Warhammer: Don't Call Me the God of All Machines

Chapter 776 Uslan Persuades the Green-skinned Orcs (Seeking Monthly Tickets)
"These damned green-skinned barbarians have unreasonably seized our absolute control over the internet."

"The Infernal Network has denied us access. If we try to hack into it, we are likely to be led astray by the network's own consciousness."

"Those destroyed webs are no longer safe. Prince Pleasure's retinue has been lingering in the broken webs, waiting for unlucky Ida to come to him."

Eldrad Uslan withdrew his psionic senses and ended his request to access the Web Path.

He understood that the Ghoul Stars' Infinite Web had completely broken free from Eldar's control.

This is undoubtedly bad news. The Internet has always been the foundation of the Spirit Race's survival. Without the protection of the Internet, they would have been completely wiped out long ago.

However, it would not be a wise move for the Eldar to antagonize those green-skinned barbarians over this.

At this moment, Uslan carries an important mission on his shoulders.

According to the tripartite agreement between humans, Eldar, and Necromancers, they must join forces to fight against the green-skinned orc horde that will shake the entire galaxy.

Of the three, the Spirit Race is the weakest and has the most unique identity.

The only card that Uslan could possibly play was to exploit the fact that the Eldar and the Ancient Orcs shared a common origin.

If used properly, it might have a surprising effect, no less than the Necromancers that are holding the line on the Western Front.

But ideas are always good, but when it comes to actually putting them into practice, all sorts of problems arise.

They lost the ability to use the web to reach the interior of the ghoul constellation, which also meant they could no longer communicate face-to-face with Kork, the architect of the orc empire.

Without even meeting the other leader, these lobbyists had no room to maneuver.

Uslan had to find another way.

The war between humans and orcs is escalating, and the galaxy is no longer safe.

It was clearly impossible to cross the front lines between humans and orcs and enter the Ghoul Cluster directly; that would be far too risky.

Putting aside the possibility of humans attacking their warships, Uslan immediately dismissed the idea of ​​entrusting his life to those completely unreliable green-skinned orcs.

He understood these green-skinned barbarians' thinking all too well: no matter who the opponent was, the most important thing was to find a way to fire a shot at them.

When they're dominated by "waaagh!", their minds are filled with nothing but pleasure, leaving almost no rational thought for them.

Therefore, Uslan made a similar decision to Loshi, and he also planned to start by contacting these green-skinned orcs from the planet Skullcrusher.

This world, controlled by green-skinned orcs, serves as a springboard and bridgehead for communication between the entire ghoul orc empire and the outside world.

Besides countless orc boys and heavily armored leaders stationed there, Skullcrusher Star also has orc warlord-level big guys.

Uslan was confident that he could communicate well with these high-ranking orcs, since the higher the orc's level, the higher their intelligence.

Therefore, after greeting Loshi and obtaining the human faction identification code for his Eldar warship to prevent it from being mistakenly attacked, Uslan hurried to Skullshatter.

When his flagship arrived at the planet, the Eldar were astonished to find that Skullshatter was already surrounded by human fleets, and even the surface had been thoroughly cleansed by orbital bombardment several times over.

The surface of Skullshattered Star is cleaner than if a dog had licked it, leaving only evaporated and melted deserts and completely hardened, radioactively contaminated rock layers.

This place has been completely reduced to a world of death.

Uslan was immediately at his wit's end upon seeing this.

However, he still used his psionic powers to investigate the situation on the skull-shattered planet and discovered that there were still many green-skinned orcs hiding under the thick layers of rock.

"Looks like we'll have to burrow underground too. Hopefully, these green-skinned creatures' underground lairs will be a little cleaner."

Uslan sighed helplessly. As members of the Elven race, being fastidious about cleanliness was almost a universal habit among them.

Especially Eldar prophets like Uslan naturally enjoy the best treatment on the Ark, and are served and cared for by other Eldar.

"When faced with a mission, personal sacrifice is inevitable."

Beside Uslan, the Shadow Prophet Leriel Rae of the Eldar race offered words of advice.

Her appearance represents the will of the God of Laughter.

This last remaining free god of the Eldar never expresses his attitude directly; the clowns are his messengers who communicate with the outside world.

"You're right, then let's go for it."

Uslan gave a wry smile, then used his psionic powers to teleport him and Leriel to the surface of Skullcrusher.

The reason for not teleporting directly underground is that using teleportation in a place filled with waaagh energy would likely cause unnecessary trouble.

They did not bring Eldar warriors with them, and having more Eldar warriors in the orcs' stronghold would be useless; in fact, it would only hinder Uslan's operations.

In other words, without any burdens, they could escape much faster.

The devastating orbital bombardment had been over for a long time, and the molten land had cooled down again.

Countless murky glass crystals reflect the sunlight, refracting bizarre and fantastical images onto the Earth's surface.

Uslan held the Staff of Asmar, and a ripple of psionic energy appeared beneath his feet, preventing the dust, carrying deadly radiation and poison, from approaching him.

“Underground, there is an extremely terrifying waaagh energy surging, it should be in that direction.”

He pointed his scepter into the distance, and the two instantly crossed the distance, teleporting to the entrance of a buried passage.

For psionicists of their caliber, passing through walls is an incredibly simple matter.

Uslan traversed three kilometers of collapsed rock layers and arrived in the orcs' underground world.

"You know what, these green-skinned orcs actually have a knack for art."

Upon entering the orcs' underground garbage city, the first thing that caught Uslan's eye was countless glowing fungi growing on the walls of the underground tunnels.

These mushroom trees are about three meters tall, and their unfolded mushrooms release a faint, luminous green light, like streetlights illuminating the underground world.

The sound of dripping water can be heard in the deep corridor, creating a unique musical effect.

The walls are not bare stone; dense moss and fungi cling to the rocks, bringing a touch of green that symbolizes life.

Uslan and Leriel headed in the direction where the waaagh energy was strongest, and soon they encountered the green-skinned sentinel boy who was dozing off.

The sound of the Eldar's footsteps immediately startled the slacking orc boy. He opened his eyes abruptly and stared intently at the creature in front of him that looked remarkably like a shrimp.

"You guys are... cowardly bean sprouts?"

"Hands up! How did you get into our hideout?"

The green-skinned sentry sniffed and nervously pulled out his weapon. He smelled a scent on Uslan that was different from that of a human.

It was the stench of Eldar arrogance.

This is their instinct; they can quickly identify the other party's identity.

“I am Eldrad Uslan, the prophet of the Usvi Ark.”

"I have something important to discuss with your boss. Please take us to see him."

The prophet stated his purpose directly.

He knew that if he tried to use riddles typical of the Eldar, this muscle-bound guy would likely not understand at all, and it would be a complete waste of time.

The relationship between the green-skinned orcs and the Eldarin is quite delicate. Although they don't start fighting as soon as they meet, their relationship isn't exactly friendly either.

Even if their ancestors were related, so much time has passed, who would still care about that so-called relationship?

The orc boy looked at Uslan with suspicion, seemingly hesitant about whether to pass on the message.

"What are you bean sprouts doing here? We're at war with humans. Are you here to laugh at us?"

The green-skinned sentinels didn't suspect Eldar spies, since everyone knew those creatures were extremely xenophobic, even more so than the orcs when facing aliens.

Green-skinned orcs might coexist with some other races, but what about humans?
Humans are practically extinction machines; wherever they go, only humans will remain in the end.

Can these bean sprouts of the Elven race cooperate with shrimp? He'd rather believe he's the chosen one to mess with Mao Erge.

Uslan's fingers swept across the void, and instantly a magnificent-looking spirit bone slash materialized right before the orc boy's eyes.

The Eldar prophet truly understood the nature of these green-skinned orcs.

He brought the ethereal to life, and the weapons he created using psionic energy were not only incredibly practical, but also exceptionally cool in appearance.

The massive blade was covered with dense, shark-tooth-like serrations, and the spirit bone reflected a crimson, dazzling light, appearing as if it were burning.

"Young brother, I see that you have exceptional talent and potential. You will surely become a powerful leader of the green-skinned orcs in the future. Today, I will give you a divine weapon."

"Just consider it making friends."

"With the aid of divine weapons, you will surely stand out in the great waaagh and gain your own illustrious reputation."

Uslan skillfully used a set of rhetoric to deceive them.

The orc sentinel didn't care about anything else. He threw away his weapon, shakily took the Spirit Bone Greatsword, and proudly brandished it in the air, as if imagining his heroic figure.

"Hehehe, you wait, you old bean sprout, you're quite sensible. I'll go call my boss right now."

The orc boy vanished in a flash, while Leriel watched with amusement as he went.

A few minutes later, an even larger orc rushed over, while the green-skinned boy who had brought the message followed behind his leader dejectedly.

The Spirit Bone Greatsword that Uslan had given him had already fallen into the hands of the Greenskin leader.

The orc chieftain, overjoyed at his newfound weapon, carefully examined it, his eyes burning with desire.

"Come with us, I'll take you to see Boss Schwarzenegger."

Uslan bowed slightly in thanks, then followed the orc chieftain into the deep and complex underground passage without looking back.

As for the green-skinned boy who brought the message at the beginning, he collapsed in the corner as if he had lost his soul, muttering helplessly to himself.

"I was so stupid, so very stupid. I shouldn't have brought my precious Big Chop along..."

"What do you want with our boss?" the orc chieftain asked Uslan as he led the way.

They climbed onto Sgug, a mount used as a means of transportation, and then the orc chieftain swung his long whip, lashing Sgug's rump hard.

"Cooperation."

Uslan clamped his legs tightly around the Sgug mount beneath him, his powerful physique making him as stable as a mountain, as if nailed to Sgug's body.

Beneath the Eldar prophet's elegant robes lay powerful muscles; he could defeat an ordinary Space Marine in hand-to-hand combat alone.

"I know you are engaged in a large-scale war with humans. Human forces have completely surrounded the Ghoul Cluster, trapping you in this godforsaken place."

"Just look at Skullcrusher Planet. Your frontline position has been bombed to the point of being barren by human warships, and you have been forced to hide underground."

Uslan's voice was like a sharp knife piercing the orc chieftain's heart, and the burly man immediately began to grumble in dissatisfaction.

He knew that this bean sprout was telling the truth, but the truth was not pleasant to hear; it was as if it had trampled on the dignity of the green-skinned orcs.

“My arrival is precisely to open a breakthrough for you.” Uslan accurately grasped the orcs’ emotional fluctuations. Only by first suppressing them and then elevating them could he better stimulate these guys.

Orcs may seem reckless and mindless, but they possess orc-like cunning and wisdom.

In the orc worldview, if one takes the initiative to ask for cooperation from the outset, it is undoubtedly a sign of weakness.

After all, among orcs, only weaklings would actively seek help from big guys, while powerful orc big guys would never bother with those weaklings.

The idea of ​​the survival of the fittest is deeply ingrained in their very being.

Only by making the other party realize how dire their situation is and how important the Eldar's help is can a stable cooperative relationship be more likely to be established.

“We, the Adaling, and you green-skinned orcs were close allies in ancient times. Although our relationship has become distant, we do not wish for you to be destroyed by humans.”

"Humanity has now ascended to the position of galactic overlord. If we allow them to continue expanding, it will be truly bad news for our race."

"So we must work together to deal with humanity, for our own sake."

Uslan used naked racial competition to explain the stakes to the orc chieftain, who nodded in deep agreement; this was indeed the kind of thinking these spineless bastards always had.

These selfish individuals would never hesitate to stab their allies in the back for their own benefit.

"I understand. You should talk to our boss, Schwarzenegger."

The Skull behemoth traveled a very, very long way before finally stopping at the entrance of an unremarkable underground base.

Upon entering the base, Uslan saw a team of heavily armed leaders stationed inside.

These orcs, who were over four meters tall, displayed a rare kind of "discipline," staring coldly at the appearing Adaling.

The arrogant leader immediately wilted in front of the orc boy.

He reluctantly approached the guards of the orc warlord to ask for permission. After some discussion, they finally agreed to allow Uslan to meet their leader.

“She cannot go in; only you may see the chief.”

A heavily armored leader used his chainsaw axe to block Leriel, who was standing next to the Prophet.

Although he didn't know Leriel, his fighting instincts told him that this skinny, seemingly frail female Eldar was probably more formidable than he had imagined.

Even whether he could stop the other party was uncertain.

Leader Schwarzenegger is at the heart of the entire Skullcrusher planet. He was appointed by the great warlord Zack as the commander of the green-skinned orcs' counterattack against humanity.

His safety is paramount; any potential assassination attempts must be prevented.

Leriel could only stop at the entrance, but for the Shadow Prophet of the Jester's Troupe, this distance meant nothing. By the decree of the Laughing God, Uslan absolutely could not die here; his existence was of paramount importance to the future of Eldar.

If necessary, Leriel will personally slay the green-skinned orc guards here and rescue Uslan from the orc warlords.

Let alone this mere orc lair, she would dare to venture into even the Terra Palace.

Uslan slowly entered the residence of the Blood Axe Blade Schwarzenegger.

Before him stood a Bloodaxe clan orc who wasn't particularly tall.

His height of over five meters, combined with his lean and powerful physique, made him look much more agile than the heavy and bulky boss.

"You are the envoy of the Eldar?"

“Prophet Uslan, I have heard of you.”

Schwarzenegger stepped forward, a red bandana tied around his forehead like those of a Katachán jungle warrior, his dark green skin smeared with camouflage paint and covered with dense foliage.

“My men have already explained your intentions to me. Now I want to hear what other ideas you have that might sway me.”

Schwarzenegger sharpened the massive metal blade in his hand, the whetstone and metal rubbing against each other, producing a chilling, piercing sound.

"What you said is true, but the fact that we green-skinned orcs are now besieged in the Ghoul Stars is not only a human plan, but also our arrangement."

"They want to use Skullcrusher as a bridgehead to bleed us dry, but don't we also want to use humans to hone our orc warriors?"

"We are never afraid of a war of attrition. Since humanity doesn't have the courage to directly storm into the Ghoul Stars and kill our leader, Kirk, then let's follow the human's war rhythm."

"If we drag this out, they will find that their siege is completely useless, while the strength of us green-skinned orcs is growing stronger."

Schwarzenegger's eyes were as cold as a venomous snake's, and he looked at the prophet Uslan with the same amusement that comes with looking at prey.

He was wary and did not believe Uslan at all until he saw sincerity.

Looking at the green-skinned warlord in front of him, Uslan suddenly felt dizzy and lightheaded.

Orcs are becoming increasingly difficult to fool. Ever since that ancient orc became their leader, the intelligence and emotional intelligence of the Orcs have been rapidly increasing.

Before this, fooling the green-skinned people was simply their pastime.

"We are all creations of the ancient sages, so why do you harbor such great hostility towards us?"

"my friend."

Uslan invoked the banner of the Ancient Saint in an attempt to bring the two sides closer.

"Ancient Saints? The Creator created the Ancient Spirits and Ancient Beastmen, while we Orcs and you Aidalings are merely descendants of those ancient races."

“You Aidalings are far too cunning. In my memory, you have tricked us orcs more than once, using us as pawns.”

"Once someone has been scammed even once, who would dare to completely trust you guys?"

"Besides, don't you Spirit Race members betray each other?"

The Eldar prophet blushed with embarrassment. The orc warlord was right; the Eldar had a long history of betraying and harming their allies.

“The past is the past, the present is the present,” Uslan argued.

“In the past, our Spirit Race was only fickle in order to survive in the cracks, after all, our race was already on the verge of extinction compared to yours.”

"But now, faced with this enormous crisis for humanity, we certainly cannot do anything that betrays our promises."

"You may not trust our clan's credibility, but you must trust our clan's judgment of interests."

Humanity is our common enemy, and its existence provides a source of power for the dark gods of the High Heavens; they are feeding this great enemy of the real universe.

"Humanity must perish, or at least be weakened to an acceptable degree."

Uslan appeared unusually absorbed and excited, as if he wished all of humanity would die immediately.

"The Eldar and Orcs are the most suitable allies. If you are willing to form an alliance with the Orcs and our race, then our race can provide assistance to you from behind the scenes."

"Whether it's the Ark Eldar, the Savage Eldar, or even the Dark Eldar entrenched in the Web, they can all become allies of the Orcs."

“I know you can also use the Web Path, but there is only one Kork. Can the rest of you Ork control the Web Path as freely as your leader?”

"You can't do it!"

Under Uslan's sincere persuasion, the infiltrator warlord Schwarzenegger wavered.

He put himself in Uslan's shoes and, after thinking it over, confirmed that what the other man said was indeed reasonable and very logical.

If I were an Eldar, I would also choose to negotiate and cooperate with the Orcs.

If the green-skinned orcs defeat humanity and become the new rulers of the galaxy, then the Eldarin race will also be able to gain a place in the galaxy by virtue of their achievements and past relationships.

After all, the green-skinned orcs are much more tolerant of exclusivity than humans. As long as the Eldar are willing to become a subordinate race of the orcs, they won't say anything more.

The thought of these proud bean sprouts becoming his subordinates filled even the usually composed Schwarzenegger with excitement.

He tried hard to control his facial expressions so that he could appear more mature and composed.

This is the facial expression management a warlord should have.

“And I can reveal some very important information to you.” Uslan feigned mystery, having already discerned that the orc warlord before him was wavering.

"On the western front of the Ghoul Stars, the enemies coming from the Misty Starfield are not just humans."

"The Necromancers of the space, who have a blood feud with our two races, will also send at least one dynasty's worth of war forces to join the war to extinguish the Great Green Tide."

"The Nihirak dynasty, you should have heard of its wealth and power, which is a great challenge to the Great Green Tide."

Schwarzenegger was stunned.

He hadn't been promoted to orc warlord by Bloodhowl Zak for very long, so he only had a deep understanding of the area around Skullshatter, which he controlled.

The western front, thousands of light-years away, was far too distant for him to access intelligence at his level.

"Damn it, humans have actually allied with the space undead?!"

"How can this be?"

Schwarzenegger instinctively panicked. He didn't know if his warlord, Zack, had learned of the news, or even if his boss, Kirk, knew that the Necromancers had also joined the war.

Aren't those metal skulls still fast asleep?
"Let me go see your boss Zack and boss Kirk. The situation is no longer something you can decide."

"The decision you are making now will have a huge impact on the great green tide."

Uslan exploited the information gap created by the space necromancers to strike at the warlords' guard.

Once he panics, he will become dependent on and trust Uslan, paving the way for future cooperation.

This seasoned veteran is a master negotiator; Schwarzenegger is far too inexperienced in his presence.

Schwarzenegger pondered for a long time, while Uslan remained calm and composed, which immediately increased the credibility of his intelligence.

"It seems this Eldar prophet is absolutely certain. If my leaders miss out on this crucial intelligence because of me, I could die a hundred times over and still not atone for my sins," the orc warlord thought to himself.

“You’re right. I’m not qualified to decide whether to ally with the Eldar. Since you’ve brought us valuable intelligence, I’ll take you to see our leader, Zack.”

"You, along with that Elven girl outside, are to enter our Waaagh Gate and head to where Boss Zack is."

After Zach finished speaking, he immediately led Uslan toward the back.

“We orcs have undergone a transformation. If the Eldar are truly sincere in cooperating with us, then we will treat you in return.”

"You should be glad you made this choice today. After all, when we rule the entire galaxy in the future, the Eldar will be able to obtain a prestigious status second only to the Orcs, and will be worshipped and envied by countless races."

When Schwarzenegger uttered these extremely arrogant words, his eyes gleamed with naked arrogance and seriousness.

He genuinely believed that the green-skinned orcs would replace humans as the new overlords.

Uslan's expression didn't change much, but in his heart, he already found these "distant relatives" opening champagne halfway through the match ridiculous.

They haven't even conquered the Ghoul Stars yet, and they're already fantasizing about what kind of life they'll lead after becoming overlords.

Who says only the Eldar are arrogant? These green-skinned orcs are just as arrogant.

They had never seen the terror of that emperor, that lord of mankind, which was deeply feared by all alien races.

Although the four Chaos Gods are terrifying, they cannot freely enter the real universe.

But the Emperor, he's been traveling all the time in the real universe!
“If it weren’t for the irreconcilable hatred between our ancestors and the ancient beastmen, perhaps what I’m saying would indeed be the best option.”

"But unfortunately, the Eldar and the Orcs are destined to never be together."

Although the Kork orc now knows nothing of the past, no one can guarantee that he might know the truth.

"And once Kirk learns of what the ancient spirits have done, he will surely turn his blade against all the spirits."

Uslan thought to himself that he couldn't possibly take such a risk.

Once something has happened, it will leave its mark, and no amount of time or history can completely erase it.

The things the Ancient Spirit Clan did were indeed extremely shameful and immoral, but he is a descendant of the Ancient Spirit Clan, and as the saying goes, one's position determines one's perspective; he has no choice but to accept it.

As a member of the Eldar race, regardless of right or wrong, the interests of the race must come first.

Since the ancient orcs are bound to come seeking revenge, the only option is to strike first and send this guy down to meet the ancient saints.

Schwarzenegger, of course, had no idea that Uslan, who was standing next to him, had such complicated thoughts in his mind.

The cunning of the orcs and the treachery of the Eldar often prevail over the latter.

At this moment, he is leading Uslan and Leriel to the most important orc facility on the entire Skullshattering Star—the Gate of Waaagh.

The Waaagh Gate is a faster-than-light method that the Greenskins are proud of, and its appearance is inextricably linked to the Greenskins' involvement in the Internet.

This vital lifeline is hidden in an underground space even more concealed than the residence of the orc warlord Schwarzenegger.

The orcs dug out an enormous space underground in an unimaginable way to house the Waaagh Gate.

According to Uslan's visual estimation, the underground cavity is more than ten kilometers high.

Countless machines he had never seen before were emitting a ghostly green light and operating amidst the cacophony of electric arcs.

Thick cables, like long, winding snakes, connect those equally massive energy reactors.

Under the command of the master technician, countless young technicians are maintaining the operation of the waaagh gate in a chaotic yet orderly manner.

Even the well-traveled Uslan had rarely seen such a large and complex mechanical creation.

The Waaagh Gate is formed by metal beams so large that they could be used as the keel of a warship, and numerous iron chains hang down from the rock walls of the sky, binding the gate together.

A fierce green light leaked out from the center of the gate, and the green-skinned orcs illuminated by it were all plunged into a state of extreme frenzy and excitement, with inexhaustible strength all over their bodies.

The radiance of the waaagh gate seemed to have a life of its own, pulsating slowly with a tidal rhythm, as if it were conveying the breathing of the network.

The Eldar prophet felt an extremely powerful sense of oppression, as if he were facing a natural disaster and was completely helpless.

"Through this Waaagh door, the two of you will be able to see Boss Zack."

Schwarzenegger pointed to the orc gate, which was crackling with green lightning, and said calmly.

"I won't go with you. Shattered Skull Planet still needs me to be there. This is the front line between us and humanity, and we cannot afford to lose it."

"I hope you can convince our leader. Personally, I still really want to fight alongside your Eldar, just like we did 60 million years ago."

Uslan brandished his scepter, then led Leriel into this pinnacle of green-skinned orc technology.

"Although their teleportation ability is very similar to the network channel, it is quite different from how we use the network channel."

Uslan sensed the power of the Waaagh Gate and made his own judgment.

"It's like they've created a hole between the network and the subspace, and they're using that hole to achieve faster-than-light teleportation."

The Clown Troupe's Leriel offered a more professional assessment, stating that they were the Eldar with the deepest understanding and research into the Web Dao.

The two Eldar were exchanging words, but at the same time they were communicating with each other more covertly on a psionic level.

"If you encounter that ancient orc, what do you plan to do?" Leriel asked.

They went to great lengths to persuade the orc warlords and penetrate deep into the heart of the greenskin orc empire through the Waaagh Gate, all to find the true leader of the orcs.

"I will try to gain his trust and then stay by his side to subtly influence him."

"Uslan said in a deep voice."

"As long as I can stay by the side of the ancient orcs, I can bring valuable intelligence to Loshi and the others, and even provide them with the possibility of beheading the ancient orcs."

"How could you be so selfless? Why are you so kind to humans?" Lereille pressed.

"This is not selflessness, but because I know that these green-skinned orcs, filled with hatred and rage, will drag the entire galaxy into the abyss."

"I am not doing this for the good of humans. Only if humans persevere can our race survive. This is about sticking together for warmth."

"Just as we made the covenant together: to unite against the threat of the primordial chaos, the forces behind these orcs are the gods of the warp, and I am merely fulfilling the covenant."

Uslan said this in a serious tone, while Leriel simply smiled and remained silent.

(End of this chapter)