Jinting Han people

Liu Xian, if you think I'm going to tell you about my childhood trauma, then you're sorely mistaken.

I have nothing to complain about regarding my childhood. Compared to those who had no food or clothing and starved or froze to death in the snow, I think I was lucky. I just had no one to care for me.

But in reality, who can truly receive love from others? If parental love is like this, then the so-called love between husband and wife, or between brothers, is even more absurd. Look at this country: brothers killing each other, fathers and sons killing each other, mothers and sons killing each other, even cannibalism—aren't such tragedies everywhere? I simply discovered this a long time ago.

But after discovering this, I felt very confused. Liu Xian, what is the purpose of human beings?
God created us, placed us in this mortal world, gave us food, clothing, birth, and death. What is the meaning of all this? I have been thinking about this question since I was a child.

If there is sunrise, why is there sunset? If there are blooming flowers, why do they wither? Why do birds eat insects? Why do tigers eat meat? Why do parents have children? Why do humans understand beauty and ugliness? If I don't understand these questions for a day, I feel restless and want to punch the sky.

Fortunately, I always had this time to think. When I was six years old, my father remarried, and she became my stepmother. I won't tell you her name, but in short, she was very beautiful and very young, probably not even sixteen at the time. However, she came from a humble background; her brother was apparently a village head in our county, and she married my father to curry favor with her superior.

But that doesn't stop her from disliking me; that's perfectly normal. Even my own mother didn't love me, let alone her. Besides, she had to bear my father's child, then secure a livelihood for her child and a place for her family to rely on. So, for such a noble reason, she had even more reason to dislike me.

Therefore, not long after she married into the family, my stepmother began to make things difficult for me repeatedly. With my father's tacit approval, she assigned me, the eldest son, all the chores that should have been done by servants, such as herding cattle, chopping wood, and carrying manure. If I didn't do them well, she would cut off my food.

That period was truly tough, looking back. I wasn't good-looking to begin with, and all that she did made me even shorter. But thanks to her, I had a long period of solitude and undisturbed time to reflect on life and the meaning of life amidst all these hardships.

At first, I thought that perhaps this was a trial or test given to people by God.

For the sake of his reputation, my father still made me study. So when I was eight years old, I learned this principle from Mencius. Didn't Mencius like to say, "When Heaven is about to place a great responsibility on a person, it first tests their will, strains their muscles and bones, and empties their body, so that they may be moved to patience and perseverance, and thus increase their abilities"?

At the time, I thought, "That seems to be true." Which hero's life is without hardship? Without setbacks? Whose life is smooth sailing? Only after overcoming countless difficulties do their lives appear truly great. If everything were ordinary and effortless, how could a person's legend be apparent?
Perhaps creation is a deity that particularly favors legends. This thought only intensifies after I heard the story of Wang Xiang lying on ice to catch carp for his fish.

Liu Xian, you should remember him, right? As a founding hero of our Great Jin Dynasty, Wang Xiang, in his youth, was just like me—unloved by his father and stepmother, practically identical to me. But he upheld filial piety. To cure his stepmother's illness, he braved the freezing cold to try and break through the ice for carp. Before he could even break through, the ice cracked, and two carp leaped out. Wang Xiang presented the carp to his stepmother, and from then on, his family was reunited. People say that Wang Xiang's pure filial piety moved Heaven, leading to this happy ending.

After hearing this story, I comforted myself. All the hardships I am suffering now are trials arranged for me by fate. As long as I grit my teeth and persevere, perhaps I can move heaven and earth and suddenly perform a miracle, just like Wang Xiang lying on the ice to catch carp, and after all the suffering, I will regain the love of my father and stepmother.

Then, when I was eleven years old, I met my teacher.

Liu Xian, you should be able to guess that my teacher is a Taoist priest of the Celestial Masters sect.

His surname was Zhao, and he was in his sixties. He had a very good reputation in our county because he often gave away talisman water to poor families in the county to cure their illnesses, refusing any money. The reason I knew him was that one time, after I finished herding the cattle and was on my way home, I happened to run into the village market. In the crowd, someone suddenly pushed me, and I fell to the ground and broke my leg.

I was in excruciating pain at that moment, but people were passing by on the street, and no one paid any attention to me, not even bothering to glance at me. I truly thought I was going to die. I was so unwilling to accept it, feeling that if I died like this, wouldn't my life have been in vain? I wouldn't have achieved anything meaningful!
Then my teacher saved me. He didn't mind my ugly appearance, carried me home, set my bones, and even brought me talisman water. He said to me, "Child, believe in Taiyi Zhenjun. As long as you are sincere, you can ward off illness and evil spirits, and after death you can enter the immortal hall and attain freedom and ease."

Believe it or not, after I drank that bitter talisman water and sincerely chanted the name of Taiyi Zhenjun, the pain in my body actually lessened. I looked at my teacher again; he had white beard and hair, and a dignified, otherworldly air about him. Holding the nine-section staff of Taoism, he truly looked like a celestial being. That night, he killed one of the few chickens in the house to nourish me, which made me think even more strongly.

That day, as I lay on his bed, he held a nine-section staff and performed a blessing and incantation before me. Then he told me that he would write another talisman to absolve me of my sins, and then my luck would turn around.

I asked him, "What is sin?" He replied, "An uneasy heart is sin. Only by telling the True Lord about one's uneasy heart will the True Lord naturally understand and help one overcome difficulties. As long as one confesses one's uneasy heart to Heaven and Earth, one will eventually reach a state of inner peace and tranquility, and will no longer be disturbed by the world."

I believed him and thought he was a good person, so I told him everything about my family. After he burned the talisman that was filled with my unease, I stared at the lingering smoke and felt an unprecedented peace in my heart. I said to him, "I want to become your disciple and seek the Great Dao."

My teacher laughed heartily and immediately agreed. The next morning, he personally took me home. I and the ox had been missing all day, and my family was furious. They weren't worried about me, but about the old ox. When they saw me return, they immediately gave me a scolding.

It was my teacher who defended me and said to my father, "This child has potential; I want to take him as my disciple."

My teacher was quite well-known in the area. Normally, initiation into the sect required a fee of five pecks of rice, but my teacher paid that for me. My father, naturally, had no reason to refuse, so he agreed. He allowed my teacher free access to the mansion to teach me various Taoist arts.

Then I followed him to learn Taoist methods, Taoist scriptures, divination, talisman drawing, and other means of survival that I relied on.

At this point, Sun Xiu finally paused for a moment, took a couple of breaths, and turned to look at Liu Xian, asking, "Liu Xian, what kind of person do you think my teacher is?"

Liu Xian said, "So far, he can be considered a good person."

Sun Xiu sighed, "Yes, that's what I thought back then too. Someone who can help an ugly child they've never met must be a really good person. I even wondered if all the hardships I endured in my childhood were just a prelude to meeting my teacher."

"And the result?" Liu Xian could naturally hear the distorted emotion in those words.

"As it turns out, he's a very clever man. He had his eye on my family's property all along and wanted to find an opportunity to seize it. Becoming my teacher was just part of his scheme. He was the one who pushed me off the ox's back and broke my leg."

Upon hearing this, Liu Xian couldn't help but feel sorry for Sun Xiu and sighed, "You really are unlucky."

"Haha, I guess I've never had much luck in my life." Sun Xiu then threw out another question: "Do you know how my teacher managed to seize my family's assets?"

"I still need to ask you for advice."

“My stepmother was married to my father for five years but never had a child, which worried her. So she prayed to gods and Buddhas everywhere and sought medicine and medical advice. Otherwise, my father might have taken a few more concubines and had children, and then she would have been finished.”

“My teacher was a famous Taoist priest in the area, the chief priest of the Celestial Masters sect. Given his proximity, my stepmother naturally asked him for help. As a result, her help ended up on her bedside.”

Faced with the silent Liu Xian, Sun Xiu boldly commented, "Look at my teacher, how clever he is! He just took a few steps, stretched out his hands, burned two talismans, and killed a chicken for me, and he got to enjoy a life of luxury. With a few more moves, he could steal the wealth accumulated by my family for three generations, ensuring a comfortable retirement. Such a person is also a well-known and respected figure in the village. When my stepmother becomes pregnant, my father will have to thank him!"

Liu Xian asked, "Then do you hate him?"

"Oh, how could I hate him?" Sun Xiu said with a laugh. "From the day I secretly caught my teacher and stepmother having an affair, I realized the truth. My teacher was a true teacher; he taught me the real principles!"

"He made me realize that everything I had thought before was wrong! All those trials and tribulations were wrong!"

His expression became more carefree and resolute: "How foolish humans are! Everything they believe to be meaningful is false. Human emotions, love, hate, and preferences are all empty shells, mere self-righteousness." "What humans pursue and hope for is nothing but karmic obstacles. What true feelings and sincerity? It's nothing but self-deception. So many imperial ambitions and conquests vanish in the blink of an eye; seeking immortality and blessings is all in vain. It's clear that Heaven created humans merely for amusement."

"Fate is a true master of pleasure! What could be more interesting than toying with fate and treating people like toys? Meaning is a bait that the heavens use to toy with people, hanging in front of you like a fishhook, forever out of reach. As long as people want to move forward, they fall into the trap set by fate. When they think they are fighting some great difficulty, they don't know that in the eyes of fate, they are nothing more than a fighting dog barking and howling."

“A person who is not too foolish will live a secluded life, becoming a hermit who is indifferent to fame and fortune. Such a life may be plain, but it will not be fooled by the heavens.”

"The truly wise should be like my teacher, letting go of all meaning, like nature itself, learning to enjoy true happiness. Since we are born to be fooled, why not let us do it ourselves? That way, even in death, we will have enjoyed this life, and there will be no regrets. Hahaha..."

At this point, Sun Xiu burst into laughter, proud of his philosophy of life. It was precisely through this philosophy that he had manipulated the powerful and influential of Luoyang, overthrowing countless prestigious families, including numerous princes and renowned scholars. Even if he were to be publicly executed tomorrow, he was destined to be etched in history as the gravedigger of the empire.

Sun Xiu still had a regret, which was that the person standing in front of him now, the heir of the Duke of Anle, seemed to be unable to be swayed by anything, which was simply unbelievable.

He asked Liu Xian, "What do you think of my story?"

Liu Xian said, "You still haven't told me the ending. What happened to your parents and your teachers?"

Sun Xiu replied simply, "I killed my teacher before my stepmother became pregnant. It was on my way to deliver medicine to a farming family when I passed a cliff and pushed him off."

"Then I imitated the teacher's handwriting and hid a talisman under the shrine of Taiyi Zhenjun in my stepmother's room, saying that if she wanted a child, she could only get one from another child with a pointed mouth and monkey cheeks."

"And so, I got my stepmother, then poisoned my father, and took the family property that was rightfully mine. Unfortunately, my stepmother probably couldn't have children. After a few years of no results, she went mad, and a year later, she died of illness."

"Then, thanks to my teacher's connections and my reputation among the local believers, I spread the word and became the chief priest of the Celestial Masters sect in Qingzhou."

Although it was just a few sentences, Liu Xian could tell that he had originally intended to give a long speech, but when it came to these turning points in his life, Sun Xiu couldn't bear to look back, so he condensed the ending into these few short sentences. The emotions and struggles contained within were unimaginable to ordinary people.

At this point, Liu Xian calmly gave his assessment: "Sun Xiu, you are indeed an extraordinary person, but you are not as smart as you think. Or rather, you are not as happy as you think."

"Oh, how so?" Sun Xiu grinned again, clearly not believing that anyone could truly shatter his philosophy of life.

"If you had a choice, on one hand, a happy family you've never had, and on the other hand, the so-called blissful life you enjoy now, what would you choose?"

Sun Xiu shrugged and answered easily, saying, "Liu Xian, I've said it before, although I may deceive others, I never deceive myself."

"If this is the most ridiculous question in the world, then by saying 'if,' you mean that this choice doesn't actually exist, but you're pretending that you do. The result will naturally be endless disappointment."

"Confucius liked to talk about rigid principles and seemed to be a righteous man, but what was the result? How many rulers did he serve, and what did he accomplish? He could only comfort himself with hypotheticals: if someone had valued my knowledge, the world might have been well-governed, and the chaotic world would no longer exist. But this was nothing but wishful thinking. Wishful thinking is far more foolish than being clear-headed."

Liu Xian shook his head slightly and said calmly, "I don't think this is self-deception."

Sun Xiu scoffed, "Hey, of course! You've always liked to deceive yourself. Do you think you can become the emperor just by pretending to be a virtuous gentleman? The emperor doesn't value morality. To be a good emperor, the most important thing is to be ruthless and merciless! You have to be like Cao Cao, who, to achieve hegemony, first slaughtered the people of Xuzhou until the Si River was dry, decimated the Central Plains and Hebei, and reduced the Han people from 60 million to less than 10 million. When hungry, they would eat corpses; when thirsty, they would drink human blood. Only then can you become the legendary Emperor Wu of Wei! What can you possibly accomplish by pretending like this?"

Faced with this question, Liu Xian asked bluntly, "Where is Cao Wei now? I can't see them."

He paused, then asked, "Or are you trying to say that this is good enough, and that everyone deserves better?"

Faced with the speechless Sun Xiu, Liu Xian slowly said, "Han Feizi said that ten thousand years ago, we had no clothes, no writing, no houses, no carriages, we were naked, drank blood and ate raw meat, we couldn't make fire, and we couldn't forge swords. Look at us now, our lives are unimaginable to our ancestors. You've been to Guanzhong, you should know that all the life we ​​have now is what those barbarian tribes on the frontier yearn for."

How did we get to where we are today? It all boils down to two words—"what if."

"If we could understand each other, if we could have a hot meal, if we could have a house, if we could cross rivers, if we could establish a nation, if we could bring peace to all the Chinese peoples, if we could turn hundreds of nations into one nation."

"Isn't China's progress to where it is today thanks to one dreamer after another who loves to imagine?"

"I will not deny that some people's dreams have not yet found a way out or a solution. But even so, today we are still achieving great things that our predecessors could not have imagined. Look at the three terraces of Yecheng and the bridge over the Mengjin River. Aren't these things that our predecessors could not do, but our successors have done?"

"Even if some people in later generations say that he will ride the wind like an immortal, or soar like a roc, I think it is very possible. It's just that the right method has not yet been found."

“Sun Xiu, if hope is the key, then people have the ability to change things. But you have no hope; you only want to destroy. Perhaps that's not your fault. The more you know, the easier it is to be disappointed. Because we carry too much on our shoulders, many people have already suffered setbacks before they even take action. Failure is just too painful, so people are unwilling to believe in hope, and even condemn hope.”

"But I still believe that the more I learn, the more I believe in this. Even in our time, there is still hope for this place."

"Because I know that no one would refuse a better future, just as no one would refuse a smile. Even you, you like to smile."

"Let's go back to the previous question. If you were really given a choice, what would you choose?"

At this point, Sun Xiu fell completely silent. The two men gazed at each other in the shadows of the imperial prison, their eyes revealing the answer. They both knew there was nothing more to say in this conversation.

No one can completely eradicate misfortune; everyone has their own misfortunes. In the face of fate, some people persevere while others do not. If more people persevere, the world is a better place; if fewer people persevere, the world is a worse place.

It was getting late. Liu Xian took one last look at Sun Xiu, then turned and left, walking quickly toward the exit of the imperial prison. Just as he stepped into the exit, Sun Xiu suddenly called out to him: "Liu Xian, if you say that, aren't you afraid of pain?"

Liu Xian turned around. The light and dust at the exit highlighted his rugged features while softening his eyes. He replied, "I used to think I was very unlucky, but today, you've shown me that I'm actually very lucky. I'm not as unlucky as you, so I don't feel as much pain."

"Hahaha, is that so?" Sun Xiu laughed again, but after the laughter ended, the corner of his mouth twitched slightly, and his shackled wrists trembled uncontrollably, just like his inner thoughts. He slowly said, "That's why I don't believe you will succeed. I curse this world."

"Is that so?" Liu Xian waved his hand, sending countless dust particles rising into the air. He said, "Then wish me good fortune in martial arts!" (End of Chapter)