Records of Mysterious Things in the Southern Dynasties

Chapter 514 War Letter
At this moment, an enemy general rode out on an elephant, came to the city walls, and shot a letter urging surrender onto the city wall.

The white-robed soldiers received the letter and quickly handed it to Chen Baxian.

As Chen Baxian read the letter, he heard the enemy general shout in a strange accented Mandarin: "You have already been poisoned by Gu and are surrounded by our 100,000 troops. You are doomed. But our king said that the White Robe Army is powerful. If you surrender, you will be treated well. If you do not surrender, you will all be killed and your corpses will be used to feed the Gu worms."

After reading the letter, Chen Baxian calmly looked at his soldiers. "This is an attempt to persuade them to surrender. What do you think?!"

"We'll stand here and watch," the soldiers laughed, completely unconcerned. "We are the White-Robed Army, invincible against all heroes under heaven! We can't let our honor be ruined in our later years!"

"Exactly! We didn't kneel before Erzhu Rong's 100,000-strong Heavenly Slaughter Army back then, how can we surrender to a bunch of monkeys? Wouldn't that make us a laughing stock?!"

"The White-Robed Army has no concept of surrender. Even if we turn into bones, we will stand atop this city wall!" The soldiers answered in unison. The indomitable spirit forged by the White-Robed Army made them completely disregard the idea of ​​enduring humiliation and living in seclusion.

"Haha, good, brothers, you think the same way I do!" Chen Baxian cleared his throat and began to curse at the envoy:
"Hey! Listen carefully, you monkey! Pass this on to Wu Peng, that son of a bitch, without missing a single word—he's nothing but a maggot in the King of Hell's outhouse. Does he even deserve to be called a king? Bah! A mud dog in a dragon robe, a wild boar in a crown. Take a piss and look at yourself. You're too dirty to even carry my shoes!"

"What kind of shitty Ten Witches are they? They're just lowlifes who only know how to use evil magic! What kind of Gu magic is that? It's nothing but deformed bastards raised by feeding living people with Gu worms. If I cut them down, I guarantee that disgusting worms will crawl out of their intestines!"

Chen Baxian loosened his belt again and urinated in the direction of Wu Peng. The yellowish-brown urine flowed onto the city wall, steaming up in white vapor. Amidst the soldiers' laughter, he continued:
"What bullshit army of 100,000? I'll piss on you and show you clearly, you're just a bunch of uncivilized monkeys! Come on if you dare, I'll slaughter you, skin you alive to use as chamber pots, and grind your bones into powder to feed the dogs, then see if you still dare to bare your teeth in front of my White Robe Army!"

"Good, well said, that's satisfying!" The soldiers laughed so hard they almost fell over, and one after another, they imitated Chen Baxian by urinating down on the city walls. "Hahaha, big, right?! Envious?!"

"Envy is useless; humans and monkeys are different!"

Chen Baxian then said to Zu An, "I doubt that guy can remember all of this. Write down what I said and have him take it to Wu Peng."

“If you’re this filthy, I can’t write it down.” Zu’an rolled his eyes at him and said, “Writing can leave a mark on history books. Don’t drag me into your embarrassment.”

"Then just use classical Chinese, as long as the meaning remains the same." Chen Baxian changed the channel.

"Sigh..." Zu An sighed, then, displaying the skill of a high-ranking imperial student, quickly wrote down his thoughts. He wrote—

"Hmph! You monkey brat, tell Wu Peng in detail: those demons are nothing but leeches in Yama's latrine, how dare they presume to call themselves king? Alas! Dogs and pigs dressed in dragon robes, pigs and swine in crowns, why don't you urinate in the mirror and look at yourselves? Even if you wash my feet, I still find your toes filthy!"

"What are the Ten Witches? They are nothing but lowly scoundrels who use heretical doctrines to mislead the masses! What are the Gu Poisoning Techniques? They are the arts of feeding living people with poisonous Gu, and breeding deformed and monstrous children! Wherever my blade passes, rotting intestines and maggots will be seen, a filthy sight!"

“You 100,000 rabble, as clear as day, are nothing but unrepentant monkeys and apes! Come and be slaughtered! Your leather bags will be emptied to make chamber pots, and your bones will be used as feed for dogs and pigs. Let’s see if you still dare to defy the White-Robed Army!” Chen Baxian took a look and grinned, “You’re not exactly elegant either.”

“You’re the one who wants the meaning to remain unchanged,” Zu’an cursed, “If you’re not satisfied, you can change it yourself.”

"Satisfied, satisfied. I'm not afraid of your writing being dirty, I'm just afraid it's not dirty enough." Chen Baxian grinned, tied the letter to a javelin, and threw it with all his might!

The javelin struck the elephant with lightning speed, piercing its head. The elephant cried out in pain and fell to the ground, throwing the mahout and his general far away from its basket.

The general scrambled to his feet, untied the letter from his spear, and limped back to his lines.

Wu Peng was well-educated enough to grasp the essence of the letter. After reading it, he flew into a rage, tore the eyesore to shreds, and roared, "Attack the city! After the city falls, leave no one alive, turn them all into fertilizer!"

As He spoke, He jingled the bronze Gu bell. The moment the bell rang, the barbarian soldiers' pupils instantly turned bloodshot, veins bulged on their necks, and they went berserk, howling as they charged towards the city wall. These barbarian soldiers used neither ladders nor battering rams; relying solely on their brute strength and bizarre Gu magic, they launched a fierce attack!

The naked, tattooed barbarians in the front row rushed to the city wall and clung to the bricks and stones like geckos.

Behind them, the sorcerers, wearing brightly colored masks, chanted incantations. Amidst the eerie chants, the heads of the barbarians pressed against the wall suddenly exploded like ripe watermelons. In an instant, dozens of giant pythons, as thick as bowls, burst forth from the mangled corpses, their forked tongues flicking, and snaked their way up the city wall at astonishing speed!

The white-robed soldiers on the city wall, though seasoned veterans of countless battles, were still chilled to the bone by this horrifying scene. But they quickly regained their composure, drew their bows to full strength, and unleashed arrows that pierced the air, aiming precisely for the vital points of those giant pythons!
Muffled thuds echoed as the giant pythons fell dead. A few escaped, managing to rush onto the city wall, their blood-red mouths gaping wide to devour those within. But in the blink of an eye, swift soldiers swiftly drew their blades, a flash of cold light, and the snake heads fell to the ground!
Just as the soldiers were about to breathe a sigh of relief, another strange thing happened. After the giant pythons died, they transformed into thick vines. The vines intertwined and wove a huge net on the city wall. Upon seeing this, the main force of barbarian soldiers cheered and rushed forward, using both hands and feet to nimbly climb up the vines.

"No wonder they're monkeys!" Chen Baxian spat at the barbarian soldiers lining the city wall. He held his hands like he was holding a log, his body glowing with a crimson aura of flames, then suddenly spread his hands apart. In an instant, a curtain of fire rolled down the city wall like lava.

Wherever the lava touched, the vines were instantly ignited. In the raging flames, the barbarian soldiers were burned beyond recognition, screaming as they fell from the city walls.

However, the Gu Masters trained by Wu Peng were truly formidable. Before the white-robed soldiers could even breathe a sigh of relief, a row of pot-bellied Gu Masters suddenly emerged from the enemy ranks. Their round bellies were exposed, with clearly visible blue veins that looked as if they were about to burst at any moment.

They took a deep breath, opened their mouths wide, and spewed out thick jets of water that converged in the air to form a powerful water curtain. The water and fire collided, creating a cloud of white mist that actually suppressed the flames…

Seeing this, Zu'an quickly encouraged Chen Baxian, saying, "Have you not heard the saying, 'The king rouses his martial prowess, as if shaking and raging, and advances his tiger-like ministers, as fierce as a roaring tiger'? Baxian, you can't let our White Robe Army down!"

(End of this chapter)