From the end of the world

Chapter 247 Catch My Heart
I walked slowly to Ma Zao's side.

She lowered her head without saying a word, her hands on her knees, her eyes focused on her toes, and she was completely immersed in her own thoughts, so much so that she didn't seem to notice me approaching. I was considering what to say next, and I could vaguely hear my own heartbeat.

Zhu Shi really didn't misjudge me. The more critical the moment, the easier it is for me to lose my composure. I've already said the truth once before, but now I'm still nervous when I'm asked to say it again.

Perhaps the reason why I can be so straightforward in most situations is because I don’t care about most things. The opinions of people around me and the reactions of the people I talk to are secondary. Sometimes I can even ignore my own life. Just like many people who appear to be brave, they actually didn’t really overcome their fear with courage, but they were not that afraid from the beginning.

At this moment, I was undoubtedly afraid, afraid that something unexpected would happen. What if Ma Zao really believed my words and still rejected me on this basis? Then what should I do? However, at the same time, I also believed that there was true courage in my heart. Since I was confident that I could overcome the various fears that come with adventures with my own willpower, there was no reason why I couldn't frankly offer my true heart to such a girl who was trembling in the darkness of her heart.

Whenever someone approaches her, she becomes panic-stricken, afraid that they will hurt her or that she will hurt others; and when someone stays away from her, she feels lonely, and it is said that she sometimes even sheds tears alone.

Those days are over today.

I slowly squatted down in front of her, stretched out my right hand, and placed it on the back of her hand. She seemed to be just realizing it, and looked at me blankly.

"Ma Zao, are you thinking about the amnesiac?"

I was still thinking about what to say, first in a questioning tone, then in a statement: "You want to save them, even if it means sacrificing yourself."

"...Yeah." She nodded.

"So what about saving the world?" I asked.

"I want to stop the end of the world...but does this really require my strength? Perhaps I simply cannot continue to play a role in such a great mission. The fact is, compared to you who have already come into contact with so many clues, I have gained nothing so far. So I should at least start from other areas within my ability." she said.

"But I need you. Without you, I won't be able to touch any of the strange events. Don't you already know this?" I said, "And what about Xiaowan? Without you..."

"Even if I were here, I can't get in touch with Xiao Wan right now, and I can't help her at all." She said dejectedly, "And you don't have to have me accompany you to get in touch with the strange world. Since so many Great Impermanence and those who are qualified for Great Impermanence can get in touch with the strange world normally from ancient times to the present, it means there must be some simple method."

I was a little surprised that Xiaowan's name didn't cheer her up. But I soon realized that this was probably the wishful thinking that always existed in my heart. Unlike me who could enter the virtual world, Ma Zao could only know the existence of Xiaowan No. 2 through my oral narration. Even if my retelling of Xiaowan No. 2's words was consistent with Ma Zao's understanding of it, it was too lacking in authenticity. That indirect bond was not always enough to arouse her emotions.

"Haven't you always been trying hard to protect the little bowl in the past?" I asked.

"Did I protect Xiao Wan..." Ma Zao said masochistically, "Actually it's not like that, Zhuang Cheng. It wasn't me who protected her, it was she who protected me. Before I met her, I had already planned to die; it was because of her that I temporarily found a reason to live. But...

"Maybe I just want to die in a way that suits my own taste. For someone like me who only attracts disasters, what value can I have even if I live a long life? If I die to save the world, that would be the best. Even if I can't do that, it would be great to die on the road to saving others. I won't have any complaints about this."

"What about me?" I asked, "Without you, I will return to a boring world..."

"Is it that thing again? I've already said it, how could there be someone who would give up a safe life and choose to jump into a dangerous or even desperate situation. You must be comforting me. I'm glad you comforted me, but I won't believe it." she said.

"It seems that you are very similar to me," I said.

"Similar?" she asked confused.

She herself is a person who wants to die, but she still says "I don't believe there are people who are not afraid of death and pursue adventure". However, although we are both heading towards death, our hearts are opposite. I feel more and more that perhaps we are not only complementary in talents, but also have similar but opposite parts in more places. What a coincidence.

Just as she had said before, she was a girl who constantly attracted dangerous things and fell into distress and despair because of this, and I was a man who lived in a different era and happened to be fond of dangerous things. She happened to travel through time and space, happened to come to my side, and happened to become my partner. With so many "coincidences" added together, and happening to her who was often accompanied by bad luck, she naturally could not believe it easily.

But that's what happened. There are eight billion people living on this planet, and even a city has a population of hundreds of thousands, millions, and tens of millions. The probability of any two people meeting each other is extremely low. However, we will meet all kinds of strangers, friends, classmates, colleagues from childhood to adulthood... Talking about the probability after meeting is just hindsight. It's like talking about how low the probability of bad luck is to someone who actually suffered bad luck. Now that I have come to her like this, I hope she can accept me calmly.

I reached out my other hand and held her left hand together. This action was much more intimate than before. She was stunned for a moment, and then seemed to want to pull her hand out. I didn't let her escape, and held her left hand tightly. She opened her mouth, but no words came out, and her cheeks turned red, revealing shyness.

This was an emotion that Ma Zao would never show in the past. Sure enough, I don't know when Ma Zao started to have sexual feelings towards me. I didn't have any special thoughts at first, but when I saw her become shy, I actually became shy too, and at the same time felt an inexplicable joy.

I slightly loosened my left hand, and the black rope lock heart ring was clenched in my palm. Looking at her expression, she didn't seem to understand why I took out the black rope lock heart ring. In this atmosphere, I took out the ring for only one thing. Maybe she didn't understand what it meant for a man to take out a ring in front of a woman in modern society.

Actually, I didn't want to ask for love, I just wanted her to believe my words. But when the time came, I was in a dilemma. Which finger should I wear this ring on? I only know that wearing it on the left ring finger means marriage. It would be fine if I didn't know, but it seems inappropriate to wear it on this finger even if I know it. So I finally wore it on her left middle finger. Maybe wearing it on this finger also has some special meaning, I won't worry about it for now.

The black rope lock heart ring turned her left hand into a phantom. I held her left hand and guided her to pierce my chest, and actively sent my living beating heart into her palm.

At this moment, a cold and tricky magic power appeared, like a stiff and thin chain that bound my heart. I could feel that I could resist this magic power at any time, but I didn't do so. Instead, I took the initiative to cooperate so that this magic power could take effect normally.

Ma Zao then realized what I was doing and was shocked.

"Zhuang Cheng, you..."

"Now, Ma Zao, you have captured my heart," I said. "From now on, I will no longer be able to remain silent to you, nor will I be able to lie to you." She must have also felt the feedback from the black rope heart-locking ring and realized that what I said was true.

"Why do you do this?" she asked.

"Of course, it's to make you believe my sincerity." I said, "No matter how many times I have to say it, I will keep saying it until you completely believe it.

“Mama, I need you, I want you.

"You do attract endless misfortune and disasters, but no matter what others say about you or how they view you, at least to me, you are definitely not a jinx. My world was dark in the past, until I met you, and my story finally began. You are the lucky star that illuminates my destiny.

“Even if everyone in this world denies you and you also deny yourself, I will still affirm you and yearn for you. I will regard meeting you as the greatest luck in my life and will never let you escape from me.

"——How about it? Can you feel my heartbeat? Do you still think that these words are insincere?"

I poured out all my true feelings.

Of course, I know exactly what Ma Zao's real problem is. The reason why she didn't believe my sincerity last time was not because I was not persuasive enough, but because she didn't want to believe that lucky things would happen to her. She was afraid of signs of happiness. So the real strategy should obviously be to find a way to cleverly resolve her knot first.

But I am not good at those clever things. I used to rack my brains to say so many sweet words, but in the end, I always suffered in some form. My nature is to go straight to the point and crack it violently, so what I have to do now is also very simple. Since just strengthening the persuasiveness is not enough, then I will continue to strengthen the persuasiveness, strengthen it to the point where she has nowhere to escape and cannot refute any loopholes, and force her to accept that I, Zhuang Cheng, am indeed the person I say I am.

This is how I do it, this is how I really feel, this is who I am.

Now, Ma Zao, you hold my heart, look into my eyes, and listen to my words - can you still say that I am lying?

Ma Zao stood there in a daze as if the computer had crashed.

Seeing this, I once again spoke my true feelings in different forms. Just like what I said just now, I will say it no matter how many times. Because she might think that I am using clever words to mislead her thinking by only telling part of the truth, so it is meaningful to keep changing the angle like this. This is a saturation bombardment of language to ensure that she can't find any loopholes to hide in.

When I said it for the fourth time, she seemed to finally come to her senses and said helplessly: "I am not a jinx...?"

"Yes," I affirmed.

She asked hesitantly, "You want me?"

"Yes." I confirmed again.

She was stunned for a long time again, and spoke again after a while: "Um, I... I don't really understand..."

"I can repeat it several times," I said, "You are not a jinx to me. You are the light of my life, the fire of my desire..."

"No, no, no..." she said quickly, "That's not what I meant..."

"So?" I asked.

"...Can you give me some time alone?" She said stutteringly, "I...need time to sort out my thoughts..."

Did I push her too far? Perhaps my attack was too fierce, leaving her breathless. Listening to others' words also requires time to think and digest. I may have been too hasty and forgot to consider the other person's convenience.

"How long will it take?" I asked.

After a moment's hesitation, she said, "An hour will be enough."

Looking at her expression now, it didn't seem like she was in a state of depression, so I nodded and asked her to take her left hand out of my chest. Her left hand changed from a phantom to a normal human hand. I stood up, stepped back, turned around and walked out of the room, closing the door behind me.

As soon as I walked away, I started monitoring her through the thermal signatures in her body.

She said she wanted to be alone, but I still secretly monitored her. It was indeed unromantic behavior, but I had not forgotten that this base was not absolutely safe. I could not accept letting her be alone out of my sight for even a minute, let alone an hour.

I silently observed her every move in the room. After I left, she sat on the bed and was in a daze. She lowered her head and touched the ring on her left middle finger, and then continued to be in a daze. After a while, she suddenly turned around and crawled into the bed, then jumped off the bed and ran and jumped around the room.

Finally she became quiet, returned to sit on the edge of the bed, hugged the pillow, stared at her toes, and didn't know what she was thinking about.

(End of this chapter)