[Football] Bad Boy Batty

Jose Mourinho, the current head coach of Manchester City's arch-rival Manchester United, has a well-known curse called "Mourinho's Three Years".

The madman has been famous in international football for nearly 2004 years since he led the giants Porto to take off in 15. However, he seems to be unable to stay in the coaching position of each team for long, and his performance usually drops sharply in the third year, accompanied by various conflicts and farces, and he always ends up parting ways with the club unhappily.

Since Mourinho took office in the 2016-17 season, Manchester United's performance has been improving at a visible pace, from 4th to 2nd in the league, from returning to the Champions League to the quarterfinals of the Champions League, but according to the "Mourinho's three years" curse, the upcoming 8-2018 season will be turbulent.

But this curse seems to be ending this season.

After the World Cup, hidden under the news of Cristiano Ronaldo's transfer to Juventus, Augustus formed a team to transform Manchester United. The first thing he did was to change the club's business philosophy from marketing to making money to focusing on performance.

After all, he had the Rothschild family behind him and did not need Manchester United to pay off his debts. And as a shrewd Jew, he was well aware of the importance of a virtuous cycle.

The second and third things he did were to reduce Ed Woodward's power and to support Mourinho as the main "talker".

Although in the hearts of fans, Madman is far from being comparable to Sir Alex, it has only been less than three seasons. Who can predict what will happen in the future?
What's more, football fans are the most "double-standard" type of people. As long as the results are good, they don't care about being slapped in the face.

This summer, Mourinho got a definite answer. Augustus said he would do everything he could to bring the players he needed to Old Trafford. So at the end of July, Maguire came, and at the beginning of August, Wan-Bissaka also came. Then the media revealed that Manchester United was interested in Juventus striker Dybala and negotiations were underway.

For Manchester United, whose defense is aging, these players have solved their urgent needs. The fans are happy and Mourinho is also satisfied.
So when facing the media, the madman publicly stated: After changing so many clubs, I finally feel valued here.

In view of the above, the criticism of Augustus on the Internet has decreased a little, but only a little. Apart from some Manchester United fans, there are still many people who are disgusted and disgusted with him. Based on his nationality, there are even nearly 18 British people online who are willing to let him go back to France.

However, judging from Augustus' attitude, he himself was not greatly affected.

Batistuta got all the news from the news links forwarded to him by various teammates. For some reason, whenever they came across news about Augustus, they always felt that Batistuta would want to know.

But it is true that the guy in the news is much more normal than in real life, so most of the time, out of curiosity, Batty would click to see what the news was about.

"Attention!" Guardiola stood in front of the screen in the screening room and said seriously and solemnly: "We are facing a brand new Manchester United, everyone. They know we want the trophy and they will do everything to stop (us). I dare not say that I know Mourinho, but in the game the day after tomorrow, he is very likely to directly use new players. He is very bold, you know."

After pausing to glance at the players, he continued: "We still have to face it in the way we are most familiar with, but I don't know everything. When facing this new and energetic Manchester United, I want you to bring courage, determination and determination to defeat them! Win the fifth trophy for the club!"

Guardiola's speech was as inspiring as ever, but strangely, Batistuta didn't seem to be fully in the mood yet, so he couldn't feel any signs of his heart speeding up.
He leaned on Aguero and responded to the coach perfunctorily with everyone else. At the same time, he put his hands on his knees and used his jacket to cover his message to Neymar.

Batistuta: When will your contract be completed? (Eyes)
Batty: It's so boring here (zzz)

Neymar Jr: I don't know, but it will take 2 or 3 days
Neymar Jr: Believe me, I want to get there more than anyone else
Neymar Jr: (Kiss) (Kiss) (Love you)
Neymar Jr: What's wrong with you? Why are you bored?
Neymar Jr: I thought you were supposed to be training now
Batistuta: Listening to tactics
Batistuta: There is a match the day after tomorrow, against Manchester United
Batistuta: Community Shield

Neymar Jr: ?
Neymar Jr: You were in a tactical class, but you were still sending me messages?
Neymar Jr: You didn't care about that game at all, did you?

Batty: Of course not.
Batty: (Angry)
Batistuta: You haven't even transferred yet, but you've already started teaching me a lesson
Batty: (rolls eyes) (rolls eyes) (goodbye)

Neymar Jr: Isn't the point that you are taking a tactical class?
Neymar Jr: The coach should teach you a lesson, not me
Neymar Jr: I won't disturb you, just listen carefully
Neymar Jr: I will come over when you bring back the Community Shield trophy
Neymar Jr: (heart) (love you) (kiss)

Batty: (Grumpy Cat)
Batty: (Drake refuses)
Batty: (When your friends don't care what you say - SpongeBob)

Neymar Jr: …
Neymar Jr: You are sending emojis to cover up Batistuta again
Neymar Jr: I don't understand why you're angry
Yes, whenever Batty is upset with someone he's chatting with, he'll express himself by sending emojis like crazy.

Just as he was about to post more memes, Guardiola couldn't stand it anymore: "Put your phone down, Batistuta, there's nothing on it that I told you to pay attention to."

The head coach said in an aggressive tone: "I know you are a millennial (Bati: I was born in 99, not a millennial), and you can't live without your phone and the Internet, but if you keep your head down, I will have to throw your phone out of the window."

Sometimes Guardiola wondered if he was too indulgent towards Batistuta. He was able to be strict with Messi, who was equally talented, many years ago, but why was it that it didn't work for Batistuta, so much so that many fans jokingly called Batistuta his own son.

Maybe he put all his regret and a little guilt towards Messi on Batistuta?

Guardiola sighed.

The truth was, he couldn't be hard on Batty.

Batistuta turned off the screen of his phone and lazily made an apologetic gesture. Then he changed his posture, leaned back in his chair, supported his chin with the back of his hand, and nodded at the head coach.

"Relax, Pep, you're too nervous," he said. "Every team will strengthen their squad. Adding a few new players to the back line doesn't mean that Manchester United will soar to the sky, and this is only the opening game."

Guardiola glared at him and said: "This kind of arrogant idea is the most undesirable and will ruin the team!"

Batty shrugged and did not dispute his coach's comment about 'arrogance'.

Guardiola frowned and asked, "What's wrong with you, Batistuta? The new season hasn't started yet and your condition is not right. Tell us while there is still time. We will find a way to help you."

"I don't know," Batty said. "Maybe he hasn't recovered from the World Cup yet."

Bullshit.

Everyone knows this is an excuse.

It would be better to say that you are worried that Neymar has not arrived yet than to say that you have not recovered from the World Cup. This reason is slightly more credible.

Guardiola was silent for a few seconds, and suddenly came up with a brilliant idea to punish Batistuta.

"I believe you." The head coach cleared his throat and said with a smile in his tone, "Then I will give you a few more days of rest. You know, the new season hasn't started yet. It's just the opening game. You don't have to play."

Batty's eyes widened: "Are you serious?!"

"Of course, Manchester City is a very humane club, and I have to focus on the health of the players," Guardiola said seriously. "Don't worry, we will play well without you, just wait for us to win the trophy in the stands."

Stands?

Tsk, there’s no bench for me to sit on.

There were some small laughs from his teammates in the back seats, and Batistuta pouted a little unhappily. He certainly knew what Guardiola wanted, but he felt that just bowing his head like that was acceptable... No, for the sake of playing in the opening match, it was acceptable to bow his head and admit his mistakes. So he compromised.

"I'm sorry, Pep, I was totally wrong." Batistuta threw the phone into the corner without hesitation, and then put on his most sincere expression. Obviously, his shooting skills were obviously not as good as his kicking skills. The phone hit the edge of the trash can and fell to the ground. "I will never bring it into the theater again. Please don't take me out of the starting lineup."

A low sigh was heard in the room, and it was unclear whether they were surprised by Batistuta's behavior of throwing his phone, or by the head coach's great victory.

Seeing this, Guardiola gave Batistuta a satisfied smile.

"Well done, boy," he said. "You'll be in the starting lineup."

Guardiola: (decided)

……

Of course, successfully controlling Batistuta does not mean a good start to this season. On the contrary, Guardiola believes that this will be the most difficult season he has ever experienced, no doubt about it.

Neymar is the type of player he wants, technically, and he would quickly become the perfect piece to fill the vacancy on the left after Sane leaves - if he and Batistuta didn't have some kind of close connection.

To be honest, he has been worried about the mental health of his midfield general since he learned the news. From the current point of view, the opponent is behaving very normally, which is precisely abnormal. For De Bruyne, silence is more terrible than an outburst.

Guardiola remembered that after the tactical class the day before yesterday, Batistuta went to the trash can to pick up his mobile phone, and De Bruyne followed him. He stood next to Batistuta. The feeling of trying to demonstrate ownership that could not be ignored made him feel inexplicably uneasy.

And that feeling reached its peak when Lucas rushed over. He was already mindful of the presence of anyone who approached Batty, even though the other party did not mean what he thought.

The Catalans didn't believe that Batistuta didn't feel it, but he still did nothing (or maybe he really didn't notice it because his whole heart was on Neymar).

Guardiola also noticed that when Batistuta held his mobile phone to complain about Neymar, who had just chatted with him, De Bruyne did not show any negative emotions such as dissatisfaction, which means that the situation is developing towards an uncontrollable point, a bad one.

There is no mention in the widely circulated head coach manual in football about how to deal with the problem of players caught in a love triangle, and in his limited playing career + coaching career, there is nothing to provide a reference solution.

Walking slowly into the player tunnel of Wembley Stadium, Guardiola sighed deeply again.

In comparison, the season opener seems less important.

"Are you upset?"

A concerned voice with an accent sounded beside him. Guardiola forced a not-so-ugly smile and looked over. It was Mourinho.

"No, I don't have diarrhea, thank you for your concern, Jose," he said.

Emotional issues are tricky, but the game is more important at the moment. Guardiola adjusted his mood and gave Mourinho a gentle hug.

"Come on, old friend." In the Portuguese's puzzled eyes, he patted him on the back and said, "Let me see how high you can go with the support of the boss."

……

At the same time, in the player tunnel further forward, Batistuta took the initiative to greet Augustus, and of course there was mostly sarcasm in his words.

"Thank you for your perverted remarks. They saved me from a lot of attacks," Barty said with a warm fake smile. "But I'm grateful, but I won't let you down on the court. You'll still be stepped on and cry by me - oh sorry, I forgot you like this."

Augustus smiled. "Dear Barty, this is the best attitude you have ever shown me. I am a little uncomfortable with it." He leaned closer. "Maybe I can think that you are flirting with me?"

Tsk.

Batty showed a look of disgust.

"Don't be so arrogant just because I treat you well. Back off and stay away from me," he said. "Pay more attention to your results. I assume that your primary purpose for buying Manchester United is profit. If you want to make money without results, you are dreaming."

"Oh - I knew you cared about me." Augustus smiled ambiguously. Before Batistuta was completely angry, he returned to his seriousness, "Let's get back to the point, dear. You are going to be in trouble this season. You saw what I did in the summer transfer window, right? Believe me, we will continue to strengthen the team."

Batty snorted disdainfully.

It's none of his business.

He is only responsible for playing football and beating the opponents. No matter how you strengthen the team or who comes, the result will be the same. He will pass through all defenses like crossing the road.

……

The players followed the referee team into the stadium. After a few minutes of routine, the game officially began when the referee blew the opening whistle.

Both teams played relatively relaxed after the opening, which is understandable. In the early stages of the season, the players still need to find their feeling, so they didn't play too intensely.

It wasn't until the 10th minute that things started to change.

Manchester City launched an attack from the backcourt, Manchester United's midfielder intercepted, Batistuta retreated to help, and Augustus committed a tactical foul to prevent him from speeding up.

The referee showed the first yellow card of the game.

Augustus didn't react much. He thought the card was worth it. If he had let Batistuta pass and let him face their defense line that had not yet been well-coordinated, it would not only pose a threat to the goal but also damage the new player's confidence.

Batistuta was sitting on the ground adjusting his shin pads, and the French midfielder reached out and pulled him up before De Bruyne could, and in the process, he used a little trick to disrupt his opponent's thoughts.

Augustus: "Right winger is a very important position. Jose's tactical system also requires a winger with strong running ability. I still have several hundred million pounds of available funds, and the transfer window has not yet ended. Dear, what do you think about me buying Kylian?"

Batty was stunned.

ha?
The first reaction was -
Why are you asking him who Manchester United should buy?
But half a second later his reaction became——
Kylian? Manchester United want Kylian? Which Kylian?
Could it be——
Kylian Mbappe???
(End of this chapter)