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Chapter 10 I won't make you feel embarrassed

"This sentence has a bit of the leader's momentum." Han Hongbing heard what Xie Hushan said and thought he was joking. He wiped the sweat from his forehead and said with a smile:

"But this is not worth it. What? I'll go back and gather the troops for you. Did you come to the county town just to rob a few carts of manure? I'm not afraid of death. It's mainly because it's embarrassing to be executed by the state for this! Hey, think about it. When the public trial is held, we will be tied up and the public security leaders will announce our crimes on the stage. Xie Hushan and Han Hongbing are suspected of robbing 2,000 kilograms of manure from the county manure pit in broad daylight with guns. The crime is extremely serious and is now sentenced to death! After hearing this, the onlookers will not praise us for being heroes after 18 years. At most, they will say that these two idiots who don't even know how to rob deserve to die. It's a waste of food to be alive."

Xie Hushan imagined the scene described by Han Hongbing, in which the two of them led people into the manure pit, robbed the manure at gunpoint, and were finally shot at a public trial, with the onlookers stamping their feet and clapping their hands in applause, and he couldn't help laughing.

"Let's go back!" Han Hongbing saw that Xie Hushan also laughed, so he pedaled his bicycle and prepared to return to the manure pit.

"Where are you going?" Xie Hushan asked in confusion when he saw him leaving.

"Go back and collect the manure. You go and negotiate the price. I'll go back to the team and ask the trucks to come this way." Han Hongbing asked in confusion, "Why, do you really want to rob the manure?"

Xie Hushan glared and said, "Why would I rob manure? What I meant is to find manure that doesn't cost money."

"Hurry up and stop thinking about it. Are you planning to target those factories or residential buildings we saw on the way here? I tell you, it's impossible. The dung shovelers of the Health Bureau know that the farmers are coming to the city to collect dung these days, and they must have informed them in advance. No one will pay attention to you when you go there. They are also afraid that if they sell it to you secretly, the Health Bureau will get into trouble. My second uncle wanted to do this one year. He bypassed the dung pit and went directly to the factory, but they didn't sell it." Han Hongbing thought that Xie Hushan was planning to target those residential buildings, and was ready to pour a basin of cold water on his little spark of wisdom.

Xie Hushan rolled his eyes at him. "You can think of it, but I can't. What I mean is that we want to attack the county party committee compound, various government agencies, primary and secondary schools, which have a lot of people and toilets. These local health bureaus will definitely not dare to say hello. They must think that we, the ignorant farmers, dare not rashly lose such places. So the two of us will go to these units separately, in the name of borrowing toilets, to scout their manure reserves. If the reserves are high, we will clear them out in one go."

Han Hongbing opened his mouth, not knowing what to say.

Xie Hushan was right. Rural people were afraid of officials. If they went to the city for no reason, they would rather avoid those government agencies. Indeed, no one dared to attack these places. It was even more impossible for the Health Bureau to take the initiative to scare the cadres in the county party committee compound, telling them not to clean the toilets casually and to wait for them to collect the feces. There was no need for that because they knew the farmers would not dare to go there either.

But how could Xie Hushan dare to think like this? Just because he was a tiger?
"Just remember, be sweet-talking and call everyone you meet the chief or leader. Then say that you went to the city to buy books and couldn't find a toilet so you wandered around. When you came to his place, you couldn't hold it any longer and wanted to borrow the toilet." Seeing that Han Hongbing didn't say anything, Xie Hushan lifted his clothes to wipe the sweat off his face and continued.

Han Hongbing asked in return: "What if they don't lend it to you?"

"Don't wait for him to say no, you have to put on a bit of drama, understand? Let him know you're looking for the toilet as soon as he sees you!" Seeing Han Hongbing's dull eyes, Xie Hushan got out of the car and beckoned to him:
"Come on, come down, I'll teach you. Now, when you greet him, you can't wait for him to speak. You have to speak the words I teach you very quickly. The most important thing is, it's okay if there's no toilet. I won't cause you any trouble. I'm leaving, boss. I'm going to take care of myself behind the door. I said as I walked and pulled my belt. Learn from him. I'll only perform it once."

After getting off the bicycle, Xie Hushan thought for a few seconds, then covered his stomach with a painful expression, stamped his feet on the spot, and said to Han Hongbing very quickly: "Leader, excuse me, is there a toilet in our yard? I rode too fast and may have caught a cold from the wind. My stomach... Oh... It's okay if there's no toilet. Do you have any paper? I'll go to the empty place behind the door... Forget it, I don't want the paper! I'm in no hurry..."

After he finished speaking to Han Hongbing, he turned around with his trousers lifted up and was about to run to the side of the road. Han Hongbing was stunned by his action, and for a moment he really thought that Xie Hushan was going to pull his pants into his pocket.

And Xie Hushan walked back to him as if nothing had happened: "See? It's played out like this. The gatekeepers of each unit are afraid that there will be hygiene problems in the area they are responsible for. If you want to take a poop in his area, he will definitely not allow it. So, in order to avoid being pulled out of the door by you, he has to tell you where the toilet is. If he wants to scold you, he has to wait until you finish." "Isn't it a bit embarrassing?" Han Hongbing looked at Xie Hushan speechlessly. He now regretted very much why he followed him into the county town.

If he and the other party had not been friends since childhood and had a deep relationship, he would have turned around and left when this guy suggested that they split into two groups to survey the feces reserves in the toilets of each unit.

"Do you want manure or people?" Xie Hushan asked.

Han Hongbing twitched his lips: "...I want face."

"Why don't you understand? You can't take advantage if you want face. How can you get benefits and face at the same time? If you want to take advantage, you have to be willing to risk it all, either your life or your face!" Xie Hushan looked at Han Hongbing and said angrily:

"Besides, what's there to be ashamed of? We are doing this for ourselves, and ultimately for the team's grain harvest. What's wrong with sacrificing a little personal reputation for the sake of collective benefit? Is your personal reputation more important than the collective interest? That's what the country taught us..."

"The country certainly has never taught me to threaten to pull someone out of the door if they don't lend me the toilet," Han Hongbing said in a firm tone.
"Besides, lending you a toilet is different from asking you to drive a truck to load feces. Even if the total storage capacity of the toilet is enough to load thirty trucks, why should they let you load it away for free?"

"Can you first scout the manure reserves? We can talk about the rest after we figure it out. Otherwise, the toilets will be empty and it will be useless for me to talk to you about the plan!" Xie Hushan did not answer his childhood friend's question and turned to get on his bicycle.

"You can't just talk about war on paper, my Chief of Staff Han. The war situation is ever-changing and opportunities are fleeting. The best tactic is to take one step at a time and adapt to circumstances. I declare that according to the original battle plan, the troops will be divided into two groups, with Jiefang Road as the boundary. I will go to the west of the city and you will go to the east. After a thorough reconnaissance, come here to meet up and return to the village in triumph together."

As he spoke, he pedaled hard on his bicycle and sped along the road towards the west of the city.

Han Hongbing looked at Xie Hushan's back getting farther and farther away, his face looking like a bitter melon. He turned around reluctantly until he could no longer see the other person's figure. He took two steps, covered his stomach with his hands, and forced a painful expression on his face:

"Excuse me, Boss. Is there a toilet? I... I..."

After I said a few words, Han Hongbing gave up dejectedly: "This animal acted quite convincingly. I only watched his face and didn't pay attention to his words. What did he say just now because he had a stomachache and had to pull his trouser pockets?"

Finally, I resigned myself to my fate and rode my bicycle towards the east of the city, muttering as I walked:

"For the sake of the collective, don't be afraid of embarrassment. All right, wait, you bastard! When you have some free time at the end of the year, when the brigade organizes a theatrical performance, I'll sign you up and let you perform the stupid trick of borrowing the toilet in front of the whole brigade. I won't make you afraid of embarrassment!"

(End of this chapter)