After I died, they cried in the live studio

Chapter 41 The Crack Between Love and Reality

Many years ago, Chu Ling was just an unknown young man, running around the corners of the city every day, full of enthusiasm, but repeatedly hitting a wall. The future seemed to be wrapped in thick fog, with no light in sight. He wore a set of old clothes that were washed white, and the leather shoes on his feet had worn edges. This was his most daily outfit, and the embarrassment of life was all written on this outfit.

At that time, love was the only light in his bleak life. His ex-girlfriend was gentle and kind, and her smile always dispelled his fatigue and frustration. The two of them lived in a small rental house, and sharing a bowl of instant noodles was sweet; strolling on the street at night, holding hands and talking about their visions for the future, Chu Ling vowed to give her a good life.

In the small and dim rental house, the lights are dim but warm. Chu Ling just got off work, his face full of fatigue. As soon as he stepped into the house, his ex-girlfriend jumped in front of him like a happy little deer, with her hands behind her back and a smile on her face: "A Ling, guess what delicious food I made!" Before Chu Ling could respond, she pulled him to the table, opened the lid of the pot, and the steam was rising. It was the braised pork he had been talking about for a long time. Chu Ling's eyes were hot, and he took her into his arms, his chin gently resting on her head: "Thank you for your hard work, baby." The two sat opposite each other, you picked up a piece of meat with chopsticks for me, and I served you a spoonful of soup, and the warmth flowed freely in this small world.

The moonlight was like water, pouring down on the quiet street. Chu Ling and his ex-girlfriend held hands tightly, swaying slowly, the evening breeze gently lifted her hair, and itchyly brushed Chu Ling's cheek. Passing by a record store, melodious folk songs came from inside. The ex-girlfriend became interested and pulled Chu Ling's clothes and said coquettishly: "A Ling, let's go in and dance." Chu Ling pretended to be helpless, but his eyes were full of pampering. He stepped into the store and gently put his arm around her waist in the open space in the aisle. The two swayed slightly to the melody, their eyes were glued, and everything around them became a blurred background.

Chu Ling was seriously ill and had a fever, lying on a creaking old bed. His ex-girlfriend stayed by his bedside, changing the cooling towel tied to her forehead one after another. Her eyes were red, and she whispered, "A Ling, get well soon." She was so sleepy that she dozed off on the bed, and woke up immediately at the slightest movement. Chu Ling opened his eyes, looked at her tired appearance, raised his hand and gently stroked her face. She came back to her senses in an instant, held Chu Ling's hand tightly, and burst into tears, "You scared me to death." This companionship through thick and thin was full of love.

But the reality is cruel. The ex-girlfriend's family is well-off, and when her parents found out about their relationship, they showed contempt in their eyes. When they first met, the two elders sat on the leather sofa, looking at Chu Ling critically, and their words were full of sarcasm: "With your ability, what can you give my daughter? House? Car? Stable life? Don't dream, break up as soon as possible, don't delay her." After that, they threw a thick envelope on the table as a "breakup fee."

Chu Ling clenched his fists, his nails digging deep into his palms, and the feeling of humiliation was like a vine entwining his heart. He looked up at his girlfriend beside him, hoping that she would stand by him. His girlfriend was embarrassed, her eyes were red, and she stammered: "A Ling, my parents are determined, let's..." The following words hit Chu Ling's heart like a heavy hammer. He knew that no matter how much he insisted, it was futile. This relationship that was severely crushed by reality finally came to an end.

The dusk was deep, dyeing the bridge head into a depressing gray. Chu Ling came anxiously, his hair was messy from the wind, and there were beads of sweat on his forehead. Seeing his ex-girlfriend standing quietly by the bridge railing, he hurried forward with a smile on his face: "Baby, you are looking for me..." Before he finished speaking, his ex-girlfriend raised her hand to interrupt him.

The ex-girlfriend turned her head away, avoiding his gaze, and subconsciously twisted the corners of her clothes with her hands. Her fingertips turned white due to the effort. After a long silence, she spoke with difficulty: "A Ling, let's break up." The voice was light, but like a sledgehammer, hitting Chu Ling's heart directly.

Chu Ling's body froze, the smile on his face instantly collapsed, his eyes suddenly reddened, he took a step forward, stretched out his hand to grab her arm: "Why are you talking about this again? We agreed to handle it together!" The ex-girlfriend stepped back, tears welling up in her eyes, and finally burst out: "You say this every time, but you can't handle it at all! You know my parents' attitude, ever since they found out about us, they cry and complain at home every day, saying that if I don't break up with you, they'll treat me as if I didn't have a daughter."

The wind blew harder, blowing the corners of clothes and hair wildly. Chu Ling clenched his fists, veins popped on the back of his hands, and his voice was trembling and unwilling: "Just because of this? We have been together for so many years, you are giving up so easily?" The ex-girlfriend raised her hand to wipe her tears and smiled bitterly: "Can love be eaten? I can't watch my parents get sick because of me. Ling, let's stop here." After that, she stuffed a paper box that had been prepared long ago into Chu Ling's hand, which contained the keepsakes of the two over the years, and turned around and walked away quickly.

Chu Ling stood there in a daze, watching her go away, his body swaying. Cars whizzed past on the bridge, but he seemed to be deaf. All he could hear were his ex-girlfriend's decisive words. His heart broke into countless pieces and scattered all over the ground.

As night fell, the ink-black color, like a thick tide, silently engulfed the entire city. The street lamps gradually lit up, and the dim light formed a winding light strip, trying to dispel the darkness around them, but it seemed a little powerless. The bustling city faded away from the hustle and bustle of the day, and now only loneliness and desolation remained. Cars whizzed past, rolling up the fallen leaves on the road, making a rustling sound.

The office building was brightly lit, and the busy silhouettes of overtime workers were reflected in the windows; at the door of the bar, the colorful spotlights attracting customers made people dizzy, and deafening music broke through the wall from time to time; a few windows in the residential area occasionally shone with warm light, and the aroma of food drifted slowly, with a hint of fireworks, but it did not arouse Chu Ling's appetite at all. He dragged his legs that were as heavy as lead, his clothes were messy, his face was dejected, and he moved step by step to the bridgehead. The wind roared in his ears, bringing the biting cold of late autumn, blowing through his thin clothes and cooling his hot heart. His figure was stretched out under the street lights, and he looked even more lonely.

At this moment, the bridge seemed like the end of the world. Chu Ling stood still, staring blankly at the dark and turbulent river under the bridge. He took out his cell phone and dialed the number he knew by heart. His voice was hoarse and trembling: "I'm at the bridge. I want to see you one last time." The ex-girlfriend was startled at first, and then raised her voice: "Don't mess around! I'll be there soon!" Not long after, the ex-girlfriend hurried over, her hair was messed up by the wind, and she was wearing a coat over her pajamas. She staggered and looked anxious. Seeing Chu Ling's shaky appearance, her eyes reddened, and she approached lightly, choking and persuading: "A Ling, come back with me, okay?" Chu Ling turned his head, his face full of tears, and asked miserably: "What are you doing here? Aren't you going to break up?"

The ex-girlfriend burst into tears, rushed forward and grabbed his arm tightly with both hands, crying and shouting: "Even if we are separated, I can't watch you get into trouble. Ah Ling, no matter how difficult life is, there are other ways. If you jump down, you will lose everything." She used all her strength to pull Chu Ling away from the bridge. Chu Ling's body softened and fell into her arms. The grief that had been suppressed for a long time suddenly broke out and he burst into tears. The two hugged each other, the sweetness of the past and the bitterness of the present mixed together, surging wildly in this cold night.

That night, the thick black curtain tightly enveloped the world, and everything was silent. The two of them walked silently into the familiar rental house, and the door slowly closed behind them, as if to isolate all the past troubles and pains. The dim light fell softly, dispelling the small piece of darkness in the house, and the halo enveloped them, adding a bit of warmth and tranquility.

The ex-girlfriend gently pulled Chu Ling to sit down on the bed, raised her hand and smoothed his messy hair, her eyes full of pity, as if to wipe away all the suffering he had endured these days. Chu Ling's eyes were red, and he held her hand with his backhand, tightly clenching it, as if afraid of losing it again. The two did not say much, but just hugged each other quietly, listening to each other's heartbeats, and feeling the long-lost warmth.

They snuggled together in the quilt, sharing a cup of hot water. In the steamy air, the sweet little details of the past came to their minds uncontrollably - playing on the street, cuddling in the cinema, birthday surprises, all of which dispelled the haze in their hearts. The cold wind was still howling outside the window, but the house was as warm as the spring sun.

At dawn, the light quietly penetrated through the gap of the curtains. The ex-girlfriend got up first, and her eyes couldn't help but turn red as she packed her clothes. Chu Ling was distressed, but he also knew that parting was unstoppable. She walked to the door, looked back at Chu Ling, her lips slightly parted, wanting to say something but stopping herself, and finally made up her mind to push the door open and leave.

Since then, Chu Ling was filled with regrets. He hated his fragility at that time, which made his ex-girlfriend worried and troubled. Looking at the depressed face in the mirror, he clenched his fists, his knuckles turned white, and he swore secretly: I must change completely, no longer be muddle-headed and cowardly. In the days that followed, he got up early every day to read, exercise, study business, and actively socialize to expand his network. Every drop of sweat and every setback turned into the driving force of transformation, striding towards a brand new life.

The moment his ex-girlfriend resolutely left, it was like a sharp ray of light that penetrated through the layers of chaos and escape that wrapped Chu Ling, revealing everything he was unwilling to face in the past without reservation.

Before this, Chu Ling was like a small boat drifting on the vast sea, being hit by the waves of life at will. His heart and eyes were filled with trivial love affairs with his ex-girlfriend, and he selectively ignored his own mediocrity and the lack of improvement in his career. He turned a deaf ear to his parents' scolding and other people's contempt, and plunged into the land of gentleness, thinking that love could withstand all the wind and snow in the world.

But when she left, the loneliness of the rental house, the pitiful balance on the bank card, and the hopeless job, these sharp realities were like steel needles, piercing Chu Ling's mind one by one. He sat alone beside the messy bed, looking around. The scent of her was still lingering in the room, but she was gone, leaving him alone. Chu Ling raised his hand and slapped himself hard. The burning pain on his face made him sober instantly, and his eyes turned red.

He began to analyze himself, digging deep into the cowardice, laziness and immaturity in his character. When he failed in a job interview, he no longer complained about his bad luck, but reflected on his lack of professional skills; after arguing with others, he no longer acted violently, but pondered the shortcomings of his communication methods. In his spare time, Chu Ling no longer spent his time playing games or watching TV series on the sofa, but picked up professional books to study, or went out to run a few kilometers to exercise his willpower to retreat when frustrated.

Today, Chu Ling stands straight with a resolute gaze. He is confident and steady when talking to others, and can calmly analyze and deal with difficulties. Although the departure of his ex-girlfriend was bitter, it also became a key opportunity for his transformation in life, giving him the courage to break the unbearable self of the past and reshape a new life.

(End of this chapter)