch to 'A Bite of Xiangyang,' and use Ouyang Feng's Toad Style Rap for the theme song: skr~ This pancake is poisonous!"

Some netizens even started a joking poll: "Xu Ke VS Wu Er Shan, who knows more about 'modification'?"

Options include:

A. I choose the Smurfs; at least their hats are stylish.

B. Jianbing Man is the true national treasure.
C. I suggest the two of you collaborate on a film called "Teletubbies vs. Pancake Man".

D. Chen Mo, quickly open a "Bad Movie Rant Training Class" to save the audience.

The most poignant comment under the trending Weibo hashtag #WhatDoYoungPeopleReallyWantToWatch# comes from user @CoffinBanCan'tBePressed Anymore:
Jin Yong: I've said before that Xu Ke doesn't understand martial arts.

Xu Ke: But you didn't say I don't know anything about pancakes!
Audience: We want to see true heroes, not fools!

The most outrageous thing is that "Guo Jing's Pancake Stall" and "Ouyang Feng's Pancake Stall" actually appeared on the food street, and their business was surprisingly good!
However, to many people's surprise, Tsui Hark's statement came faster and was more ruthless than that of Wuershan.

Early the day after the premiere, the official Weibo account of "The Legend of the Condor Heroes" released a solemn statement bearing an official seal:
"1. Mr. Chen Mo's deconstruction of the classic work of martial arts master Jin Yong into a 'pancake stall' is a desecration of literary heritage;
2. The "Thunderbolt Gun" in the movie is an improved design based on the "Thunderbolt Cannon" in the Song Dynasty's "Wujing Zongyao" (with a scanned copy of the ancient book attached).
3. The scene where Guo Jing demonstrates his martial arts skills in Mongolia is meant to showcase the core philosophy of Chinese martial arts to Genghis Khan: "Stopping war is the essence of martial arts."

The statement concluded with an even more indignant remark: "Some directors use sensationalist film reviews to attack their competitors. This is blatantly malicious competition, and their intentions are despicable! This trend must not be allowed to continue, otherwise, will the instigators have no descendants?"

But as I said before, the movie was terrible. Today's audiences are not the same as those of the past. Apart from the fans of those idols, the rest of the audience simply doesn't buy it.

"Director Xu has really broken through all defenses this time! The Thunder Cannon in 'The Complete Guide to Military Arts' can be used as GPS? Did the Song Dynasty already have 5G Internet of Things?"

"Hello everyone, I am Thunder Cannon from 'The Complete Guide to Martial Arts'. I can prove that Director Tsui is right—our army in the Song Dynasty was already equipped with 'Thunder-Attracting Spears'. Their main function was to serve as a token of love between Guo Jing and Huang Rong, and their secondary function was to recharge Ouyang Feng's snake venom."

New discovery in Mongolian military history: The retreat was caused by Guo Jing blocking the city gate with pancakes, which led to the warhorses getting fat! Genghis Khan's diary revealed: 'It's not that we can't win, it's that we're really stuffed.'

"Jin Lao is turning in his grave: I said back then that Xu Ke didn't understand martial arts, but now he's proven that he doesn't even understand pancakes! The statement's 'stopping war is martial arts' translates to: Guo Jing used pancake making to persuade the Mongol army to retreat, suggesting that the Mongol army switch to 'the taste of the grasslands'."

Ouyang Feng: This pancake is poisonous! skr~

(End of this chapter)