[Football] Bad Boy Batty

"It's fourth gear now. How do you feel about this level?"

In the Etihad Training Center, Alandes is operating a physical therapy device. There are many thin wires connected to the middle of the desktop machine, and there are square patches on the head. They are attached to Batistuta's shoulders according to the muscle movement.

Today is the day of the Champions League round of 16 draw, and all the players will go to the screening room to watch the draw process, but before that, Batistuta has to take care of his shoulder.

After a series of examinations, the team doctor and physiotherapist were relieved that it was just a simple sprain.

"Not bad." Barty leaned back on the therapy table, one leg dangling, and reached out to fiddle with the wires. "It feels like a sci-fi movie - oh look! My muscles are dancing on their own."

"This is the physical therapy device specially prepared for you." Arandez tapped Batty's dishonest fingers with a fountain pen. "Don't move. Let them work."

Batty made a face at Alandez.

"How long will I have to carry them?" he asked.

"15 minutes, then we'll switch to another 15 minutes, half an hour a day, for a total of 7 days." Arandus tapped the machine a few times. "It's time to shift up. Are you ready?"

"bring it on."

It has been a week since the match against Liverpool, and the sentence for the guy who touched Batistuta's thigh during the match has been announced: 6 months in prison, a fine of 3 pounds, and a lifetime ban from approaching 600 meters from a school.

To be honest, even though the UK takes sexual crimes against minors very seriously, this efficiency is really too fast.

Some people claimed that they had seen Godfather Batty in the UK Supreme Court before the verdict was announced, but this is just a rumor and there is no evidence.

For Batistuta, he only knew that Edmundo was indeed in the UK during those days and came to visit him. As for whether the other party had asked someone to increase the sentence, he didn't know and didn't want to know.

Just when some people on the Internet were speaking up for the criminal (six months is indeed a bit long), the media released the news that he had a history of child sexual harassment, so the multiple crimes combined gave him a relatively heavy punishment.

Now the Internet maggots have nothing to say.

Soon, Liverpool officials apologized to Batistuta again, and head coach Klopp and all the players expressed their condolences to him on social media.

For a time, Batista's name once again topped the hot searches, and he took this opportunity to gain nearly 130 million fans.

Netizens’ enthusiasm came and went quickly, and today, the heat of the matter has finally died down.

"Hiss—it hurts a little." Batty straightened his back a little, "Turn it down a bit."

"No, this is the frequency that suits you best," Arandus said firmly. "I'm the science officer, and I have the final say."

Batty rolled his eyes at him.
"My muscles are on my body, so I certainly know what's best for them." He kicked Arandez with his swinging foot. "Turn it down quickly, or I'll scream."

"You can scream, I can't control it." Alandos crossed his arms and looked at Batty with a smile, "There are physiotherapists and medical officers here, they know I am right."

But he regretted it the next second.

Batty raised his eyebrows and stared at Arandez with a look that said 'you shouldn't provoke me', then he let out a gasp and sigh.

The sound was not loud, but it seemed particularly long in the empty therapy room.

What a ghost!
Who would make such a sound at this time!

"Stop it now!" Arandus turned his eyes away with a red face. "I am adjusting the frequency for you according to the rules. This is science. It's useless for you to tease me!"

"really?"

"real!"

"Then why are you blushing?"

"That's not...that's two different things."

The poor curly-haired science officer was speechless after being teased by Batty. He glared at him several times and then blocked his ears with his fingers. Batty gave a wicked grin and then shouted even louder, but his fingers were of no use at all.

Just when Arandez was about to give up, Loach showed up and saved him.

"Buddy! Your coffee." The black boy handed the cup to Buddy. "One cup of maple syrup, two cups of milk. It's still hot. Be careful."

Batty took the coffee and winked at Loach, who immediately understood and looked at the science officer.

"What's wrong, Alan?" he asked in a pretentious manner, "Is Batty not cooperating with your work again?"

"He didn't just refuse to cooperate!" Arandus took a deep breath, "He also hummed at me, that kind of sound..."

Loach could hardly hold back the smile on his face.

"You mean this?" He chuckled twice, then imitated some action movie sounds, "Like this?"

Arandez:!
“Ahhh! You two!” The science officer’s face had turned into a tomato. He rushed to the door and picked up a broom. “What did I do wrong that God wanted me to know you!”

Just then, the door opened.

"How come you made the physiotherapy room look like a slaughterhouse?" Aguero appeared at the door with a smile on his face. He snatched the broom from Alandez and put it down, then raised his chin towards Batistuta. "The draw is about to begin, let's go."

Fortunately, the time was almost up, and the scientific officer, who was on the verge of collapse, did not delay for a second. Batty was driven out, and the door of the physiotherapy room was slammed shut, hitting his nose. A few seconds later, Loach was also thrown out.

Aguero glanced at the door of the physiotherapy room in surprise: "What did you do to Alan? He seems particularly irritable today."

"Oh, about this." Batty smiled mysteriously, "Next time I'll let you try it, then you'll know."

After saying that, Batistuta drank his coffee and hummed a song as he walked towards the screening room. Loach followed closely behind him, while Aguero was two steps slower and fell behind.

Looking at the backs of the two people in front of him talking and laughing, and remembering the closed door of the physiotherapy room, the Argentine striker shuddered.

I always feel something is not right.

……

Batistuta and his group were the last to arrive at the screening room. When they entered, the others were already seated. There was a white board on the right side of the big screen. The top row had many club names written on it, and there were colorful papers pasted below.

"Hey! Batistuta! Which club do you want to be our next opponent?" Kompany waved his hand in front of the board, "Whoever guesses correctly can take this--"

The Manchester City captain bent down and pulled out a palm-sized model of the trophy from behind a board.

"And he can decide what we eat at our next dinner party!"

Batistuta threw himself into a chair in the first row and leaned on Aguero's shoulder.

"I want Bayern and Real Madrid," he said.

There was a good-natured laugh in the theater, and Batty rolled his eyes at everyone and said, "Can you be a little ambitious? I want to beat the strong team right from the start."

"You have the courage." Guardiola clapped his hands with a smile. "But, Batistuta, you have to know that the rules are the rules. We are second in the group and it is impossible for us to draw Bayern and Real Madrid, who are also second in the group. Our opponents are only Napoli, Atletico Madrid, Monaco, Dortmund, and Juventus. We have to choose one of the five."

"That doesn't matter." Batistuta poked Aguero's waist, "Kun, what about you?"

"Napoli," Aguero said without hesitation, "That's Maradona's former club, and I heard that their performance in European competitions in recent years hasn't been very good."

So I chose the simplest one.

Batty shook his head dismissively.

"Don't think this is wrong. It's normal to hope to draw a weak team." Aguero flicked Batistuta's forehead. "If you want to win the final, you have to get to the final first."

Batty blew his lips, still disagreeing.

"Then I choose Juventus." He picked the one that looked the most difficult. "Although they are still very weak, at least they have reached the semi-finals in the past three seasons."

"Okay." De Bruyne's voice came from the back seat, "It's time to start, watch carefully."

The host of the draw ceremony on the screen has come to the stage. The administrator turns off the lights and then turns on the projection sound, and the players gradually quiet down.

In the darkness, Aguero leaned close to Batistuta's ear. "What did you do to Kevin again?" he asked. "He seems to be avoiding you these past two days."

Batty glanced quickly at the back row and then looked away in an instant.

"I don't know." He said lightly, "Maybe he fell in love with me."

"Seriously."

"I told you I didn't know. He's been like this since he came back from Anfield." Batistuta pinched Aguero's thigh in a complaining tone. "Do you have a lollipop?"

Ok?
The Argentine striker was a little confused by this irrelevant topic, but he still answered honestly: "No, but I have chocolate beans, which are Leo's favorite. I always bring them for him. Do you want them?"

"want."

"Then don't move. I'll feed you. Pep doesn't want us to eat this kind of food. You're too easy to be discovered from that position." Aguero quietly took out a handful of chocolate beans from his pocket. He took one, twisted it in his hand and put it to Batistuta's mouth, "Open your mouth."

Batistuta opened his mouth obediently to accept the feed. He glanced at Guardiola, and seeing that the other party was concentrating on waiting for the draw, he quickly took a chocolate bean from Aguero's hand and stuffed it into his mouth.

Aguero's eyes widened. 'Do you want to be scolded?' he said with his eyes.

'Pep didn't see it.' Batty winked. 'You're welcome.'

The draw on the screen has completed three groups. Benfica drew Monaco, Paris Saint-Germain drew Barcelona, ​​and Real Madrid drew Naples.

Most of the players in the screening room became agitated. They had all guessed wrong, including Guardiola, who thought they would draw Monaco.

No one noticed Batistuta and Aguero feeding each other chocolate beans -

Except for the Belgian midfielder who sat high up in the back row.

[Let’s see who will be drawn next…] The guest who drew the lottery took out a mini football and opened it, [Dortmund…their opponent will be…]

Another ball was taken out.

【Manchester City.】

"Oooo!"

"Dot! We drew Dot!"

For a moment, the theater was like a lottery draw, with players jumping up and applauding.

Kompany laughed and rushed towards their fitness coach, "He won! It's Dortmund! He guessed right!" He handed the trophy over, and the fitness coach and everyone laughed together. Finally, he stood in front of the stage and held the trophy high.

"also."

Batistuta melted the chocolate ball in his mouth with the tip of his tongue, then took out his mobile phone to send messages to Neymar and Ederson.

? ? To be honest, his impression of Dortmund remained in the 12-13 season, when they last reached the Champions League final and lost to Bayern.

"Don't worry, we won't let you get cold." Aguero ruffled his hair. "Get your sweaters and scarves ready. The winter in Germany isn't that bad."

A few minutes later, the draw was over and Manchester City players left the screening room one after another. Batistuta was the first to walk out, but the last to leave, because he received a call from across the ocean from Lucie, his godfather's financial advisor.

The other party asked an extremely strange question right away -

"Hey, boy, do you like Messi?"

What the hell is this problem?

Batistuta glanced at Aguero who was waiting beside him and deliberately replied: "Well, I like Messi very much, what's the matter?"

Aguero looked up in an instant, like a dog who hears his owner say he wants to go out and play.

"What?" He pricked up his ears. "What's wrong with Leo?" "It's an advertisement. Edmundo recently launched a corn flakes brand and wants you to be his spokesperson. It's considered as pocket money for you." Lucy said, "The marketing team said that it would be better to find Messi to pair with you. Edmundo has no objection. He asked me to ask you."

Filming a commercial with Messi?

It was no loss for him, and he just happened to have plenty of time recently.

Soon, the financial advisor gave Batty the number of the person in charge and hung up the phone.

Aguero waved his hands anxiously. "What did you say?" he asked, "What happened between you and Leo?"

"Nothing, it's just that - I'm going to shoot a commercial with your Leo." Batty waved his phone at him, then said lightly: "Beg me, I can consider taking you with me."

The Argentine striker was like a deflated ball. He grumbled for a long time, neither agreeing nor refusing, and pushed Batistuta to the gym.

"Let's talk about it later."

……

Of course, in the end Aguero did not ask Batistuta to take him with him, because that day happened to be a match day. Manchester City played against Burnley at home. Aguero's name was on the starting list, but Batistuta was not on the list.

Because he was 'banned' by Guardiola.

"You can't overdraw your body, understand Batistuta? It's not because of the incident with Liverpool. You're only 2 years old in two months. I don't want you to be too tired." The head coach said, "You are my killer weapon. I'm going to save you for the last time. Before that, you have to take good care of yourself, okay?"

It's the same old 'you're only 17' remark in a new packaging.

However, Batistuta still agreed with Guardiola's idea.

It is true that the ultimate weapon should be saved for last.

So, by this calculation, Guardiola will not let Batistuta play until the end of January. During this period, he will miss the FA Cup third round against West Ham United and the League Cup quarter-finals against Manchester United.

"Don't worry." The head coach patted Batistuta on the back, "You will be back in the 24th round of the league against Swansea, I promise."

Batty nodded.

"Okay," he said, "but I have to play the whole game in the European competition later."

"As long as you are not suspended for red or yellow cards," Guardiola said, "I will consider it."

"No need to consider it." Batty looked up at the head coach, "I want you to promise."

Guardiola held his breath.

He never promised Messi that he would let him play every Champions League game.

but--

Looking at Batistuta's proud and sparkling eyes, Guardiola compromised.

"Okay, I promise." He touched the air above his head, "But you also have to promise me that you will pay attention to safety."

Batistuta smiled brightly and rushed forward to hug the head coach.

"I will."

The little bastard gave him a hug.

Guardiola was satisfied.

……

On the weekend afternoon, Batistuta flew to Barcelona. He did not bring loach with him. If he did, he would have to hear the endless "Eat a little more of this! Eat a little more of that!"

"Two hours is enough. Come to see me at 2 o'clock at the latest." Batistuta called Neymar while sitting in front of the makeup mirror. "I have booked a restaurant. After dinner, we will go skiing."

"Okay, I'll pick you up in the car." Neymar was also shooting a commercial, which was decided by his father for him. It was a local Spanish underwear brand. "Say hello to Leo for me."

After hanging up the phone, the stylist began to clip his hair. The director wanted a little curl on his beautiful light blond hair. Batty looked around the studio aimlessly, and soon his eyes fell on the mirror not far away. Messi was also receiving makeup, but he didn't need to do his hair, as he had dyed it white a few months ago.

"You don't have to peek." Messi said suddenly, "If you want to talk about something, it's boring to sit here."

"I didn't peek." Batty shook the curling clips on his head. "These damn clips are so heavy... I do have a question for you, about A-Kun."

"What's wrong with him?" Messi's ears perked up when Aguero was mentioned.

"How did you sleep with him for so many years? He can fall asleep as soon as his head touches the pillow, and he starts snoring after 5 minutes." Batty complained, "When I'm lucky, the noise is low and I can still tolerate it. When I'm unlucky, his noise is so loud that it can shake me off the bed."

Under the bed?

"You guys slept in the same bed?" Messi asked.

"I've said so much, how come you only noticed this?" Batistuta raised his eyebrows. "Yes, he squeezed in after the match with Liverpool, as if he was worried that a criminal would get into my quilt and touch my thigh."

"Indeed, he sometimes worries too much." Messi smiled, "It is recognized in the Argentine team that he snores. You just need to whistle and he will stop."

"I can't whistle all night long." Batty said, "By the way, do you have any candy? Kun always brings your favorite chocolate, I think you should bring something too."

“Yes, but it’s not candy.” Maisie pulled a handful of small pellets from her pocket. “Beef diced, he likes this—do you want some?”

"Yes." Batty turned his chair towards Messi, "Throw it over here."

Messi threw two but both failed and they fell behind Batistuta.

"If you can't do that, just use your feet. That way you won't lose your aim, unless you treat them as penalties." Batty raised his lips and said jokingly, "How about giving it a try?"

Messi agreed, peeled the beef cubes, and asked Batistuta to open his mouth: "I won't miss it again."

I don’t know if it’s a double entendre.

Batty smiled and opened his mouth.

"Come!"

Not far behind the two of them, the script supervisor was excitedly grabbing his assistant's sleeve and shaking it left and right.

"They are so loving! Why didn't I think they had such a good match before!" She looked at Messi throwing the beef cubes into Batistuta's mouth and let out a short scream, "Ahhh! Stop me, I'm going to climb the wall!"

"... Read less novels by Ao3." The assistant rubbed his temple helplessly, "Stop reading. Hurry, the director is calling us."

The stage manager is still struggling with this.

"What do you think they should be called? What about Aguero and Neymar? It seems like they can be separated and reunited. What's going on? They seem to match well... Don't pull me!"

Before she could finish, the assistant, who was very upset, grabbed her collar and took her away.

Of course, this did not affect Messi from continuing to feed Batistuta. On the contrary, he was getting better and better at the trick.

"Let's try chocolate beans next time," said Barty.

"No problem," Messi replied, taking out his phone and holding it up to take a photo of him and Batistuta. "Can I post it on Instagram?"

"Why not?" Batty asked back, "Remember @Kun, show him what real tacit understanding is."

The two smiled at each other, seeing the gleam of mischief in each other's eyes.

……

The plot of the ad is simple: Messi is walking down the street, eating corn chips quickly, Batistuta passes by and attracts Messi's attention with a soccer ball, then successfully steals the corn chips, and then the popular soccer match begins, with the winner taking the corn chips. As a result, while the two are showing off their skills, every passerby takes a piece, and when they stop, they see the last piece being taken away by a passing dog.

The scene was chosen on a small road in Barcelona, ​​but the crew did not plan to shoot on location as that would be too troublesome. Batistuta, Messi and other extras only needed to perform accordingly on the green screen.

The filming process was over quickly. After a few close-up shots, Batistuta's mission was completed. He walked back to the lounge area and just saw Messi staring at the drinks vending machine with a look of longing.

"Why are you more troublesome than Akun?" Batistuta muttered as he walked to the machine and simply bought a can of Pepsi. He opened it and took a sip before handing it to Messi, "Here - drink it."

Messi hesitated for a moment before taking it, took a sip with satisfaction, and then gave it back to Batistuta.

"My God, you are 40 years old and about to enter the end of your career. What can a can of Coke do to you?" Batty pouted, raised his head and drank half of the can, then handed it over, "The last bit, do you want it?"

Messi shook his head.

"My nutritionist only allows me to drink one sip every two weeks," he said.

Batistuta didn't understand. He finished the last half can and looked at the past with a pity look: "You can't play well if you don't make yourself happy, but this is none of my business. It's up to you."

After saying that, he walked to the cabinet to get his things.

To be honest, he has never agreed with the increasingly "scientific" careers of many players. He does not mean to refuse to accept high technology, but...if something makes him unhappy, he simply cannot play the good game he wants.

Maybe it's a Brazilian trait?

Batistuta thought of Ronaldinho again, and disgust showed on his face. Making himself happy is one thing, and depravity is another. He would never go down the same path as that man.

at this time--

Someone tapped his left shoulder, and Batty turned his head subconsciously, but there was no one behind him.

"This way!"

Messi's laughing voice came from the right rear. Batistuta blinked and it took him at least 5 seconds to react to what the other party was doing.

It's one of those pranks that kids often play: you tap someone on the shoulder and then quickly stand on the other side. It doesn't make any sense, but it's funny to see the other person turn his head stupidly to that side.

Batty never thought that one day he would be played such a prank by an adult.

"You are childish!"

The little flea shrugged.

"Sorry," he said without remorse, "Just hitting back at your 40-year-old comment."

……

At the door, the assistant who had just taken everything in in the lounge area pulled the script supervisor to smoke.

"You're right, they really love each other." The assistant sighed, "If Batistuta was Argentine or Messi was Brazilian, it would be great. I want to see more... I think I can see that Batistuta can really match with anyone."

"I'm glad you understand." The script supervisor patted his shoulder. "Don't bother. The national team may not work, but the club may. But if you talk too much about this, it's easy to get into trouble. Wait, I'll find you a link to Ao3. Someone wrote an AU about Batistuta transferring to Barcelona and Neymar transferring to Manchester City. It's a stand-in joke, very interesting."

"A body double? What's that?"

"Just - you want Aguero, I want Neymar, we are each other's substitutes, and then one of us falls in love and the other doesn't take it seriously. Oh, go and see for yourself, it smells good."

"You can play it this way!" The assistant seemed to have opened the door to a new world. "I'll go take a look."

"Go, go." The script supervisor girl covered her mouth and smiled. "This meme is very popular on TV recently, the original love interest is not as good as the substitute in the end. I don't know why they always like to write Neymar and Batistuta as be. I have seen at least 3 articles like this - Neymar finally figured it out and went back to Batistuta to get back together, but Batistuta not only refused, but also got together with Messi and Aguero."

Neymar, who just happened to be driving to pick up Batistuta for dinner, never dreamed that he would hear such words as soon as he got out of the car.

Neymar: ???

(End of this chapter)