After rebirth, I became Tokyo Sentimental

Chapter 212, Section 211: At any time, only you love yourself the most.

The weather suddenly turned gloomy, dark clouds covered the entire sky, and the rain started to fall again.

Raindrops fell on the ground.

The stream flows along the ancient bluestone slabs, converging towards the lower areas until it forms a small puddle. Then, a passerby steps on it, and the water that has finally gathered splashes outwards, creating a continuous cycle.

Haruno Tsukasa, holding a transparent umbrella blurred by the mist, climbed the steps slowly but steadily, not caring whether mud would splash onto his trouser legs if he stepped into a puddle.

Futarasan Shrine is located behind Toshogu Shrine.

There are no extravagant decorations, no large-scale use of gold, black, and white colors, and no luxurious carvings covered with gold leaf. There are only neatly arranged stone lanterns along the sacred path and cedar trees on both sides of the path swaying slightly in the wind after being wet by the rain.

"Don't you dislike me? Why are you still following me?" Yuan Ye Si said, as if talking to himself.

"I'm afraid you'll take your own life."

A familiar whisper came from the rain behind me.

Haruno Tsukasa smiled, but didn't turn around. Instead, he walked towards the main hall of the shrine and asked, "Afraid I'll commit suicide? If you're worried about me, doesn't that mean you like me?"

"No."

"Admit it."

"If it doesn't exist, it doesn't exist; there's no need to admit it."

"Then just leave me alone."

"I went to Futarayama Shrine to pray, and it just so happened that we entered at the same time. Is there a problem with us getting a little too close? Does the shrine belong to you?"

"If you disliked me or even hated me, you wouldn't have come up with such a far-fetched reason."

"I'm here to repay a debt of gratitude." Kurosaki Orizuki quickened her pace, barely catching up with Haruno Tsukasa. After calming her breathing slightly, she asked, "Is that reason sufficient?"

“That’s enough,” Haruno Tsukasa said calmly.

"I didn't realize you believed in God."

"When did I become a believer in God?"

"If you don't believe me, why did you come here?"

"I believe occasionally, selectively, irregularly, and when I need to. Is that a problem?"

"...No problem."

"I heard from a friend that drinking from the Futara Spring behind the shrine can bring peace and protection. If you feel that you're not doing well lately because of what I did today, you can go and drink it for peace of mind."

"Is this something a doctor should say? There are so many bacteria and microorganisms in that water. Drinking it would probably result in diarrhea the night before, which would be the least of your worries," Haruno Tsukasa said with a laugh.

"..."

Kurosaki Orizuki didn't respond to him this time.

Haruno Tsukasa smiled but didn't continue.

The three mountain gods enshrined at Futarasan Shrine are Ōki-no-Mikoto, Tagoshi-hime-no-Mikoto, and Misugi-takahiko-ne.

He didn't know what position these mountain gods held in the Japanese Shinto tradition. He only saw that the statues were mottled and full of the marks of time, but he could also see that they had been repaired. However, they hadn't been restored like other shrines and temples that were popular with worshippers.

Haruno Tsukasa is mostly a non-believer in God.

Therefore, he did not offer sacrifices.

He folded up his umbrella and put it in the umbrella bin prepared by the clergy outside the main hall. He stood inside the hall and stared at the three deities for a few minutes before walking out of the main hall without saying a word, ignoring the strange looks from the clergy.

He retrieved his umbrella and continued walking towards the rear of the palace.

Kurosaki Orizuki continued to follow him without saying a word.

The further you go, the less people you visit. Moss grows in the cracks of the bluestone slabs, and after being soaked with raindrops, they become wet and slippery. If you're not careful, you could easily slip and fall. However, this level of slipperiness is nothing to Haruno Tsukasa, who has an extremely strong lower body.

He glanced back discreetly and noticed that Kurosaki Orizuki was following closely behind, her gaze fixed on her feet. This was clearly a challenge for her.

"Don't you think it's ridiculous for people to give their sincerity but get no response?" He stopped in his tracks.

Kurosaki Orizuki, who had been looking down, noticed him stop out of the corner of her eye. She immediately stood on the stone steps and stopped walking, involuntarily letting out a sigh of relief before returning to her normal expression: "For example?"

"For example, those who are obsessed with someone because of their appearance or personality, express their feelings frantically but are ignored, or even treated like an ATM, withdrawing money at will, or treated like a dog, being kicked whenever they want."

"Pitiful, but not laughable."

"So it's still not good in the end." Haruno Tsukasa wasn't surprised by her answer, but turned around and asked with a smile, "How do you think we can avoid this situation?"

Kurosaki Orizuki tilted her snow-white neck slightly to meet his gaze, and after a few seconds of silence, she answered:

"I understand. You mean that as long as you don't put in any effort, you won't get hurt or waste your time, right?"

"Yes."

"But do you really think it's right?"

“No.” Haruno Tsukasa still had the ability to distinguish right from wrong, and he didn’t need to deliberately say the wrong thing in front of Kurosaki Orizuki. After pondering for a few seconds, he spoke again: “But some people are born like hedgehogs, with the talent to actively defend themselves and avoid being hurt, while others often expose their soft, defenseless bellies like cats, only feeling the pain after being hurt, and then arching their backs to attack.”

"I know a little about your situation."

"Kato Masami?"

"Yes."

"Not her."

"You had a second first love?"

Kurosaki Orizuki asked with a strange expression.

"Of course not." Haruno Tsukasa turned his head to look at the increasingly heavy rain, raised his chin to indicate to Kurosaki Orizuki, and then took the lead in returning towards the main hall, choosing not to go to the deserted back mountain again. As he walked, he said without looking back, "But I quite like to dream. Whether you believe it or not, I have to say that I am actually a rather sentimental person."

"What kind of dream did you have? A dream about having a heart-wrenching relationship with someone for months or even years, only to be betrayed and hurt in the end?" Kurosaki Orizuki said coldly.

"Almost there, want to hear it?"

"Do not want to."

"Then I'll tell you about it."

After saying that, Haruno Tsukasa didn't respond until Kurosaki Orizuki couldn't help but ask again:
"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Didn't you say you didn't want to hear it?"

"..."

"Actually, many people have this feeling."

Yuan Ye Si didn't choose to keep them in suspense any longer. After carefully considering his words, he said directly, "It's like always meeting the right person at the wrong time, that's the feeling."

"Yes, I know that."

Kurosaki Orizuki agreed with this point.

"Now I'll assume two scenarios, and you, Kurosaki-san, can decide which one is more painful."

Haruno Tsukasa walked to the bench outside the main hall and sat down, draping the umbrella over his shoulder to protect himself from the rain that was blowing against his back in the slanting wind.

“Go ahead and speak.” Kurosaki Orizuki did as she was told, in a very professional manner.

"The first scenario is that you were very young, just reaching the age of dating, and confessed your feelings to a girl you found attractive and were interested in. Fortunately, you succeeded and dated her for a long time. However, you later realized that you didn't like her. Knowing that you didn't like her, you finally met the girl you fell in love with at first sight, one of countless girls you had met. At this point, whether out of a sense of responsibility or because the former tried to keep you, should you pursue yourself?"

After speaking, Haruno Tsukasa paused for a few seconds, glanced at Kurosaki Orizuki whose face remained expressionless, gave her some time to process it, and then continued:
"Another scenario is that you're just an ordinary person, facing social pressure from all sides. It's only at this point that you realize the truth: what you like isn't necessarily suitable, and what's suitable isn't necessarily what you like. Unfortunately, you're not one in a million who can have both what you like and what's suitable. Instead, just when reality feels like a heavy burden on you, almost crushing your ideals, you meet someone who is incredibly suitable for you. Although there's no feeling that makes you yearn for them, you know that if you choose to pursue them or be with them, you'll live a more authentic life. So, what would you choose then?"

He said a lot, and even Kurosaki Orizuki had to think about it carefully. However, she didn't give an answer right away. Instead, she turned her head and asked, "Have you experienced both of these situations?"

“I’ve experienced this in my dreams. I just want to hear your thoughts and suggestions. Please don’t hold back.” Haruno Tsukasa’s smile was enigmatic.

Kurosaki Orizuki's eyelids drooped slightly, making it impossible to guess her thoughts. After he finished speaking, she gave her evaluation without hesitation: "Then I must say first of all, this man is the worst of the worst."

"Because you're carrying the weight of someone else's sincere feelings?"

"Yes."

She continued, "Betrayal is betrayal, there's no reason for it. Do you agree with that, Haruno-kun?"

“I admit that I considered both scenarios from the man’s perspective, but that doesn’t mean I don’t acknowledge that in either case, this man is someone who has been burdened with his true feelings and is an absolute sinner in every relationship.” Haruno Tsukasa nodded.

“Since you think that way, then I can continue to tell you my opinion,” Kurosaki Orizuki said.

"All ears."

Seemingly a bit cold, Kurosaki Orizuki zipped up her apricot-colored windbreaker, placed the folded umbrella at her feet, hugged her arms with her slender, pale hands, and then said, word by word, "No matter what, only you love yourself the most."

"Ok?"

"Whether it's pursuing yourself and choosing what you find most appealing, or wanting comfort and pursuing what you think is most suitable, isn't it all about change?"

"Correct."

"Perhaps three years ago, you thought that if you couldn't be with the person you liked the most, it would be meaningless to live in this world. Three years later, you may still have the same feeling, but the person has changed."

She turned her head to look at Haruno Tsukasa's face:
Do you admit that?

“I admit it.” Haruno Tsukasa nodded slowly.

"So the same applies to whether it's suitable or not. Whether you can bear the pressure or not, whether you love someone but can't have them, it's all your ever-changing selfish desires at play," she added.

"People's hearts change, but self-control never changes. Others are also human. Doesn't her heart change with time? It's just that she can maintain her original heart for a certain moment or instant of infatuation. Out of responsibility, out of being true to her past self and to you, she won't stand here like you, whining without cause. She will simply fade away silently."

"Even if I'm very attracted, I won't replace love with novelty, nor will I use what you think are the benefits now or in the future to replace the pain you've already experienced after enjoying the benefits. Do you understand now?"

After listening, Haruno Tsukasa fell into deep thought.

Seeing this, Kurosaki Orizuki remained silent, choosing instead to give him some time to think carefully about what she had said.

"I understand."

Haruno Tsukasa quickly gave his answer.

"What do you understand?" The mountain wind was noticeably colder than the city wind, which has a heat island effect. Even though her hair was sticking to her ears and making her uncomfortable, Kurosaki Orizuki didn't bother to brush it away, because brushing it away would only make her feel colder.

Haruno Tsukasa did not answer immediately. Instead, he took off his coat and wrapped it around Kurosaki Orizuki's already slender and delicate body from back to front without saying a word. He ignored the surprised look that Kurosaki Orizuki gave him when she turned her head to the side, and then opened the umbrella to cover her back without changing his expression.

"I understand now. You're right. I always tend to overthink things. Now, after Dr. Kurosaki's treatment, I'm finally cured and I no longer overthink those things."

"You...really had the experience you just described?"

Kurosaki Orizuki asked hesitantly.

“I already told you, it was a dream,” Haruno Tsukasa said with a smile.

"From an objective point of view, you probably wouldn't have had such an experience. After all, your life trajectory from college to work is very clear, and I haven't heard anyone say or find out that you have a similar experience. But from an emotional point of view, I think you are probably not lying."

"If I really had that experience, how would you view me, Miss Kurosaki?" Harano Tsukasa asked with a smile.

"Scum, trash, beast."

"Shutting them that harshly?"

"Shouldn't people who change their minds all die?"

"Isn't the punishment too harsh?"

"It is a bit much, because I also have personal grudges involved. If it were someone else, I might not curse them to die, but only give them moral condemnation."

"Is it really this big?"

"if not?"

"Alright, let's not talk about this anymore. Let's go back to the city first. It's a bit cold up in the mountains," Haruno Tsukasa interrupted.

"You only realize it's cold now? Why didn't you wait until I froze to death? What's the point of going back? You might as well collect my body here and bury me here."

"Stop it."

"Did I?"

"...I think I understand..."

"What do you know... what are you doing!?"

He forcibly picked her up in his arms and weighed her in his hand, saying, "Hold the umbrella tight, don't let me get wet."

"This palace is full of people..."

"It's okay, you can bury your face in my arms and then you won't be able to see them," Haruno Tsukasa said nonchalantly.

"..."

"Don't push yourself. Do you think I don't know your physical condition? You're out of breath after just a few steps. I admit I didn't consider that earlier. I was wrong, so I'll make it up to you by not letting you exert any effort to go down the mountain."

"I'd rather not have this compensation..."

"Really not?"

"..."

Silence can also be an answer, but sometimes it doesn't necessarily mean affirmation. It could also be a denial that one is too embarrassed to say. So when Yuan Ye Si felt her arms around his neck shrink back, he chuckled and hugged her even tighter as they walked down the mountain.

"Honestly, don't you have any feelings for me?"

"What kind of feeling?"

"I want to feel like I'm in love."

"I'm already thirty years old, and the idea of ​​dating is really too naive for me."

"Isn't thirty years old still very young?"

"Oh."

"If you really have absolutely no feelings for me, then you might as well just say so. Don't be ambiguous like those women who try to hook you up. Just tell me directly and I won't get annoyed. I'll just cut off all contact."

"..."

"I understand."

"Damn it! What have you figured out now?"

"I understand you want to cut off contact."

"Did I say that, you idiot! Go get my ventilator right now! Does that prove anything?"

"Yes, but I have one more question."

"Say it!"

"If I were to say right now that I suddenly have feelings for you because you know me, would you choose to believe me or think I'm lying? I want you to tell the truth."

"Believe."

"why?"

"Because I like it, there's no reason why."

(End of this chapter)