Can not doing what one wants be called rebirth?

Chapter 148 146. Help You Find Yourself
"Come over here and drink~"

Guan Yongyi, wearing flip-flops and holding two cans of craft beer in his hands, moved to the sofa in the living room.

The hostess picked up the TV remote control, turned on the switch, and waved to Lu Jincheng.

The screen slowly lit up, and she continued to watch the movie which she had watched for a little while.

A young man named Andrew, holding a drumstick and squinting his eyes, is preparing for his self-sacrifice before entering the ultimate hall.

This is the recently released "Whiplash", which won almost all the awards in 2014. Ten years later, it still maintains a high rating of 8.6 on Douban, which is quite a classic.

Coincidentally, Mr. Lu has also seen it.

"If this is how you can realize your dream, would you be willing to do it?"

He stood up and leaned over, sitting down next to Guan Yongyi, his eyes fixed on the screen, and all the plots of the movie suddenly emerged in his mind.

Astronomy and geography, astrology and metaphysics, literature and music, and film appreciation.

Mr. Lu, who has lived two lives, can naturally find topics to talk about from any angle.

"I?"

Guan Yongyi blinked and bit his lower lip in thought.

Their shoulders were close together, and he could even notice her long eyelashes, each one distinct and forming a beautiful arc under her eyelids.

"Not very good."

After a few seconds, she shook her head and gave her answer.

"If the price of pursuing my dream is to sacrifice myself, love, and everything that stands in my way like Andrew did, I will never be able to do it."

Success theory has always been one of the mainstream values ​​of society, and for filmmakers with ideas, anti-success theory has become another classic track.

In this track, anger towards mediocrity seems to be a standard emotion.

For example, this Whiplash.

Newcomers who enter the industry out of interest, devilish training officers and mentors, tears of humiliation, vicious curses, mental collapse under layers of pressure, step by step and unwaveringly move towards suffocation.

In such a world, there seem to be only two options left.

Get out of here, or stand firm and face the slap.

"You can't live without being crazy. With your mentality, it's hard to become a talented artist."

Lu Jincheng nudged her with his shoulder, raised the can with a smile, and clinked glasses with hers, full of a sense of ceremony.

"Of course. I've known since I was a kid that I'm not a genius at all."

Guan Yongyi rolled his eyes at him, crossed his hands behind his head, bent his knees, and sighed deeply on the sofa.

Everyone loves a genius. What is a genius? It is the ability to do things with ease, to have sudden flashes of inspiration, and to write as if inspired by God.

If a starting line is drawn at a person's feet when they are born, then a genius is one whose parents gave birth to her directly at the finish line.

"It might be difficult for an artist, but what about a talented lawyer?"

Lu Jincheng joked.

"That's not even close!"

Guan Yongyi hugged her knees, turned her head and looked at Lu Jincheng, her eyes sparkling.

"Let me tell you, my mother is a recognized genius in her circle."

"She was always the top student in the school. She set her goal to study law very early on. Not only did she pass the admissions exam for Peking University or Tsinghua University but she didn't go, becoming one of the best graduates of China University of Political Science and Law that year. She also gave up the opportunity to go to the Supreme Court without even a second's hesitation."

"Genius Chief Justice, you're going to give up just like that?"

"Correct."

Guan Yongyi smiled with a bitter expression: "Mom always knew what she wanted to do and did it without hesitation, unlike me."

“You’re great now, too.”

"Not even close!"

Guan Yongyi opened his knees, leaned forward, reached over the coffee table, gripped the can, took a sip, and continued.

"In fact, my mother's education of me was similar to Fletcher's, both were high-pressure education."

"what?"

Lu Jincheng was stunned.

The ice beer gurgled and disappeared under the short-haired girl's jaw.

Guan Yongyi first shook the empty can in his hand, threw it in an arc towards the trash can, then curled up on the sofa and took a deep breath.

"So I'm not a genius at all. I'm just a local genius at best."

Every minute she watched the movie, her neurons were rapidly mobilizing the same memories.

Many scenes reminded her of the past.

In order to prepare for the entrance exam to the High School Affiliated to South China Normal University, I had a high fever of 39 degrees, my throat was so swollen that I couldn't speak, and my family forced me to go to bed at three o'clock and get up at six o'clock. I had to rush to the cram school carrying the hot math test papers that I had finished staying up all night.

We have only seen people who are successful in their respective fields, but a genius is not necessarily successful, and a successful person is not necessarily a genius.

Most of them are local talents.

What is talent? It is a tiny fantasy of an ant trying to shake a tree, a reserve army for public laughing stock, and a lonely march that means death if you fail.

Just like its creator, Jolin Tsai, with average talent and plain looks, she has fought her way out from the thousands of sweet girls in the music industry. Since she doesn't have a singing voice given by God, she has to practice acrobatics and stretch her thighs, even if the result is that she is suspended and screenshotted by the "screenshot party" for countless black histories, and is imitated and laughed at by the majority of her fans.

I have a genius disease, but I only have talent for the earth.

". I had no time to eat or sleep. I had to jog to the toilet. My phone was on call 24/7. In order to memorize the lessons, the water was cut off in the middle of my shower. I continued to memorize for a full hour and a half with my head full of bubbles. Afterwards, my hair became stiff and sticky."

Guan Yongyi's gaze drifted towards the ceiling, filled with memories.

"My mother is a genius herself and she expects too much from me."

"Sometimes I can't even believe that I struggled through such a situation. I saw Yangcheng at 2, 3, 4, and 5 in the morning. On every day when the results were released, I didn't dare to call my mother. I could only cry into the phone with the number dialed halfway."

What dreams, what struggles, at that time, all she wanted most was to have a good sleep and end everything while sleeping.

This way I wouldn't have to stand in front of the study the next day and have her slam the table and throw the test paper in my face.

"But, sometimes when I think back, I realize that I am at best a local talent, with all the faults of laziness, procrastination, hesitation, and indecision. If I hadn't been handed over to this kind of person to start a hell mode and discipline him, I might not have been able to pass the five colleges and four departments today, and would have just gone with the flow and become even more mediocre."

Guan Yongyi forced a smile with a complicated look in his eyes.

"Then you studied law out of passion, too?"

Lu Jincheng asked.

"Not really. I wanted to study music before, but my family rejected it."

"Why not hold on?"

"Maybe it's because I really have no talent in this area, or maybe I finally realized who I am?"

Guan Yongyi pinned the tiny strands of hair by her ears back behind her temples and murmured, "Since she is a true genius, sometimes it's not wrong to follow her arrangements."

Just like the ending of this movie, even if you have surpassed your opponent, surpassed your higher self, and even approached the god in your heart, the climax is just a moment of smile at the last second.

The road ahead will still be as dark as the screen after the black screen.

"Come on, let's have a drink. I hope you can find passionate love, desperate liking, and something worth fighting for one day."

Lu Jincheng patted the short-haired girl on the shoulder, raised the can again, and moved closer to her with a smile.

"Thank you."

Guan Yongyi opened another can, tilted his slender neck back, and took a big sip.

Although the man listened more and spoke less when she recalled the past, his few words still touched her heart.

Under the high-pressure education of his family, Guan Guan has not found everything he really wants under his seemingly rational and calm shell.

For example, career and love.

The powerful inertia of her original family extends itself with a force that is independent of her will.

Its power is hidden and powerful. Guan Yongyi succumbed to this inertia, feeling a sense of relief that he was not quite willing to accept.

So when Lu Jincheng revealed all this, not only did he have a sense of intimacy as if he were not an outsider, but he also always maintained a sense of respect.

This thank you carries with it a bit of embarrassment when a little secret is seen through, a bit of tacit understanding of knowing but not saying it, and a bit of a smile of understanding.

Emotional resonance begins to build slowly from this moment on.

"I feel that, even though you're annoying most of the time, I'm still happy to have you as a friend." The alcohol and the emotion mixed together and the short-haired girl lowered her head and spoke softly.

"Do you think it's great to have me?"

Lu Jincheng leaned over with a smile, moved closer, and put his shoulders level with hers.

"Shame on you, I told you I'm annoying most of the time!"

Guan Yongyi reached out and pushed him, then folded his arms, distanced himself again, and snorted coldly.

"When I praise you, you just take advantage of me and keep asking for more."

“Because I know what I want.”

Lu Jincheng smoothly and freely extended the topic she had just started, staring at her profile with his sharp eyes.

"you"

What do you want!

Guan Yongyi asked the question subconsciously, just in time to meet the man's burning gaze.

She bit her lip, her eyes moved, and she swallowed back half of her words.

Alcohol seems to amplify the emotions of animals, making them vague and stimulating to people.

"So, you met with Uncle Zhou this afternoon?"

Guan Yongyi finished the last sip of wine in the can, leaned back on the sofa, and naturally changed the subject.

Perhaps because she was enjoying the drink, her tense body had long since changed to a relatively relaxed state. The hem of her skirt opened up like a lotus, revealing a pair of white calves and feet under the petals.

The tips of the toes are brightly colored, like pistils poking out of a flower.

"Well, I got 10 million from him, which will make it easier for us to expand the business across the city."

Lu Jincheng nodded.

"It seems that Uncle Zhou is very optimistic about you and is willing to invest so much money in you."

"It's OK. The project is more mature."

"So you've met the parents, right?"

Guan Yongyi looked over and stroked the hair along his forehead with one hand. His voice was soft and sticky, as if he was a little drunk.

"Ok?"

Lu Jincheng paused for a few seconds, then met her gaze and said with a smile: "How can this be called meeting the parents!"

"He's an investor, what are you thinking?"

"Oh."

Guan Yongyi replied in a low voice without any context.

She certainly understood this principle without anyone explaining it to her patiently.

She forced herself to suppress the emotions that had just been brewing, but this question suddenly popped up in her mind.

On normal days, she would have kept it in her heart and not spoken out, but today.
Have to admit.

On an autumn night, feeling tipsy, the clouds roll into a ball, and the night is gorgeous in the evening breeze.

The atmosphere inside and outside the door was extremely charming.

Why am I asking this?

He must have been drunk.

No, definitely.

"Why, if you really are going to meet the parents, are you looking forward to it?"

Lu Jincheng raised his eyebrows and stared at her.

"Ha, it's none of my business."

Guan Yongyi knew that she had said the wrong thing, so she pouted, avoided the man's burning gaze, and looked out the window.

It is rare to see stars on autumn nights. Darkness falls on every corner of the river city, and the moon and the twinkling lights of tall buildings are the only scenery.

"But seriously."

Lu Jincheng sat up, got back to the topic, and put away his fishing rod.

"Ok?"

"You guys have such a good relationship, I thought the family atmosphere was similar. It seems like her father is quite open-minded when talking."

"No la."

Guan Yongyi shook his head: "Uncle Zhou and Aunt Mengyun both doted on her and never said a harsh word to her since she was a child. Since they separated, they were afraid of hurting Sisi, so they treated her better."

"That's it"

It was not until today that Lu Jincheng learned about this.

"We are two extremes. She is a free canary, and I am a pitiful bird in a cage."

"How can you say that about yourself?"

Lu Jincheng laughed in silence, then caught the slight disappointment in her words, turned around and added a sentence.

"As a good friend who can make you happy, I will help you from now on!"

"what?"

Guan Yongyi raised his head and met his eyes.

"What can you help me with?"

"Help you find what I just said, help you break free from the cage, help you find yourself."

"Don't give me that. You only know how to paint cakes for others."

Guan Yongyi's voice was deep, and he couldn't help but smile, a smile that was obviously happy but he refused to show it.

"How can others help with this kind of thing?"

She did react slightly before she understood the subtext in the man's words, and her tense face was gradually softened by a smile.

Crazy love, desperate liking, and something worth giving and fighting for.

What he meant by this was to join the game personally?

So is it to help, to search, or to participate?

Lu Jincheng moved closer again, reached out his hand, covered her palm, and spoke softly.

"Just treat it as a promise and promise me first, okay?"

These words seemed to be full of magic.

Guan Yongyi narrowed her starry eyes, ignored his clenched fingertips, and nodded.

The movie ended, the alcohol evaporated, and the can was filled with silence.

The two held hands and fell into silence that lasted for seconds, with their body temperature transmitted to each other through their fingertips.

No one spoke first. Instead, Mianmian, who was not used to silence, turned over, jumped over from the tile floor, and jumped into Lu Jincheng's arms.

Guan Yongyi withdrew his hand, reached into his arms, and touched the kitten's head as if nothing had happened.

"Mianmian is so clingy to you."

"Why, is mom jealous?"

"Kind of."

Hearing this, Lu Jincheng propped himself up with his arms, moved a little to the right along the sofa, and leaned against her shoulder.

"now what?"

The thick thighs were pressed against the white skin. Mianmian was picked up by the man and placed in the middle of their thighs, half on each side, combined into one.

Finally, he reached out and put his arm around Guan Yongyi's shoulders.

A family, neat and tidy.

I'm so fucking tired. I've been grinding for a whole day.

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(End of this chapter)