I am a god in the secret world

Bai Cha sat in the yard left by his mother and was in a daze for a long time, thinking about something for a long time.

It was already evening when she came out.

The weather is gradually getting cooler, and it's getting dark earlier.

As night falls, the stars in the sky are unusually clear tonight, and the crescent moon hangs in the sky, lonely and cold.

Of course, white tea is not lonely.

Because there are mosquitoes in the yard.

After spraying herself with another layer of mosquito repellent, she sighed sadly.

She got up and walked slowly into the room. It was time to go to bed, but she didn't want to sleep. Her mind was still in a mess. Countless things were flooding in her mind, like the tide, one wave after another, and she couldn't stop.

She simply walked into the study, found a piece of paper, spread it on the table, and picked up a pen.

Bai Cha wanted to sort out his thoughts, but hesitated and paused before putting pen to paper.

Because I don’t know what to write.

The things in my mind are so messy and chaotic, a tangled mess, and I can't find the end of the thread.

Bai Cha put down the pen, leaned on the backrest, picked up the phone and wanted to find someone to say something, but after looking around, he didn't know who to talk to.

Maybe she could talk to Xiao Xiao and Wen Xing, but that would require a lot of explanation. They didn't know much about her family's affairs, and Bai Cha didn't really want to start from the beginning.

Xu Shengsheng is at school and doesn't have time, and Bai Cha doesn't want to make her sister worry.

Her roommates didn’t even know about the game, and she couldn’t tell them about it.

It would be nice if Sister Shen were still here.

Bai Cha was flipping through the list on her phone, but Shen Qingchen was no longer on the list.

Bai Cha gently put down the phone and picked up the pen again.

Dear Sister Shen:

Although this is a letter that is destined to never be sent, I really don’t know who to contact.

I'm almost getting an S9, faster than I thought.

I actually didn't intend to enter the "Ice Queen" dungeon so quickly, but it came very quickly.

Although perhaps this is what I subconsciously desire most, I admit that I have fear, so I want to take it slow.

But maybe it’s because deep down I really want the S9 to be faster, so it’s that fast. 】

After a pause, Bai Cha suddenly had an epiphany.

[Sister Shen, I feel like I know what the game is.

The Snow Queen is like a small miniature of a game. The Hermit is the "game". He compiles the character settings and selects one "protagonist" after another. Every selected protagonist has something he wants to do, whether it is obsession or persistence. For example, Yelang wants to resurrect his mother, and he once naively thought about restoring the world.

But all thoughts and all things done cannot escape the word fate in the final analysis. Some things are already arranged, including the thoughts he will have.

As for the fire of destroying the world that can only be ignited by the princess in that copy, in my opinion, it should be a power that can only be ignited by the weak who are unwilling to succumb to fate and royal power, and what is destroyed is the so-called injustice and power.

But this is also under the control of fate, it is still under the control of the hermit. When everything is destroyed and the world starts over, it is a new story.

He only sets the story and does not interfere with it.

The story does not distinguish between good and evil, black and white, because there is no right or wrong in the world, it’s just a different standpoint, just like a princess becomes a queen, from a rebel to a manipulator.

And there are witches.

What she represents is a complete tragedy.

She shouldn't have existed in the first place.

She is Yelang's mother, and also... my mother.

But she is not.

She is a symbol. 】

Bai Cha hesitated for a moment and continued writing.

[She is a symbol that exists because of forcing something that cannot be changed.

If you force something to be gained, it is doomed to be a tragedy. So it is also doomed that the story will develop towards the ending that you don’t want to see, so the witch represents “evil” and she is the opposite of the protagonist.

Just like, every evil god and his subordinates are like red butterflies.

Essentially, they should all be the same.

They exist because they forcibly defy fate, and they try to control the fate of others, in an attempt to replace fate.

However, everything is in the hands of the greater controller of destiny, the "game".

Just like me now, I seem to be moving towards their path.

But I don’t know what I will become, I only know that I don’t want to become like them.

The title I got because of the Red Butterfly has been frozen. It may be because I don’t have any obsession now. I even can’t think of what I was obsessed with in the first place. I don’t know what I am obsessed with.

Maybe I just feel a little unwilling and resentful.

Looking back now, those feelings of resentment and resentment are actually a little funny, but I used to feel that way.

Baicha wrote a little faster, and the things in his mind finally came smoothly.

Because I didn’t understand why?
Why am I the one with poor health? Why am I the one with unfortunate family circumstances? Why have I been concerned about other people's eyes since I was a child? Why do I always try to please others? Why am I so sensitive and weird?

It's fate.

So I will be unwilling.

If I were in good health, if my parents were still alive and by my side, if I had understood what love was and knew how to love myself since childhood, I would not have grown up to be the way I am now, I would not always force myself to do things, and I would not always be resentful, resenting my poor health, resenting my family problems, and resenting myself for always pushing myself.

I don’t even know what I really want. I’m not happy and I’m tired of living, so I always think that I might as well just die.

So when I first entered the game, there was no doubt that my state was problematic. I liked the game, but at the same time, I was also unwilling to be chosen for the game, unwilling to have my fate manipulated, and living in contradiction and pain, wanting to sink but also wanting to resist. 】

Bai Cha easily put her long bangs back on and let out a breath.

[But now I know that this is my destiny, but I also have the right to choose what I want to become on this path.

Depravity is self-loathing, resistance is self-salvation. I don’t really want to die, I just can’t find the meaning of living because I have lost myself. 】

Bai Cha thought of Xu Taotao.

【But I will take her back soon.

This time, it should be time.

I have a feeling that I should reach the final test soon. 】

Bai Cha wrote stroke by stroke, the confusion in his eyes gradually dissipated, and his handwriting seemed to reveal a bit of determination.

[Sister Shen, if everything goes as I wish, we will meet again, right?

I will find myself, know what I want to do, and do it.

I am white tea, tea from Camellia sinensis. 】

In fact, white tea also likes mountain tea.

Because the camellia flowers fall one by one, not one petal at a time, and finally they remain on the branch like a withered flower.

If it blooms on the branches, it will be dazzling.

If it is eventually going to wither, it will never leave behind a scene of desolation and sadness, leaving others shaking their heads and sighing.

But she always denied that she liked camellia.

【I like camellia. 】

She finally wrote it.

A tear fell.

【Good night, Sister Shen.】

Ah, I have finally written to this point. When I first wrote the character of Shen Qingchen, I was thinking about today's plot.

I have a severe headache. I had planned to go to the hospital today, but because my bipolar disorder has been very severe recently, I have been having a headache again. After writing this, I feel that I shouldn’t have been having a headache. I should take good care of my body.

Tomorrow for sure!