[Football] Bad Boy Batty

Batistuta didn't expect Courtois to be so outrageous that he forgot to shake off the hand on his knee.

Together?
No thanks, no.

Of course, he has no objection to this kind of - let's call it interest, but every time it is mentioned, it always reminds Batistuta of a sandwich cart in front of the Santos Club. The owner is a Mexican, fat, with a big beard, and likes to use his short and thick fingers to grab the patties being fried on the iron plate.

What's more, the targets are Courtois and De Bruyne.

It was hard not to be reminded of some weird Spanish or Italian lead-gold films, where the relationships between the characters were as confusing as Norse mythology. Batty was not interested in that kind of damn "silver orgy party".

But before Batistuta could say anything, De Bruyne rushed over with absolute low pressure and knocked Courtois' hand away.

"you this--"

He stood in front of Batistuta, stretched out his hands to bring his knees together with his back to him, and then said something angrily to the Real Madrid goalkeeper.

"--Why don't you speak English? Are you afraid that he will understand?" Courtois was not going to take it. He crossed his arms and quickly glanced at Batistuta. Seeing that Batistuta was not going to intervene and no longer spoke English, he responded in the same language.

Batty didn't understand; it was the first time he had heard Belgian.

Wait, there is such a thing as Belgian?
Batistuta recalled that De Bruyne had said before that he was born in a small town in northern Belgium, in the same region as Courtois. They were talking about the World Cup at the time, and somehow ended up talking about the division in Belgium. He vaguely remembered that they had talked about the language problem before lying down, but he couldn't really remember the content.

Maybe French.

But whatever the language, it's boring.

De Bruyne was still talking when Batistuta nudged his palm with his knee to express his impatience. De Bruyne off the field was much gentler than he was on the field. There was no talk of a foul or a tackle, and he still did not consider violence as the primary solution.

Suddenly, I don’t know which word angered De Bruyne. After a short strange silence, he reached out and pushed Courtois hard, swearing at the same time.

Batistuta probably guessed it from Courtois's expression. Believe him, people all over the world react similarly after hearing swear words.

"Hey!" Batty jumped down from the cabinet and stood in the middle.

"Stop the name-calling, little boys," he said sarcastically, "I'm assuming you all got the answers you were looking for."

"Obviously not," Courtois said. He grabbed Batistuta's arm and whispered in his ear like a child complaining. "He just called me a disgusting slug and an ugly goblin. I think you have to teach him something new. It's 2020 and everyone is online."

"I'll consider it." Batty pursed his lips with difficulty.

"What? You believe him!" De Bruyne began to blush, "Unbelievable! I thought you were capable of independent thinking!"

"Don't attack me, Kevin." Batistuta broke free from Courtois' hand and came in front of De Bruyne, then half-raised his arm to block him, as a statement of his position.

The positions in the hallway suddenly became clearly defined.

The atmosphere is the same.

"You really should go now, Thibaut." Batistuta said as he inconspicuously brought De Bruyne in and pushed Courtois out of the house.

"Okay, I'm leaving." Courtois was very dissatisfied with the result. He deliberately slowed down his time and walked out while muttering something, but when the door was half opened, he seemed to suddenly think of something and turned back.

"Think about my proposal again. I really think it's good." The Real Madrid goalkeeper came in front of Batistuta and glanced at his national teammate intentionally or unintentionally. "I can wait. Unlike someone, my advantage is that I am very patient."

"you--"

"Okay! I will!" Batistuta held down De Bruyne, who was about to get angry again, and said perfunctorily, "Goodbye!"

Perhaps he felt that a "goodbye" was not enough, or perhaps he did not want to return empty-handed, so Courtois decided to take a risk. He walked towards the two men, "Hey!"

"What else do you have—"

"Just one thing." Courtois pulled Batistuta's shoulders, then lowered his head and kissed Batistuta on the lips in front of his good teammate. It was not deep, nor did it capture his mouth, but it was 'unexpectedly' loud.

Don't doubt it, he did it on purpose.

“Remember to call me,” he said.

After saying that, Courtois turned around and walked towards the door again, but this time he no longer had a sullen face, as if this kiss gave him the whole meaning of this trip.

Batty was stunned.

In a way this goes beyond 'fun'.

Courtois is crazier than he thinks.

Damn it, Batistuta stared at the floor in front of him, his eyes glancing at De Bruyne. The word "angry" alone was not enough to describe his current state.

It's going to be bad, he thought.

However, the situation was worse than expected. A few seconds later, Batistuta watched De Bruyne fly away from him. He grabbed Courtois's clothes on the back and pulled him back to face him, then punched him while he was unstable.

All hell breaks loose.

……

Guardiola didn't know how to answer the questions from the fans in front of him.

It is well known that he likes to mention Messi in interviews, but the situation is different now. It is complicated. Although he and Messi have expressed their nostalgia for the time when they worked together on different programs, he is sure that they have doubts about working together again.

"Honestly, I haven't thought about it," Guardiola said frankly. "I love Barcelona. Maybe one day I will go back there? The answer is yes, and I believe Leo loves the club as much as I do. Such a question is meaningless."

He responded with a bunch of nonsense.

"We are friends and I usually call him, but we rarely talk about the past or things on the court. As for transfers, that is not something we should consider," he said.

"If Messi enters the transfer market, will you include him in the transfer list?" the fan asked again.

"Without a doubt," Guardiola said. "So what about our king, Batistuta, what do you think of him?" asked another fan, who was younger and obviously preferred his king to Messi, the most prestigious football player in the world. "Who is more important to you?"

"They are both very good players. I can't compare them. Maybe I should thank you for not asking questions like 'If Messi and Batistuta fall into the water at the same time, who would I save?'" Guardiola shrugged and said in a joking tone.

"Bati and Leo are different, they are independent individuals, they are both good." The Catalan took the attitude of dealing with reporters' digging questions, "If there is one thing they have in common, it is that they are both difficult to deal with and are both bastards. Oh, and one more thing, they are both geniuses."

The fans asked a few difficult questions and Guardiola almost couldn't stand it. Fortunately, with the help of the chairman, he did not leave any topics for the media present to manipulate.

The activity lasted for about 2 hours.

After the game, Guardiola said goodbye to everyone and got in the car. His mind was a little confused. The questions from the fans not long ago bothered him. He was really thinking about the coexistence of Messi and Batistuta.

Theoretically they can start at the same time.

As Messi gets older, his position is gradually declining. Guardiola sees the shadow of Iniesta and Xavi in ​​him. He is sure that Messi can play in the midfield.

Although it limits Batistuta's running flexibility to a certain extent, it can share the pressure in the frontcourt. If he can come, he will just fill the vacancy left by David Silva.

The most important thing is the locker room.

Everyone knows that Messi is introverted, but his status is there. If he really comes to the Manchester City locker room, he will definitely disrupt the existing order, even though this is not what he wants.

How to do?
There is really no solution.

If only life were a game of One Stroke FM, Guardiola thought as he started his car and headed home, his mind heavy.

Just as he was about to arrive he received an unexpected call.

Guardiola parked the car on the side of the road, hesitated for more than ten seconds, and finally pressed the connect button.

"Hi, Pep, I haven't spoken to you for a long time. Do you still remember me?" A slow Portuguese voice came from the other end. "I'm Edmundo. Do you have time to chat about my dear godson and the Argentine kid named Messi?"

……

"Hey! Hey! Hey! I told him to get out!"
"Calm down Kevin!"
"Look at me, look at me! It's okay."

[Bang——]
Batistuta slammed the door and then pushed De Bruyne back into the living room, seconds after he had thrown Courtois out the door, the whole thing a mess because of his uncontrolled behavior.

But it's not a big problem.

Just leave the tangled ball of yarn alone and throw it away.

In a sense, Batty is a minimalist.

"He's gone, Kevin." Batty patted De Bruyne's chest and said, "I promise you he won't appear in front of you again, relax, don't be tense."

"He! He kissed you!" Although he was already far away from the door, De Bruyne was still as angry as a lion, "How dare he!"

"Don't think about it anymore - hey, look at me, Kevin." Batty held De Bruyne's face with one hand and wiped his lips fiercely under his gaze. "He has already got his retribution. You almost broke his nose. Do you remember?"

De Bruyne's anger index did not continue to rise, but it did not decrease either. He turned his head and stared at Batistuta's lips, breathing through his nostrils like a bull.

Although it is a bit inappropriate, Batty still wants to say -

In the process of calming him down, he discovered an interesting phenomenon: De Bruyne is not the kind of person who gets angry easily. His anger accumulates and becomes heavier as he is blocked by others.

If no one stops him when he is angry, he may just have a slight outburst to vent his anger, but if someone is worried that he may do something and steps forward to stop him, then it will be terrible, as he will become even more angry and impulsive.

Batistuta thought he now understood how David Silva felt back then.

"It's not your fault." De Bruyne grabbed Batistuta's wrist and then twisted his lips with his other hand. "Damn it ▓▓▓▓, he's just a bastard with dirty thoughts in his head."

"Yes, he is," Batty said along with him, then used his arm as a leash to lead De Bruyne back to the sofa, and he stuffed a pillow into his arms, "Don't think about it Kevin, let's go relax, do you want to watch a movie?"

De Bruyne was silent for a moment, then nodded.

"Movies," he repeated. "Maybe that's a good idea."

Batistuta kissed his fingertips, then stepped over De Bruyne and looked around for the remote control. "What do you want to watch?" he asked. "Art film or popcorn movie, or do you want to watch a nonsensical comedy?"

"Comedy." De Bruyne held Batistuta's waist to prevent him from falling. "Have you seen "Eurotrip"? I like that movie. It always makes me laugh."

"I haven't seen much else except my Godfather's movies." Batty found the remote control from under the sofa. He took De Bruyne's hand and sat back next to him. After quickly kissing him on the mouth, Batty pressed the remote control, "Then choose this one, what's it called-"

"Sex Travels in Europe."

"Uh." Batistuta didn't find the movie on the Portuguese website, so he switched to another English website. Looking at the letters on the screen, Batistuta was overwhelmed. "You come on." He threw the remote control to De Bruyne. "I'll get some popcorn or corn chips. What do you want?"

"All right," De Bruyne replied.

"Okay, okay, all right, sir." Barty rolled his eyes and went to the kitchen. "Whatever I bring is fine, you are not allowed to pick and choose."

"Well, I'm not picky."

De Bruyne successfully found the movie. He turned his head to look towards the kitchen. He couldn't see the whole picture from this angle, but he could see Batistuta looking up and taking something from the cupboard through the glass window.

Is this considered a reconciliation?

he does not know.

But what he does know is that, from a consequentialist perspective, he has Courtois to thank.

(End of this chapter)