From the end of the world

Chapter 499 The Balance in the Heart
I thought that as my understanding of the apocalypse deepened, my understanding of Ma Zao would also become deeper.

But the result was completely opposite to what I had imagined at the beginning. The image of Ma Zao in my mind did not become clearer, but even more elusive. The person I thought I knew very well had layer upon layer of mysterious doubts.

For a moment, I didn’t know whether I should be happy or confused.

I still believe that Ma Zao has always been open and honest with me. I think even if I ask her about the problems I have discovered now, she will be as confused as I am.

After the meal, the boy took the initiative to clean up all the dishes. It was probably because there were a lot of unused dishes in the safe house and there was a lack of water resources, so these dishes were packed and thrown away directly after use. Tan Xiang asked where the bathroom was and left for the time being.

After quickly finishing the cleanup, the boy took the girl to the large round table in the center of the safe house, took out a small and rough human-shaped wooden sculpture, placed it on the table, and then made a worship gesture towards the sculpture.

The cartographer also made a simple gesture of worship to the sculpture from a distance.

When Tan Xiang came back and saw this scene, he asked curiously, "What is that?"

"They are worshipping the gods." The cartographer said, "The sculpture symbolizes a god named Huangquan, who seems to be able to bless the survivors."

After the cartographer said this, the rough wooden sculpture seemed to have the deadly flavor of Huang Quan. However, Huang Quan was the Great Impermanence of the Gospel House. The cartographer had just said something bad about the Gospel House, and now he was worshipping Huang Quan, which seemed a bit contradictory.

Did he not know that Huang Quan was a member of the Gospel Court? Or was it that the Gospel Court was like Luo Shan, where it was not the Great Impermanence that was subordinate to the organization, but the organization that was subordinate to the Great Impermanence, so even if the Gospel Court committed many evil deeds, the impact on Huang Quan's characterization would be limited? Just like even if the close ministers of the ancient emperors were villains, they often thought that there were villains around the emperor, not that the emperor himself was evil?

"Huangquan?" Tan Xiang seemed to be thinking about which god this name corresponds to. "This god... does he really exist?"

Since there are weirdness and doomsday, then gods might also exist - or so he thought.

"Gods do exist." The cartographer looked at the sculpture with a very complicated look, "But... why is it that no matter how much we worship them, they will never truly protect us..."

Maybe it's because I killed him.

After thinking about it, Tan Xiang actually went to worship the gods, probably because he thought it was free to worship and wanted to find peace of mind. With a humorous attitude, I also imitated the cartographer's actions and bowed from a distance in the direction of the sculpture.

Snap.

The god's face cracked on the spot.

"what?"

Tan Xiang had just finished worshipping, and when he looked up, he saw that the face of the god sculpture was cracked, and his face also turned green. I think I was too abrupt just now. After all, I am a person who is called a god, and it is not appropriate to salute other gods, especially the god who is defeated by me.

Unfortunately, Lu Chan and Zhu Shi were not around, so no one could explain to me what mystical rules had just been triggered. The cartographer was also a little surprised. He walked over to the bewildered boy, picked up the wooden sculpture and looked at it. He didn't seem to connect my actions with the cracking of the wooden sculpture.

"Maybe the air is too dry?" he said puzzledly.

Then he put away the wooden sculptures and took out a large stainless steel basin from under the round table, which was filled with new wooden sculptures. He placed one of them on the table.

"No...are you doing wholesale?!" Tan Xiang was shocked.

"I would carve a few when I had nothing to do, and before I knew it I had accumulated a lot. The materials are the legs of the tables in the safe house. If they are damaged, I can use them as firewood, so they won't be wasted," said the cartographer.

"Is this respecting or blaspheming God? Could it be that this is the reason why God didn't bless you?" Tan Xiang complained.

I then asked, "Speaking of which...does this blessing have anything to do with the gods?"

I looked at the lantern next to the cartographer and the blessed light floating in the center of the large round table.

"It is said that the blessing came from the Gospel House. While the monks of the Gospel House were hunting survivors, the blessing was also spread to various places due to various accidents." The cartographer said, "The blessing of our safe house is very weak, and it only provides the power to guide the way.

"If it is a greater blessing, it can reduce the probability of the surrounding people being infected with madness and becoming karma demons. And an even greater blessing, according to legend, can even calm the chaos of the surrounding time and space, and make the monsters stay away from that area on their own."

Then, the cartographer explained to Tan Xiang the concepts of madness and demonization, and Tan Xiang said thoughtfully: "So... if you want to build a survivor force of a certain scale, you must have a blessing of sufficient size?"

"Yes, but the blessings scattered outside are only small in size. Most survivors don't even have small blessings, and only the Gospel Temple has large blessings." The cartographer said. "Speaking of madness, I have a question..." I said, "What exactly is madness?"

Madness is an extremely dangerous unknown force that causes many doomsday survivors to become karma demons. Even the great demon is ultimately the Great Impermanence - a human god gone mad and degenerated into the form of a karma demon, which means that madness can even corrode the Great Impermanence.

Since entering the apocalypse, I have been sensing the surrounding environment. To be more precise, I am trying to find the madness that permeates the environment. Since it is an extremely dangerous force that is enough to erode the Great Impermanence, there is no way there will be no signs.

As it turned out, I simply couldn't find anything around that fit the description.

"I can't tell you what madness is, because 'madness' is actually a vaguely defined thing." The cartographer thought for a while and replied, "So-called madness is not a real gas, but more like a substance imagined by us survivors. It is a concept that emerged to explain why we lose our memory and go crazy."

"Like 'ether'?" I suddenly realized.

The concept of "ether" was originally a fictional substance invented by ancient philosophers to explain the operation of the world. It was considered to be a mysterious substance that filled the universe. After this theory was dormant for a while, it became a medium imagined by some physicists in modern times to explain the propagation of electromagnetic waves, and was later replaced by a better theory.

It sounds like the "dark matter" and "dark energy" popular in modern astronomy also have similar suspicious concepts. As for whether they are really the same as "ether" and are just imaginary things added to make the cosmic view continue to exist, as a layman, I do not have enough judgment ability.

In the end times, people once again used the same methods as the ancients in order to explain phenomena that they could not understand.

Afterwards, the cartographer took Sandalwood and me to the assigned private rooms.

I chose a room in the corner of the safe house. After the cartographer and Sandalwood left, I had some time to rest alone. The windows here were not sealed like the house I first came to. I sat by the window and looked at the sky outside.

The night sky was still dark, as if it was endless black iron, making people feel suffocated.

This is the world where Ma Zao lived in the past...

What is Ma Zao thinking about now?

How can I return to the modern world? I racked my brains to think about it.

Time travel is not something that can be achieved casually, especially in the doomsday era of chaotic time and space. Firstly, I do not have the specialized ability in the direction of time and space, and secondly, I do not have the relevant knowledge. Although Xiaowan is the key figure in sending Ma Zao to the modern world, it is a miracle that she herself cannot replicate. Even if I reunite with her, I will not be able to achieve the goal of returning.

I can't exile myself to the void outside the world again and try my luck to travel through time again, right? Regardless of how to exile myself again, I don't understand why I could sense "fireflies" in the void last time. Maybe I won't be so lucky next time.

No, in the end...

Why should I go back?

The reason why I secretly have reservations about whether to prevent the end of the world is because I long for the end of the world to come... Isn't it because I long for a world like the one I am in now?
Now, I have arrived in the doomsday era, and endless adventures are waiting for me.

What reason do I have to return to the modern world?
Objectively speaking, there are definitely some reasons. The relationship between me and Ma Zao, the agreement between me and Zhu Shi, the friendship between me and Chang An... Lu Chan's loyalty to me, Mr. Zhu's expectations of me, the unknown life and death of Taoyuan Township Master and Liu Shuying, the mysterious North Pole, even Ming Zhu's hatred for me and Shan Liangyi's threat to me, all of these can be reasons for me to return to the modern world. There is no end to them.

But this is the end of the world.

Everything I pursue is here. To abandon it all for the sake of the modern world, isn’t that putting the cart before the horse? There is such a voice in my heart whispering in my ear.

What really makes me hesitant is not that I can't make a choice.

But I found that I seemed to be able to make choices easily.

It made me think: At the end of this easy road, is there really everything I want?

I let out a breath, walked out of the room, and went downstairs. There was no one else around at the moment. The cartographers seemed to have gone to the second floor to rest. The only thing on the first floor of the safe house was the blessing of the large round table in the center, which was swaying quietly. The white lights seemed to echo my restless heart.

I walked towards the blessing.

(End of this chapter)