From the end of the world

Chapter 539: Enemy with Ma Zao

Should I continue to stay in the apocalyptic era or return to the modern world? Xiaowan had already noticed my hesitation. She did not muddle through the question with an ambiguous attitude, but asked directly at this moment.

And along the way, I was well prepared for this, thinking about this question over and over again, and came up with my own answer.

“I certainly had that thought,” I said.

"Yes?" Xiao Wan was suspicious. "That is to say, you have changed your mind now and want to return to the era of Sister Ma Zao, right?"

After saying this, she paused for a moment, then asked, "...Is it because of the existence of Fate Turbidity?"

I had not previously explained to Xiaowan in detail the possibility that Mingzhu might pose a threat to Ma Zao again, but it was not difficult for Xiaowan to deduce this based on the information he had at hand.

"Yes, that's a very important reason," I said, "but it's not entirely true that I've changed my mind.

"I know lying to you will not work, and I don't want to lie about this issue. I do have a strong interest in the apocalypse. This strange and unpredictable time and space attracts me more than the modern world."

After a series of explorations, I am not as excited about the apocalypse as I was at the beginning. It is true that the apocalypse is full of dangers, and all kinds of weird things are dizzying, as if there is a crisis of death at any minute. But that is more for ordinary apocalypse survivors, not for me.

Now I have accepted the fact that I am at the top of the world, whether in the modern world or in the apocalypse. Demon hunters, blessed monks, weirdos, karma demons, modern weirds, apocalypse weirds... these things may seem different, but in fact, they are essentially the same to me, and it is difficult for them to threaten my life.

Even if the Karma Demons and Doomsday Monsters have more bizarre and unpredictable abilities, most of them are just for the sake of novelty. Apart from the Great Demons and Human Gods, it is difficult for them to bring me real danger. If even the most basic risks do not exist, then it is naturally difficult to talk about adventure.

However, based on this, I still think that the apocalypse is more attractive than the modern world. After sending off Sandalwood, I was shocked when I saw the wandering soul reveal its true identity. This was a shock I had never experienced in the modern world. The many mysteries hidden in the apocalypse were also the reason why I couldn't give it up easily. It was absolutely impossible for me to leave all of this on the ground and turn around and leave without any regrets.

This vast and dark land, which has forced the human race into a horrific death, still has countless possibilities waiting for me to explore.

At the same time, I also have to solve the crisis of Ma Zao in the modern world.

I will never allow Mingzhuo to take action against Ma Zao while I'm away.

"Since the Gospel Institute has a way to send Huang Quan to the modern world, it means that they may have mastered the way to travel between the two eras. And No. 7 also claimed to know a way for me to return to the modern world. This method may also allow me to go back to the apocalypse era from the modern world." I said, "I just need to get it."

"In other words, Brother Zhuang Cheng, you don't intend to make a choice, but want to have it all, right?" Xiaowan asked.

I heard the hidden meaning and asked, "Does this seem unacceptable to you?"

Xiao Wan said without hesitation: "No."

"Why is this? There is a way to have the best of both worlds, but you force me to choose one side alone. Isn't this just looking for trouble?" I asked back.

Xiaowan looked at me quietly. Although she had such a childish and cute face, her eyes seemed more mature than those of an adult like me. They even had some kind of terrifying penetrating power that could penetrate into the deepest areas of my heart.

"If you just want to master the means of transportation between the two eras, and get along with Sister Mazao while adventuring in the apocalypse era, this may be possible temporarily." She said, "But, Brother Zhuang Cheng, you are just delaying the real core issue."

"The real core issue..." I read.

"The Doomsday Era is based on the arrival of the Doomsday, and isn't the ultimate goal of you and Sister Ma Zao to prevent the arrival of the Doomsday?" Xiao Wan said, "Do you want to choose to go hand in hand with Sister Ma Zao until the last moment and bid farewell to the Doomsday Era completely; or do you choose the Doomsday Era and become the enemy of Sister Ma Zao...

"——Brother Zhuang Cheng, you can only choose one side."

Her voice was so soft and yet so unquestionable, like a parent in a toy store telling a child that they can only choose one item to take home.

And I realized belatedly that the biggest secret hidden in my heart was actually dug out by this little girl in front of me.

I am looking forward to the end of the world...

I have never told this secret to anyone. I have not told Zhu Shi, nor have I told Ma Zao. Although I honestly told Ma Zao that the reason I approached her was because I longed to enter a world full of weirdness, even Ma Zao probably did not expect that my desire would be so extreme that I would look forward to the world after the end of the world. Similarly, although Xiao Wan knew about my desire for Ma Zao, she did not know that I was looking forward to the end of the world, because she was a survivor who actually lived in such an era and knew the suffering of the end of the world, so she could not imagine that someone would have such a desire - at least that's what I thought before. However, her wisdom and observation skills once again exceeded my expectations, and she once again presented this contradiction to me.

Yes, I have been aware of this contradiction since a long time ago. Perhaps one day, I, who am looking forward to the end of the world, will become an enemy of Ma Zao, who wants to prevent the end of the world. But in my opinion, that is a conflict that is too far away, so I have postponed it over and over again, unwilling to think about this issue.

Xiao Wan paused for a moment and continued, "Not only that...Brother Zhuang Cheng, you don't just have to choose between Doomsday and Sister Ma Zao. On this scale...the other tray opposite Sister Ma Zao has even heavier things on it.

"Although it would be too disadvantageous for Sister Ma Zao to discuss this matter now, I think you, Brother Zhuang Cheng, have already realized it to some extent, so let's just say it here...

"If the price of staying with Sister Mazao until the end is to say goodbye to the weird world completely, would you still be willing to be with Sister Mazao?"

I had to fall into silence.

Although Xiaowan's question sounds incoherent, like "If your mother and your wife fall into the water and you can only save one of them, who would you choose to save?", but, as she said, I have more or less realized it. I really know why she asked this question.

According to Xiaowan's past observations and analysis, the doomsday occurred because the world had malfunctioned and accumulated a large number of errors. All the weirdness was born from this error, or was the embodiment of this error.

This means that if we want to prevent the end of the world, we must somehow troubleshoot and clear up the world's mistakes.

After this work is completed, all the weirdness will lose its source. In the end, whether they will all disappear on the spot, or no new individuals will be born, and it will slowly come to an end, is still unknown at present, but the extinction of the weirdness will become a foregone conclusion.

Ma has always been very important to me, very, very important. But is she really important enough for me to make such a decision to be with her?
What has kept me going all the way to today and what has supported my soul internally has never been love. That night, the person who walked out of the basement on the 15th floor had a completely different mind than the person who walked in. If it was the latter, I might have made a different judgment.

I wanted to postpone Xiaowan's question with an ambiguous attitude as I had done in the past. But facing this girl who had punctured my inner bubble, I didn't want to do anything so embarrassing, so I finally made up my mind and gave the only conclusion I could give.

“—One day, I will become an enemy of Ma Zao,” I said.

Xiao Wan showed a disappointed expression, but she seemed to be not surprised by the result. Then she sighed deeply and asked, "... Is there no room for change?"

"It's very painful for me to imagine myself being an enemy of Ma Zao for my own selfish desires," I said, "but if I were to imagine myself giving up the desire I've been holding on to for the sake of love, it's not a question of whether it's painful or not, but that I can't do it from the beginning... I can't imagine it in my mind.

"I'm sorry, Xiaowan, I disappoint you. But that's just who I am. Just give up."

Xiao Wan whispered: "This is not the apology I want to hear..."

Then, she was silent for a long time before she continued, "Brother Zhuang Cheng, since you said 'one day'... does that mean you are not going to become an enemy of Sister Ma Zao now?"

"Now that I have faced my true feelings and given you this conclusion, I will no longer allow myself to play with Ma Zao's feelings." I said, "After returning to the modern world, I will tell Ma Zao everything I said to you here today.

"Then, if Ma Zao wants to be my enemy, then we will immediately become enemies at that point in time; and if Ma Zao wants to give up saving the world and choose to go along with someone like me..."

Xiaowan slowly closed her eyes and said, "...Sister Mazao will never do that. She will definitely stick to the position of 'stopping the apocalypse'."

I don't know why, but I felt happy after hearing her words.

Rather than distorting one's own beliefs for the sake of love between men and women, perhaps I would rather hope that Ma Zao can make this strong decision of "not giving up for the sake of perfection".

But Xiaowan couldn't seem to let it go.

Everyone has their own value judgment standards, and she probably expected me to choose between principles and feelings and to value the latter. I wouldn't say this is wrong, just like I never preach to others that my ideas are correct.

"So... in the end, what exactly is Sister Ma Zao to Brother Zhuang Cheng?" she asked sadly.

(End of this chapter)