Jinyi Spring

Chapter 113 If There Is an Afterlife
Feng Chuchen stared blankly at Shangguan Yunqi, her chest aching and tight with discomfort.

Is this what they mean by being destined to meet but not to be together?

The man she had hated for so long, it seemed... he hadn't done anything wrong.

This thought, like a stone thrown into stagnant water, instantly stirred up the original torrent of hatred.

Feng Chuchen's fingers, which were holding the small package, had loosened their grip at some point, but her fingertips were still icy cold.

It turns out that it wasn't Shangguan Yunqi who was heartless and fickle; it was her aunt, that strong-willed and clear-headed woman, who severed all ties with him the moment she learned his true identity.

Between dignity and love, she rationally chose the former.

The solitary, cold inscription on the journal, "Sharing the same world, yet each huddled in our own cold quilt," is a portrait of my aunt's life. Though there may have been moments of tenderness, ultimately we are worlds apart, destined only to forget each other.

She once hated Shangguan Yunqi for his "belated affection being worth less than grass," but now she realized that her deepest pain stemmed from her aunt's clear-headedness in not daring to accept it.

Feng Chuchen's tears fell again, and she quickly wiped them away with her hand.

She sniffed and said softly, "My aunt made the most sensible choice. Knowing there was no hope, why continue? It's just that she suffered her whole life..."

Shangguan Yunqi moved his lips, unsure of what to say, his already slightly red eyes now bloodshot.

The room was so quiet you could hear a pin drop.

After a long silence, he finally said, "It was I who provoked my sister. I was captivated by the warmth of the valley and didn't tell her the truth..."

His voice was hoarse as he suppressed his inner pain.

"My sister, how resolute she is. She's convinced that we're worlds apart, that I'll betray her, and that she'd rather be alone and miserable for the rest of her life than... trust me even once!"
“I foolishly searched the entire southern frontier, secretly mobilized troops, disobeyed imperial orders, and lost the emperor's favor... I didn't care about any of that. But she wouldn't even give me a chance to see her one last time, to ask her 'why' in person…”

This shows some resentment.

Feng Chuchen looked at him and said quietly, "Auntie is clear-headed and wise. The difference between her and your family is not only the difference in social status, but also the old case of her grandmother that cannot be cleared up."

"My aunt's decisiveness stems from her deep understanding that your Shangguan family would never tolerate such a stain. Rather than letting future discord and suspicion erode our relationship, it's better to let it end at its purest moment..."

Feng Chuchen turned her gaze to the window, where the setting sun had dyed the window paper orange, as if reflecting that cold and lonely figure.

"For her, that feeling should be like that month in the valley, pure, warm, and untouched by worldly affairs. Once she leaves the valley and gets entangled in worldly matters, it will be ruined."

Her gaze slowly shifted back to Shangguan Yunqi.

"So, Your Highness, you and the Princess are now a loving and harmonious couple... This proves that your aunt's choice was right. Isn't it?"

No matter how passionately he spoke, he later found love with another woman and had a child together.

The eldest aunt, who voluntarily withdrew, lived a lonely life, pondering the matter for the rest of her days.

Shangguan Yunqi blushed, his hand on the table clenched into a fist, his knuckles turning white.

Feng Chuchen said no more, lowered her eyes and unwrapped the package. A burst of brilliance appeared, and the necklace inlaid with gold beads lay quietly on the plain cloth, dazzling and incongruous.

She picked up the necklace and gently placed it in the center of the table between them, a clearly defined, distant, and indifferent spot.

"This necklace carries too heavy a sentiment. My aunt lived a life of integrity and self-discipline, unwilling to be indebted. She wouldn't have accepted it while she was alive, and her descendants cannot accept it after her death..."

Looking at the necklace, Shangguan Yunqi was slightly taken aback. "I made this especially for you when we were in Jiaozhi, but I never gave it to you. Last year, Yanghe gave it to you."

A cold smile appeared on Feng Chuchen's lips. He spoke so passionately, yet he still revealed such a private item to his wife.

She said softly, "Her Highness the Princess gave me a 'gift,' and I accepted it without knowing why. Later, when I figured out the reason, I dared not accept this 'gift.' Since this was a gift on behalf of my aunt, I will return it to her on her behalf."

She stood up, took a step back, gave a deep bow, her posture respectful yet distant.

"May the Prince Consort and Her Highness the Princess be as happy as they are today, growing old together in harmony. Let all the past regrets, along with this 'gift,' be settled now... And please, Prince Consort, do not disturb the spirits of the deceased any further."

She spoke her last sentence very softly, yet it was like a cold wall, completely separating her from the past.

Shangguan Yunqi stared at her blankly, his gaze complex and unreadable, as if trying to see through the girl's calm face to find a trace of his old friend.

They're so alike, so incredibly alike. Not just in appearance, but in their very essence...

Feng Chuchen's eyes remained calm as she met his gaze.

After a long while, a deep, lifeless look returned to Shangguan Yunqi's eyes, and a bitter smile appeared on his lips.

"That silly boy actually had a good eye this time."

He paused, wearily closed his eyes, and when he opened them again, they were filled with a desolate sense of having seen through fate.

"What a pity, what a pity... How fortunate the two generations of men of the Shangguan family were to have encountered the two most beautiful and brightest pearls in the world, yet we had to miss them. It's not that we are high above the clouds, but that we are too high to reach them."

Feng Chuchen did not sit down; her voice remained soft, yet carried a subtle warmth.

"Young Master Shangguan is kind-hearted, compassionate, and has a great talent for medicine. If he encounters any difficulties in this field, I am willing to discuss and learn from him."

After saying this, he curtsied and walked towards the door.

“Miss Feng,” came Shangguan Yunqi’s voice from behind.

Feng Chuchen stopped, turned around, and met those eyes filled with complex emotions. "Does the Prince Consort have any further instructions?"

Shangguan Yunqi looked at her, his eyes filled with the gentleness and pity of an elder.

He paused for a moment, his tone carrying the sigh of someone who had been through it all, "I... I'm also your elder, and I have a few words I'd like to say. Sometimes, in life and in doing things, you don't have to be so strict about 'principles,' nor do you have to... always rely on sheer courage to stubbornly resist. That kind of life is too bitter."

Her voice softened further, "If you encounter difficulties in the future, don't be shy, treat me as an elder. I will do my best to help."

"Thank you for your guidance, Your Highness."

Feng Chuchen felt a lump in her throat, bowed again, and went out.

Principles! Lone courage!
Shangguan Yunqi's words lingered in his ears, making his chest feel heavy.

He wasn't just talking about her, but also his aunt, right?

The fleeting pity and reminiscence in his eyes clearly showed that he saw another figure through her—a woman who, despite her humble origins, refused to bow down or compromise, and was ultimately worn down by fate.

Wasn't Feng Chuchen the same in her previous life? Apart from compromising with her grandfather, maternal grandmother, and uncle, she was cold and aloof to everyone else, charging headlong with reckless courage and suffering many hidden losses.

Having lived another lifetime, my personality has changed a lot, but not completely...

Dusk had fallen outside, with a magnificent sunset still lingering on the western horizon, dazzling and beautiful. The other teahouses had already closed, but here, because the Imperial Son-in-Law was present, the waiters remained at their sides, patiently waiting.

Duan Yan, who was waiting by the gate, stepped forward and said with a smile, "Miss Feng, this is for you."

"No need."

Feng Chuchen didn't call a taxi, but walked straight into the deepening twilight. Her steps were light, as if she had unloaded a heavy burden, each step leading to a world that belonged to her, no longer bound by the past.

The lights of the teahouse behind her, along with the dusty old stories and the necklace, were all left behind in the deep twilight.

Shangguan Yunqi sat alone at the table, the jade pendant shining even brighter in the dim room.

A servant pushed open the door and bowed, saying, "Your Highness, it's time to light the lamps."

Shangguan Yunqi snapped out of his reverie, picked up the necklace, and said wearily, "Let's go to the other courtyard."

He would leave the necklace there and have a proper talk with his son. Feng Chuchen returned home under the cover of night; the houses on both sides of the street were already lit with scattered lights.

A warm feeling welled up in Feng Chuchen's heart. She knew that her family was also waiting for her with lights on.

His steps quickened even further.

From a distance, they could see Feng Buji leading Da Tou, waiting anxiously at the entrance of the alley.

Finally seeing her sister, Feng Buji ran up to her happily, then put on a stern face and complained, "Sister, why didn't you take someone with you when you went out? I was very worried."

Feng Chuchen took his hand and asked, "I'm alright, have you eaten?"

"After we finished eating, Uncle Wu took Sister Cai home. He just left not long ago."

After the meal, Feng Chuchen told Feng Buji about returning the Yingluo Circle.

Feng Buji looked pained. "Such a beautiful necklace! I was thinking of having my sister wear it when she got married. What a pity."

Feng Chuchen pulled him to her side, straightened his clothes, and said, "I only found out a few days ago that our aunt had refused that necklace before she passed away. Since our aunt didn't like it, we can't accept it either."

Feng Buji looked surprised. "Why?"

He thought his aunt had rejected the eldest princess.

Feng Chuchen shook his head. "I don't know either."

The young boy thought for a moment and said, "My aunt dislikes owing favors the most. It must be because that thing is too expensive, and it will be difficult to repay the favor in the future."

Feng Chuchen seemed to suddenly realize, "My younger brother is so smart, it must be like that."

Thinking of her aunt's life of hardship, Feng Chuchen felt even more pity for the young boy.

She accompanied Feng Buji to his study, where he bent over writing and reading, while she sat quietly by his side. It wasn't until dusk, when she saw him go to bed to rest, that she returned to the east wing.

In both her past and present lives, she has always treated this younger brother with gentleness, without a shred of "principle" or coldness.

In the stillness of the night, the occasional sound of a watchman's drum could be heard in the distance.

A solitary lamp on the desk illuminates the open diary.

Feng Chuchen pondered for a moment, then picked up his pen and wrote:

On the third day of the second month of the twenty-first year of Jianzhang, the spring chill had not yet subsided, and yellow buds were beginning to bloom.

Returning that hot commodity cleared up all past grievances.

Aunt, if there is an afterlife, and you meet a good man to spend your life with, then marry him...

The pen tip pauses here.

What she didn't write was that although that person was good, he wasn't worth "two lifetimes" of your devotion.

He lived a solitary life, his tears soaking his embroidered pillow, clinging to that illusory thought until his death... Yet he and his wife were deeply in love, and she knew all his secrets and tenderness.

Aunt, you ultimately overestimated his feelings and underestimated your own.

The most frightening thing about love in this world is this: one party has already moved on to a new season of life, while the other is still trapped in the old days, walking alone and guarding the vows that have long since faded.

May you open your eyes wide in your next life and find someone who can stand shoulder to shoulder with you between heaven and earth, sharing the wind and rain, so that you don't have to stand on tiptoe or look up to them.

You deserve a complete, clear, and lasting love, and you deserve all the good things in this world.

Feng Buchen does not deny that Shangguan Yunqi once deeply loved his aunt, and that his love was intense and sincere. He does indeed possess the responsibility and gentleness of a man at heart...

He even subtly transferred the feelings he had for his aunt to her.

He is a truly upright and good man.

But now that he has let go of the past and given that tenderness to another woman, and they are living a stable and fulfilling life, then it's time for Aunt to reclaim the love she has kept hidden in her heart.

It's not about denying the past, but about letting go of the past.

Feng Chuchen slowly exhaled, and suddenly felt that he had also realized something from it.

Because of her extraordinary experiences in her past life, even in this second life, she has never truly let go of her resentment. She remains aloof, still fearful of marriage, and still deeply wary of men…

She should also learn to let go of the past, releasing the pent-up hatred from her previous life from the depths of her memory. Not forgetting, but properly burying it. Let all that hatred, disappointment, and heartbreak... all the accumulated negative emotions, dissipate with the wind.

Then, turn around and look ahead.

She got up, put the diary into the box, and felt an unprecedented sense of relief.

Then she slowly walked to the window, looked at the deep night outside, let the evening breeze caress her face, and let her thoughts wander.

After a long while, Feng Chuchen finally came to her senses and remembered that Shangguan Yunqi had said that her aunt's master was called Ghost Dao Po, who seemed to have an old grudge against the Great Yan Dynasty.

The name itself sounds somewhat mysterious.

After returning to her hometown, the eldest aunt never revealed to anyone who her master was, so she had to keep this secret.

Shangguan Yunqi's character is still trustworthy; apart from her, he did not reveal any relationship between the Ghostly Witch and Doctor Feng.

Although the old Duke Ming wrote the betrothal letter for Shangguan Yunqi, he probably only knew that the woman Shangguan Yunqi was to marry was the disciple of the Ghostly Witch, but he did not know that this woman would later become the world-famous Doctor Feng...

Lying in bed, Feng Chuchen tossed and turned until late at night before finally falling asleep.

She dreamed of her past life again.

In the dream, "she" still had her hair in a loose bun, and a warm camel-colored turtleneck sweater wrapped around her slightly thin shoulders. She was sitting at the familiar glass dining table with her grandfather, having a meal.

The orange light flowed gently like water, enveloping the grandfather and grandson. Several dishes of home-cooked food on the table were steaming hot, and their aroma could be faintly smelled.

Judging from the situation, they are having dinner.

She carefully picked up a piece of deboned fish with her chopsticks and naturally placed it in her grandfather's bowl, a bright smile playing on her lips. When she spoke, she leaned slightly forward, her eyes curving into crescents, revealing a hint of her pearly white teeth. Occasionally, she would gently purse her lips when saying something, her eyes sparkling with a charmingly innocent light…

Grandpa sat opposite me, dressed in a purplish-red Tang suit, his silver hair meticulously combed into a slicked-back style, his face displaying a completely relaxed and indulgent smile.

The atmosphere at the dining table was as relaxed as cotton wool warmed by the sun on a spring afternoon.

That warm, harmonious, and unreserved intimacy made Feng Chuchen, who was watching all this, realize for the first time that "she" could laugh so freely and brightly when she was with her grandfather, and even act coquettishly, which was nothing like the aloof and reserved doctor Shui Chuchen.

Grandpa also thoroughly enjoyed this closeness from his granddaughter.

So much so that when Feng Chuchen woke up in the morning, she was still somewhat dazed. The scenes in the dream were too real; that warm, orange halo seemed to still gently linger in her mind, unwilling to leave.

But the real past life in my memory was quite different.

She had the deepest affection for her grandfather, but that affection stemmed not only from blood ties but also from a clear-headed understanding and weighing of reality—to put it bluntly, it was about pragmatism.

Because only by pleasing her grandfather could she learn real skills, reap the greatest benefits, and have the ability to fight against that despicable couple.

This is not only what she has known since childhood, but also the constant reminders from her maternal grandmother and uncle over the phone.

(End of this chapter)