Marriage Seduction Addiction

Chapter 469 What are you afraid of?
Under such circumstances, Lu Xingyan himself was also in a state of utter confusion.

The things that had been kept secret for so long finally came to Ji Yan's attention. He was still unsure of Ji Yan's attitude. Meanwhile, Tang Xu had an emotional breakdown. Although she quickly composed herself, how could the pain lingering in one's heart be so easily erased?

Therefore, Lu Xingyan still had countless worries in her heart. After sending the two of them to the hotel in two separate cars, she also instructed people to guard the various entrances and exits of the hotel in case they did something due to emotional fluctuations.

After doing all this, all Lu Xingyan could do was wait.

Unexpectedly, this wait lasted a whole night and a day.

For nearly twenty-four hours, neither woman stepped out of their room.

Lu Xingyan was filled with anxiety but could not barge in. She could only instruct the hotel to send meals to the two rooms separately. After learning from the delivery person that both people were in relatively "normal" condition, she was able to feel a little more at ease.

The following evening, Duan Siwei and Gao Yan also arrived at the hotel.

The two men's main purpose in coming here was to find Yan Shiyu, and Lu Xingyan, being the local expert, naturally knew that their efforts over the past two days had been completely fruitless.

His men had searched for so long but had no news. Moreover, Duan Siwei and his men were unfamiliar with the area, so even if they could find someone to help, they wouldn't be able to keep any news from him.

Therefore, after learning of their return, Lu Xingyan did not meet with the two of them—because there was no useful information to share between them.

That's why he couldn't keep Tang Xu informed about the progress of the matter.

She's already suffering enough; why keep torturing her nerves with things that are making no progress?

However, Duan Siwei clearly had no such concerns. As soon as he returned to the hotel, he went to find Tang Xu.

Tang Xu hadn't left her room for a day and a night. She looked quiet and pale, and her expression didn't change much when she saw Duan Siwei.

Why didn't you ask me if I had any news?

Duan Siwei followed Tang Xu into the room, and looking at her silent back, he couldn't help but ask a question.

Tang Xu had already walked to the window. After hearing this, she remained silent for a moment before slowly turning around and saying, "If there were any news, I should have received it by now, right?"

Duan Siwei frowned slightly, and after his gaze fell on Tang Xu's face, he still didn't say anything more.

If you didn't love someone, you wouldn't have traveled all this way to come here.

If I didn't care, I wouldn't look so pale and haggard.

Ultimately, her entanglement with Yan Shiyu was the deepest, and she endured the most torment and pain. As an outsider, he had absolutely no reason to say anything that could provoke her further.

But Duan Siwei also felt powerless.

Yan Shiyu is a man who hides his thoughts too well, especially later on. He did many things behind Gao Yan's back. Now that he has hidden himself after these events, it seems that no matter how hard they try to find him, it is all in vain.

Duan Siwei sat down on the sofa, almost collapsing there. After no longer trying to hold on, the feeling of helplessness finally spread throughout his body.

"I'm tired," he said.

Upon hearing these three words, Tang Xu's heart skipped a beat, and she remained silent for a moment.

Duan Siwei wasn't waiting for her answer. He remained silent for a long time before continuing, "To be honest, the things this kid did later showed he didn't consider me a friend at all. I even traveled thousands of miles for him, doing these pointless things day after day... Sometimes I want to ask—why? What's wrong with me? Why do I have to get involved in this mess?"

"He considers you a friend."

Tang Xu suddenly said something.

"What?" Duan Siwei was still immersed in his own emotions and didn't hear Tang Xu's words clearly.

Tang Xu repeated, word by word, "He considers you a friend."

Duan Siwei paused for a moment, staring at her.

Tang Xu lowered his eyes and continued, "He cares about you and values ​​you as a friend, which is why he kept you out of all this—he didn't want you to get involved anymore, just like Ji Yan, him, and Gao Yan... He wanted to take responsibility for all of this himself, which is why he made this choice. How could you not understand?"

Duan Siwei suddenly turned his face away, his Adam's apple bobbing.

He might not be unaware of what Tang Xu was saying.

But hearing her explain so earnestly for Yan Shiyu, he was still touched. After a long silence, he turned to look at her again and asked, "You really don't have any thoughts at all?"

Tang Xu's gaze remained lowered. "I just hope he can be a little happier."

“No, that’s not what I meant.” Duan Siwei looked at her and said, “In this world, you are the person closest to him. When he was with you, didn’t he leave any clues pointing to where he might go?”

Upon hearing this, Tang Xu was stunned for a long time before finally pondering Duan Siwei's question carefully.

However, after a long while, she gently shook her head.

Duan Siwei seemed somewhat incredulous, saying, "How is that possible? Think about it carefully! The fact that he's willing to let Jiang Beiheng leave shows that he's wavering, and there's still room for maneuver. We just need to find him as soon as possible. If we leave him alone, who knows what extreme ideas he might have—"

After listening, Tang Xu remained silent for a moment, but still gave a negative answer: "I really don't know."

Duan Siwei was a little angry, and because he was anxious, he blurted out without thinking, "Then you really wasted all that time you spent with him!"

"Yes." Tang Xu actually admitted it, and then said, "I know far too little about him."

Duan Siwei paused, glanced at Tang Xu, softened his tone slightly, and said, "That's not what I meant."

“I tried to understand him, but that only pushed him further away from me,” Tang Xu said softly. “Later I thought, I should just go along with him and follow his lead, but it still doesn’t seem to work. I really know too little about him, so much so that even now, I don’t know what I should do, or even what I should do after he comes back… So you’re not wrong.”

As Duan Siwei listened to her calm narration, he couldn't detect any helplessness in her words. It was as if she had truly calmed down and was just waiting for fate... or rather, Yan Shiyu's decision.

At this point, Duan Siwei knew that anything he said would be superfluous.

He slumped on the sofa for a moment, and then suddenly spoke again: "I once asked him why he couldn't live without you. He said it was because you saved his life."

Upon hearing this, Tang Xu finally looked up at him, a hint of surprise flashing across her face. After a moment, she chuckled helplessly and said, "He probably just said it casually to fob you off."

Duan Siwei seemed to share the same attitude, so when he heard Tang Xu's words, he didn't refute them, but he still couldn't help asking again: "So, why you?"

Tang Xu paused slightly again, and after a moment, said softly, "If we meet again, I will ask him."

Just like when he asked her what she loved about him.

Besides giving him an answer, perhaps she should also seek out the answer herself.

……

After Duan Siwei left, Tang Xu sat alone for a long time before finally deciding to go out for some fresh air.

It was past midnight when she left her room, entered the elevator, and saw the word "Bar" on the floor button. She pressed the button directly.

The elevator opened on the floor where the bar was located. Perhaps because it was the middle of the week, there weren't many people in the bar. With the soft music playing, the only two tables of customers were immersed in their own whispers.

Tang Xu chose a corner seat, ordered a drink, and then unconsciously started flipping through the playing cards on the table.

After examining the strange deck of cards, Tang Xu noticed out of the corner of her eye that someone else had entered the bar. She subconsciously looked up and unexpectedly met Ji Yan's gaze. Ji Yan also seemed to have just come from her room, wearing a long coat casually wrapped around her, her hair slightly disheveled. It seemed she had been lying down but couldn't sleep, so she came to the bar to find some entertainment.

When she met Tang Xu's gaze, she seemed slightly surprised, but she quickly looked away and limped to a window seat, sitting down in the nearest one, right across from Tang Xu.

After sitting down, neither of them looked at the other. Tang Xu's wine had been served for a while, and she slowly drank it down, then put down her glass and stood up, seemingly preparing to leave.

However, after taking only two steps, she involuntarily stopped, stood still for a moment, and finally turned back and walked towards where Ji Yan was.

It wasn't until she sat down in front of Ji Yan that Ji Yan finally looked up at her.

“I think since you’ve stayed with me for so long this time, perhaps I can sit down?” Tang Xu asked.

Ji Yan looked at her and said slowly, "Didn't you already sit down?"

After saying this, Ji Yan turned to look out the window.

Seeing that she didn't intend to get up and leave, Tang Xu smiled slightly and then said, "I'm sorry, I lost control of my emotions yesterday. I hope I didn't scare you."

Ji Yan didn't turn around. After a moment of silence, she finally spoke: "I'm not that timid."

"That's good." Tang Xu nodded gently, then looked at the glass of wine in front of her. "Your leg injury hasn't fully healed yet. Is it okay for you to drink?"

Upon hearing this, Ji Yan slowly turned her head, but instead of answering Tang Xu's question, she picked up the wine glass in front of her and drank the wine in it in one gulp.

Tang Xu looked at the empty cup she had placed back on the table, and finally just smiled faintly.

That can be considered an answer.

Ultimately, the person sitting in front of her at this moment is Ji Yan, not Xu Xingyang.

Despite everything that has happened, Ji Yan still hates her—that's an undeniable fact.

But now, this matter is not so painful for Tang Xu anymore.

In this world, there are many things that, no matter how painful, we must eventually learn to accept.

Just like now.

"Will you blame him?" Tang Xu finally asked again.

Ji Yan finally looked up at her, her gaze lingering on Tang Xu's face for a long time before she finally asked, "Shouldn't I blame him?"

Tang Xu saw the clear mockery in her eyes. After a long while, Tang Xu spoke softly, "Of course, you should blame him. All the things he kept from you, all the decisions he made on his own, you should blame him... blame him terribly."

Ji Yan hadn't expected her to answer like that. Looking at Tang Xu, a hint of strangeness and inquiry inevitably crept into her eyes. "What do you mean by that?"

“He left your life in a way that was almost self-destructive, hoping that you could get rid of the shadows of the past after leaving his world and continue to live without any burden... That way, he could do what he wanted without any worries and never look back.” Tang Xu said softly, “But as long as you still blame him, he is not really without burden. He will care about you and can’t let you go... That way, he might come back.”

Ji Yan's gaze flickered slightly. "Didn't you already accept his way of handling things, and even pretend to have amnesia for him? In the end, you're telling me to blame him... Tang Xu, what are you thinking? What is it that you really want?"

"I don't know," Tang Xu said.

Anger rose in Ji Yan's eyes once again.

But then Tang Xu spoke up—

“I want him to let go, but I know he can never let go in this lifetime.”

"I want to free him from this burden, but I'm also afraid he'll have to endure loneliness and pain."

"I want him to know that I love him, but I'm also afraid that it will put an even heavier burden on him."

"I hope he's safe, but I'm also afraid he'll torture himself."

“I want him to come back, but I’m also afraid… he’s being forced to come back.”

“But there’s nothing I can do, I have no way out, I can only wait like this…” Tang Xu looked at her, her face smiling, but her eyes were alarmingly red. “I don’t even want to be a source of pain for him anymore, so I can only pin my hopes on you, hoping that your existence can bring him back…”

She spoke at length, seemingly unaware of what she was saying, and continued: "I'm so selfish, so cowardly, and so useless... You ask me what I want? Actually, I just want him to be a little happier, even if it's just a tiny bit..."

In her almost unconscious murmurs, the anger in Ji Yan's eyes gradually dissipated, eventually turning into confusion and shock.

"Tang Xu," she called out, "What are you afraid of?"

This question hits right to the heart.

Tang Xu was suddenly stunned for a moment, and when he looked up at her again, he seemed to have been forced to wake up.

Facing Ji Yan's gaze, she finally confronted her own fears—

"Yes, I'm scared... scared that he'll never come back."

Ji Yan's gaze froze slightly.

"Will he never come back?" Ji Yan asked.

Tang Xu slowly lowered her eyes, and in the end, she could only cover her eyes and give a bitter smile.

……

The next day at noon, Lu Xingyan finally couldn't hold back and rang the doorbell of Tang Xu's room.

However, no one responded.

Lu Xingyan called her, but no one answered.

Lu Xingyan suddenly felt a bad premonition, but then she heard that Tang Xu had met Ji Yan at a bar last night.

He turned around and went to Ji Yan's room again. Even though he knew that Ji Yan didn't want to see him now, he still rang the doorbell.

The door opened, and behind it stood Ji Yan's indifferent face. "Is there something you need?"

Lu Xingyan exchanged a glance with her and slowly said, "I heard you saw Tang Xu last night. Is she here with you?"

"Not here." Ji Yan only answered with two words, then closed the door directly.

Lu Xingyan stood quietly at the door for a moment, but ultimately did not ring the doorbell again. He turned around and asked a hotel staff member to open the door to Tang Xu's room.

Upon entering the room, it was indeed empty.

Subsequently, Lu Xingyan received a message from Tang Xu on his phone.

In her message, Tang Xu spoke calmly and easily, saying—

"I can't wait any longer. I'm going out for a walk. Maybe when I come back, there will be good news."