[Football] Bad Boy Batty

5月13日下午15点, 2017-18赛季的英超收官战，曼城客战南安普顿。11天前利物浦逆转皇马挺进欧冠决赛，而10天前, 曼城用最实惠的1-0战胜罗马再度取得欧冠决赛门票。

In the last round of the Premier League, they defeated Huddersfield at home and accumulated league points to 102, becoming the first team in the Premier League to score three digits. At the same time, the total number of goals in the season reached 118, breaking a record that had been dormant in the Premier League for a century.

On the same day, Manchester City held a farewell ceremony for Yaya Toure, a meritorious player who will leave the team as a free agent next season. The Etihad Stadium was packed with fans who gave him long applause. Afterwards, they celebrated Batistuta's re-election as the PFA (Professional Footballers' Association) Young Player of the Year. In addition, Manchester City had a total of 6 players selected for the best team, making it the biggest winner of the season.

In order to keep the players who will participate in the Champions League final in half a month in good shape, Guardiola fielded his strongest lineup today.

"Listen to me, today is our last Premier League game of the season, I hope you can all cheer up." Guardiola clapped his hands and stood in the middle of the locker room. "After the game, no matter what the result is, those who need to go for interviews and urine tests should go quickly, and then come back immediately. We have to take the bus to the home stadium, where all the fans are waiting for us to hold the trophy."

Batty raised his hand: "Will the trophy be in the car?"

"No, the trophy has already been to Etihad Stadium. After we finish the game, there will be a grand celebration." Guardiola said. It can be seen that he is very relaxed and can even joke about the defeat in the Champions League last season. "In view of our tragic experience last year, we will celebrate first this year anyway."

"Don't worry, Pep, our trophy room will be full this year!" Batistuta put on his socks and stood up. He walked around the locker room and bumped fists with each of his teammates. "Keep going, make history!"

It has to be said that Batty is moving more and more towards the direction of poisonous milk.

Manchester City did make history in this game.

It’s just that it’s not a very exciting or shocking history.

In the 33rd minute of the first half, Ederson almost made a huge mistake and gave the opponent a goal. Then he was eager to make a contribution, so he dribbled out of the penalty area and advanced all the way to the center line.

Then?

Then tragedy struck for Ederson, who was sent off with a red card for handball outside the penalty area. Manchester City had to play with 10 men just halfway through the first half of their final match, and the one missing was the goalkeeper.

[Is Karius's mistake contagious? This is the third Premier League goalkeeper to make a low-level mistake this month. Bravo is ready to come on as a substitute. I hope Ederson can clear his mind and not bring it to the Champions League final. Manchester City has been waiting for this Champions League title for too long... Wait? What's going on? What is Batistuta going to do? ? Why is he wearing gloves! ? ]

Batistuta walked to the goal wearing goalkeeper gloves.

The commentator was stunned, the audience was stunned, and the players on the field were stunned.

Southampton: Who are you looking down on?

Half a minute ago -

"Go back Batistuta! Don't do this!" Guardiola said sternly, "I don't want to lose the last game, go back quickly!"

"I just want to try, Pep, let me try." Batistuta held Ederson (or, to be more precise, Ederson's gloves) tightly, "I felt great today, I have a feeling that I can save a lot of goals!"

Guardiola was completely humiliated. He grabbed Batistuta's shoulders and shook him hard: "You little lunatic! Let me help you get all the water out of your brain!"

"I'm serious." Batistuta shrugged and pushed Guardiola's hand away. "Just let me be happy, please, Pep, you know me, I can only play well when I'm in the right mood, okay?"

"no!"

"Please, I promise nothing will go wrong."

"You can't promise!"

"Pep, please—"

"No, don't..."

It is not known whether he was moved by Batistuta's eager eyes or if something in his mind suddenly went wrong, but Guardiola finally agreed to his bizarre request.

"Thank you, Pep!" Batistuta put on his gloves by biting the Velcro, then gave Guardiola a warm hug and patted the bald head he had been thinking about for a long time with his goalkeeper gloves, "You don't know how much I love you!"

Guardiola's mouth twitched.

"Okay, okay, go now." After slapping himself a few times in his heart, the Catalan pushed Batistuta back to the court, and then quickly turned his gaze to the front court, as if he didn't want to see Batistuta for even a minute.

In the 35th minute, Ederson was sent off with a red card and Batistuta took over as goalkeeper.

……

Weird, so weird.

What else can you say when the defending champion's top scorer, who is also able to compete for the Premier League Golden Boot that season, changes to play as a goalkeeper?

Fernandinho looked back at his own goal from time to time, and he felt dizzy every time he saw Batistuta's innocent face appear there.

Southampton will certainly not miss this opportunity. They are now ranked 4th from the bottom and are almost on the verge of relegation, so they will not miss any chance to score.

[Here it comes! Southampton's attack, try a long shot from the outside! ]

In the 40th minute, Southampton's midfielder organized an attack, but could not find teammates to support him, so Tadic chose to take a shot. Batistuta may be good at scoring goals, but in terms of goalkeeping, his role is probably not as good as a pillar.

This is when the importance of personal ability is reflected.

Southampton did not seize this opportunity. Tadic's shot missed the target and the ball flew towards the goal at a very slow speed along the grass. Batistuta stopped it firmly with just his foot.

"You are the goalkeeper now, and goalkeepers can use their hands!" Stones shouted to Batistuta, "Hold the ball and shoot!"

Batistuta blinked, then said "Oh" belatedly, jumped up and caught the ball on his toes, then threw it to Stones.

It’s hard to describe this hand-thrown ball.

If Southampton had Benzema, I'm afraid the second huge mistake in this game would have happened.

Guardiola: (heart attack.jpg)

Why on earth had he agreed to let Batistuta be the goalkeeper?

……

The first half went by without incident.

As soon as he returned to the locker room, Batistuta was greeted by everyone. "What are you thinking? Going to guard the goal!" Lucas hit him hard on the head. "Sometimes I really want to open your little head to see what's inside. Goalkeeping? My God!"

"In my head? Well - probably music here, dancing there, and sex in the middle." Batistuta waved the goalkeeper gloves he snatched from Ederson and smiled brighter than the sunshine today. "Don't worry, Luki, you see I just saved a goal."

Was that your fault? It was clearly his poor shot!
The more Lucas thought about it, the angrier he got. Batistuta was the first to get the chance to play goalkeeper. Obviously, he could do it too! The French defender jumped up and pressed the boy's head, which had returned to light color, under his arms, then rubbed his hair hard.

"You have no idea how long I have prayed to God that you will not be scored against, Batistuta, I beg you, go back to play as a striker in the second half! You are only one goal away from breaking the 1 mark!"

This proposal was unanimously approved by the locker room.

"Yes, Batistuta, let professionals handle professional matters," Jesus said. "Why do you suddenly want to be a goalkeeper?"

"Because I can." Batistuta broke free from Lucas and said proudly with his hair flying up, "I'm going to make history today. Not only will I make a great save, I'm also going to score a goal!"

There was a moment of silence in the locker room.

Then there was a laugh loud enough to overturn the entire stadium.

"Wake up Batistuta, this is not a dream!" Aguero threw the towel on Batistuta's head, "Southampton will definitely target you in the second half. If you are still in goal, you will be awesome if you don't concede 5 goals!"

Tsk, what nonsense.

Batty bared his canines at him.

"If I say yes, then yes!" Manchester City's Brazilian Rose looked around, and finally her eyes fell on De Bruyne. The Belgian midfielder didn't laugh as hard as the others, but he couldn't control his upward smile. Batistuta narrowed his eyes: "Don't you believe I can do it, Kevin?"

De Bruyne endured it again and again, and finally went over and gave Batistuta a hug.

"Well, I believe you."

Before returning to the court, De Bruyne glanced at Batistuta from a distance. The young man was doing bunny hops in front of the goal and touching the crossbar, looking very high-spirited.

He averted his gaze and stamped his feet.

in fact--

He really wanted to see Batty cry after being shot.

……

Unfortunately, Batistuta did not give him this opportunity. At the beginning of the second half, Southampton changed its tactics and launched a fierce attack on Manchester City with 10 men.

But a strong attack will reveal flaws.

In the 65th minute, Southampton tried to knock on Manchester City's goal with a corner kick, but the ball was too high. The ball returned to Manchester City. Batistuta came to take the goal kick. He raised his hand to signal his teammates to press forward. This is a very common tactic, taking advantage of the opponent's empty backcourt to launch a quick attack.

However, contrary to everyone's expectations, Batty had no intention of kicking the ball.

How did he do it?
He dribbled the ball out of the penalty area and quickly advanced towards the Southampton goal.

[Bati! Is he trying to get another red card for Manchester City? Oh my god, how dare he - Ohhhh, he dribbled past the defense! ]

【He surpassed others again! 】

[There are teammates nearby to support! No, they have advanced to the midfield! ]

[Oh! We’re in front of the restricted area! ]

【The goalkeeper comes out! 】

[Reverse dunk—the ball goes in! Jesus Christ!! This is fucking unbelievable!]

[Bati passed all 20 players on the field except him! Long-distance attack! From his own goal to the opponent's goal! He made history!!!]

[Looking at the top five leagues, there has never been a striker who played as a goalkeeper and scored a goal! He is - God! We witnessed a miracle today! ]

The camera was pointed at Batistuta, who was opening his arms to accept the cheers from the audience. His fluorescent green gloves were particularly eye-catching, as sacred and glorious as the statue of Jesus.

De Bruyne did not run over to celebrate. He stood near the center line and looked at Batistuta with a helpless smile.

Soon Batistuta noticed him, raised his eyebrows and blew a kiss to the Belgian midfielder.

“Look, I did it.”

……

In the end, thanks to Batistuta's amazing goal, Manchester City won the game 1-0 and achieved 105 points in the season to defend the title. After the game, Batistuta was unsurprisingly on the hot search, becoming a striker who scored more than 30 goals for two consecutive seasons, and also broke the record for goalkeeper goals.

At the same time, the photos of Guardiola captured on the sidelines were flooding major forums. In the photos, Guardiola was holding his head as usual, but the expression on his face was neither surprise nor pain, but a twisted and comfortable expression, as if his soul was out of his body, an expression of pain and happiness.

Regarding this, a tweet received countless likes.

The content is as follows: Messi, Lewandowski, Sterling, Neuer's facial expressions when they scored/made a great save, several photos lined up. Below is a zoomed-in comparison of Guardiola's facial expressions when Batistuta scored in this game.
Caption: Messi + Lewandowski + Sterling + Neuer = Batistuta
Batty himself also replied below: On the way to the Golden Glove Award, come on!!

Just when netizens were going crazy about making memes, the entire Manchester City team returned to the Etihad Stadium to celebrate their 105-point championship victory. The Premier League trophy, FA Cup trophy, and League Cup trophy all appeared, and the whole of Manchester was flooded with blue.

Let us shout out loud that sentence -

The sky in Manchester is blue!!!
……

After winning their third trophy of the season, Manchester City set their sights on the final one.

They are determined to win the Champions League this year.

(End of this chapter)