From the end of the world

Chapter 227: Loveless Zhu Shi

Upon hearing my answer, Zhu Shi showed an expression that was both surprised and not surprised.

Just listening to the description, it seems difficult to imagine this change in expression. I think Zhu Shi has a clear and objective understanding of her appearance and how easy it is to attract people. In short, she is not the kind of naive girl who has no idea of ​​her own charm. Before hearing my answer, she should have made corresponding psychological preparations.

On the other hand, she may have wanted to show that she had not expected to hear such an answer. This acting may be unconscious, and it should have been more natural. Maybe she also wanted to communicate with a sincere attitude, and the reflexive acting did not completely cover up her true heart.

She seemed to struggle with herself for two seconds, then said, "You actually admitted it directly!"

"Didn't you tell me before that I just need to speak my true feelings as always? Lies and acting are not suitable for me. So I just say it straight," I said.

She smiled and asked back, "You said it directly when you had feelings for me, but you said one thing and meant another when you had feelings for Ma?"

"I don't know what you're talking about." I said seriously.

I have never mentioned to Zhu Shi that Ma Zao has feelings for the opposite sex. After all, she is much more common-sense than me in this regard. Even I think it is a bit abnormal for an adult male in his twenties to have feelings for a thirteen-year-old girl. Although Zhu Shi may have seen my true thoughts to some extent, if I really confess, she will definitely keep repeating it in my ear.

"But now that you say that, I feel relieved," Zhu Shi said.

"Are you relieved?" I asked.

"You don't actually have that kind of feeling towards me." She said relaxedly, "I'm still wondering what I should do if you really like me and want to get married to me."

I deliberately said, "I feel a little hurt when you say that. Is it so difficult for you to accept talking about marriage with me?"

"That's not the case." She said, "If you want to ask me if I want to marry you, Senior Brother Zhuang, after all, I will get married sooner or later, and if the object is you, I will naturally be very happy. Senior Brother Zhuang, there are many things about you that I can't just sit back and watch. If I stay with you in the future, it will be convenient for me to take care of you up close."

What does "take care of me" mean...how am I really regarded?
"But, how should I put it...it would be very unfair to you, Senior Brother Zhuang, if you marry me," she said.

"Unfair - why?" I quickly thought of several possibilities.

"First of all, from the perspective of others, you will become the Great Impermanence sooner or later, and I am just the last descendant of a fallen demon hunter family. Even if our ancestors have produced a Great Impermanence, that is the glory of the past. You have someone who is far more suitable than me to choose from. If you choose me, you will inevitably miss a lot." she said.

"This is the most unreasonable reason. If I become the Great Impermanence, holding power that overrides common sense, but I still have to think twice before choosing a partner and think about the partner's background - how vulgar this is, how can I call myself 'The Great Impermanence'?" I answered without hesitation.

Hearing this, she smiled and asked back: "Brother Zhuang, are you starting to seriously consider marrying me?"

"It's just a possible analysis," I said. "Then what? There must be other reasons, right?"

She nodded: "Then the most important reason is that I cannot develop romantic feelings for you, Senior Brother Zhuang."

"You can't fall in love with me, but you'd be happy to marry me?" I felt that her words were inconsistent.

However, it is reasonable that she has no romantic feelings for me. She has a pure kindness and a strong sense of morality, which is the opposite of me who calls myself a villain and has no taboos. Although there are classic plots of "the heroine falls in love with the devil" in some fictional stories, regardless of the fact that reality is not a fictional story, we have never experienced any special events that are enough to make us fall in love with each other.

Rather, she should have almost realized that I was behaving badly by now, but she was still willing to open up to me, which was enough to surprise me.

But she shook her head and added: "My way of expressing myself is not good. Not only you, I can't have romantic feelings for anyone."

"What's going on?" I wondered.

"It means literally that I don't have the ability to generate love between men and women. It's not a personality problem, but a problem at the hardware level," she said.

"I still don't understand. There is no love... Even if this is true, how did you come to this conclusion?"

After all, I have experienced so many incredible events, so although Zhu Shi’s speech was sudden, I was still able to digest it quickly.

Let’s assume for a moment that Zhu Shi is really a person who does not have the capacity for love. However, unlike simple and clear emotions such as fear and anger, love is an elusive emotion.

If a person is born without fear or anger, it is easy to self-diagnose and draw a conclusion. But if a person is born incapable of love, how can we accurately diagnose it instead of continuing to retain the possibility that "I just haven't met someone who makes my heart beat"?

After thinking about it, I felt like I had grasped a possibility: "——Don't you have sexual desire?"

"Ah?" Zhu Shi was stunned. "Why do you think so?"

"I heard that love between men and women is a mixture of friendship and desire... Although I don't know if this is correct, if you can treat me as a good friend but can't have romantic feelings for me, then it should mean that you don't have that kind of desire for me... and for all men, right?" I asked.

"No, no, no, that statement is really... uh..."

As she refuted, she seemed to be searching for evidence to oppose her argument. Then she fell silent. After a moment, she continued, "It seems... it seems to be true. Um... I don't have that kind of desire for men."

“What about women?” I asked.

"That's even more impossible!" she said blushing.

I asked curiously, "Since you just discovered this now, how did you know before that you were not in love?"

"It's not that I was born without the ability to fall in love, but I lost this feeling after experiencing an incident. Because I have a clear understanding of the incident itself, I also know what I lost from it," she said.

"Is it a strange incident?" I couldn't help but be concerned. "Does Mr. Zhu know about this?"

"It's not exactly a weird incident." She shook her head. "As for Grandpa... he doesn't know about this. The rest of the family doesn't know either. You're the first one to know, besides myself. Because Grandpa always wants you and me to get closer, so I thought I should at least let you know."

"You said you wanted to keep me informed, but you don't seem to have any intention of telling me the details of the incident." I caught her emotion.

"Given your unscrupulous pursuit of strange events, if I tell you everything, you will definitely try to dig deeper into this incident later." She became annoyed and continued, "No, I have already mentioned it to you. Even if I don't say anything more, you may still dig deeper..."

"That's not the only reason. I want to help you, too," I said. "You're a very important friend of mine. If you've lost a part of yourself because of something weird, I'm going to get it back for you no matter what."

"This is the part where you are being unfair, Senior Brother Zhuang. If you really help me to that extent and let me regain the ability to fall in love, what if I turn around and fall in love with you?" She made a joke at first, and then said, "It's agreed in advance that it doesn't matter if I lose the ability to fall in love. Not only will it not cause any danger to me, but it can also be said that I will be free of a lot of troubles related to it.

"If you want to know the ins and outs of that incident, I can tell you, but I can't tell you now. It will take some time."

I asked directly: "When can I tell you?"

"At least..." She hesitated for a moment and said, "At least wait until my brother's matter is settled. Also, I hope you don't mention what I told you today to anyone else."

"I understand."

As I agreed, I felt happy. She shared her secret with me, and it became a secret known only to the two of us. Even if I couldn't know the core content that I was most curious about, it was enough to satisfy me temporarily.

"So, do you have any questions for me about Ma Zao?" she asked.

It really does.

But I don't know whether I should ask Zhu Shi for help. The atmosphere between Ma Zao and I is awkward right now, and Zhu Shi, who is also a woman, might be able to give me some useful advice to help me break the ice. The cause of the incident was my "hint" to Ma Zao that was almost a confession. As mentioned before, Zhu Shi is a common-sense person, and if she knew the truth, she might become an obstacle.

After careful consideration, I decided to ask for help in a roundabout way.

"Zhu Shi, let me make an assumption, just an assumption... In order to prevent Ma from knowing the real motive of my pestering her, I said something before to make her think that I like her..."

I briefly described what had happened before, and finally said, "...Now our relationship is very awkward, what do you think I should do?"

Zhu Shi was stunned.

"You actually said that to Ma Zao?"

"Suppose, suppose," I said.

"Okay, let's just assume that. But I can't help you in this regard, because I don't know what Mazao is thinking. Her common sense is very different from ours, and you are also very clear about this, right? So it's hard to say whether she hates you now, or just doesn't know how to face you." She said, "However, you'd better be mentally prepared to be hated. There are also a large number of women who hate lolita, so it's not surprising even if Mazao thinks so, and..."

"And?" I had a bad feeling.

"And I also said a lot of bad things about lolita complex to Ma Zao when we were chatting on the phone before." Zhu Shi coughed, "Like, lolita complex usually has a tendency to be shota complex, because lolita and shota have flat breasts, and a good-looking shota can look almost like a lolita with a little bit of dressing up..."

"Congratulations, Junior Sister."

"…Um, Senior Brother Zhuang? Why do you want to call me Junior Sister at a time like this?"

"You are really my good junior sister." I couldn't help but emphasize my tone.

Junior Sister Zhu was startled and quickly changed the topic. At this point, I couldn't muster the energy to continue pursuing the matter. After all, I was the one who was truly at fault.

I followed her lead and changed the subject: "Has Xuanwu replied to your letter recently?"

It has been about ten days since Mr. Zhu used the token to send a message to the navy Xuanwu, and according to what he said last time, the latter should give a reply in about half a month. In other words, it is normal even if there is a reply now.

The elixir of the water master Xuanwu is the key to healing Ma Zao's soul trauma. Although Ma Zao is now using ordinary soul healing drugs, the healing effect of such drugs is really limited. At most, it can only prevent Ma Zao from fainting when using his power. Moreover, if the soul trauma is left for a long time, it is unknown whether it will cause major hidden dangers. There may be a so-called "optimal treatment time" and if you continue to delay, you will miss it.

Zhu Shi replied that there has been no reply yet, but it should be in the next few days.

We should have ended the call, but in the end, Zhu Shi couldn't help herself. Even though no one was listening, she lowered her voice and asked quietly, "...Brother Zhuang, you're not really a lolita complex, are you?"

"I don't think so."

At least I never had that kind of thought towards other girls of Ma Zao's age, and I also had a healthy desire for Zhu Shi.

Zhu Shi said seriously: "Lolita lovers usually say this."

So what do you want me to say? I thought to myself and ended the call.

I turned around and saw that Ma Zao was still standing not far away enjoying the night breeze. She did not talk to me during the conversation between Zhu Shi and I. Although she was not a talkative person, this behavior was not surprising, but now I couldn't help but think too much.

At this moment, a tiny and unfamiliar fluctuation of magical power came from afar.

Ma Zao and I looked in that direction at the same time.

The source of the fluctuations is slowly approaching us.

Today is different from the past. In the past, I was probably too powerful. I could not sense the fluctuations of mana below the Great Perfection level because they were too weak. Now I can sense the fluctuations of mana of others normally. I could also sense the fluctuations of mana of several demon hunters who conspired with Lu Youxun to kidnap Ma Zao last time, and I also sensed the fluctuations of mana coming from now.

Based on this, I have a hunch that the source of this fluctuation of magical power has the potential to pose a real threat to my life.

The person coming is at least at the Great Accomplishment level.

(End of this chapter)