1978 Synthetic Writers

Chapter 518 Enlightenment Through Pants
"Extremely valuable for refrigeration!"

What a brilliant quote!
Feng Xiaogang was overjoyed.

Describing its collectible value as its refrigeration value is a double entendre!

The key point is that Master Leng Qing didn't understand the implication at all; he just kept praising it.
"The managers are right! You know your stuff! You have great taste! True friends are hard to find! '3T' Company lives up to its name! This money was well spent! Next time I have a new joke, I'll definitely go to '3T' Company again!"

He thoroughly enjoyed it, while the trio was completely exhausted.

Yang Chong slumped on the broken box, saying, "Earning this money is worse than getting beaten up for someone else."

Ma Qing said quietly, "I've figured it out. The most boring people in the world are those who think they're incredibly funny."

Yu Guan patted them on the shoulder, "Whether they're cold or hot, the job's done. The audience... well, they all had a good laugh in the end, so what's the big deal? Let's call it a day!"

The story of the aloof master's crosstalk performance ends with a "grand" ball:

Inside the ballroom on the second floor, the waiters had already filled the long tables along the walls with hundreds of glasses of beer and a jungle of open bottles of beer, which looked quite spectacular from a distance.

Two enormous, leather-covered doors, almost reaching the ceiling, were slowly pushed open. The corridor was crowded with well-dressed men and women, who moved in like a dark mass of Red Guards storming the Winter Palace, and immediately fell silent.

Leading the front row were tall, strong, and agile young men, walking lightly and in orderly formation, like an infantry formation during a National Day parade, paying their respects to the beer on the table in front of them.

Despite the increasing pressure from the surging crowds on their formation, they stubbornly maintained their formation, only their pace quickened until they finally broke into a run, charging towards all the long tables. The waiters scrambled to dodge, and the hall was filled with triumphant cheers.

Amidst the deafening noise, the first people to reach the tables began drinking from glass after glass, quickly and without blinking an eye, finishing one glass after another. A continuous stream of people crowded around the tables, countless hands reaching out to grab bottles and glasses, clearing the dozens of long tables of alcohol out of the way.

When Yu Guan, Ma Qing, Yang Zhong, Ding Xiaolu and their group entered the ballroom, they were greeted by a large-scale sculpture celebrating a bountiful harvest. Groups of figures drinking heartily, each with a unique shape, were arranged around the perimeter in a staggered manner. Men and women peeked out from behind upside-down wine bottles that covered their mouths and faces, their eyes filled with joy.

"My God! The Chinese people are truly the best people in the world," Yu Guan said excitedly. "They don't actually have any extravagant demands."

The jazz drums roared down with thunderous force, accompanied by a chorus of orchestral instruments. The ensemble began to move, like gymnasts responding to a command, running, weaving, and stopping, swaying and twisting with different amplitudes, gradually becoming excited and frenzied, like a pot of boiling porridge.

"Jump, jump, everyone jump up!" Yu Guanxiang danced like a wooden stake, performing Tantric disco, and said to the crowd who had all sat down with great passion, "There are no fixed rules, just jump up."

"Ha ha ha ha."

Yu Hua followed a strange laugh and found Feng Xiaogang, who was slapping his thigh with one hand while flipping through manuscripts with the other.

"Old Feng, what are you laughing about?"

"what?"

Feng Xiaogang turned around and looked at him with a smile, "Come, come, Mr. Yu Hua, I've got something good for you."

"What the hell?"

"Our boss's new novel."

"Really? Let me take a look." Yu Hua became interested.

Feng Xiao had only read the middle part of the manuscript, not yet finished, when Yu Hua took the manuscript he had already read and began to read it.

The more I look at it, the funnier it becomes.

3T Company?

To relieve others' worries, solve their problems, and take the blame for them.

Oh my, this sounds like a joke.

It's hilarious enough to stand in for someone's love life, present awards for someone, or watch a comedy show for someone.

The crucial point is that there are also those who argue on behalf of their husbands and wives:

"Why did you come back, you shameless bastard? Go back and 'clash' with your buddies!"

"Don't go home. It's so boring being with your wife. You can spend the whole night 'fighting' with your buddies. Maybe you can even knock out a few watery-eyed female students, just like the despicable thing that knocked me out back then!"

"What kind of bird are you? People have addictions to alcohol, chess, and opium, all sorts of addictions are understandable, but I've never heard of someone like you who's addicted to 'chopping.' You sit down and your butt gets heavy and your eyes light up, and you flush like a toilet, spraying water everywhere, regardless of whether you know me or not. If I had known you had this special skill, I would have invited you to the Sino-Soviet negotiations. You're like a myna bird outside, but when you come home and see me, you're speechless. I get annoyed if I say even one more word to you."

"I change."

"Change my ass! What have you changed in your life? Besides bedwetting, you're still the same as you were born." The young woman cried and made a scene. "I'm not going to stay, I'm definitely not going to stay, I can't live like this anymore. Before we got married, we could still see each other, but after we got married, I've become a little widow."

The young woman swept the cups on the table to the ground with one hand, and then smashed a tray of teacups on the ground one by one.

Ma Qing also grabbed an ashtray and smashed it on the ground, then picked up the television: "Fine, fine!"

"Don't drop it!" the young woman screamed, lunging forward to grab his hand. "You can't drop this—are you here to make me vent my anger or to make me angry?"

“You said your husband would smash anything he could grab when he got angry,” Ma Qing said matter-of-factly. “And yet you expect me to be like him.”

“But my husband doesn’t throw valuables when he’s in a hurry. You’re just acting recklessly.”

"You didn't explain it clearly."

"That goes without saying."

"Okay, put the TV back. What's next?"

"That's terrible. It seems your company didn't provide you with proper professional training before sending you here. Next up is my love."

"I love you."

Ma Qing and the young woman stared at each other blankly.

“I love you.” Ma Qing repeated, and seeing that the young woman still didn’t react, he awkwardly added, “Stop it, baby.”

The young woman laughed.

Ma Qing blushed and defended himself: "I couldn't have imitated it any better; these words are hurtful."

"Alright, alright, I won't ask too much of you." The young woman waved her hand with a smile, "The gesture is enough."

"Actually, I feel good about you in my heart, but I don't say it out loud."

"You'd better not be mean to me in your heart, but say it out loud."

“Isn’t the current trend to encourage quiet dedication?” Ma Qing looked as if a martial arts master had grabbed his crotch. “You look really good when you’re angry.”

"Alright, alright, that's enough. I'm not going to torture you anymore." The young woman laughed so hard she was hiccuping. "You've really gone through a lot."

"It's nothing for me, as long as you're satisfied."

“Satisfied, satisfied,” the young woman said, taking out her wallet and handing Ma Qing some money. “It’s not as fun as dealing with my husband. I’ll come to you again next time I need something.”

"Hahahaha." Yu Hua's lips kept curving upwards; he was thoroughly enjoying himself, finding it very amusing.

Literature is nothing more than trying to get as lowbrow as possible. Yu Hua couldn't help but think that if this 3T company could get even closer to the crotch, it might be even more ridiculous.

After reading the manuscript in his hand, he went to Feng Xiaogang's place to pick it up, only to find him sitting there, looking lost and dejected.

"Hey."

"Hey."

"Don't wave in my face, I haven't lost my soul," Feng Xiaogang said.

"What happened?" Yu Hua asked in surprise.

"I don't know, but after reading this novel, I couldn't stop feeling down. It's like I had a fight with a girl and then she left me standing there. I can't explain it, but it just doesn't feel good."

"What did you write?"

Yu Hua followed Feng Xiaogang's gaze, and upon seeing him, his eyes were fixed there as if nailed to the spot.

".
At night, at Yu Guan's house, the old man was half asleep, tuning his pocket transistor radio, trying to find the stations. Each announcer was saying, "This program has finished broadcasting." Yu Hua was truly stunned.

He never expected that after one absurd scene after another, one grand scene after another, Jiang Xian would write such an ending.

An ordinary scene, an ordinary phrase, plunged him into deep thought, as if he were lost in a wilderness, not knowing where to begin.

This feeling is indescribable.

Was Jiang Xian being sarcastic?
perhaps.

But is it merely irony?
But it seems not; there's something far more than just satire behind the irony.

what is that?

Yu Hua said it was hard to say.

At that moment, he felt only a sense of desolation.

This familiar feeling reminded him of a novel with a similar style to "The Playboy," also written by Jiang Xian, and published many years ago.

—From *Ferocious Animals*

At the end of that sweltering summer, on a sunny afternoon, the novel's final sentence was:
".
I sobbed, silently weeping in despair as I swam.

If we absolutely had to ask Yu Hua for his opinion, no one in the world would dare to say—that would be too absolute—and no one in China would dare to say—that would be too presumptuous.

Let's just talk about these contemporary Chinese writers.

Jiang Xian must be the writer who writes the best endings!
What a beautiful ending.

Who would have thought that behind a series of absurd scenes awaited a miniature transistor radio, and a single sentence from the broadcaster:
"This program has finished airing."

God's.

That's absolutely brilliant!

Yu Hua slapped his thigh in admiration, but after reading that sentence and looking back at the novel, he felt a pang of reluctance.

That's what makes a good novel.

You know this story will have an ending, but as you read on, you'll never want that ending to come.

Just like listening to a radio broadcast, you never want to hear the line, "That's the end of the program."

"I really understand now."

At this moment, Feng Xiaogang said, "I truly understand what it means to 'give literature and art, which are caught between highbrow and lowbrow tastes, their proper place.' Isn't that exactly what the boss's novel is all about?"

Yu Hua thought about it and realized it was true.

To put it bluntly, this novel includes everything a couple says when they argue, everything a daughter says when she talks, and even things like "doing things for others" as part of the story.

He speaks elegantly and can write things that make you think deeply from time to time. These words seem to be full of philosophy, but you can't really say what philosophy they are. Perhaps it is just a piece of nonsense written by Jiang Xian, but you can still savor the beginning, middle and end of this nonsense.

That's the charm of this novel.

“I always felt that after reading this novel, I knew how to write ‘Stories from the Editorial Department’,” Feng Xiaogang said.

"real or fake?"

Yu Hua had some doubts.

As a result, just after he finished reading "The Troubleshooters" overnight, Feng Xiaogang put the script he had written in his face.

"What is this?"

"Take a look at this paragraph I just wrote."

Yu Hua took it and glanced at it:
(Sound of door opening)

A young woman named Ge Ling entered from outside, carrying books. She looked at Yu Deli, who was sitting by the door, and said, "Hey, Yu Deli, who are you plotting against this time?"

Yu Deli (resting his chin, beaming): "Ge Ling, I've come up with a brilliant idea. I can accompany my wife shopping every day without spending a penny, and it will also make her feel that you care about her a lot."

Ge Ling (flicking her curly hair, sneering): "You never carry a wallet, do you?"

Yu Deli (in a serious tone): "It doesn't work. You can't go out without your wallet; that only works once. But now, she tries to check my pockets as soon as I step out the door."

Ge Ling tidied her desk (not very interested): "So what tricks did you use?"

Yu Deli stood up and slowly walked to her side: "Hey, yesterday, I went to Longfu Building with her. As soon as we entered, she took a fancy to a dress that cost more than six hundred yuan."

Ge Ling turned to look at him (somewhat curiously): "Hmm?"

Yu Deli (winking at Ge Ling): "You know, if we don't buy it, we'll be awkward for days; if we do buy it..."

Ge Ling (lowering her voice): "It feels like tearing your heart out."

Yu Deli: "You know me better than she does. Listen to me, the brilliant part is this: I pointed to a dress that cost 1,500 yuan and said to her, if you want to buy something, let's buy this one."

(Telephone rings)

Yu Deli answered the phone as he spoke: "Hello, yes, I'm here, Lao Liu, it's you."

Liu Shuyou replied, "Yes."

Yu Deli returned to Ge Ling's side, "That's nothing, they're everywhere."

Ge Ling (laughs): "Your husband is very excited."

Yu Deli: "In the blink of an eye, they became vague and started pulling me out, saying it was too expensive."

Ge Ling (her eyes lit up): "Hey? You're backing down now?"

Yu Deli (eyes wide): "You absolutely can't buy it right away. I was clinging to that counter, saying, 'Buy it! You have a good voice. What if you become famous? At least we'll have a performance outfit.'"

Ge Ling (laughs loudly): "Oh my, you're really funny."

Yu Deli (with relish): "Hey, let me tell you, this trick only works for couples who are in the same boat. Don't use it when you're dating. Sigh, why did I tell you this? I should have told Li Dongbao."

"."

As Yu Hua watched, he couldn't help but click his tongue and look at Feng Xiaogang.

"Did you write this?"

"Just finished the revisions."

"Ouch."

Yu Hua looked Feng Xiaogang up and down again. "Not bad, he's interesting."

"Most importantly, does it have any flavor that skews between highbrow and lowbrow tastes?" Feng Xiaogang asked anxiously.

"Have."

"You're not joking?"

"It really is! I'm not just flattering you."

Yu Hua confidently patted his chest and declared, "I've already captured three-tenths of our boss's spirit!"

(End of this chapter)