Horse-head Wall Reflects the Qing Dynasty

Chapter 101 Rain Falls on Heaven and Earth, Breeze Spreads Across Mountains and Rivers, Time Passes By
"Move lightly, think deeply and calmly, and don't let your mind wander, but right now your whole being is scattered." In the temple, no one would treat Liu Jiao'an differently just because of her identity. Since she was practicing with them, they would point out her mistakes.

Of course, the female Taoist priests were aware of Liu Jiao'an's weak health and would not make excessive demands.

“If you have something on your mind, talk to me, or talk to any of the Taoist priests here who you want to talk to… Keeping it to yourself is not good for you.”

Liu Jiao'an always acted as if she didn't care anymore, hiding the photos for Guan Yin to see, for Ling Xiao to see, and for her cousin and the Taoist priests to see.

But no matter how much you try to hide it, you can't hide your own heart.

"Come with me to rest for a while." Daoist Cheng'an never concealed his relationship with Liu Jiao'an, nor did he hide his affection for her. "Come with me for some tea. It was all grown, picked, and cooked by my fellow disciples. It can't compare to the Liu family's refined tea..."

Whether it's particular or not, Liu Jiao'an didn't know, but the moment she tasted the tea, it was much more refreshing than what she usually drank—it was different from the tea from the mountains, streams, and small hills.

"How about it?"

"It tastes bitter at first, but the aftertaste is very sweet."

“Yes, that’s true.” Master Cheng’an nodded. “The temperature in the mountains is lower than on the hills, and the cold, damp weather makes the tea leaves grow exceptionally rich.”

The tea became weaker and weaker with each infusion, until the fourth or fifth infusion, when there was hardly any bitterness left in the water.

"How about some different tea?"

"No need, Auntie, the water still has flavor." The amount of tea from the mountain is limited each year, and Liu Jiao'an, feeling distracted, didn't want to waste this naturally grown and delicious tea.

"So you have to understand that things that have happened can never be completely without any impact."

Cheng'an Daoist suddenly spoke, clearly indicating that there was a hidden meaning in this cup of tea: "Although this tea is bitter, it is superior in its aftertaste, so what you seek in doing things is endless charm... Otherwise, if there is only bitterness, why would one bother to do it?"

"Auntie, actually in my heart..." Is it all in the past? Remembering what her aunt had just said, Liu Jiao'an took back what she hadn't finished saying, "Auntie, but there's nothing I need to care about anymore."

Without anyone or anything she cared about, Liu Jiao'an still had a sense of self, which prevented her from contemplating suicide and instead turned to her aunt.

After spending several days together, Liu Jiao'an realized that the Taoist priests were not detached from the world, nor could they be without ordinary human emotions, with worries, joys, and all sorts of thoughts about finding solace in nature.

But one could get up early to practice boxing with the female Taoist priests, chant scriptures during the day, and after noon play the zither, paint, practice calligraphy, and watch the younger female Taoist priests observe the rain dripping from the eaves...

Liu Jiao'an always felt that there was an invisible barrier between her and others, and everything she did was like looking at flowers through the fog, not real at all—Liu Jiao'an knew that she could never fit in no matter what.

“Aunt, but I feel like I don’t belong here either.”

After a long while, Liu Jiao'an summarized her experiences into this single word, "also," and told Cheng'an Daoist.

"If I told you that you still have a destined marriage... what would you do then?"

Before Liu Jiao'an could react, Cheng'an Daoist continued, "You are the only girl left in the Liu family. If you become a nun, the Liu family will truly have no descendants."

"Aunt, is it the Liu family..."

The vows her father made in the ancestral hall suddenly came to mind, and Liu Jiao'an felt a little nauseous.

"He accomplished nothing—no wife and children, no integrity."

“Your father is your father, and the Liu family is the Liu family. No matter what, you are a member of the Liu family.”

Cheng'an Daoren's words did not mean that he was using the "Liu family" to stand on the moral side and put all the responsibility on Liu Jiao'an.

However, the Liu family still had Liu Jiao'an, so the family wasn't completely rotten to the core.

"Aunt, the Liu family is gone now, how could I possibly have any marriage prospects?" Having witnessed her father's confident vows, Liu Jiao'an had no trust in the words spoken by the man.

Perhaps the father once loved his wife and daughter. But when faced with self-interest, his daughter was insignificant, and his vows were nothing more than empty words uttered carelessly.

"Not everyone cares about what benefits you can bring."

Master Cheng'an sighed, looking at his cousin with a mixture of emotions in his eyes, unable to tell whether it was pity or tenderness: "It's not that money and power are the only interests in a person's eyes."

"Auntie, people do things for a reason, don't they?"

The reason Liu Jiao'an couldn't get out of this situation wasn't because she couldn't understand it, but rather because she understood it too clearly... She dared not have too many extra hopes for the world and its people.

Looking out the window, the clouds were no longer the same as when the two of them had entered the room. The mountain wind stirred the clouds, which drifted across the horizon.

“Yes, even parents have their own interests and purposes, let alone outsiders.” Master Cheng’an didn’t know how to comfort his overly clever cousin.

The saying "too clever by half" may not only apply to those who are intentionally scheming, but also to those who are pure to a certain degree and yet are tricked by fate.

Long clouds dared not obscure the green mountains, but the golden light of the sun cast a five-colored rainbow between the two peaks before dusk.

“My son, of course we have our own purposes.” Of the dishes on the table, not many were made by Ling Xiao himself. Cheng’s mother couldn’t bear to see her daughter, whom she had just taken in, work so hard. “Your sweetheart, whether it’s for love or for your youth and beauty, is also his purpose.”

Zhang Shuwen would always send half of his salary to Ling Xiao.

Every time Ling Xiao received a letter from Zhang Shuwen, he would be excited for half a day. However, as the days went by, there was still no mention of plans to prepare for their wedding.

Over time, Ling Xiao will also feel lost.

"Your father and I have thought it over and over, and there is something we still need to tell you..."

"Mother, please speak freely."

The letter mentioned the betrothal gifts, saying that Ling Xiao would be brought to the capital before the wedding. Now, all Ling Xiao could think about was their future together.

“If Zhang Shuwen were to rely solely on his salary in the capital, he wouldn’t even be able to cultivate any social connections.”

“Then I shouldn’t…” Looking at the silver on the table, Ling Xiao felt more and more that he was now unworthy of the innocent Zhang Shuwen.

Ling Xiao, a newly appointed top scholar in the capital and a singer who had worked in the brothel for over ten years, knew that to Zhang Shuwen, she was nothing more than a decorative vase that could offer him no help whatsoever.

If I were to discard all those so-called feelings from the past, I would be nothing.

“Mother, I’ve let Shuwen down.”

"If it weren't for the friendship from back then, Shuwen could have married his teacher's daughter, or... any daughter who would be useful to his career and worthy of his integrity."

"Mother, without this affection, I..."

“In your mother’s eyes, there is nothing about you that makes you unworthy of him.” Cheng’s mother let Ling Xiao express his emotions for a long time, but finally couldn’t bear to listen to his self-deprecating words.

"Not to mention that your late brother was posthumously honored by His Majesty, you yourself are also worthy of that special title."

"He willingly spent the money on the music academy back then. If it weren't for you, how would he have had the chance to go to the capital to take the imperial examination?" She herself had also willingly helped him, but when it came to her mother, she naturally sided with her.

"mother……"

Cheng's mother took Ling Xiao's hand and said, "What I want to tell you is not that you made him feel bad in the capital, but that the money he can get in the capital is far more than the salary he talks about."

"He emphasized this half of his salary again and again in his letter to you... Son, you must remember that people change. In the six months that you haven't seen him, you don't know what he's like now."

Hearing his mother's words, Ling Xiao fell silent.

“The capital city is not like our village, where there is backstabbing and intrigue, it is easy to change a person.”

"Besides, my child, think about it... can you really see this person clearly?" Every word Cheng's mother spoke was for the sake of her adopted daughter.

Ling Xiao wasn't someone who wouldn't listen.

"Mother, I understand."

Everyone around him was telling him that so-called feelings were nothing more than temporary things, and Ling Xiao inexplicably felt a bitter taste in his mouth.

Liu Jiao'an told Ling Xiao how her father, Liu Qingxian, made a vow in the ancestral hall, and Ling Xiao also witnessed the rise and fall of the Liu family.

Something must have happened to the mother of the brothel...

When he was closer, Ling Xiao felt that his mother was using oppression to force him to become her cash cow. The further away he got, the more he could sense the sensitivity that his mother had once possessed—some things become clearer the further away you are.

"Mother, Mother, you can rest assured."

"A daughter will not let her mother and father be sad because of her."

Ling Xiao didn't know what a man would do if he was unfaithful. She only knew from stories and plays that such a man would kill the woman he had vowed to protect as a "pledge of allegiance" to the new woman.

Would anyone dare to love a man like that? Ling Xiao recalled hearing these stories and felt they were illogical.

How can a "newcomer" sleep next to a man who abandoned his wife? Aren't they afraid of becoming the next "pledge of allegiance"?
Or perhaps, as my mother said, these people all have their own motives?

Ling Xiao is very smart, but there are some things he just can't understand. For example, how he fell in love with Zhang Shuwen and how he devoted himself to this man is something Ling Xiao can't recall even if he tries.

The clouds on the horizon may not all be the same, but the sky is the same, and the sun, moon, and stars shine the same light. Under these three lights, each has its own sorrow.

"Aren't you going back to the capital?" Guan Yin paused, his pen still in his hand. He looked up at the extremely bored people not far away. "There's nothing you can do here."

"There's nothing much to do these days, and there's no position to hold if I go back to the capital, so I might as well stay here and be comfortable."

Cheng Heng continued to rummage through the shelves as if he had just arrived, picking out a book to read when he was bored, and then putting it back after a while.

"You're getting more and more adept at lecturing these days... Don't you want to share more of the ideas from our era with them?"

"I've read some historical romance novels before, and many authors include stories about female emperors or female protagonists who go to girls' schools to teach them about gender equality."

Cheng Heng suddenly changed the subject to Guan Yin.

Don't you want to tell them?

"I remember those articles were praised as something about female consciousness awakening... Don't you want tragedies like Ling Xiao and Liu Jiao'an to happen less often?"

A long time has passed, but Cheng Heng has not changed his initial idea—he always wants to make positive changes.

"Change is good, of course, but aren't you afraid of being treated like a madman and taken to the yamen for interrogation?"

Art students' thinking is ultimately too romantic. Guan Yin sighed: "You always have to consider how the economy is developing in this era, what the attitude of its rulers is, and what these people will encounter if they have ideas that are ahead of this era."

“That’s true.” Having already memorized the book in his hand, Cheng Heng casually tossed it back onto the bookshelf, pursed his lips in boredom, and walked towards Guan Yin. “I didn’t expect that after the college entrance examination, I would suddenly have to memorize so much content.”

"If I could go back, I would rather repeat high school."

“You wouldn’t say that if you really went back to high school.” Guan Yin shrugged and joked, “You should think about what you said back in high school, like ‘I’d rather’.”

Their conversation may seem disjointed, but they actually understand each other perfectly well...

"Now that the Liu family is gone, how can we go back?" Cheng Heng finally couldn't hold back any longer, snatched the pen from Guan Yin's hand and put it aside, "Aren't you worried?"

"Was this trip just a complete waste of time?"

Guan Yin rolled her eyes at Cheng Heng, picked up the pen the latter had placed on the pen holder, and continued her work: "When can life be a destination in every aspect? And when can everything have the desired result?"

"There should be one..."

"Target?" Guan Yin interrupted Cheng Heng.

Cheng Heng nodded.

Having a goal doesn't necessarily mean you have to achieve a result.

Cheng Heng shook his head.

Helpless, Guan Yin finally put down his pen: "It's like when you go mountain climbing, do you always have a purpose?"

"Climb up."

That's the goal, not the purpose.

"Then what is the purpose?" Cheng Heng didn't understand Guan Yin's meaning.

“Look at the clouds, look at the trees, look at the rocks, look at the people… look at yourself.” Guan Yin continued without showing any impatience, “But are you sure you can climb up?”

"uncertain."

"Then you may not necessarily see the clouds you want to see, meet the people you want to meet, or understand the self you want to understand."

Disappointment is the most common outcome of climbing a mountain, isn't it?

Cheng Heng nodded.

The green hills blocked out the blazing sun, and the sky outside the window darkened. Neither of them spoke again. Cheng Heng sat to one side, tending to the lamp, while Guan Yin sat at the table, busy with something…

As the stars and moon climbed into the night sky, the square courtyard enclosed a limited patch of sky.

Dark blue clouds slowly pierced the stars and moon in the sky. There was no rumor that a alignment of the seven stars would allow them to travel back in time. All that remained for the two of them was endless waiting and trying their best to live in the present.