Da Zaojun

But then the dog lay down on the ground, stretched, and yawned.

Suddenly, a white-browed, yellow dog slipped out from the loosely draped yin-yang Taoist robe, wagging its tail, and scurried into the dog hole: "Kitchen God, you can go in too!"

"I have principles!" Song Wuji said, "Quickly open the door from the inside."

"I am a loyal servant and would never dare to collude with outsiders or open the door. Who knows if the Emperor himself has seen this?"

Song Wuji said, "That old man wouldn't be so petty."

“Come on, Rooster, crow! I’ve heard that a rooster’s crow might lead to a dog’s thievery. If you crow, maybe this old dog will be willing to steal.”

Even the Rooster wanted to laugh: "Is this how you use the phrase 'chicken crows and dog steals'?"

Skeptical: Oh, oh, oh!

After a rooster crowed, the lock on the door was indeed locked. It was Xu Gou who had done it from the inside. He looked helpless and said, "Master, please don't be angry. It's just that my job is to empty the chamber pot, not to guard the door."

That makes sense, though. Fushi is Fushi, he should just stay Fushi. Who would dare to steal from the Supreme Lord's residence? Just a few years ago, a monkey was only half-heartedly persuaded to leave.

It was the first time Song Wuji had seen the Tushita Palace, and he found that it was not a bustling place at all, but rather quite desolate.

Compared to the outside world, those places that were looted and robbed, and which have been turbulent and turned into chaos are still better off.

First they came across a field, but there was nothing in it. Xu Gou said, "This used to be a garden where immortality medicine was grown. Laozi gathered herbs here to refine the Nine-Turn Golden Elixir. There used to be a man with a rake who was Laozi's tenant and served the medicinal herbs here."

"Now all these medicinal herbs have been pulled up, what a waste! I even collected their excrement and urine to make fertilizer so they could grow faster!"

Song Wuji had always had a question: "Does the Supreme Lord really poop?"

"What do you mean by pooping? That's sacred relic!"

Xu Gou said, "Master has always maintained the habit of eating three meals a day. After eating, he recites some scriptures, and if he gets sleepy, he takes a nap."

"He's like an ordinary old Taoist priest. Back then, when that monkey pushed him, he even tumbled over!"

"But this is just the sage's way of doing nothing and teaching without words."

"Eating three meals a day like an ordinary person is a reminder to the Great Celestial Venerable to ensure favorable weather and abundant harvests in the mortal realm."

"A nap might just lead you to countless worlds to spread your teachings and manifest your power."

“Reciting scriptures is preaching the Dharma and transmitting the supreme mystery.”

"Then pooping is naturally extraordinary and has a deeper meaning."

"The axe that the master used to chop wood once split the sky; the stone that the master used to weigh down the vat once mended the sky; the whip that the master used to drive the ox once created man."

"Even the chamber pot used by the master to defecate is a priceless treasure!"

“The ox-nose latch, the water bottle, and the gourd for collecting elixirs were all ordinary things at first, but because they followed the sage for many years, they changed.”

"To be honest, if the relics weren't all limited, I might have secretly eaten a lump of it back then and become a great person by now."

Song Wuji gave a thumbs up: "That's really embezzling from the emperor."

Song Wuji began to suspect that he had really stolen the food. He wondered if the reason he had mastered the Nine Revolutions and the Seven Returns and the Three Returns was because of this.

Song Wuji wanted to pry away some soil, but it seemed that the soil had taken root.

The dog said, "This place has been fixed by the Primordial Great Luo Saint. Even a speck of dust here has the cultivation of a Great Luo Golden Immortal. You can't steal it."

"Why was that elixir pulled out?"

Xu Gou said, "That's a thief from within the family, it's different." He led Song Wuji left and right, and Song Wuji saw a pair of scissors hanging on the wall, but he couldn't pick them up. He saw a hoe, but he couldn't move it. There was a winnowing basket and a wicker basket, which looked like ordinary things, but he couldn't pick up anything.

"They're over there!"

The dog barked loudly.

In a side hall, there was a net. It was unclear whether the net was originally used to catch birds or thieves. The monkey was hanging on a tree, which was a plum tree.

The rat was also nearby, doing a bench press. It was caught in a mousetrap, and the rat could only avoid suffocating by gripping the trap and spreading it open.

[Venus, Geng Star, carries a sword and attends. Monkey (Shen)]

[The kitchen waste from the Imperial Kitchen of the Heavenly Kitchen is used to treat rats.]

The Rooster, Snake, Pig, Sheep, and Dog, along with Song Wuji, looked them over one by one: "What are you doing here?"

"A swing!"

"One of them is exercising, working out their chest muscles!"

Shenhou said, "Stop looking, put me down quickly."

The little mouse also said, "If you don't save me, I'm going to die!"

The dog clicked its tongue and said, "Where are the elixirs and peaches you stole?"

The two Earthly Branches immediately fell silent.

Song Wuji first broke open the rat trap, and found that the trap could be taken away, so he took it with him.

They then untied the net that had trapped Shenhou and discovered that it could also be taken away, so they took it as well.

Although these two items look like ordinary objects and Song Wuji doesn't know their uses, they are definitely treasures because they can trap the Monkey and the Rat.

The monkey landed and sighed deeply, "I'm still too young."

Zishu said, "I should have known better than to do this job!"

He bowed to Song Wuji and said, "Thank you, Kitchen God, for saving my life!"

Song Wuji asked curiously, "Laojun's actions are always methodical; how did you fall into his trap?"

Zishu said, "He saw a set of clothes that looked quite nice, and thought it was the clothes that Laozi had changed into, which was woven by the Queen Mother herself. So he put it on, and it turned into a big net that caught him."

"And you call me short-sighted? You couldn't even move from such an obvious mousetrap just because of a couple of grains of rice on it?"

"What do you know? That rice was leftover from the sage's food. Maybe if I eat it, I'll be blessed!"

"Now you're suffering," said the Dog. "Stop arguing. Now hurry back to your place and go back to the human world with the Kitchen God. Maybe you'll have good fortune in the future."

"You old dog, lecturing us now!" the Rat retorted without hesitation. "I'm the number one zodiac animal!"

Song Wuji said, "That's not necessarily true. You might offend the Sage and have your position given to your old rival, Cat!"

The mouse immediately bristled: "Mice are afraid of cats? That's a myth!"

Shenhou bowed and said, "Kitchen God, as the saying goes, a thief never leaves empty-handed. Why don't we go further in? This Tushita Palace is a place for alchemy and weapon forging. Maybe we'll find some divine weapon there!"

Song Wuji was also tempted, but said, "What thief? I admire the Supreme Saint and care about the human world. I only hope that the Supreme Ancestor will take pity on me and give me any useless insects, rat-gnawed rags, or scrap metal to do good deeds."

(End of this chapter)