I am a god in the secret world

Chapter 351: Letter and Diary

[Although I know you won’t be able to receive this letter, I really don’t know who to talk to.

I feel very painful every day now. I can’t see any hope and I don’t know how to hold on.

I used to envy your courage. You can always let go, but I really can't do it.

How long have we been together? Why do we always have to separate for one reason or another? I'm really tired and I want to die.

But there is Xiaocha, she is only three years old. She is so young, and I don’t want to leave her alone, but I really can’t hold on any longer.

I am in pain every day now. On the one hand, I tell myself to hold on a little longer because I can't leave Xiaocha alone. On the other hand, I also think, why not just end it and give the child to her aunt. Her aunt is a person who goes with the flow and has a good heart. She will definitely take good care of her. I am really tired.

Qingyue, why did you leave without saying goodbye? 】

There were even dried tear marks on the paper, and Bai Cha didn't know how to describe his feelings for a moment.

I have so few memories of my parents, and the emotions conveyed in this letter are extremely unfamiliar.

The only fragments of memory that remain are of my father almost going crazy.

At that time, my father's face was no longer handsome, but gloomy and haggard.

Opened the second letter.

All three letters seem to be written at the same time each year, presumably the mother's birthday.

【I know why you left suddenly!!

Why is this happening? !
Why didn't you tell me?
Why do you always make decisions on your own? I am your husband, why don't you discuss it with me? ! ! 】

The letter was extremely short, with only a few sentences, and the person who wrote it wrote with such force that it almost tore the paper.

Bai Cha opened the third letter.

[Qingyue, I'm sorry, I've really had enough.

I know that if I do this, you will be very angry and will not forgive me after you find out.

I really couldn't control myself. The first time I found myself about to strangle Xiaocha to death, I wished I could die to atone for my sin.

I cried and apologized to her, but she just looked at me like that. She said she wasn't angry and that she hoped I wouldn't be sad. I was really devastated...but I don't know why I couldn't control myself. I think I should see a doctor.

I did go to the doctor and got some medicine, but it didn't work at all. Every time I had an attack, it hurt her.

I had a dream yesterday. I dreamed that you came to pick me up, and I knew that it was finally over.

I went to find Feng Rui and asked her to help me take care of Xiaocha. Do you know what she said? She said, "I know. I will."

I asked her why she said that, and she refused to say anything. But I knew it had something to do with you. You also went to see her, right?

Feng Rui promised me that she would take good care of Xiaocha, and I left her 200,000 yuan. I don’t know if it’s enough... but this is all the savings I have.

As for Xiaocha... she seems to have a lot of memory problems. Is this related to you? It's okay if she doesn't remember. Her memory is too good. It's painful to remember too many things and not be able to forget them.

It was my fault as a father. I couldn't even fulfill the most basic responsibility. If we can meet again... no matter whether you will forgive me or not, I don't want to live anymore.

I am a coward. 】

Bai Cha slowly folded the letter again and put it into the envelope.

She opened the notebook. It looked like a notebook for writing down things, with some diary-like fragments and other things recorded.

But there are a lot of blank spaces.

These blank spaces look like they should have words on them, just like the notebook left behind by Yu Zhenzhen.

The non-blank areas are mostly filled with everyday stuff.

【12/21, cloudy to overcast.】

When I went for the prenatal check-up today, I happened to run into a pregnant woman who was about to give birth. There was no one with her, and I couldn't find anyone to sign.

Suddenly I felt a little emotional. Although Feng Wen and I are destined to take a different path from ordinary people, and this path is always full of dangers, at least we have the opportunity to rely on each other, and he will accompany me no matter what I do.

Pregnancy is so hard. I vomited a lot and the doctor said I was severely malnourished. I am very worried about the baby in my belly and hope she will be a healthy baby.

It's been six months now, and the due date is in March. I'm still looking forward to meeting the baby. I don't know who he will look more like. I like Feng Wen's eyes, and I hope my child's eyes are like his, just like Feng Rui, those eyes look very good on girls. 】

【2/12, sunny.】

Fortunately, Xiaocha's life was saved.

I really didn't expect to have a premature birth. I always thought that my mental quality was very high, but I was tortured... causing the baby to be born prematurely...

The doctor said that Xiaocha needs good care in the future, and I also want to take good care of her, but... I don’t know if I can. Feng Wen told me not to think too much, but I have been thinking about a lot of things recently, I don’t know if it’s because I just gave birth.

I just can’t help but think about that dream. 】

【1/15, heavy rain.】

Xiaocha is one year old this year. I am really happy about her arrival. No matter how tired I am every time, I will feel much more at ease when I see her.

But she always loves to cry, and I really feel a headache. What should I do if the little girl is always crying and is bullied in the future? She is also timid and can be scared by anything. Sigh...

But she is so smart. She seems to be much smarter than ordinary children. At such a young age, she can remember which card is which when you show it to her. Although she doesn't recognize the words on the cards, she can tell which card it is.

Very good, you are worthy of being my daughter, Ji Qingyue. Back then, I was also the most outstanding college student in our town! 】

[Generally speaking, there is nothing to be afraid of as long as you can let go of obsession, but the key is that it is often difficult for people to let go... Is that why so many things appear? ]

[I am too lazy to remember the date. I have been having a severe headache recently. Am I getting old? Sigh... Xiaocha has also become inexplicably silent recently. I am worried. Was she bullied in kindergarten? ]

【4/30, sunny.】

Tsk, she was bullied in kindergarten. I followed her secretly today. That little girl actually dared to bully my daughter. I was so angry!

I went straight to their teacher to argue, bah! The girl's parents are still making trouble! I have never lost in a quarrel! What a virtue!
But my Cha Cha, your personality is not good. Why are you as soft as your father? If I had known, I shouldn't have made a wish that you would look like your father. You can't even copy your personality!

How can we get children to stand up? This is a really good question.

【5/1, light rain.】

I was thinking of taking the kids to the amusement park during the holiday, but it started raining and Xiaocha couldn't get wet in the rain.

Every time I see Xiaocha getting sick, I feel sad. If I had been more determined, this wouldn’t have happened… Speaking of which, the time in that dream seems to be coming soon, and I’m a little worried. 】

(End of this chapter)