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Chapter 728 Buddha Cannot
Pantaoyuan.
There was no ethereal cloud formation as one might have imagined; instead, there was only a pervasive demonic aura and the growth of evil spirits.
"Buddha."
The little demon guarding the peach orchard immediately kowtowed and paid his respects when he saw "Buddha Wutian" approaching.
Tan Wenjie was a little uncomfortable with his disheveled hair. He blew on the long beard that drooped down to the tip of his nose with a crooked mouth.
The group of lesser demons looked at him with astonishment.
"Ahem." Tan Wenjie immediately put on a stern face and asked, "Are there any ripe peaches in the peach orchard?"
"Reporting to Buddha, it has been less than a thousand years since Sun Wukong wreaked havoc in the Heavenly Palace, and none of the peaches in the garden are ripe yet."
"That damned Sun Wukong, he didn't even leave a few familiar ones."
Tan Wenjie strode into the peach orchard. Since he was already there, he couldn't just leave empty-handed.
The peach orchard was filled with purple mist and abundant spiritual energy. In particular, he possessed the talent of "Fairy Spirit Craftsman," and standing in the peach orchard, he felt a sense of intimacy, as if he had returned to the earth.
Turning my head to look at the peach tree again, I saw that the fruit was sparse and unripe, with some as big as half a fist and others as small as a fingertip.
The little demon who followed him in asked in confusion, "Buddha, do you also need to eat peaches?"
The Buddha Wutian possesses unparalleled strength across the Three Realms and is nearly immortal, so he no longer needs to worry about his lifespan. This makes Xiao Yao wonder why a deity of this level would need to eat peaches of immortality.
“What do you know!” Tan Wenjie shook his head.
Even if you eat it and find it useless, you can take it back to collect, give it away, or use it to train your subordinates. It's a waste not to keep good things in your own pocket.
“What Buddha said is true. This little demon does not understand. This little demon is wrong.”
Tan Wenjie ignored the little demon who was kowtowing and begging for mercy. His eyes quickly swept across the peach orchard, and finally his gaze settled on the peach tree at the very back.
"It ripens once every nine thousand years. After consuming it, one can live as long as heaven and earth, and be as old as the sun and moon."
He didn't care about the effect of increasing lifespan, but a nine-thousand-year-old peach would definitely accumulate a lot of magic power, which could also be used as a mana-restoring potion. Moreover, the peach had a very good flavor. He had eaten a three-thousand-year-old peach last time, and the taste was still fresh in his memory.
"It won't be so easy to come back to this place in the future."
Tan Wenjie took out the Golden Cudgel and transformed it into a golden hoe with the words "I love you for ten thousand years," while his eyes gleamed as he scanned the nine-thousand-year-old peach tree.
Walk around the tree once.
"That's it."
"Buddha, you, you..."
The little demon felt heartbroken upon seeing this, but dared not stop it.
Tan Wenjie didn't care about any of that. He wanted to transplant such a good spiritual root and keep it by his side so that he could harvest peaches every nine thousand years.
Time travel is a trick he often uses. Sacrificing a world, skipping nine thousand years, and then reaping the peaches of immortality is well worth it.
With the help of the [Fairy Craftsman] talent, he easily dug up the peach tree.
The sacred tree was transplanted and quickly withered, but fortunately it did not completely die.
【Purple-veined, fine-pitted peach tree (treasure): Ripens once every nine thousand years; those who eat it will live as long as heaven and earth, and be as old as the sun and moon; Status: Near death (requires a rich spiritual environment)】
Tan Wenjie put away the peach tree and said, "This Buddha is going to the Jade Pool."
"Yes."
Yaochi is nothing special. Tan Wenjie made a special trip to Yaochi to see if the Queen Mother of the West had left any treasures behind.
The result was disappointing; not a single hairpin was left, it was completely clean.
Where is the Heavenly Kitchen?
"Buddha, this way please."
Tian Pao (Heavenly Kitchen).
Celestial music filled the air, the clouds stopped and the wind calmed.
Several little demons, dressed in divine general armor and wearing crookedly adorned with red-tasseled divine general helmets, staggered about.
They were the luckiest among the little demons who played the roles of celestial beings, enjoying all kinds of divine fruits and fine wines.
"Cough cough."
The coughing woke the little demons, who struggled to their feet, their bodies still swaying precariously.
When he saw the disheveled black figure approaching, he was immediately sobered up.
"How dignified!"
Tan Wenjie walked to Xiao Yao's side with a stern face, looked at the wine jar beside them, and waved his hand to put it away.
"Even I, the Buddha, cannot rest easy, yet you are content with your pleasures. Do you think the peace of the Three Realms can be maintained by me alone?"
The little demon begged for mercy: "Please forgive me, Buddha!"
In fact, the question was already posed in my mind: Isn't that right?
"Hmph." Tan Wenjie strode into the Heavenly Kitchen, leaving behind a group of little demons kneeling trembling on the ground.
Wutian's temper was too good. If he had such a bunch of useless people under his command, how could he possibly think about purging the Three Realms? Even if he really overthrew the Buddha and took his place, the thought of having to govern the Three Realms with such a bunch of idiots made him think it would be better to destroy the Three Realms.
There were also many jars of fine wine and some snacks.
A female demon dressed as a fairy walked by, swaying her hips.
"Greetings, Buddha!"
It's like a dark gothic woman wearing a cute floral dress—the styles don't match, but her figure is even hotter.
Forget fairies, it has to be a demoness!
He raised his hand and hooked the enchantress's chin.
"Buddha~" the demoness blushed slightly, "No~"
"Hmph, you've pleased me, so I'll bestow upon you the title of Bodhisattva from now on."
The little demons behind them were dumbfounded.
Buddha actually flirted with a woman? And even bestowed upon her the title of Bodhisattva.
how can that be!
Even the little demons on the villain's side thought this was too far-fetched, even a bit shameless.
"Buddha~~"
The vixen had no sense of shame and buried her head in Tan Wenjie's arms.
"Spider demon?"
"Buddha is wise and discerning."
"This Buddha prefers those with long legs."
Tan Wenjie picked up a pastry, took a bite, and found it to be delicate in texture but not too sweet.
This was followed by a rapid recovery of several hundred points of mana.
Compared to the taste of the dessert, the effect of restoring mana is the most useless.
"Hahahaha!"
He held the demoness with his left arm and raised his right hand.
"receive!"
Whether or not we can take everything from this world is not important; what is important is that nothing should be wasted.
The monsters' jaws dislocated as they stared wide-eyed at the scene.
What is Wutian Buddha planning to do? Why did he empty the kitchen?
After packing everything away, Tan Wenjie flicked his long black robe sleeves and casually pushed the demoness away.
"Go to Tushita Palace."
"Yes."
Needless to say, the enchantress, amidst the envious and jealous gazes of her fellow sisters, shrugged off her excess flesh with both hands, held her head high, and followed after them.
As he approached the entrance to the Heavenly Kitchen, Tan Wenjie's gaze fell upon a wine cup in the hand of one of the gatekeeper demons, and he reached out and snatched the cup away.
There was still half a glass of wine left inside; it was almost wasted.
Watching "Buddha Wutian" and the others leave, the little demons, now fully sober, looked at each other in bewilderment.
"Buddha... Ouch, why did you hit me!"
"Don't pry into what Buddha did!"
"But this is too..." The little demon looked at her empty hands.
Even Buddha would snatch a cup of wine from him.
Something feels off.
The Thirty-Third Heaven, the Tushita Palace.
Tan Wenjie made a special detour to this place.
He believed that even the Buddha and the entire Mount Ling could not defeat Wutian, but he did not believe that Laozi, Yuanshi Tianzun, and others could not defeat Wutian.
Therefore, it could only be that they retreated voluntarily. Upon entering the Tushita Palace, Tan Wenjie went straight to the alchemy room, picked up a gourd, and shook it to examine it.
"No."
He dropped one gourd, picked up another, and shook it again.
"still none."
They checked more than a dozen gourds, and they were all empty.
After circling around the Tushita Palace, not only were the pills gone, but even the pill furnace was left untouched. In the end, Tan Wenjie could only helplessly collect the dregs to feed the shoes, the water-avoiding beast, and the cold dragon when he got back.
You can come empty-handed, but you absolutely cannot leave empty-handed.
The expressions of the little demons guarding the gates of the Tushita Palace became increasingly interesting.
"To the Bullfighting Palace." Tan Wenjie did not forget his main purpose for coming here.
The entire Heavenly Court was under Wutian's control, and Tan Wenjie, who bore Wutian's face, could go anywhere. However, he knew that with Wutian's level of power, he could be discovered at any time.
Being blocked means certain death, so you must act quickly.
Alternatively, one could choose to surrender. With the three Buddha relics and Wutian's excellent boss-like nature of never holding grudges against his subordinates, one might even rise to become Wutian's number one henchman. After defeating deities like Sun Wukong, Tathagata, and Guanyin, one could then bestow upon oneself the title of Buddha.
In front of the Dou Niu Palace.
"You guys wait outside."
"Yes, Buddha!"
The little demons dared not object, watching Tan Wenjie stride into the Bullfighting Palace and close the gate.
The little demons left outside the door looked at each other in bewilderment.
"Don't you think there's something a little off about Buddha?"
"Yeah, I also feel like something's not right!"
"Buddha dug up a peach tree. He has long since lived as long as heaven and earth. Does he still need to eat peaches?"
"Maybe Buddha just liked to eat peaches."
"Then how about we go to the Jade Pool, and then go to the Heavenly Kitchen to drink the finest nectar?"
"Buddha might like to drink." The little demon who helped answer the question was already losing some confidence.
"And the Tushita Palace..."
Mentioning the Tushita Palace, all the lesser demons sighed in unison.
In just a short while, "Buddha Wutian" walked out with his hands behind his back.
No one knows what happened inside, only that "Buddha Wutian" seems to be in a good mood.
"Buddha, is there anywhere else we wish to go?"
"Do I, the Buddha, need to report to you what I want to do?"
"This little demon wouldn't dare."
"Humph."
Tan Wenjie swept his sleeve and smashed it to ashes.
Some demons have already begun to doubt their identities, which is not a good thing.
The other little demons shut up.
Tan Wenjie strode forward, but his expression was not good.
The relic is actually a plot prop. Although it can play a huge role in this world, it will become an ordinary cremation stone after leaving this world.
His next plan was to retrieve the fossil of the Dragon Buddha and then go back to find Qiao Ling'er.
A day in heaven is a year on earth, so several months have probably passed down here. It doesn't matter whether Qiao Ling'er is dead or not, since she can be resurrected at any time anyway. I'm still waiting for his "Three Hundred Children's Songs".
"boom!"
A tremendous sound came, and the sound actually reached the Thirty-Third Heaven.
A monster dressed in golden armor, resembling a giant spirit god, flew in, shouting, "Buddha, it's terrible! The real Nezha is attacking!"
"What?" Tan Wenjie frowned. "Does such a trivial matter require the intervention of this Buddha?"
The fake giant spirit said aggrievedly, "Buddha, our Heavenly Court is full of useless little demons, none of them have any real skills."
He couldn't lift the giant's real axe; what he held in his hand was a piece of wood.
According to the script of Wutian Buddha, wherever Sun Wukong went, Wutian Buddha would send powerful demons there to prevent him from being exposed. At other times, he did not need to manage them and let the lesser demons wait.
Ultimately, it's because Wutian has no talent to use. He's just filling ten positions with one person, moving people wherever there's a need.
In front of the South Heavenly Gate.
With his Fire-Tipped Spear in hand and his Wind-Fire Wheels on his feet, Nezha single-handedly swept away deities including Li Jing, the Pagoda-Bearing Heavenly King, the Third Prince Nezha, the Four Heavenly Kings, the Twelve Zodiac Stars, the Martial Virtue Star Lord, Venus, the Jade Emperor, and many others.
His mischievous nature hasn't changed over the millennia; even when the other party is a familiar face, he doesn't hesitate for a moment when stabbing them with a gun.
*Thud*, one shot, one hole; in the blink of an eye, several were wounded.
The four Heavenly Kings were hanging on the gun like a skewer of candied hawthorns. He stepped on them and slowly pulled the gun out.
With a flick of his wrist, blood splattered all over the ground.
"Li Jing, don't run away!"
Nezha kicked the imposter Li Jing in the butt, and seeing him fall flat on his face, he immediately burst into laughter.
He had wanted to kick him for a long time, and he never expected to get the chance today.
Nezha's smile soon faded as a figure entirely in black arrived at the South Heavenly Gate.
The imposters, who had been helplessly beaten just moments before, now seemed to have found their leader and hid behind him.
"Buddha, save me!"
Nezha narrowed his eyes: "Wutian?"
They occupied Mount Ling, unified the Three Realms, and imprisoned all the gods.
He was very clear about Wutian's battle record, but the Third Prince would rather die in battle than surrender.
With a flick of his Fire-Tipped Spear, Nezha looked at Tan Wenjie and said, "Perfect! Today, I, the Crown Prince, will kill you and save the Three Realms!"
Tan Wenjie: "..."
I've encountered the most stubborn one yet.
Nezha, now fully recovered, is quite powerful, but Wutian is extremely strong.
He could fight Nezha for hundreds or even thousands of rounds and then win.
But Wutian is different. Wutian's strength is comparable to that of Tathagata, and he is even stronger in the eyes of the gods. Otherwise, Buddha would not have reincarnated.
If he can't subdue Nezha in one move, then his Wutian persona is fake.
Many minor demons suspect that Tan Wenjie is an imposter, but they are simply too weak to test him.
"What a fine Nezha in long johns!" Tan Wenjie sneered. "In the past, Buddha Tathagata captured Sun Wukong with one slap. Watch me capture you with one slap."
The murderous Nezha opposite him paused, his eyes widening in confusion for a moment before suddenly brightening as if he had discovered something.
"Hahaha, Nezha the Third Prince is here. You dare to try, you monster."
The murderous intent was gone, leaving only a smile.
Tan Wenjie raised his hand, without using any magic power, and simply spread his five fingers: "Come!"
Nezha screamed "Ah!" and his body flew uncontrollably toward Tan Wenjie, who then grabbed him by the back of the neck.
The other lesser demons were overjoyed at the sight.
"The Buddha's power is boundless!"
"Nezha, a mere nobody, was captured by Buddha in a single move."
"You're so arrogant, Nezha, keep being arrogant, hahaha."
Nezha's face flushed red: "As long as I, the Crown Prince, am alive, I will definitely come back and kill you all!"
“Come back to Mount Ling with me,” Tan Wenjie said. “I am still missing a disciple named Sudhana.”
Nezha glared: "Don't compare me to him."
The little demons of the South Heavenly Gate said in unison, "Respectfully seeing off the Buddha."
The female demon who was called out by Tan Wenjie wanted to follow, but Tan Wenjie shook his head and refused.
"From now on, you will pretend to be the Queen Mother of the West in Heaven. When I, the Buddha, return, I will appoint you as a Bodhisattva."
"Yes, Buddha~"
All the demons and Nezha: "..."
After leaving the South Heavenly Gate, Tan Wenjie released Nezha.
"Your acting is a bit too exaggerated," he couldn't help but complain.
"You actually dare to flirt with women while wearing Wutian's face?" Nezha also complained, "Even Wutian would never do such a thing."
Tan Wenjie shook his head: "You don't understand."
He didn't learn from Wutian; he learned from Buddha. (End of Chapter)
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