[Football] Bad Boy Batty

After three days of partying in Brazil and enjoying the treatment like a king, Batistuta returned to Manchester. Early in the morning, he drove to the club and the first thing he did was to undergo a full body check-up.

The basic inspection was completed in about 40 minutes.

"Why doesn't the new champion have a driver?" Arandus joked, "Seriously, where's Loach? Why don't you ask him to take you there?"

"That guy played crazier than me. I guess he slept less than 3 hours in the past three days." Batty got off the bike and pulled off the white fishing net that was fixed on his body. "When I came out, he was sleeping in the corridor with his shoes taken off and his butt facing the sky. Just imagine that scene."

Um--
The science officer imagined it.

When he came to his senses, there was a mobile phone in front of him. On the screen was a photo of Loach sleeping soundly at the door.

"It doesn't matter if you can't imagine it, because I took a picture of it!" Batty raised his eyebrows at him with a wicked smile.

Alandez looked at Batistuta, then at the photo, his face gradually turning red.

The room suddenly became quiet.

look at each other.

1 second, 2 seconds, 3 seconds...

"Pfft hahahahaha!"

In the end, no one could hold back, and like two deflated balloons, Batistuta and Alandez laughed so hard at the photo that they started coughing.

"Okay, let's talk business." The science officer wiped his tears and said seriously, "How is your knee? Did you feel anything wrong after returning from Brazil?"

"You are the one who works with data. You have to tell me this."

"I mean sensory, does it still hurt?"

"It doesn't hurt. To be honest with you, Alan, I stopped feeling pain two days after I was injured." Batty shrugged. "Did you see Kaka making fun of me on Instagram? He said that I ran faster than a rabbit the second Brazil won the championship."

Arandez tapped him on the head and removed the various monitoring patches stuck to his body.

"That doesn't mean you're okay," he said.

"But it can definitely explain part of the problem, or most of it," Batty replied seriously. "Pain is the body's self-protection mechanism. If it still hurts, it means it's not healed. If it doesn't hurt, it means the problem has been solved."

It sounds like it makes sense, but if you think about it carefully, there are loopholes everywhere.

"What the hell is this?" The scientific officer looked over in shock. "Where did you hear that, Batty?"

Batty raised his chin, as if to say, "You don't understand this."

"Online." He said proudly, "The Internet is very developed now. You can find out any symptoms by searching. It's like everyone is a doctor."

what? ?

The scientific officer nearly fainted.

"Why, did I hit you?" Batty said a little proudly.

"... Go away, get out of my sight." Arandez looked like he had eaten a mouthful of mud. He didn't argue and waved his hand like he was shooing away a fly. "Don't let me see you again. It'll make me dizzy."

"Are you confused? Oh, dear, you must be in love with me."

"Yes, yes, yes, I love you so much." The science officer forced a fake smile, "Go to the cafeteria, there are puddings and Riyad Pasta there, anyway, don't stay here, little bastard."

“I’ve been an adult for a long time.”

"That's just a little bastard turning into a big bastard. Go away." Alandos pushed Batty out the door. "Don't let me see you until your test report comes out."

Batty leaned against the door frame to prevent him from closing the door.

"One last question, Alan," he said sincerely. "One last question, I swear."

"……You ask."

“What is Riyad Pasta?”

"Riyad Mahrez's special pasta, with minced chicken breast and lots of cheese, everyone loves it." Alandes pinched his brows, "Okay, I've answered your last question, now get out."

After saying that, he closed the door.

Batty curled his lips, made a few faces at the door lock, and turned to go to the restaurant. He was more interested in the pasta than why the science officer was angry. Everyone liked it? Was it really that delicious? He doubted it.

Silence returned to the examination room.

But the scientific officer didn't. He sat in front of the instrument, getting angrier the more he thought about it.

Did you find it online?
Looked up on the Internet? ?
Looked up on the internet???
Listen! What bullshit is this!
This is even more outrageous than a patient ordering a doctor to perform surgery on him!

Arandez grabbed Batistuta's fishnet shirt in a rage, threw it to the ground, and stomped on it a few times. Not satisfied, he raised his middle finger back and forth at it a few times.

"ASSHOLE!"

……

Near noon, Batty's examination report finally came out, and the scientific officer, who had just been angry, had to go to him again with the report.

When Alandes found Batistuta, he was happily eating Riyad Pasta in the restaurant. This was his second serving of the day.

The chefs were stunned. Since Batistuta came to Manchester City, they had never seen him so happy with anything he ate.

Except for pudding and chocolate.

So, thanks to Mahrez and his pasta.

"Eat, eat! Eat more! I'm not being sarcastic!" The scientific officer threw the report in front of Batistuta. "Let me ask you, your national team doesn't give you food to eat? How come you lost 8 pounds after one trip?"

Batty sucked the noodles into his mouth, chewed them slowly and swallowed them, then raised his head and looked at Arandez innocently: "How should I know?"

The science officer almost gasped again.

This person learned how to make people angry the moment he was born, right?

"Okay, very good, that's what you said." Arandez laughed crazily, "Then we will check you from head to toe, inside and out, and then make a new plan. In addition to observing the injury to your knee, I will also supervise you to gain back those 8 pounds of muscle!"

"Oh."

"I will fight you on the 21st, when pre-season training starts, Batistuta. I promise that by then, you will be well recovered and there will be no problems."

"Okay - wait?" Batty sat up. "21st? What about the trip to the United States?"

"America? You still want to go to America?" Arandez grinned, "You've messed up your body. You can't go anywhere until it recovers to its best level!"

Batty's expression could not be described as shocked.

"Yes, my dear little bastard, you asked for this! What do you think now? Are you still listening to what people say on the Internet? By the end of this month, you must come here every day for exercise and check-up. Not a day less, do you hear me?"

Batty: ...
Batty: Oh, okay.
Poor science officer, he successfully took revenge on the little bastard by using a method that almost hurt the enemy 800 times and hurt himself 1,000 times. What else can be said?

……

After leaving the club, Batistuta drove straight to De Bruyne.

Browsing the photos of Lucas and his brother in France on Instagram, and replying to the message that Neymar sent him during the interview, Batistuta curled up on the sofa in the Belgian midfield with him, eating popcorn and watching the latest season of the American TV series "Narcos".

"Alan is the worst person in the club," Batty complained. "You know what, Kevin? He cancelled my trip to the United States! I wanted to visit my godfather on the way, but now it's all gone."

De Bruyne reached out to smooth Batistuta's hair.

"That's terrible," he said. "Do you want me to stay with you?"

"No, I can do it." Batistuta raised his hand and stuffed a piece of popcorn into De Bruyne's mouth. "Go, say hello to my godfather for me. When you come back, I will be the omnipotent king of Manchester City again!"

De Bruyne smiled and said nothing.

Batistuta, on the other hand, remembered something when he said this - "Kevin! Alan said I lost 8 pounds!" Batistuta raised his head and spoke cheerfully. The excitement of winning the America's Cup had not yet passed, which made him look childish. "I don't feel anything at all. What do you think?"

De Bruyne didn't say anything again. He reached out and put his arms around Batistuta's waist. Compared to last season, the waist was thinner and felt a lot softer.

Of course, this is normal.

For athletes, muscle definitions can disappear after a few days of lying down, but they return quickly the next time they get more diligent and start exercising.

"Well, you've lost weight," De Bruyne said. "Maybe it's time to move, Batistuta."

"Yeah?" Batistuta was very surprised. He turned around and pinched De Bruyne's chin. "Are you complaining about my poor figure, Kevin?"

"That's not the case."

"Really?" Batty put the popcorn bucket aside and poked De Bruyne's waist in a pretentious manner. "You should move too. It's so soft here now."

"That's perfect. You'll feel more comfortable if you sit up."

"--Where did you come from, you fake? Where did you hide my Kevin?" Batty said jokingly, "The real Kevin wouldn't say something like that. I'll give you another chance."

"No, this is the real Kevin."

"What if I said I liked the old one better?"

"Gone."

"Gone?"

"The old Kevin is dead."

Batistuta opened his mouth and suddenly found himself choked. De Bruyne's words didn't give him any chance to continue.

Seeing that he didn't speak for a long time, the Belgian chuckled.

"It's a difficult question to answer, isn't it?" he said. "If I say, 'I also like the old Barty better, what would you do?'"

Uh, okay.
It's very difficult.

Batty took a deep breath, held it, and felt his heartbeat quietly.

The feeling of winning the America's Cup was so good that he forgot the existence of such a time bomb in Manchester.

"My old self?" He repeated, deciding to play dumb. "What's the old self? One minute ago, one hour ago, one day ago. They can all be called 'the old me'."

"Don't do that." De Bruyne twisted Batistuta's ear with his thumb. "We both know what I'm talking about."

Before someone transfers in.

Things have fallen into a complete vicious circle.

Batty felt as if a hand reached into his head and stirred it back and forth, crushing his brain into pieces. Is there a solution to this problem? There is no solution!

Fortunately, a cat's meow at the door pulled them back from the somewhat tense atmosphere.

It's the black cat from De Bruyne's neighbor's house.

Batty breathed a sigh of relief and let go of one hand to go under the sofa, "Hey baby, you come to say hello again?"

The cat was still so friendly and soon ran to him and rubbed his feet. Only then did he notice that the cat had a ball of wool in its mouth.

"Is this the toy you prepared for him, Kevin?"

De Bruyne nodded: "I forgot to tell you, Batistuta, he is not my neighbor's cat now."

"Huh? What do you mean?"

"When you were in Brazil, my neighbor passed away and no one came to take care of the remaining things. I asked the relevant departments and they said if I didn't take him in, he would be sent to a stray animal center and would be euthanized if no one adopted him within three months."

"so?"

"You can see the result." De Bruyne spread his hands, "Now he is my cat."

"Oh—" Batty turned over and sat on the carpet. He picked up the cat, and the little thing almost immediately made a comfortable 'purring' sound. "My poor baby, you will follow daddy Kevin from now on. He is a good man... Woo! Who is the super cute fur ball? You are the super cute fur ball! Ah!"

It turns out that no one can resist Fluffy.

But in front of Maomao, even someone as ferocious as Batty would become a liar.

"That's good." Looking at Batistuta playing with the cat, De Bruyne gave a complicated smile, "At least now, I have a reason to attract you over."

——The cat lying on its back in your arms.

"Sometimes I wonder, if I could turn into a cat, or the wolfhound in your house that has the same name as me, would you always be by my side?"

Oh hell.
Why do I suddenly feel sad?

"Don't say that, Kevin." Batty came to De Bruyne with the cat in his arms, leaned over and kissed the corner of his eye, then stuffed himself and the cat into his arms, "You always have reasons to attract me."

The Belgian midfielder tightened his arms.

Feeling the warmth in his arms, a completely different smile appeared on his lips.

Sure enough, this method always works for Batty.

……

They tossed and turned the whole night and didn't fall asleep until dawn.

However, after less than two hours of sleep, Batty's phone started screaming wildly. Because the phone was left in the living room to charge, in order to make it shut up, Batty had to drag his heavy body up and walk to the living room.

Of course, there is another way, which is to kick De Bruyne next to him and let him go instead.

In a daze, Batti decisively chose the second method.

"Kevin, phone."

No one likes to be kicked out of bed while sleeping, and De Bruyne is no exception. But before his anger could reach his head and he opened his eyes, he saw Batistuta had fallen asleep on the bed again, with dark bite marks all over the exposed skin.

So the anger disappeared before it even began.

At some point, the ringing stopped and De Bruyne just sat on the carpet, watching Batistuta sleeping.

If only it could stay like this.

[Ding--]
The phone screamed again, interrupting his thoughts. De Bruyne stood up and rushed to the living room, answering the call as quickly as possible. "Bati is still asleep. Tell me if you have anything to say, and I will pass it on to him."

however--

"No, Kevin! Give the phone to Batty! I have to tell him!" The roar of the loach on the other side made him realize that this matter was not simple, "Hurry! There is no time, he must know before I get on the plane!!"

Loach is Batistuta's family and De Bruyne believes in him.

The Belgian responded and returned to the room.

"Wake up, Batty, Loach is looking for you." He put the phone next to Batty's ear, "He is in a hurry, it seems he has something important to tell you."

3 seconds later.

De Bruyne saw Batistuta suddenly open his eyes, with a look of complete and awake shock in his eyes.

"What did you say? Who's getting married? Qiao Lin? How did she...get married? To whom? How come I don't know anything?"
"3 days later? Damn it, Li Qiaolin is crazy - wait, loach, you are on the plane to Hong Kong? You fucking -"
"Jesus Christ, I only slept for a few hours and everything went haywire!!"

(End of this chapter)