False evidence

Chapter 399 An Extraordinary Funeral

Listening to Xiao Shen's three major complaints, I was left speechless, both amused and exasperated.

Xiao Shen's anger subsided somewhat. He put his hands on his hips, glared resentfully at the macaque on my shoulder, and then said:
"I believe you when you say this monkey is smart. Look at it, even though the clothes it chose don't fit properly, how neatly it buttoned them? Not a single button was wrong. Hey, it even knows the sleeves are too long, so it rolled up the sleeves and pant legs."

When I looked, I realized it was true.

This bright red burial shroud was meant for an adult male. Er Gou Dan was just a half-grown macaque, about the size of a three- to five-year-old child. Wearing such a large burial shroud, with the sleeves and trousers mostly rolled up, all the buttons were fastened perfectly.

It looks very strange from the front, but if you don't know the story, you might think it's a child making a funny face from the back!

Seeing the macaque so obediently perched on my shoulder, and seeing how troubled Little Shen San was, I laughed and said:

"Alright, don't worry about it anymore. I came to you today to ask for your help with a funeral. After that's done... I'll take Gou Dan back first."

Xiao Shen said, "That would be best. As long as you take it away, I won't charge you for this trip to send off the Jade Emperor."

Back in the shop, Xiao Shen asked me, "Whose funeral are we holding?"

I looked at Fang Ling.

Fang Ling lowered her eyes and said, "After so many years, I won't argue with a dead person anymore. Do whatever you want."

I nodded and said to Xiao Shen, "The burial plot was purchased by the owner himself beforehand. But regarding the arrangements... he wrote down the procedures, but there are some parts I don't understand."

As I spoke, I took out the last handwritten A4 sheet of paper left by Jiang Baohan, unfolded it, and handed it to Shen San.

Xiao Shen looked at the front and said, "Jiang Baohan... this font and format are for memorial tablets."

I couldn't help but frown.

Although it's not common to see memorial tablets for the deceased nowadays, this custom still exists in some southern regions. But who will be responsible for maintaining Jiang Baohan's memorial tablet?

Xiao Shen turned to look at the other side, muttered a few words to himself, and said:
"The preceding section should be the inscription carved on the monument. This Jiang Baohan... wait, haven't I heard that name before?"

I said, "Do you remember that time at Centipede Mountain?"

Xiao Shen slapped his forehead. "Hey, I knew it! Who would be so particular these days? Turns out he was just a tomb-building guy!"

He handed me the paper and gestured with his chin.

I asked, "What do you mean?"

Xiao Shen rolled his eyes: "You don't understand what I mean, I just don't recognize some of the words."

Then I remembered that he was partially illiterate.

I read what was written on the back again before reading it aloud, word by word:
"The non-human's clothes have three buttons, seven sores and eight holes, and are exposed from all sides. It has the form of a beast in the mortal world but no face in the yin world. It will repay its karmic retribution within a few inches."

I shook my head instinctively. "There are a few more sentences that were probably meant for me, but..."

"No more buts!"

Xiao Shen interrupted me and said:
"This guy must know he's committed grave sins and wants to atone for them in a special way! I've heard my older brother mention this method of repaying sins before, but I never thought someone would actually do it. How guilty must he be..."

Full of doubt, I asked, "How exactly does this send it?"

"It's difficult, yet not difficult."

Xiao Shen glanced sideways at the monkey on my shoulder and said, "This little guy is really smart. It probably recognizes you as its master and knows what you want to do, so it has prepared some things for you in advance."

I looked at Er Gou Dan, completely bewildered.

Xiao Shensan changed his expression and said to the macaque:

"I'll take this funeral."

With just that one sentence, Er Gou Dan suddenly threw the half-eaten corncob at his face and began frantically tearing at his burial clothes.

Its claws were sharp, and its movements were extremely rough. By the time the burial shroud was removed, it was already tattered and mangled.

Xiao Shensan picked up the tattered funeral clothes, looked at them, casually rolled them up, and put them into a plastic bag:

"Perfect! The funeral shroud has been sent, now all that's missing is..."

He suddenly frowned and shook his head: "This matter is not difficult to handle, but if we want to get things done immediately, there are at least three problems."

"What's the problem?" I was completely baffled.

Xiao Shen said, "A proper funeral requires a geomancer to chant and preside over the proceedings, as well as someone to scatter paper money. First of all, you must scatter the paper money on the 27th day after the funeral."

I nodded reluctantly: "As long as I'm not allowed to carry the banner, it's not a big problem."

Xiao Shen nodded three times: "Then what we need right now is a Yin-Yang Master in charge."

"Yin-Yang Sheng" has different names in different regions. It doesn't necessarily mean someone who specializes in arranging funerals; it could be a respected elder in the area who helps people with their affairs. The person who handles funeral arrangements and sends the deceased on their way is called a "Yin-Yang Sheng."

I said, "Isn't this what you specialize in?"

Xiao Shen glared at him: "Have you ever seen a yin-yang master as big as me chanting funeral rites for someone?"

He leaned back in his chair and said:
"Let me be frank. The funeral you're planning isn't an ordinary one. According to the deceased's last wishes, he knew his sins were grave and didn't want to be reincarnated after death. He wished to remain in the mortal world to fulfill his duties as a messenger of the underworld, thus atoneing for his sins."

There are many types of burial goods, but like taking the civil service exam, it's not something you can just do on a whim; you have to go through certain procedures. For example, the burial clothes worn during a funeral must be secondhand, meaning they must not have been worn by a person.

Seeing him look at Er Gou Dan, I finally started to understand:
"You mean, we're going to send him the burial clothes that this monkey wore?"

Xiao Shen once again praised Er Gou Dan: "Everyone says it's very intelligent. It did a great job. It tore the buttons down to only three, which first of all reduced the owner's three lifetimes of reincarnation as an animal. It's riddled with holes and seeped through from all sides, just like a beggar's tattered clothes. If you don't have good fortune, you wear rags. As you work in the future, you will slowly accumulate new good fortune."

I looked at Fang Ling.

Fang Ling's expression was complicated. After a moment, she sighed and said, "The past is like fleeting clouds... I will not stop him from doing whatever he wants."

Xiao Shen raised two fingers. "Let's get back to the Yin-Yang Cultivator. Unlike ordinary people, I'm applying to be a Yin official. A Yin-Yang Cultivator is like an intermediary; they must be able to connect the Yin and Yang realms. Speaking of which, Ze Lin originally worked as a tomb raider, so he's practically a Yin person, making him the best choice. But he's currently in Guangxi and won't be back for a while."

"Is there anyone who can replace me?" I really don't want to drag this out for too long.

"Have!"

Xiao Shen San said it with certainty, but shook his head repeatedly, "My eldest brother is a hermaphrodite, so he can do it, but he shouldn't ruin his cultivation over such a trivial matter."

"A hermaphrodite?" A thought struck me.

Xiao Shen rolled his eyes and said, "It's just that there's a distinction between innate and acquired factors, like yin and yang."

"He's a eunuch!"

Xiao Shen grinned and said, "If you ever get a chance to meet my older brother, you can't insult a bald monk in front of a monk, okay?"

I paused for a moment, then said, "I already have someone in mind for the Yin-Yang Cultivation... Is there one more question?"

Xiao Shensan chimed in, “Officials must have tools they can use. Jiang Baohan himself made it very clear—karma exists even within the smallest measure. He's serving as a convict, and a recently deceased ghost. Of the five elements—metal, wood, water, fire, and earth—he can only use earth as a tool or wood as a ritual implement. Having a measure… well, that's a ruler, so you might need to find him a wooden ruler…”

"Buzz..."

My phone suddenly vibrated.

When I took it out, the screen showed Mengniu.

When the call connected, I asked, "Niu Zi, what's up?"

Meng Chao said on the other end of the phone, "Sanzi, there's something I need to discuss with you. You know my family situation. Well, I suddenly remembered yesterday that I have something that might be worth some money to help support my family, so I came to see Brother Yan today. He said that thing is actually worth some money. But we found it together, so I wanted to discuss with you whether we could sell or pawn it. Whatever the price, consider it a loan to you."

Before he could finish speaking, a thought flashed through my mind: "The Heavenly Ruler!"

(End of this chapter)