I made a dime from selling tangerines and you call me heartless?

the next day.

We took the shuttle bus to the city.

Along the way, I was so excited that I couldn't sit still.

I thought to myself that I could finally be like those classmates.

I can also wear those beautiful clothes.

Finally, I don't have to feel so inferior to myself anymore.

But grandpa remained silent, with his head down and a worn handkerchief bag tightly clenched in his hand.

When I arrived at the big shopping mall in the city, I felt like Granny Liu entering the Grand View Garden, and my eyes were not enough.

This is not my first time here.

But this is my first time to buy something.

The lights in the mall are bright, and the floor is shiny enough to reflect people's shadows.

There are exquisite models in the glass windows, wearing fashionable clothes, as if they came out of the TV.

I walked in the mall and felt like I was elevated.

It was as if I had become a city dweller, no different from those glamorous people.

But when I saw the price tag of the clothes, my heart sank.

An ordinary T-shirt costs two or three hundred yuan.

A pair of jeans, four or five hundred.

And those brand-name sportswear are incredibly expensive, often costing thousands of dollars.

Grandpa stood next to me, and the wrinkles on his face became deeper.

He lowered his head and kept stroking the handkerchief bag with his fingers, as if he wanted to count the money inside.

"Binbin, how about...let's look at something else?"

"No, I want this one."

I pointed at a set of white back-to-back sportswear and stared at it.

The suit was hanging in the window, with a red logo printed on a white background, like a symbol of some kind of status.

I know that by wearing it, I can be like those city people.

The mall attendant came over.

Looking at us with disgust.

"If you can't afford it, don't touch it. What if it gets dirty?"

"We buy."

I mustered up the courage to speak.

"Buy it, just you guys? These clothes are not cheap."

The waiter sneered, which made me blush and wish I could find a hole to crawl into.

"Grandpa, I want this."

Driven by my self-esteem, I turned and looked at my grandfather.

In fact, I didn't even try this dress on, so I didn't even know if it fit me.

Grandpa didn't say anything, he just walked to the cashier silently.

He tremblingly opened the handkerchief bag, revealing a wad of crumpled change.

There are ten-yuan ones, five-yuan ones, and even one-yuan ones.

He counted them one by one, his fingers trembling slightly.

The cashier looked at him impatiently and muttered,

"Hurry up, there are people behind us."

I am even more embarrassed.

Feeling ashamed.

Grandpa's face turned red and beads of sweat appeared on his forehead.

He counted for a long time before he finally scraped together more than 700 yuan and bought the suit.

Then, I set my eyes on a pair of Jordan shoes.

The pair of shoes was placed on the shelf, with a white upper and a red logo, like some kind of symbol of victory.

I tried it and it felt great, like walking on clouds.

But when I looked at the price tag, it was over a thousand.

Grandpa's face became even uglier.

He clutched his handkerchief bag, and his knuckles turned white from the force.

"Binbin, these shoes are too expensive, let's..."

"Grandpa, I want this pair."

My tone was firm, even a little pleading, in an attempt to preserve the last bit of my self-respect in front of the waiter.

Grandpa looked at me with complicated eyes.

He was silent for a long time, and finally nodded.

He opened the handkerchief bag again and poured out all the money inside.

This time, he counted slower and his fingers shook more violently.

The cashier's face became more and more ugly, and he kept complaining.

Grandpa lowered his head, as if he didn't hear anything, and just concentrated on counting the money.

Finally, he collected more than a thousand yuan.

He handed the money to the cashier, his hands still shaking slightly. I watched all this, but I felt only disgust and aversion.

I hate this kind of life.

I swear.

I must not do this in the future.

I want to be a superior person and live the life I want.

You can go back home.

It looks like it obviously doesn't fit me, it's obviously much bigger, and it feels like an umbrella when I wear it.

I'm numb.

I feel so wronged that I want to die.

why?
Why do you treat me like this?

……

Because I bought clothes this time.

Spent a lot of money.

I don't have enough tuition money.

My grandfather didn’t dare tell my parents who were working outside, so he decided to borrow money.

But everyone in the village is very poor.

Who can I borrow from?
Jiang Che.

My cousin.

Their family was the only one with good conditions in the village, and his father was also a well-known good man in the village.

Borrow money quickly.

Our family didn't make things difficult and agreed immediately.

Taking the money, I went to the provincial capital.

……

University has started.

I didn't let my grandfather send me off.

Students going to schools in the provincial capital also have to transfer in the south city.

When I arrived in the south city, I threw away the sack I was carrying and went to the wholesale market to buy a suitcase.

More than a hundred dollars.

It's a bit expensive, but you can get by with gritted teeth.

As for that sportswear that was obviously too big, during the summer vacation, I went to town to find someone to re-tailor it. Now it fits me well and I can barely wear it.

……

I thought everything would be different in college.

At least everyone is receiving higher education.

I won’t be looked down upon or laughed at like I was in high school, but I’m still disappointed.

the University.

It's more like a society than high school.

The chain of contempt has also become more serious.

On the first day of reporting in, I felt the strange looks.

I was wearing that back-to-back track suit and those Jordans.

I thought I could finally stand up straight.

But when I stood at the door of the dormitory, one of my roommates stared at my clothes and suddenly laughed.
"Your clothes...are they fake?"

“The back-to-back logos are all printed crookedly.”

His words were like a knife, stabbing into my heart.

I looked down at my clothes and suddenly realized that those logos that once made me proud now seemed so glaring.

The logo is not printed crookedly.

Rather, a deviation occurred when the image was reduced and cropped, making the logo look crooked.

My palms began to sweat and my face felt hot, as if I had been stripped naked in public.

What makes me even more embarrassed is the application form for new students.

When filling in my home address, my hands were shaking so much that I could barely hold the pen.

"XX village, XX group, XX county, XX city, XX province."

I wrote stroke by stroke, but I felt like a huge rock was pressing on my heart.

The classmate next to him came over to take a look, with a hint of contempt in his eyes.

"You're from the mountains?"

There was such a condescending pity in his tone that I wanted to find a hole to crawl into.

From that day on, I clearly felt that people around me were distancing themselves from me.

I couldn't get a word in what they were talking about.

"I went to Disneyland during the summer vacation. There were so many people. I had to wait in line until my legs were weak."

"I went to Shanghai and the night view of the Bund was amazing."

"My parents took me to Fantawild. The roller coaster was so thrilling!"

They talked and laughed, with sparkles in their eyes. (End of this chapter)