Jinting Han people

Chapter 131 Imperial Prison Part 6 (k)

It has to be said that after so many years of acquaintance, Jia Mi finally found Liu Xian's weakness.

For a self-important person, no matter if he is humiliated, tortured, or even eliminated, it will not discourage his fighting spirit. The more he faces such an impossible predicament, the more excited he will feel.

A courageous person is not afraid of pain; he can use the experience of facing suffering to sharpen his will and prove his iron will. The saying "a man can be destroyed but not defeated" is precisely this.

But such a will may move oneself and help one overcome setbacks, but it cannot save anyone.

After that day, Jia Mi began throwing tortured prisoners into the cell every day. These were either Liu Xian's former colleagues or their families. Jia Mi's conditions for them were the same as those he had put on Li Zhao: either kill Liu Xian or be killed by him, or else, he would exterminate all three of their clans.

Of course, such people could not kill Liu Xian. Most of them begged Liu Xian to end their own lives with their own hands.

Liu Xian was angry at first, but at the same time he was confused about what Jia Mi was trying to do.
But the answer isn't hard to find: this is a naked display of power, showing Liu Xian his supreme authority. At the same time, he's silently questioning Liu Xian: What on earth can you possibly accomplish? You have nothing, so why are you so proud?
Liu Xian was naturally proud of his character. Over the years, he had been mentored by his mother, Zhang Ximiao, and also received instruction from Chen Shou, Xiao Ruan Gong, Li Mi, Liu Song, and others. His goal for himself had always been simple: not to be a dissolute person who wasted his time, but to become a noble person, someone who could be trusted by the people of the world. He would strive to possess all the good qualities so that he could proudly proclaim: I am a descendant of the Han Dynasty.

Liu Xian certainly didn't think he'd achieved this now, but this belief was ingrained in him. It made him despise all those who gave in to depravity and gave in to their own evil desires and greed. He considered them weak and despicable, and even if they temporarily held high positions, they would eventually perish because their virtues were unworthy of their positions.

The entire Jin Dynasty will be destroyed in the hands of this group of people. This is the unquestionable conclusion that everyone, starting from Li Mi, has argued to Liu Xian.

Therefore, Liu Xian despised these people even more sincerely and unreservedly. Watching them move was like watching a group of corpses dancing.

Jia Mi also realized this, so he now put the rest of his life in front of him and made the most vicious mockery: Come on, kind and noble man, if you are really noble, why don’t you use your life to exchange for the dozens of lives of your colleagues’ families?

This wasn't torture, but it was more horrifying because it attacked a person's beliefs. Emperor Hui of Han wanted to be a good son, a good brother, and a good parent, but after seeing Concubine Qi being chopped into a human pig by her mother, he was horrified. He lost all hope, became ill with worry, and eventually died of insanity.

Now, what Jia Mi actually wants to do is the same thing that Empress Lü did back then. The only difference is that Empress Lü wanted to make Emperor Hui of Han learn to be ruthless, while Jia Mi wanted to kill Liu Xian.

Even if Liu Xian did not lose heart because of this, he would probably not be able to stay in the Chu King's party because he had killed dozens of his colleagues' families with his own hands.

In this situation, Liu Xian had to admit that even though Jia Mi was a villain whom he completely despised, he was now able to rely on his power to kill people. Not only could he kill people, but he could also force others to kill people, force Liu Xian to kill people himself, and force him to do things he didn't want to do at all.

Liu Xian had never felt heartbroken because of killing before. He killed people in Jingu Garden and in the Eastern Palace because he had beliefs in his heart. He believed that he had reasons to kill. Those who died either deserved it or longed for death.

But now, Liu Xian felt an unprecedented heartache. Death is a once-in-a-lifetime fate, yet Jia Mi treated such a serious matter as a toy, exploiting the suffering of others for his own pleasure, stripping away even the last shred of dignity. Finally, he argued with Liu Xian that, yes, he was indeed superior, an ironclad, irrefutable fact.

If Liu Xian wants to survive, he can only submit to this fact and use the blade of a knife to answer multiple-choice questions with no correct answers under the choices set by Jia Mi.

In the past, Liu Xian's sword was as quick as a knife when he killed, whether it was slicing open a belly or removing a head, he could do it as neatly as cutting paper. But now, as he plunged the tip of his blade into each warm chest, he felt the flesh breathing and beating, felt a soul wrapped around his arm, and stabbed slower and slower. Because these people still loved life, and were attached to the world, even if they were suffering and in pain.

Liu Xian couldn't help but wonder, did these dead people resent him? Some of them didn't have to die, but were unnecessarily dragged into the feud between him and Jia Mi, becoming sacrifices.

The answer is actually very clear. They will definitely feel resentment. They resent Jia Mi's cruelty and Liu Xian's incompetence.

There was a woman who had her tongue cut off. She didn't want to die, she wanted to live. So she looked at Liu Xian with unprecedented resentment, and tore at her like a wounded hen. Then Liu Xian broke her neck.

Even though she couldn't speak, Liu Xian knew she was cursing him, cursing him as if he were cursing the heavens. After Liu Xian killed her, he had a nightmare that night, feeling that he had been haunted by an indescribable undead spirit.

But Liu Xian couldn't blame them; it was human nature. He could only hate Jia Mi, but what was the point of hating him? If hatred were useful, everyone in the world would deserve death. Even a perfect man like Zhuge Liang would have plenty of people who hated him to the core.

He couldn't possibly have killed Jia Mi. Not to mention he was now imprisoned, even if he were released, what would he have against the Queen's own nephew? Even if, by some conceivable chance, he succeeded in killing Jia Mi, could he escape? He couldn't escape. The lives of everyone in the Anle Mansion would be buried with him.

So he began to blame himself and reflect on himself, how did he get to this point today? Did he make some unforgivable mistake that led him to this dead end?
Was it because he was unwilling to bow his head and beg for mercy from Jia Mi? Was it because he did not take the initiative to become a dog of the Pingyang Jia family?

But let's not talk about the fact that Jia Mi and Empress Jia were so moody and not normal lords at all. Even if he surrendered to them and was not troubled, wouldn't he go to hell with them after committing countless crimes?
Or perhaps he had feigned deafness and dumbness from the outset, becoming completely invisible in official circles? But why did he enter officialdom in the first place? Was he trying to say that doing nothing was his destiny?

Liu Xian felt a profound irony here. He realized that no matter what he chose, it went against the teachings of his mother and teachers. His life, simply because of one person, had become an insurmountable abyss.

He began to wonder, perhaps he was wrong? He was supposed to be two-faced, ungrateful, desperate to gain power, treating everyone as a plaything, and ultimately becoming a cold, icy political machine.

Did Emperor Gaozu Liu Bang truly conquer the world by relying on the Three Articles of Law, rather than the famous "when the cunning rabbit dies, the running dog is cooked"? Wasn't Emperor Guangwu Liu Xiu a hypocrite who allowed his troops to slaughter and plunder without restraint? Didn't his great-grandfather Liu Bei also gain his throne by a surprise attack on Liu Zhang?

He always said that whoever wins the hearts of the people will conquer the world, but didn't Cao Cao, who slaughtered people throughout the nine provinces, still boast that he saved the Han Dynasty and safeguarded world peace? Sima Yi was a traitor, but in the end, didn't his family unify the Three Kingdoms?

Although I always like to laugh at Lu Ji when debating with him, saying that many foolish and chaotic rulers who are unable to handle government affairs like to deal with those who raise questions, isn't that the truth?

Killing is the best and most efficient solution. Didn't Cao Cao prove it himself? Sometimes, it's not that killing can't solve the problem, but that the problem is that not enough people are being killed, or not quickly enough.

Perhaps this world is inherently cold-blooded and heartless. Didn't Lao Tzu say that Heaven is unkind and treats all things as straw dogs? Killing is a means, saving is also a means, but killing is inherently a much more convenient means than saving, so Jia Mi is so fearless at the moment.

When thinking this way, the resentment in Liu Xian's heart had almost completely brewed into another personality. If he didn't think this way, he would not be able to exonerate himself and would not be able to calmly kill everyone sent by Jia Mi.

But because of the changes in his thoughts and temperament, his temperament gradually became withered, and he no longer had the pride and composure he had before going to prison. Even though Jiang Tong, who came to visit him, found something wrong, Liu Xian was too embarrassed to talk about what happened at night, so he said nothing.

That night, perhaps ten days after Li Zhao's death, two jailers threw another man in, as usual. Liu Xian no longer wanted to talk to them. He clutched the dagger Li Zhao had hidden in his bandages, intending to finish him off as soon as the jailers left. He didn't want any more ties; hesitation and tenderness would only bring him futile sorrow.

But when he looked closely at his cellmate today, he was stunned. It turned out to be a four-foot-tall girl, probably only seven or eight years old. When Liu Xian approached, she shrank into a dark corner and did not react.

Whose family is this? A thought flashed through Liu Xian's mind, and he stopped thinking. He felt that there was no need to waste time on useless things. Ending the other person's suffering sooner would also end his own suffering sooner.

He thought so and walked forward slowly, without making any sound. But strangely, the little girl didn't move at all. Wasn't she afraid? What kind of abuse had she suffered?
Thinking of this, Liu Xian slowly lowered his raised hand and began to watch silently.

At this time, the little girl said, "Hello, is anyone there?"

What do you mean? Although the prison was dark, there were still some candlelight, so it wasn't so dark that even the shadows of people couldn't be seen. Liu Xian was surprised and asked, "Can't you see?"

The little girl finally moved. Her hands fumbled around on the wall beside her, as if she had done something wrong. She said shyly, "I'm sorry. Someone smoked my eyes a few days ago, and then I kept crying. As the tears kept flowing, I don't know what happened, but I couldn't see anymore. They said I couldn't help crying because I went blind."

After hearing this, Liu Xian was silent for a while. After a long while, he asked, "Whose child are you? What's your name?"

The little girl said, "My name is Li Luohua, and my father is Li Zhao, the General Ji Nu in the court!"

It turned out to be Li Zhao's daughter! Liu Xian immediately saw the tragic scene of Li Zhao's festering body. Did Jia Mi even spare his daughter? Liu Xian felt his nerves jump, and he didn't know what to say.

But when he was silent, Li Luohua became a little flustered. She had not yet gotten used to her blindness, so she reached out and asked, "Are you still there?"

"exist."

"Have you ever met my father?"

"I've met him. He was my colleague and good friend." Liu Xian hardened his heart and said bluntly, "But he's dead."

"Ah? So you are the Prince of Anle?" Luo Hua's tone was unexpectedly calm.

"Yes, I am Liu Xian."

The imperial prison fell into a terrifying silence. Liu Xian was already prepared for the little girl to go crazy. In such a world, no one would not go crazy. He himself was on the verge of going crazy. He now only needed a reason to go crazy.

Unexpectedly, Luohua's stomach made a rumbling sound. It was obvious that she was very hungry. Then she retreated into the corner in embarrassment, apologizing repeatedly, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry..."

Luo Hua's voice was tender, like a springtime green bud still drenched in dew, or a white rabbit with nowhere to go, shivering slightly. This calmed Liu Xian down for a moment. He pulled out a leftover Hu pancake from dinner, stuffed it into Luo Hua's hand, and asked, "Why are you saying sorry?"

Luo Hua was a little confused. She pinched the Hu pancake, sniffed it, and finally realized that it was food. Then she chewed it hurriedly, saying as she ate, "The uncle in the imperial prison said that he likes quietness and doesn't like noise. If someone disturbs him, he will hit them..."

Liu Xian felt very sad when he heard this. He subconsciously touched Luo Hua's hair which was as dry as grass. Luo Hua's body trembled slightly, but soon calmed down. After finishing the Hu Bing, she licked the dough crumbs on her fingers and said softly, "Father is right. You are a good person!"

Liu Xian said self-deprecatingly, "Yeah, a good guy who is good for nothing."

Unexpectedly, Luo Hua shook his head and said, "No! My father often said at home that you were the closest and most admired person in the Chu Palace. He said that the other uncles and aunts in the palace were also very capable, but you were the only one who could accomplish great things!" "Is that true?" This answer completely caught Liu Xian off guard. Because in his impression, the only ones closest to him among the Chu King's followers were Meng Guan and Wang Cui. Although Li Zhao had a lot of contact with him, he never expressed his admiration for him. Instead, they often disagreed. Take persuading Chu King Sima Wei to stop the war, for example. Li Zhao never agreed with him at all.

Unexpectedly, today he heard another answer from his daughter.

Liu Xian asked, "But Brother Li never told me this?"

Luo Hua said, "My father told me that you are the descendant of the hero Liu Bei, a Kunpeng that will soar into the sky and establish a great cause that will change the world. Ordinary people like us are just sparrows clinging to the branches. It is impossible for us to soar side by side. If we force a relationship, we will only hurt ourselves in vain..."

Was this how Li Zhao viewed him? Liu Xian felt a deep sense of bewilderment, yet at the same time, a certain realization struck him. No wonder Li Zhao had been so hesitant to move on that night, even as he lay on top of him. Yet, for all these years, he had never truly understood him, only considering him a capable yet somewhat mediocre individual.

Liu Xian felt even more disappointed with himself. He didn't even know that he had a friend who valued him so much, and he thought he could see through people's hearts. What exactly did he see through?

So he said, "Brother Li, you think too highly of me. I am just an ordinary person, not a great person at all. I also suffer, cry, feel lonely, and act on impulse. If I had to do it again, there are many things I would not do..."

"Really?" Luo Hua opened his eyes blankly and asked the void, "Why do you think so?"

"I don't need to think about why, because in life there are always things that we want but cannot do, and then we feel pain. This is human instinct."

"Are all people the same?"

"Everyone is the same, as long as they are alive."

"But my father said that people suffer because they can't find a home. Once they find a home, they won't suffer anymore."

"Destination?"

"He used you as an example to say that if Kunpeng were on a branch, he would also feel pain, because only the sea and the sky are Kunpeng's destiny. He would not be distressed by not being able to grab the fruit, nor would he be annoyed by flies and insects. These trivialities of the branch have nothing to do with Kunpeng."

"..."

Liu Xian remained silent for a moment, but a turbulent wave surged within him. Yes, while there are things in life that are unattainable, there are also things that bring contentment upon attainment; that is the destiny of man.

From the perspective of the world, his life is actually very happy, but he still feels dissatisfied. Why? In fact, he has not found a home that can accommodate him and calm his restless heart.

I have been self-righteously fighting against suffering, but in fact, it is not the case. I am just looking for a home where I can settle down, that's all.

But what was his ultimate fate? Even after all this talk, wasn't he still unable to cope with Jia Mi's torture? Liu Xian still couldn't figure it out.

So he said to himself, "Perhaps I am not Kunpeng, but just a sparrow trying to imitate Kunpeng. I cannot fly out of this dense forest."

"How could that be? My father said that Kunpeng is not encountering a dense forest, but rather a dark cloud. It is the ghosts of the dead who have not yet dissipated that are haunting you. If you can just break through them, you will be free to see the vast sea and sky! All the people in the world will see you!"

Luo Hua was very emotional when she spoke, but she probably didn't understand the meaning of these words. After all, she was still too young. But for Liu Xian, these words were like the sound of the bell in the Ma Temple, a revelation.

So that's how it is! These words dispelled Liu Xian's recent doubts like a ray of light. He realized that he had hit a dead end. The world is indeed miserable, a misery that even blinds one's own eyes. But all the darkness and viciousness didn't come out of thin air. They also came from history, from the deeds that engraved success and failure into one's heart.

His opponent wasn't a villain like Jia Mi, but the fear that Cao Cao and Sima Yi had brought to people throughout history. They had created such a repressive and crazy world, and Jia Mi was just a tiny shadow of theirs.

Unless we do something in a completely opposite way, defeat them in the course of history, and rewrite people's impression of them, this fear will continue to be passed on.

Liu Xian had originally thought he thought too highly of himself, but now it seemed he hadn't thought highly enough. If he wanted to become the noble man his mother and teachers hoped he would be, he had to create history and pioneer history; that was his destiny.

Thinking of this, the depression in his heart disappeared, and his face gradually showed its usual smile and calmness.

He said to Luo Hua, "Thank you. I am very happy to hear what you said."

Luohua was also somewhat happy. She said, "After hearing what my father said, I have always wanted to meet you..."

At this time, a gust of wind blew over, making the straw in the prison sway. Luo Hua said, "Can you hug me? I'm a little cold."

These words brought Liu Xian back to the mortal world. He realized that Luo Hua's clothes were ragged, and on such an autumn night, it was easy for her to catch a cold. So he hugged her without hesitation, thinking: I must find a way to save her life.

But what should I do? While I was thinking, Luo Hua said again: "Can you see the night sky?"

"I can see a little." There was a window in the imperial prison, through which one could indeed see a small piece of the night sky.

“Are there many stars in the sky?”

"A lot, and you can also see the Tianhe River."

"Then tell me, is my father in the Milky Way?"

Liu Xian was startled at first, but then realized that these days, many people believed that a person's fate was connected to the stars in the sky. After death, the soul would return to the corresponding star in the sky and continue to shine.

He raised his head and peeked at the sky through the window. The vast night sky was dotted with stars so densely that it was impossible to count their number, let alone know which star corresponded to which person.

He said to Luo Hua, "Although I don't know which one it is, it must be there. Since you are still in this world, it will definitely bless you..."

"Is that so..." Luo Hua's voice gradually became lower, and warm tears flowed from her clothes. She cried and said, "I don't want him to be so tired. I also want to become a star and stay with my father..."

The girl's tears soaked Liu Xian's clothes for a while. He couldn't interrupt the sadness between such close relatives. She could only hug Luo Hua and pat her back comfortingly.

But gradually, Liu Xian noticed something was amiss, as he smelled a hint of blood, and the girl in his arms was losing body temperature. He quickly released her hand to check, and was shocked to discover that Luo Hua hadn't just been shedding tears; she had quietly picked up the dagger from the ground and slit her wrists.

"Why?" Liu Xian asked.

In fact, the answer is self-evident. She has nothing to be nostalgic about, and she is probably also threatened by Jia Mi. What is the point of living?
But Luo Hua replied: "I'm sorry... I want to go to a world where there is no pain... and no tears... I'm sorry..."

Why apologize? Is this the destination she longs for? Isn't this just a common wish? No, this is actually everyone's wish.

At this moment, Liu Xian felt the pain again, but at the same time, he had a further epiphany. Thousands of years of human history had actually been driven by this simple desire, whether in a dark world or a bright one.

This long river of wishes will reflect the shadows of heroes and tyrants in its ripples, and then the real people will die out, and no one will know their joys and sorrows. Only the ripples in people's wishes will remain for a long time.

Nobleness and baseness are never determined by who you think you are, but by who you are in your heart. Before you defeat those ghosts and create a noble world, all your pain, all your worries, all your sorrows, all your regrets are insignificant.

Seven years after his mother's death, Liu Xian finally shed tears again. He said to Luo Hua, who was no longer breathing, "Don't be afraid. There's no need to apologize."

"I promise you, I will definitely build a home, a home that belongs to everyone in the world."

There was silence in the darkness, and it seemed that no one heard his words, but the stars in the sky heard them. They twinkled, just like the night in Mount Li five hundred years ago.

That night, Liu Bang, who was still called Liu Ji, looked at the increasingly dwindling group of prisoners and thought with a worried look on his face.

Suddenly, he figured something out and made up his mind.

So he sang loudly and untied the ropes of all the prisoners. Then he hugged the prisoners, laughing and crying.

Then they set off, leaving the official road and entering the wild path, opening up a road with an uncertain future in the thorny mountains and forests.

Just because the future is dark, hope is bright.

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(End of this chapter)